by K J Carr
I felt more than heard the soft whine in my head. Not now. I had been hearing wolves in my head since my husband had died. I wasn’t sure why. I pushed the thought away, ignoring it. Don’t go crazy now, Holden.
Sighing, I turned back to watch the pups. Even with his strange eyes and hair, something was familiar about his face. I just wasn’t sure what it was. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know. Not now. But I was sure I had met him before, at least for a fleeting moment. The thought tickled my mind before I pushed that away. Now was the time to learn about the pups, not me. Not my problems.
He didn’t seem to notice that I had been watching him since he continued talking.
“Max examined them after we had gotten them out. Those idiots had taken a lot of blood and had injected the pups with various toxins, as their blood tests shown. It had taken us a few weeks before we were even sure they would survive. There may be long-term issues that we can only speculate about. Only time will tell.”
His intense anger filled the room with the emotion and strangled me. This was another one of those things that had changed recently. Feeling the emotions of others. I could feel his anger beating against my skin and almost taste it on my tongue. I had felt an emotion like this before, but nothing like this. My husband had been easy going, except his anger had been this quiet burn, slowly growing. At some point, it would come out, filling up a room and smothering me with its intensity. I wasn’t sure if I was just empathic or if everyone could feel emotion like this. At least a little. I couldn’t tell if I was feeling the pups or this man right now. It was such a mixture of anger, sadness, sorrow, and hurt.
“Shane.” Max chastised, his voice controlled and low. Shane exhaled, releasing the tension that had been filling the room. Interesting. I glanced at Max, wondering if he had also felt the emotion. If there was someone else like me. Well, he was a doctor. I suspected he knew a little about mental illness.
I inhaled deeply. I would not ask him about it, though. In fact, now that I was standing here, I wasn’t sure I was ready to be here, taking care of traumatized pups. But… I was here now. And having seen the pups, I knew I couldn’t leave. Something inside me reached out to them. I needed to do something, anything, for them.
Shane turned away from the doors, his large body slumping in dejection. His silver hair fell into his eyes and I unconsciously reached out to brush it back. I caught myself as my hand rose and instead pushed my own reddish-brown hair back around my ear. Wisps of curls always came loose from my braid and would fly around my face. It was an easy save.
“PTSD?” I wondered aloud. I wasn’t sure if I was talking about the pups or the man beside me.
Max nodded. “Some of it, yes. Some of it may just be depression or grieving. We found their parents dead in their den. Probably killed in front of them.”
He shook his head, turning to face me, leaning against the door frame. He was tall, just not as tall as Shane. He had shaved his dark brown hair close on the sides with the top left long to curl over his forehead. His eyes were hazel with strong tints of yellow in them. He was handsome, but I didn’t feel any of the attraction I felt towards Shane.
Then again, I haven’t felt attracted to anyone since my husband had died six months ago. Not until now.
I glanced up at Shane. He continued to stare out at the pups as if he could will them to thrive.
Looking back at the doctor, I searched for a question. “Are they eating?” Stupid one, Holden, given the untouched bowl of food next to them. My cheeks felt warm. I was off my game.
He shook his head, appearing not to notice. “Not really. It was fine when we had them strapped down and were giving them IV fluids. Now that they are up and moving around, we have been trying to get them to eat for themselves. They won’t. They barely drink. We have tried almost everything.”
The frustration in his voice caused my heart to ache. It even broke through to Shane, who looked over at Max before turning and walking over to a couch and sitting on one of its arms.
“It is why we invited you here, Dr. Black. You are one of the foremost experts on wolves in the nation. You are also the closest, and were available.”
I shivered. I was available only because I was at the end of my sabbatical, extended after my husband’s sudden death. Foremost expert, though? I wasn’t sure they could call me that.
“I understand. What do you want me to do?”
Max shrugged. “Help us figure out why they are not thriving. Help us get them well, so we can reintroduce them into a Pack. Wolf pups need a Pack. These young ones have already gone a while without one. I am not even sure if they can assimilate into a Pack at this point.”
He sounded worried, but I knew why. Lone wolves had a much harder time in the wild. Pups only a few years old? That was basically a death sentence without a Pack to protect them. I just wasn’t sure what I could do since I wasn’t an animal psychologist. These needed more than medical or behavioral help.
Shane leaned forward, clasping his hands, his muscular forearms on his knees. He watched me for a moment and then he sat back up.
“We understand that you were planning to take at least another month on sabbatical. Take it here. Work with the pups. We will pay you well to be their nanny. If you can figure out something that can help us acclimate them, that would be great. If not, then we are no worse off than we were before.”
While his words were straight forward and casual, his tone showed the strains of sorrow. And a touch of hope. I wasn’t sure how I knew this, but I did. This man cared deeply for these pups. He didn’t want to give up on them.
Because of that and the pups themselves, I couldn’t walk away. Perhaps it also will be a good distraction for me.
I nodded. “Okay. I will become their Wolf Nanny. Here’s hoping it helps.”
The feeling in the room lightened somewhat. I guess both men thought I might have turned their offer down. They were obviously betting so much on me. What had I gotten myself into?
I glanced out the doors again and noticed that two of the pups were standing, nudging the third.
“Something is wrong.” I moved to the door, but Max beat me, pulling open one door and moving swiftly towards an oxygen tank I hadn’t even seen sitting next to the den. In the next moment, Shane was holding the smallest pup while Max placed a mask over her nose.
“Come on, Lexi. Breathe for us.” Shane cajoled the pup.
Max let out a frustrated groan. “Holden, come hold the mask for me while I get..”
I rushed over and squatted next to them, my hands holding the mask steady.
Max stood and moved to a table nearby, that was in a three-sided enclosure in the back corner of the deck. There were several medical devices and vials there. He picked up one vial, read the label and then put it down, moving to another. Holding this one carefully, he pushed in a syringe and drew out some liquid before turning and coming back to us.
Kneeling close to me, he injected the pup and then waited.
The pup started breathing again, shallow breaths at first.
Max exhaled. “Trying to scare us again, Lexi girl?” He smoothed back the reddish fur on the tiny female. The other two pups yipped softly and Shane lowered her enough so they could sniff her and check her out.
“Hey, kids, your sister is okay. Thanks for the warning.” Shane freed one hand to stroke a finger along the pups heads.
Max stood, taking the empty syringe over to the table before returning with three more. “Might as well give them their antibiotics now. They would need them within a half hour.”
He quickly injected the three pups before disposing of the empty syringes.
“What is wrong with her?” My voice was soft. No one had told me to remove the oxygen mask, so I kept it close to her face still.
Max stretched out his back. “Acute respiratory distress syndrome or ARDS. Whatever had happen in that lab had hurt her lungs the most. The other two don’t appear to have it. We hoped that it would have cleared by now
, but she still has setbacks like this.”
Lexi opened her eyes and looked up at me, struggling to come closer. Shane let her go and she scrambled onto my lap. She stared, her eyes a bright green.
“Hello, Lexi. I am Holden.” I looked over at the other two who had settled down but still had their eyes on their sister. “The black-red-tan one is..?” I glanced up at Shane.
“That is Soren. The lone male.”
I studied the pup. He had an unusual mottled fur and serious gray eyes. He was a little bigger than the sister he was laying besides, and both were larger than little Lexi on my lap.
“So that one, the dark brown one with blue eyes, is Betta?”
He nodded, standing up, the movement fluid and easy.
I patted Lexi before moving her between her brother and sister. The two larger pups nuzzled their sister, sighing as if in relief. Lexi looked up at me and yipped softly. I got the impression she was saying thank you.
“You are very welcome, Lexi. Take a nap. I will be here when you wake.”
The pup looked like she was giving me a small grin before snuggling in with her siblings and closing her eyes.
Max and Shane exchanged a look before Shane put out a hand to me.
“I take it you are staying, Dr. Black.” It wasn’t a question, but I treated it as if it was.
“Yes, I think I am.” I wiped my hands off on my pants and walked back into the house.
Chapter 2
Shane
I knew the moment she had arrived. Holden Black. Dr. Holden Black. My wolf sat up and howled.
I studied her. She was leaner than she had been when I had first met her. Almost gaunt. There were lines of grief and sorrow etched on her face now. I didn’t know much about why, just that her husband had died recently. This was how we were able to get her so fast, since she had been on sabbatical.
I hadn’t realized that it was her.
I thought back to when I had first met Holden. We had both been interns in the animal husbandry lab at college. She had worked in the lab because it was a natural addition to her interest in wolves. I had worked there it because it was an easy internship, according to some of my Pack mates that had attended the college before me.
Walking into the room, a young woman sat on the floor, crooning to some lambs she was bottle feeding. The college liked to keep the young lambs in the building as opposed to the barn, to keep them safe. She had a bottle in one hand, and she was talking and laughing softly with one lamb while another bumped her arm. Both had bleated out in panic when they had sensed a predator had entered the room, trying to hide behind her.
They knew a wolf when they saw one.
She had sat there, bits of hay in her red-brown hair, her long braid somewhat unraveled by a lamb having chewed on it. She was sitting cross-legged, and her large gray eyes stared up at me in surprise.
“What…?” She glanced over her shoulder at the two babies cowering behind her.
I snorted, but I didn’t have any desire to hunt them. I tried to push my wolf deep down inside me, but he wouldn’t go. He kept flaring his nose, trying to take in as much of the enticing scent that surrounded her as he could.
I sighed, rolling my eyes at my wolf. This internship wouldn’t work if he wouldn’t obey.
Mate? He inquired.
Why would you even think about that? We are not ready for a mate! I argued back, surprised. Go away! I want this internship!
Mate! He insisted.
I stopped myself from rolling my eyes again. Okay, okay. I will investigate to see if she is our mate. Back off so the animal babies aren’t so afraid of us!
My wolf grumbled but backed away, taking the sense of being a predator with it. The lambs relaxed and stumbled out to fight for the bottle.
“Sorry, I think it might have been a dog I had played with earlier today. The babies probably smelled it and thought it was still with me. Let me wash my hands and wipe down my clothes.” I shrugged cheerily at her, backing away.
I went through the motions of trying to remove the non-existent scent at the sink, before walking over to the pen and thrusting out my hand. “Shane Loren. Intern.”
She looked up at me before gracefully standing. The lambs fought over the bottle she had dropped until she laughed and pulled it from the victor’s mouth. “One moment, Tam.” She scolded.
Her laugh caused my blood to head south to my errant cock. I hoped she didn’t notice it pressing against my zipper with my hand hanging outstretched. I shuffled my feet, turning a little away from her, trying to hide my erection. I hoped it wouldn’t be as much of a problem as my wolf.
Taking my hand, she shook it vigorously. “Holden Black. The other intern.” She dropped it before sitting back down on the floor again to feed the lambs.
“I am surprised they hadn’t reacted like this with me. I had been playing with the wolf pups over there.” She pointed at the cage on the far side of the room. “Well, I had checked on the pups before I decided to feed the lambs.”
I walked over to check on the wolf pups. My wolf peeked up before settling back down again. These were regular gray wolves, not lycanthropes. While it bothered me to see them in a large cage, I could deal, since these two were too young to be released into the wild yet.
“Interesting they have pups.” I murmured.
“I had found them when I was out hiking about a week ago. A hunter had killed the mother and they were crying in their den.” Holden answered absently, somehow hearing my comment.
I turned my head to appraise her. “I am surprised they didn’t bite you.”
Finishing up with the feeding, she stood and stepped over the fence surrounding the lambs.
“I have a way with animals.” She shrugged. “And wolves are my favorite. I am studying to become a wolf biologist so I can help bring back these majestic creatures to North America.”
Both of my eyebrows shot up. “Wolf Biologist? Is that really a thing?”
She bristled, her hands landing on her hips in defiance. “Yes, it is really a thing. We don’t make much, but we make a difference.”
I chuckled. “That sounds like a slogan.”
A confused look crossed her face, before she relaxed into a grin. “It does, doesn’t it? I should have T-shirts made up.”
And with that, I realized that not only was Holden my mate, but she was someone I could like. Perhaps even fall in love with.
“Shane?” Max grabbed my arm.
“Sorry, just had a flashback.”
Max gave me a worried look.
“Not a military type of flashback. One from before I had gone. While I was still in college.”
I shook my head at him and moved away to greet the research biologist we had invited to look at, and hopefully heal, our pups.
Holden was more subdued than she had been when I had known her before. She was also more experienced. She asked the right questions and didn’t just barge in and take control of the situation. It impressed me at how the woman had matured into the person who stood in front of me today. Not that she was a slouch before. No, Holden Black was both intelligent and articulate.
It was obvious she didn’t recognize me, even though she had thrown a puzzled look or two in my direction. I knew I looked very different from when I had known her before, though. I had entered the military with black hair and green eyes but had left it with both changing to silver. Add to that a set of scars, the most visible one running across my chin, and I could hardly recognize myself in a mirror.
I was a different person from the young man who had teased and flirted with her a long time ago.
I sighed. While I had wished she would have remembered me on sight, I was also glad she had not. How could I explain how my hair and eyes had changed so dramatically? Humans may have gotten a streak of gray in their hair, but not more than that. Not have their whole head of hair and their eyes changed to a different color.
I had startled my Pack when I had returned. They knew me on one level
, but I had looked so different visually. This had caused a lot of confusion.
Max, though… Max had known.
He had seen this before because he had been a military doctor. He had seen how the killing, bombs, and poisons had impacted lycanthropes even more than it had humans. Yes, we can survive much more than humans could, but it still left its mark on us.
What Max wasn’t aware of was that my wolf had considered this woman my mate, the one I wanted to be with forever. He didn’t know his best friend had fallen head over heels in love with her, returning from the military to find she had moved on and married while I was deployed. He didn’t know that the wolf didn’t care and still wanted her.
I had walked away once, leaving her with her choices. I wasn’t sure I would be strong enough to walk away again.
Chapter 3
Holden
I lifted the smallest pup, crooning to her.
“Hey, there, little girl. What’s your name? Lexi? Well, hello, Lexi. I am Holden. I am your nanny, at least for now.”
Tucking the pup in close to my chest, I walked into the medical area on the deck. Lexi was the last pup I needed to examine.
“First, we need to weigh and measure you, so we know what progress looks like. I know that Dr. Max did this already, but he only knows how to do this like a stern doctor.” I loved talking to the little one, and she seemed to appreciate my running commentary. I could see the intelligence in her green eyes as she watched my face.
I placed the pup on the scale, removing my hands from her while I read the display. Picking her back up, I placed her on the table next to it. “Hmmm… you weigh as much as a piglet. You should weigh as much as a lamb at this age, Lexi.” I tried to keep the worry out of my voice. While they were all much too small, the other two pups still were bigger than this little girl.
The pup looked up at me with sad eyes and sneezed, shaking her head.
“Yes, you should, little one.” I reached out and grabbed a tape measure and started taking some measurements. “You are a pipsqueak.” I frowned before looking the tiny pup in the eyes.