Plus, she was like eight years younger. It wasn’t even until recently that I allowed myself to look at her like that at all. Not that I was actually allowed to do it, but at least now the age difference wasn’t a big thing.
Not that it should matter since I didn’t think of her that way. She was like a sister to me.
No, I wasn’t even going to lie to myself like that. There was nothing sisterly about Amelia Carr.
I could think she was hot as fuck, sweet as sin, and just an amazing person, but I wasn’t allowed to think about her as anything more than that. Nor was I allowed to let Devin know that I thought about her in that way. Well, Devin and Amelia’s two other brothers, as well. Dimitri and Caleb could kick my ass. Oh, Devin could too, but he might hold back his punches a bit because we were best friends. But Caleb? Yeah, while Caleb had never been to prison, at least that I knew of, he could probably break me.
And while their older brother Dimitri might teach kids, I swore there was something rumbling under that nice-guy exterior. He could snap me like a twig.
So, no thank you. I was not going to think about Amelia that way.
Much.
I grabbed my goods and headed towards Devin’s door.
Erin answered, her blond hair piled on top of her head in some weird twisty, curled topknot thing. I liked it.
She grinned widely and held out her hands. “Hey there, Tucker. You’re here.”
“Hey. When are you going to finally leave him and run away with me?” I asked as I leaned forward and kissed her directly on the mouth.
She threw back her head and laughed as Devin scowled at me.
Yeah, kissing the love of my best friend’s life without even taking my first step into his house, right after thinking dirty thoughts about his little sister…? Probably not the best move. But I couldn’t help it. I loved Erin. She was good for Devin. I liked seeing the two of them moving towards the next phase of their relationship.
They weren’t married yet, but I knew that was coming soon. Considering that Erin had already been married once and had been through a hellacious divorce, I was surprised that she was willing to get married again at all. But for Devin? I figured she’d do it.
Not that I ever planned to get married. No, thanks. Watching my friends fall in love and get married was great. But I didn’t want any of that. I liked where I was. I didn’t want kids, didn’t want to get married. I wanted to live my life and be with the family I had.
Anything more could only lead to heartbreak. You could lose it with one snap of the fingers, and I didn’t want that. No thanks. Never again.
“Are you done making out with my woman?” Devin asked, and I just smiled. “Hey. I can’t help it if you’ve completely bamboozled her.”
“Bamboozled?” Caleb asked, scoffing into his beer. “That’s not even a word.”
“I’m pretty sure it was a game in that TV show Friends,” Amelia said, playing with the ice in her glass. She wasn’t looking at me. In fact, she was glaring down at her glass of soda, and I had to wonder what the hell was wrong with her. She was usually the one bouncing around, making sure that everyone was fed, or at least had cheese.
There was a cheese joke running around the family. I didn’t really know where it had come from, but ever since the eldest sibling, Dimitri, had married Thea Montgomery, there seemed to be cheese all the time. Even when Thea and Dimitri weren’t in attendance.
“Yes, but it’s actually a word, too.” Zoey sidled up and took the flowers from me as Erin grabbed the wine from my other hand.
“Hey there,” Zoey said and then reached up to kiss my cheek. “Well, hello there,” I crooned. “I’m liking this kind of welcome.”
Caleb glowered at me as Devin had, and I grinned.
I loved when things got interesting.
“So, what are we having for dinner tonight?” I asked, tapping my stomach with the palm of my hand. “I’m starved.”
“Did you eat anything today while working?” Erin asked. She handed over a beer, and I nodded in appreciation before taking a deep sip. I was thirsty, and Devin always had good beer on hand.
“I ate something.”
“Yeah, whatever was from the vending machine?” Devin asked, shaking his head. He leaned on his cane, and I winced. Devin was still healing from when he had gotten hit by a freaking car while on duty. Devin worked long hours as a mailman—or, I’m sorry, a postal worker—and had gotten hit by a car while saving a dog. The fact that Devin had issues with dogs and was a little afraid of them in general made what had happened a bit of a surprise. But Devin had a big heart. And, apparently, a thick skull, because he was fine. Minus his spleen, and healing from a broken leg, but he was almost fully back. He only used the cane when he got tired. That way, he could heal quicker. He wanted his route back, and I didn’t blame him. I hated when my life got knocked out of sorts by things out of my control.
It was good that things were getting back to normal around here.
At least, I thought it was normal. I looked around and almost opened my mouth to ask where Tobey was, but then I saw Amelia’s lowered shoulders and the fact that she still hadn’t really spoken to me. Or even looked at me. In fact, everyone seemed to be trying really hard not to look at her.
I looked over at Devin, thankful that Amelia wasn’t looking my way, and mouthed the words, “Where’s Tobey?”
Devin winced and shook his head. My brows rose.
“Okay, for dinner tonight, we made brisket with mashed potatoes, corn, macaroni and cheese, and we have lemon meringue pie for dessert.” Erin spoke quickly, and my stomach growled.
“Good God. Do you realize how much I’m going to have to work out to burn all of that off?”
“I think you’ll be fine,” Zoey said, tapping my abs. I watched how Caleb was curiously not looking at her.
Was I just seeing things? No, that couldn’t be. Caleb and Zoey had never dated. I was pretty sure they had never even thought about it. Right? Dear God, was I working so much that I had lost my ability to figure out what was going on in my circle of friends? With my family?
I knew that Tobey and Amelia were best friends, and he was always with her. In fact, I was pretty sure they were dating—or at least screwing. However, the fact that she looked like her heart was broken right now, and nobody was talking about it worried me.
Did I have to kick Tobey’s ass? Because I could kick his fucking ass if I had to.
And now Caleb and Zoey? Maybe I was just seeing things. Or maybe all that zucchini talk at the grocery store had screwed with my brain.
“Our friend made me a smoker.” I looked over at Devin, and my eyes widened.
“Laney’s dad?”
“Yep. Made me a smoker because he was practicing his welding or some shit. He made one for Laney and Greg too. So, we have a smoker, and we’ve been playing around with it. It smells amazing, but if the brisket isn’t juicy, let me know.”
“You want me to tell you if something’s juicy or not?” I asked, lowering my voice.
“Oh, dear God, you have like the dirtiest mind ever,” Amelia snapped and then blushed as I looked at her.
“I know. I kind of like it that way. Though you’re usually the one with the dick jokes.”
She just shrugged and went back to looking at her soda. I looked at everyone else.
What the hell was going on?
Everybody went to set the table, but Amelia stayed at the island bar, looking at her drink.
I moved to her and took the seat next to her.
“You want to tell me what’s up?” I whispered.
“Not particularly.”
“Everyone’s purposely not talking to you or about you. And I know that you hate things like that.”
“They’re not letting me have any alcohol either. Apparently, they’re afraid I’ll drown my sorrows in booze or something.” She sounded so sarcastic and pained when she said it, I looked around. And found the bottle of whiskey on the counter.
I met her gaze, and she grinned at me, life in her eyes for the first time since I’d walked in.
“I’ve got you, baby girl.”
“At least someone does,” she mumbled. My brows shot straight up.
Okay, I needed to get the details out of her. At least, eventually. Though I wasn’t going to do it tonight. Tonight, I would pour her a shot or three of her favorite whiskey, make sure it was mixed into the Coke so not everybody would know, and then ensure that she got home okay.
Because this was my best friend’s baby sister. And if someone had hurt her, I was going to kick his or her ass.
I had a feeling that since Tobey wasn’t here, and Devin was purposely not saying a damn thing about it, something had happened.
One thing was clear. If you messed with Amelia, you messed with all of us.
Chapter 3
Amelia
“He’s a twat,” Zoey said, and I raised my brows at her.
“Why did you say ‘twat’ in a Scottish accent like that?” I asked, looking down at my single glass of wine. I hadn’t even taken a sip yet. All I wanted to do was drown my sorrows and try to pretend that everything was okay. Except it totally wasn’t okay. And I had no idea what to do. However, Zoey and Erin were at my house tonight, trying to make sure that I was all right. Not that I thought I’d ever be fine again. Because I was an idiot. A horrible, stupid idiot that had probably lost her best friend forever because I showed him my boobs.
Well, I didn’t show him all of my boobs, but enough. And plenty of the rest of my body. Dear God, I had shown him some of my cellulite. Yeah, I had cellulite. I had curves. Probably a mole or two on my back. And I had shown him all of it.
More than a bathing suit anyway. The lace of my bra had barely covered my nipples. And I had very large nipples.
Oh, God. I was going to die. My heart was going to give out, and then everything would just be better. Because that was the only way I was going to make it through this. I hadn’t heard from Tobey, and now, he knew what I looked like practically naked. I had come on to him.
And he loved someone else. He had someone else. Dear God.
“I didn’t say it Scottish?” Zoey said, and even though it had begun as a statement, she had sort of ended it as a question.
“Totally in a Scottish accent,” Erin added.
“Oh, well, I was watching this video of these two Scottish women in a car, trying to get through some flooding, and this truck drove past really quickly and made things even worse for everyone. So, anyway, one of the ladies in the car started screaming ‘twat’ at the guy. In a very thick Scottish brogue.”
“Well, that would do it. Do women have brogues, or is it only men in kilts on romance novels?” I asked, still looking at my wine. Maybe if I kept looking at it, it would make everything better.
Spoiler: it wasn’t going to make everything better.
“I don’t really know. I’ve never really thought about it. It’s usually just the word accent that you use. But brogue sounds so sexy when it comes to Scottish.” Zoey grinned, shaking her head. “And I didn’t really get a look at the Scottish women. They could have been sexy.”
“Didn’t you date a Scottish woman once?” I asked, grinning.
It wasn’t really a grin, more like a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. Or maybe one of those manic ones that said everything was okay, that I wouldn’t have to throw myself off a bridge so I didn’t feel like this anymore.
“Yes, for like a day.” Zoey grinned. “She was nice, but we didn’t fit time-wise. Her brother asked me out too, but I don’t date siblings.” As my friend didn’t tend to date at all, that was saying something.
“Did she make you eat haggis?” Erin asked, sounding far too innocent. There was nothing innocent about Erin. She was dating my brother. I knew things.
Too many things.
Things I did not want to know. Ever.
“No, I tried haggis on my own.”
Erin shuddered, and I snorted.
“We went to that pub and tried a bite of it. It wasn’t that bad,” I said. Erin looked at me aghast.
“What?” I asked and then looked down at my wine.
Nope, still had problems. Maybe I should actually drink it.
“Haggis. Gross.”
“Anyway, before we go off on a Scottish tangent, and we’re just going to say accent for now and only think of brogue when we’re talking about Scots in kilts in historical times…”
“Okay, if that’s what helps you sleep at night,” Erin said, laughing.
“Thank you. I’m going to have great dreams tonight, thinking about hot Scottish men in kilts. And only kilts.” Zoey sighed with an overdramatic, dreamy sound, and I knew she was trying to make jokes to make me laugh. But it would be hard to get me to laugh right then. And I hated myself a little bit for it. Because it was totally my fault. All my fault.
“Anyway. Tobey is a twat.”
“You’re going to make me get a t-shirt that says that, aren’t you?” I asked, looking between my friends.
“Definitely,” they said at the same time, then looked at each other and laughed.
“And he isn’t a twat. I was the twat.” I looked down at my glass and finally took a big sip. Okay, it was a gulp. Actually, it was like three-quarters of the glass.
Erin gave me a sad smile and then refilled the glass.
I really had true friends here. They didn’t even have to ask, and they didn’t judge when they filled my glass.
“Tobey is a twat, not you,” Erin said. “And I’m not going to say twat any more. Except for just then. Regardless, he was an idiot. A jerk. And he was mean.”
“How was he mean?” I asked, being truly honest with myself. “How is saying he doesn’t love me mean? I get it. He doesn’t have to love me. Just because I fell in love with him and thought I was in love with my best friend, even though there was clearly nothing between us like that, doesn’t mean he’s a horrible person. It simply means I need to read signals better. And not try to do the big moments. Because that was stupid. Oh my God, that was so stupid.” I buried my head in my hands and tried not to picture it.
But I couldn’t help it. It kept replaying in my mind. I knew this was going to be another of those things like the chair incident in school all over again, where all I ever did was think about it when I tried to sleep. Or like if I ever saw my life flash before my eyes if I got into an accident. Or if I was just nervous about something, it would be what came to mind to worry me. Always. No matter what. This is what I would think about now.
And there was no turning back from it.
“Okay, I see where you’re coming from. But we are going to break that down a bit,” Zoey said, and Erin nodded quickly.
“First,” Erin said, “I know about idiots. I married one.”
“You can’t compare your ex-husband to Tobey.”
“No, I can’t. But there are some similarities. Things we can get into.”
“And let me tell you, we wrote down lists and color-coordinated them and everything. Then we left them behind because we didn’t want to seem like we were actually trying to come at you. But here we are,” Zoey added.
“Oh. So, is this like an intervention or something?” I gulped more wine and then switched to water. I didn’t really want to get drunk in front of them. I would end up crying. Or weeping. Or throwing myself at their feet, wishing they could fix everything and make it all go away. But there was no fixing this. There was no making it go away. It would always be there. Like a mole that couldn’t be removed.
My shame. My mistakes.
And, dear God, apparently, I was great at making them.
“He didn’t tell you that he was dating anyone,” Erin said quickly. “What the fuck is that about?”
“I don’t know, maybe he wanted to make it special or something?” I looked down at my hands. I felt like I was watching myself make one horrible decision after another. Why hadn’t he told me? Why did I have such a deep ache
inside of me, as if something were tearing at me from the inside out?
“He didn’t tell you.” Zoey shook her head and sipped her wine. “Why? Was he hiding it from you? Yeah, maybe he wanted to keep some things to himself, and I get that. We don’t need to tell our best friends everything. But someone that’s going to be in a relationship with him, that he’s going to state flat-out could be his forever? Someone he really cares about. The fact that he said he found his forever or some shit like that? No, he needed to tell you that. You guys used to tell each other everything.”
“Not everything. I didn’t tell him that I loved him.”
“Well, you did in the end. And the fact that he couldn’t see that all along? That’s some shit right there. He must have seen something.”
“Meaning you all saw it?” I asked, sheer mortification sliding over me like a second skin. One that was suffocating.
“You know we did, baby,” Erin said, reaching out to grip my hand. “We love you.”
“Yeah. But, apparently, I’m a loser who loves somebody that doesn’t love me back.”
“Well, we could talk about how I feel about that, but we’re not going to,” Zoey said quickly, and I ignored that. We weren’t going to get into Zoey’s lack of love life, because then we’d all wind up drinking. Plus, I knew my friend was hurting. Maybe we all were. Erin had been hurting, too. After all, she had walked in on her husband sleeping with another woman. Well, more like banging in a bathroom, but whatever.
But now Erin was happy and in love and in a relationship with my brother.
Even my oldest brother Dimitri had been through a really nasty divorce, one that had actually ended in bloodshed. But I digress.
He was happy in another marriage now, and he and Thea were practically dancing on clouds with gumdrops and rainbows.
Everybody was happy. Well, maybe not everybody, but the current dark cloud was right over my head at the moment, and it was all of my own making.
Reckless With You Page 3