by Naomi Kelly
I shrugged, "So?"
"So, Bryar gave me quite the chastising. He explained how you thought I was being an arse." His attempt at a western accent made a smile pull at my narrowed lips.
"I never called you that."
"Oh, I know. You prefer much stronger curses," he grinned, causing a shadow to pour into his dimple.
I gladly gave him a brief rundown of my favourite swears, to which he laughed with mild disgust. His laughter sounded like liquid gold and it began to melt away the resistance I held. The tension in my shoulders from physically holding myself together over the past few days, weeks, months, finally eased.
There was something about his laugh that cured me. Its authenticity. Its raw emotion. The way it portrayed his strength and vulnerability in the same breath.
He turned to face me.
His laughter was gone and smile faded. In its place a furrowed brow. A tightened jaw. A clenched fist.
The unravelling knots in my body tightened once more.
"I am sorry that I have been distant recently…”
Unspoken words hung thick in the air.
Reuben rarely struggled to compose himself. A frantic mind and clogged up mouth were meant to be my area of expertise. Not his.
“I…I found it hard to be with you."
I froze.
Nothing on the outside moved but I swore my internal organs fell into the acid of my stomach.
"Hard to be with me?" I tried and failed to sound offhand as rejection twisted my gut. I tucked my knees up towards my chest, but his hands gripped into my bare thighs and stopped me.
"It is hard to be around the woman you love when you fear losing her," he said steadily. Although, each word looked like it pained him.
"Love?" I barely whispered.
"Are you only figuring out that I love you now?" he asked, leaning forward until we were almost touching.
"I…I guess I am," I stumbled over the words, "You know, if the Chambers don't snap my neck, the emotional whiplash you give me might do the job for them."
I was annoyed with myself for my snarky reply. Sarcasm was my immediate response when caught off guard.
"That is a terrible joke," he grumbled, but continued to move closer, "Besides, I would never hurt your beautiful neck."
He left a warm trail of kisses from just below my ear down to my shoulder blade.
“Is it okay?” he muttered against my skin.
I pulled back, confused, to look at his face. The late evening light and faint glow from the lantern caused shadows to fill the deep worry lines that stretched across his forehead. And there was a lot of them. I had never seen him look so unsure.
“Is it okay that I love you? I do not want to scare you away. I do not expect your feelings for me to be requited, but I needed you to know Juniper.”
He paused to take a breath, but sensing my interruption, continued, “I will do everything to keep you safe from Karnes. Everything. And if that means I do not survive, then so be it. I can think of no greater reason to die. But I fear I would never find peace if I perished with my devotion for you trapped in my mind instead of spoken out loud.”
“You cannot die for me.” My voice cracked a thousand times. Tears dripped silently from my chin.
He wiped away my tears with his thumb and placed his finger against my lips, urging me to be quiet. Be still. But how could I?
“No! I forbid it, Reuben,” I cried.
I demanded.
I prayed to the gods I did not believe in, “You can love me, or you can leave me, but you can’t do both.”
“I will never leave you, but Karnes-”
“I’ll kill him. Just get me close enough. I killed the Gamma, and I can kill the Alpha too. I’ve lost too many people; I can’t lose you.”
His arms wrapped around me tight and constraining, “Shush, Juniper. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Make an oath and swear to me, that when we’re in battle we will be equals. No sacrificing yourself trying to save me,” I said firmly.
Reubens body stiffened beside me. He inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled again.
“I was raised to believe in honour. I was taught to be a man of my word. So no, I cannot make you a promise I cannot keep.”
“Oh you, and you’re goddamn honour-”
He flipped me onto my back. I landed with a thud. The air in my lungs was knocked clean out.
“My goddamn honour is the only thing stopping me from scooping you off the bed in your dress, throwing you over my shoulder and hauling you to some remote corner of the world where no one will ever harm you,” he snapped. He was now towering over me, and his chest heaved as he drew shaky breath. His tense knuckles pressed into the mattress on either side of me. Yet I never felt afraid of him.
“It’s not a dress.” I was surprised in my own ability to talk.
“What?” he asked, seeming taken aback. His gaze drifted downwards to the pale cotton covering my upper half. My bare legs lay nestled between his.
“Juniper, is this my shirt?"
I nodded slowly, “Yes. Is that a problem?”
His temper was gone as quick as it had arrived. Instead he released a sigh, “Are you trying to kill me?”
I smirked, “Why? Am I testing your honour?”
He swallowed hard, “Yes.”
I leaned up and brushed my lips against his. He licked his lower lip before slowly kissing me. Softly. So softly, like a snowflake landing on a lake. Maybe that’s why I felt like I was melting.
He lowered himself down and lightly nibbled at my neck, but his fingers were already busying themselves opening the buttons at the top of my shirt.
Well, his shirt.
Once the buttons were all free, he skimmed his mouth from my shoulder downwards, towards the exposed skin of my chest.
An uninterrupted path of my untouched skin was showing down my centre. I didn't hate my body, but I wasn't exactly fond of it either. It had always just been part of me, merely the physically form in which I resided in. My lanky legs and curvy hips had never been a favourite feature of mine. I had grown accustomed to making myself feel as small as possible, so small that I felt guilt for the weight of my bones, but not anymore.
As his gaze, hands and mouth roamed my body, I gave silent thanks to every part of me.
Most of me was pale. Some parts paler. The long reigning summer sun had tried to golden my ivory skin yet failed.
"Has the sun never touched here?" he mused, thumbing the creamy soft skin along the curve of my breast.
"No-one has ever touched me there," I confided so quietly I had to wait for his reaction to ensure I had even spoken out-loud at all.
He paused and gave a questioning look. I didn't know how to form the words to say no man had ever touched me anywhere, so I simply shook my head.
"You can tell me to stop at any time," he said softly, "Just say the word."
Say the word? As if I could speak right now.
When I said nothing, his hands kept working their way downward.
He kissed further, until his mouth landed on the centre of my chest.
"Say the word," he husked, and paused for my reply.
I said nothing, but my trembling legs spoke of my desire.
Each goose-bump acted as a full-stop in the unspoken sentences of my want for him.
His hands inched up my things until they grasped my hips. He waited for me to speak. Yet I remained silent, except for my every quickening breath.
His normally calm ocean-blue eyes raged with crashing waves as he gazed at me.
No one had ever looked at me the way Reuben did. Under his gaze I felt seen, especially when his eyes wandered towards the last remnants of my clothes. I shivered under the heavy of his watch. I felt vulnerable, but ready.
"If you do not say the word, I won't stop."
"Reuben," I forced myself to say. He instantly paused, but his struggle to hold back was palpable.
I rubbed his tense arms, "You don't just make
me speechless. You make me forget words exist at all. But I'm not telling you to stop because I do not want you to."
A tremor passed through him, and he looks almost pained when I whispered, "I love you, Reuben."
After I admitted that to myself and to him, he did not stop.
Nor do I ever want him to.
Fifteen
Waking up in the cradle tight hold of Reuben’s arms almost offered me enough bliss to forget what day it was.
Almost.
I took an extra minute to study the details of his sleeping face. The slant of his nose. The angle of his jaw. The way his beard was a lighter shade than his hair- How was I to risk losing all of this?
"Did you not see enough of me last night?" he asked through a half open eye and a full smile, "Good morning, love."
"There's no such thing as seeing too much of you. Or having too much of you," I teased and leaned in for a kiss,
"But we have to get moving."
My attempt at reaching for my clothes that lay shewn on my floor was foiled by his agile finesse. Any trace of sleep disappeared as he rolled on-top of me and pinned me against the mattress.
"War can wait," he muttered calmly, stealing me away under the covers once more.
Eventually, once dressed, we made our way to the kitchen. Elm, as usual had busied herself at the stove preparing a feast from all the fresh food that we could not bring with us. Adonis was to her right, arranging our rations for the journey.
I offered a weak smile of commiseration. He was far too familiar with packing supplies for a northern bound journey.
Willow who looked less tired after her nights rest at home, but still held a pale complexion in her normally golden skin was filling an endless line of mugs with lavender tea. Although I appreciated the relaxing properties is bestowed, I longed for more citrus tea that only the Chambers possessed. It was the only commodity I had grown to miss. That and perhaps the bathing house.
I tried not to let my jaw fall slack as I noticed Edvan and Bryar deep in conversation. Civil, flowing conversation, as if they had not been tempted to punch each other yesterday. Men, I snorted to myself.
"Does the Alpha control all of the Chamber men then?" Bryar asked.
"Well yes, and no," Edvan winced, trying to simplify the complex hierarchy of the Chambers and the Sinlaran family, "Each ranking family member has their own legion to control, but the Alpha controls the ranks. So, as Gamma my men obey me, but I obey Karnes."
"How many men are we talking of, lad?"
"There are fifty men in my group, the Gamma legion. Reuben has seventy-five, although he gained an extra twenty-five men when Douward....passed away," Edvan said, holding his tongue as he glanced at me,
"The rest of Douward's men merged into the Alpha legion which already had a hundred men."
Silence spread throughout the room.
I knew the Chambers had a lot of soldiers, but three hundred against the seven of us? Even when I was feeling my most plucky self, I knew those were odds we could not sway in our favour. Or even survive.
"How does that work in terms of loyalty?" Adonis asked, accepting a plate of warm food from Elm and joining the table, "If you order your men to stand-down, do they obey you, or the Alpha?"
Edvan looked to Reuben, but both men just shrugged.
"Theoretically they should always obey their Alpha, but my hope is when the men see Reuben alive, they will stop and listen to their Beta," Edvan explained, "If the Beta legion retreats, then mine are more likely to follow my command too."
"Marx's head would probably explode," Reuben joked, " No Beta has ever taken a stance against their Alpha. He would not know what to do."
"Ever?" I questioned. The Sinlaran family seemed to enjoy a good fight, yet they respected their lines of succession enough to not fight amongst themselves. Huh.
"People in the Chamber as rarely as stubborn and temperamental as you," Reuben muttered into his mug.
We finished our breakfast feast, eating as much as our bellies could carry before getting ready to set off. My uncomfortably full stomach churned as I shut the front door and left my home behind once more.
"We have a small gift for each of you," Willow said as we made our way outside, "Bryar and Elm helped enormously. It was quite the Coven effort."
Bryar reached into a long, leather haversack and pulled out an armful of weaponry. He lay out the careful crafted sword on the ground. They were all sharp and silver, but each one looked unique with a different arrangement of crystals.
"We stayed up late customising each handle for the specific wielder," Elm explained as she selected the first sword and delicately handed it to Adonis, "All of the blades have the crystals needed by every member of the coven, but the hilt is crafted from your own clan name. Adonis and Juniper, you have an Obsidian handle so that you're always connected to your magic on the battlefield."
Bryar handed me my sword, "Yours is a wee bit shorter and lighter than your brothers to account for your size."
I laid out my palms flat to accept my new favourite possession. I carefully ran my fingers over the welded gemstones that formed a circular pattern. Topaz. Onyx. Garnet. And a smooth, Obsidian handle.
I glanced at the swords remaining on the ground. Two vibrant orange handles for the Topaz sisters, and a deep, fiery crimson one for Bryar. Two remained.
"I hope this lives up to your Chamber armoury standards," Willow smiled as she handed Reuben his blade. His closely resembles mine, except the black Onyx reflected light differently. My handle has a mottled appearance, but his was the darkest black I have ever seen.
"This surpasses any weapon I have ever held," he said, "You are all amazingly talented."
My throat bobbed as a lump of emotion built.
"Don't think we forgot about you, laddie," Bryar called out to Edvan who had taken a few steps away and busied himself with the horses. Edvan turned on his heel but kept his distance.
"Me?"
"Aye, you."
"You might not be part of the Coven, but we appreciate you taking a stand on our side," Willow said, as she lifted the last blade up, "We chose Hermatite. A grey crystal to represent your family colour. It's purely symbolic unless you're somehow a magician too."
Edvan's laughter took me completely by surprise. I had never heard it before. It was so genuine and happy.
"Mysterious parentage is Reuben's speciality not mine," he smiled with a warmth that drew us in. I could get used to this lighter, less murderous Edvan. We could almost be friends.
Almost.
His loyalty to Reuben outweighed his loyalty to Sinlara. I knew there was a good chance that Chamber men would consider that treason and not noble, and although he would never admit it, Edvan could need us as a pseudo-family if the North turned their back on him.
"Thank you," he said accepting the sword, and attaching it to his hip, "We best get going if we plan on using them."
And just like that he returned to normal Edvan.
"There are more magicians than horses," Elm noted, as Adonis lined up our makeshift cavalry.
Reuben mounted Omega smoothly, "For a farming society, Deshure has a surprising lack of horses for sale. Bar those two geldings, the market only had donkeys and mules."
"Pepper would have felt right at home then," Adonis smirked and playfully pulled on Peppers long ears.
"I think she's a lovely mare" Willow said and gave her neck a gently pat.
"Good," Reuben said, "You and Elm will be riding her together. Juniper you are with me, if you don't mind."
He extended his forearm to me, and effortlessly pulled me up.
Edvan buckled up the bridles on the two new additions and handed the reins to Bryar and Adonis, "They do not have saddles but-"
"Southerners don't need them," Reuben, Adonis and I all chanted together as we set off.
* * * *
Omega was taller and tended to prance more than Pepper. His hooves constantly jittered. Even after hours of riding he
still had a ball of energy that felt like he could gallop at any second, but I tried not to worry. Reuben firmly held the reins with one hand and my waist with the other. Between his thighs I was safely nestled. I tilted my head back under his chin and lightly closed my eyes.
It was the safest I felt heading towards the most danger I had ever been in.
We all rode the same trail, at the same speed but the journey varied for everyone. Elm and Adonis joked around together with a child-like innocence I'm grateful they got to experience. The rest of us were all robbed of our youth.
Willow dozed on and off against Elm's back, and Edvan taught Bryar an old Sinlara war chant to pass the time. Before long, he had us all humming or singing. As much as I hated to admit it, Edvan could be fun to be around.
Once he was not trying to kill you.
Reuben remained relatively quiet as he wound his way through whatever trail of thought he was on.
"What’s on your mind?" I asked.
"I'm trying to plan what will happen after the battle."
"We have to actually have the battle first."
"Half of me wants to stay in Deshure with you. Become a farmer, a father and leave all of this behind," he said with a grand gesture towards the north.
My heart skipped a beat. A father?
"And the other half?" I asked, trying desperately to sound casual.
He sighed, "I become the leader I was kidnapped to be. I strive for a new Sinlara, build bridges with Deshure and try to overhaul the toxic mindsets the vast majority people in the districts have for each other."
"Huh," I shrugged, "Just some slight differences between them."
His chuckle rumbled through his chest and into my back, "At least both plans include you."
"The Chambers would never accept me,"
"And what leads you to believe they will welcome to me either? I do not carry the Sinlaran family bloodline. I'm an Onyx man with no powers. No family. No claim."
I paused for a beat before adding, "Douward didn't have the bloodline and people accepted him."
Reuben huffed, realising I had a point, "Douward and I are very different."