“Devin would be okay with it,” Erin confirmed.
My heart raced, and I felt like the rug had literally been pulled out from under my feet. “Wait. Hold on. You knew this whole time? I was lying to you guys, and you let me do it?”
“We really didn’t mean for that whole thing at the coffee shop to happen. We weren’t going to set you up on a date. We mentioned you to that guy, but in a passing way. Then he saw you and wanted to take the next step.”
“I know you guys didn’t have anything to do with that. Not really. But it sort of just steamrolled into the lie. I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Erin said.
“Yes, I do. I lied. And that’s horrible.”
“But it’s not a lie anymore, is it?” Zoey said.
“It is a little. I mean, we’re not really dating.”
“Um, you had sex face,” Erin said.
“Hey. Stop talking about sex and my face at the same time. It’s weird.”
“Don’t change the subject,” Zoey said. “You and Tucker are sleeping together. Therefore, the relationship is real. Right?”
I played with my fingers, shrugging.
“It’s not real-real. But it’s not fake. We called it beard sex.”
“I really don’t want to know what kind of kinky shit you guys get into,” Zoey said with a laugh.
“Oh, stop it. I called him my beard. My fake date,” I added.
“Oh, that’s great. When you finally tell Devin, you’re going to have to mention that. He’ll find that part funny,” Erin said.
“Wait, so my brothers still think it’s real?” I asked, worried.
Erin gave me a sad smile. “I don’t know. We talked about the fact that he thought you and Tucker would be good for each other, but I didn’t mention that I figured you might be lying, and he didn’t either. I do not lie to the love of my life. So, you better tell him quickly. That way, I can continue not lying to the love of my life. Okay?”
I nodded. “Yes. As soon as I see them next.”
Zoey raised a brow.
“Okay. Tonight. Tonight, I will tell my brothers exactly what’s going on with Tucker and me. Not that I know exactly what’s going on with us. But I will tell them the truth.”
“And then you’ll figure out what’s going on between you and Tucker?” Zoey asked.
“If I knew the answer to that, maybe I wouldn’t feel like I was drowning in my own thoughts and lies.”
The girls helped me work a bit more, and then they left, mostly to go do their own work. But I had a feeling that I’d have to meet my brothers soon and tell them the truth. The problem was, I had no idea what I was going to say.
I felt like I needed to be punished a bit more than I had been, considering that I had been lying to their faces. Just because they hadn’t believed me, didn’t mean I wasn’t lying.
“Knock knock,” Tucker said as he walked into my greenhouse. He looked over at me and grinned. “You look gross,” he said, and I flipped him off.
“Thanks, asshole.”
“Hey, it’s hot in here. You’re all sweaty and covered in dirt. I kind of like it.”
“You’re weird. I did not realize you had that kink.”
“I didn’t either. Good to know, right?”
“So, the girls know.”
Tucker nodded as he leaned against the post.
“They know about the beard thing.”
“About your kink?” he asked, and I growled.
“Why did you use the word kink? Why is everyone calling it kink? It’s a fake relationship.”
“It’s just really fun to say kink, and it’s even more fun to watch you get all flustered about it.”
“You’re so mean.”
“I am not. Would someone mean come here to help you with whatever you’re doing in here?”
I grinned. “You’re really going to get dirty?” He raised a brow, the smirk on his face doing way too many good things to my stomach and insides.
“Oh. I think I can get dirty.”
“We are not having sex in this greenhouse,” I said, holding up both hands.
“No. But I’m pretty sure we could use the shower later to get clean. Everywhere.”
“How am I supposed to re-pot this plant when I’m thinking about your dick?” I asked, shaking my head.
“I don’t know. It’s a chore, isn’t it? I mean, I have to go to the hospital every day and work, all the while thinking about your ass and your tits.”
“You are a horrible man,” I said with a laugh.
He grinned, then leaned down and kissed me, a soft one that slowly grew to more. My breasts ached, my nipples beaded against my bra, and all I wanted to do was reach around him, hold him close, and never let go.
And because of that, I took a step back and smiled.
“Okay, I am going to teach you all about replanting.”
“Really? You know I’ve worked beside you many times. In fact, I could probably teach you a thing or two.”
“Ego much?” I asked on a laugh.
“Fine, I really can’t teach you anything about this. But I’ve helped you before. Tell me what to do, and I can get it done. I’m usually good about keeping things alive.”
“That’s always a good sign in our lines of work.”
“Pretty much.”
I frowned, looking over at him. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head, slowly stripping off his shirt. I had to keep my gaze on his face rather than down below, or I would lose my train of thought.
“Stuff at work. Can’t talk about it.”
“HIPAA?” I asked.
“Yeah. But let’s just say it was a really bad day. So, I could use a little fun.”
“I can do that.”
He smiled then, and a little bit of it reached his eyes.
I didn’t really want to know exactly what it was he had seen that day because it was his job to look at scans and other various things. And, sometimes, those pictures didn’t tell you the best story. I got to make things grow, make people happy. Sometimes, he had to be the bearer of bad news.
So, I would make him smile. After all, it’s what he helped me with day after day.
Apparently, our beard relationship could work both ways. I just had to remember not to be the selfish person Tobey thought I was.
“Okay, Tucker. You better show me how well you can use your hands,” I growled out, trying to make my voice all smoky.
He threw his head back and laughed, and I fell a little bit more into whatever it was I felt for him.
It wasn’t love, though. I was not going to fall in love with Tucker.
By the time we had replanted all my plants, we were both covered in dirt and sweat. And I had never laughed so hard as I had in that greenhouse.
We stumbled out, and Tucker held me close to his naked and sweaty chest.
“Have you ever had sex outside?” he asked, his voice low.
I looked around, aware that we were in the greenhouse area surrounded by trees. No one would be able to see us.
“No, but it’s cold as fuck out here.”
“There’s no snow on the ground right here. It’ll be good. I promise.”
“Yeah, so said the spider to the fly.”
“I’d make a joke about webbing, but that’s weird.”
“Oh my God,” I said with a groan.
“Never again.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“But you want to?” he asked, grinning.
“Oh, yes. That was the line. The best one ever. And totally. But we’re going to have to be quiet.”
“I think we can make that happen.” And then his mouth was on mine, and I was sighing into him.
He already had his shirt off, and before I could blink, mine was over my head, and I stood outside in my work boots and jeans and a bra.
Apparently, having sex with Tucker meant having sex in new places.
And as his hand gripped my a
ss, I had a feeling new places might mean something entirely different one day.
That was if we continued doing this.
Not that I thought we would.
Because soon, it would be over, and everything would be fine. We would go back to normal. He would go on to date other people, and I would be healthier and happier and whole.
Because he had helped me get over Tobey. And that’s why he was here. To help me figure out exactly who I needed to be. His words, not mine.
We weren’t serious. This was all we needed.
When he pinched my ass, my eyes widened. “What was that for?”
“Be here with me, not wherever you went just then. Got me?”
I swallowed hard and nodded, and then he was kissing me again.
We slowly worked each other out of the rest of our clothes, and he made a little nest for me, so my back was on his shirt and the coat he’d brought out with him, and then he was over me, kissing me and caressing me, biting and licking.
I arched my back as he lapped at my breasts, molding them and pinching them with his fingers. He was a little rougher than I’d ever had before, yet sweet at the same time.
I ached for him, my body holding him as he hovered above me.
He slid a condom over his length, and then he was teasing my entrance, his thumb over my clit as he slowly worked his way in and out of me. I stretched for him, aching. It had been a while before him, and he was big. But it was so worth it. He hit me in all the right spots as he slowly moved. I arched for him, my fingernails digging into his back as he made love to me.
No. Had sex. Fucked. All the words but love.
Because there couldn’t be that.
I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
His mouth was on mine, and then I couldn’t think of anything else. He slid his hand between us, his thumb over my clit again, and I came, clamping down around him. He growled out my name as he slammed into me once more, this time my back digging in to the dirt below us. And when he came, he rolled to his back, completely missing the nest so he was on the hard dirt in a Colorado winter. And yet I rode him to completion, his hands on my breasts and my hips and then his mouth on mine again.
I whispered his name, feeling happy, a bit more whole.
Because this was okay. This didn’t have to mean anything but what it was. Happiness. That’s all it had to be.
As Tucker held me, as he made me laugh, I swallowed hard, worried that I was doing the one thing I shouldn’t.
And I suddenly realized that I hadn’t loved Tobey.
Not in truth.
But I was well on my way to falling for Tucker.
Chapter 15
Tucker
I actually had the full day off today, so I planned to clean my house and probably head over to Amelia’s later.
I didn’t know why that made me so excited, but maybe it needed to be.
I was probably making a mistake when it came to her, but I didn’t think either of us was backing away anytime soon.
I didn’t know what I felt for her, but I didn’t think it was only a fake relationship, a beard, or even just friendship anymore.
That worried me, especially since I didn’t actually want this. I didn’t want a future with anyone. I wanted things to stay as they were. Because if they stayed that way, then no one would get hurt.
The doorbell rang before I could travel too far down those thoughts. I opened it, freezing as Devin strode past me, a glare on his face.
Oh, good. We were going to do this now. I probably deserved whatever happened, so I would deal.
But, Jesus Christ. I wish I had figured out what to say.
Or what Amelia wanted us to say.
Us? Since when were we an us?
“Hey, come right in,” I said, trying to keep my voice light.
“Don’t mind if I do.”
“So, what do you have in mind?” I asked as I closed the door. No need to let all the heat out in this type of weather. It was cold, stormy, and even though Christmas and the rest of the holidays were coming up, it sure didn’t feel like it in here.
I didn’t have the time to decorate, and I didn’t really want it most days anyway. I hadn’t had Christmas and all that growing up. Yes, I’d had a little bit of it with Devin and them, but not enough.
But I didn’t miss it. You couldn’t really miss what you’d never had. What you didn’t remember.
“So, you ever going to tell me why you’re lying?” Devin asked, apparently going straight for the punch.
I blinked, swallowing hard. “How’d you know?”
There was only one lie between us. Because I didn’t lie to him, ever.
But I had for Amelia. Why?
That was the question for the ages. And one I still didn’t have the answers to.
“I knew all along. We all did.”
I let out a sharp laugh and ran my hand through my hair. “That’s good to know. Jesus Christ.”
“Yeah. That’s a really good reaction to that. Neither of you is a very good liar. And it was all a little too convenient how you were suddenly together right after Tobey did that to her.”
“Do you want to hit me?”
“No. I’d never hit the guy that my sister is with. I’m not that type of brother.”
“You mean a misogynistic prick who has to have a territory dispute around any woman that he claims is his?” I asked, trying to make a joke out of it.
Devin shook his head, his brows raised. “It’s not a misogynistic prick thing to want to take care of your own. But I also know she can make her own decisions. I just really wish I would’ve been able to kick Tobey’s ass because, apparently, he was not a good decision.”
“No. And I’d probably hold him down for you. Or have you hold my coat.”
“Good to know. So, why’d you do it? Why’d you agree to lie?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s a good answer.” Devin laughed. “It’s because she asked you to, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Pretty much. She asked, and I didn’t want another reason to make her cry. So, I went along with it. But I shouldn’t have lied to you. Even if you saw right through it.”
“I’m glad you were there for her. We all tried to be, but I don’t think we were the right people for her. I think she needed someone a little bit removed from it. Mostly because I think it’s hard to trust the people that you love when someone else you loved fucks you over like that. So, don’t fuck with her. You get me?”
I stuck my hands into my pockets and nodded tightly. “It’s not fake now.” And that was the most honest thing I could say. Because whatever we were, Amelia and me, it wasn’t fake. Hadn’t been in a long while. Not that I knew what it was now. And not that I knew if it would lead to anything else. I couldn’t let it lead to anything.
But it wasn’t fake.
And that scared the shit out of me.
“Okay.”
“I don’t want to hurt her, Devin.”
“Then don’t. You know, I know you’re a ladies’ man and all that shit.”
“Not really. Not like that. I never, ever hurt anyone.”
“I hope not.” Devin looked at me for a bit and then gave me a tight nod before coming closer and giving me a hug. Just a quick one, a couple of pats on the back as I tried to do the same to him. Then he took a few steps back.
“You’re like a brother to me, Tucker, I hope you know that.”
I swallowed, even though my throat felt thick.
“Same.”
“Apparently, Amelia was never a sister to you,” Devin said, laughing a bit.
“Apparently. I’m not going to hurt her.” I hoped I wouldn’t hurt her.
“Well, you better not. Because I haven’t been able to get to Tobey. And I think it would kill me to have to kill you. Just saying.”
“What about that whole giving her space so she can make her own decisions thing?”
“That was before she got hurt because I
thought I was doing the right thing. And then some asshole had to be a douche to her. Who knows what else he said or thought when it came to her? I’ll never forgive myself for letting her get hurt.”
“Same.”
“Good. Figure out what it is the two of you are. If it’s casual, I don’t want to hear about the details,” he added quickly, and I smiled softly. “So, figure it out, and don’t hurt each other. Because you’re my family just as much as she is. And I don’t want either of you to end up hurt in the end.”
Before I could say anything else, he shook his head and walked to the door, leaving without saying another word.
I didn’t think there was anything else to say, though. Was there?
Because I didn’t want to hurt Amelia. But I had a feeling if I wasn’t careful, we would end up fucking each other over in the end.
I pulled out my phone and looked down at it, wondering what I should say. I used to be better at this. Whatever this was.
Me: Devin was just here.
Amelia: Oh my God. Are you okay?
I leaned against the wall, shaking my head. Of course, she would be worried about me. That’s who she was.
Me: I’m fine.
I thought about telling her that he knew, but I figured that was something I needed to say in person. Because I knew she wanted to tell her brothers to their faces, but I didn’t really know what she would think about a text just then.
Amelia: You’re okay though?
Me: I’m fine. I’ll see you a bit later though, right?
Amelia: That’s the plan. I’m bringing dinner over, right?
Me: Yeah, bring takeout from Gurus.
Amelia: So, we’ll order like seven things and then have leftovers for the next two weeks?
I smiled.
Me: Sounds perfect. See you soon.
I put down my phone, a smile playing on my lips. This was bad. So bad.
I dated. I had fun. I didn’t put too much of myself into anything. But it was hard to be that way when I was with Amelia. And I didn’t know why.
It shouldn’t be like that.
But, apparently, I didn’t really have a choice when it came to her. And that scared me more than it should.
The doorbell rang, and I frowned, looking down at my phone. She couldn’t be here already. Maybe it was Devin again. Or one of Amelia’s other brothers. Considering that she had a vat of them, they’d probably all come by to threaten to kick my ass at some point. It only made sense.
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