The Supporter
Identifying the potential pitfalls in enabling or manipulative characters in one’s life is an imperative step in building a strong support system for sober life. However, simply because someone does not fall firmly into either of the previously detailed categories does not automatically make them a viable candidate for one’s support system. Sometimes there are people on our lives who simply do not fall into either subsect- they do no harm, but they also do no good. Should these people also be removed from one’s social circle? What about people who are physically unavailable- like the friend that lives across the country, or the sister busy working and balancing family life?
When determining who your support network should comprise of, consider the following:
Would the person be open to listening without judgement?
Are they capable of constructively and appropriately addressing concerns regarding your recovery?
Would you depend on them in an emergency situation?
Is this person emotionally available to you?
Are they empathetic? Altruistic?
Is this person dependable? Are they comfortable with being depended on?
Are they capable of making sound judgement calls in a crisis?
How comfortable are you with opening up to this person?
Will they honor your personal decisions, so long as they are not jeopardizing your recovery?
Do they know you well enough to recognize out-of-character behavior?
Herein lies the risk of allowing someone with a past of enabling behavior to join the circle of the support system: the potential for relapse into enabling behavior increases the risk of relapse into substance abuse. Understanding that risk should clarify rather this person should be part of your support system.
Determining who you will trust to help you through the process of recovering from substance abuse requires absolute honesty with one’s self. There will be difficult decisions made, but remember: deciding to put your mental and physical health above a certain relationship which is not healthy isn’t selfish- it’s dedication. Though everyone in your life will not be able to fulfill the duties ascribed to an addiction recovery support system, this doesn’t mean their invaluable. Just as leaving those relationships does not negate the love one feels for their friends and family members.
People in your support network are not expected to work alone. Each of the people you choose to be in your support system will fulfill a role that, together, will ensure you are supported whenever you need it. Understanding what each of these people bring to the table and properly expressing what you need of them is paramount to the success of your team, and ultimately, of you.
Understand that this is an incredible endeavor for all those involved; being part of a support system for someone recovering from addiction is the ultimate test in trust and faith. Accepting that not all may be willing or able to meet the expectations of a supporting team member is also part of the process. Do not hold this against them; it is better to bow out than to crumble under the pressure.
Chapter Two: Recovery
As a Learning Tool
Understand addiction recovery is a learning process for everyone involved.
Determine if and how tarnished relationships can be repaired.
Learn how and when to broach the subject of substance abuse with your children.
It Takes a Village: Finding the Right Support System in Addiction Recovery Page 7