by K T Grant
I rose and her arms came around me in a tight grip. I welcomed the hug, closing my eyes to soak in her affection.
“Your aunt said you were coming for a long visit. It’s good to have you back.” She released me and scanned me from head to toe. “Don’t you look all grown up.”
I folded my hands in front of my stomach and made sure to not hunch over. “I’ve matured.”
She hooted and flapped her hand. “A funny way of saying how old you are. You’re going to be thirty, right?”
“In May,” Aunt Lorraine piped up.
I held back a grimace. I didn’t want to think about that milestone yet. I would then be closer to forty.
Mrs. Koeman snapped her fingers. “That’s right! How could I forget you and Freddie share the same birthday month?”
I cracked my knuckles instead of squeezing my hands together. Hearing Freddie’s name after all this time hit me deep in my gut. She was the Koemans’ second daughter out of their four children. She was also the most outgoing and prettiest, like her mother. She had been a close friend, supporting me when my parents died and helping me navigate puberty and my teenage years, including my first pangs of sexual attraction because she had been on the receiving end of it. She had been my best friend, first crush, and my first love.
“We’ll both be thirty this year,” I murmured but then smiled brightly as I decided to change the direction of the conversation to the welfare of the rest of the Koeman clan. “How’re Mr. K and the twins? Tara just finished up her first semester at college?”
Mrs. Koeman beamed in delight. “Mr. K is in the kitchen with Preston. Parker opened his own mechanic’s shop a few years back, and Tara passed her first semester with flying colors. She’s thinking of sports management as her major but won’t choose until the end of her sophomore year.”
I nodded in approval, instead of carrying on the conversation. All I wanted to do was eat and then go back to the house. I peered over my shoulder at Aunt Lorraine and the chief who whispered to one another. I almost interrupted them, but from the way they both frowned, I didn’t want to intrude.
Mrs. Koeman touched my arm, and I gave her back my attention. She peered over my shoulder and muttered something sounding like, “those two,” and rolled her eyes. But she quickly schooled her features and smiled back at me.
“How long are you staying?” She took my hands in hers.
“That’s something I would love to know also,” a familiar voice said behind me.
I jolted and drew my hands away and held my breath. I wasn’t ready to see Freddie yet. I would see her at some point, but to run into her on my first day back in Delpoint was unexpected. I didn’t want to be rude, so I faced her while digging my fingers into the edge of the chair. Grabbing the chair somehow gave me the strength to stand down my past.
She crossed her arms in a defensive stance. Her eyes blaze with unwelcome anger. She hadn’t changed too much since the last time I saw her. Her hair was a darker auburn shade and shorter, barely touching her shoulders. She still wore an eyebrow ring, but only silver studs in her ears. Very little makeup, not that she needed much since she had a healthy glow on her cheeks, and her lips were glossy and red even without any lipstick. She was still curvy with killer hips that looked really sexy in her flared jeans. The T-shirt with The Horseman logo in the middle of her chest caught my interest for a split second. But before I admired that part of her body, I quickly raised my eyes to her face.
“Hello, Freddie. You look well,” I said with a fake politeness that almost made me cringe.
She smirked and dropped her gaze to my chest and then back up to my face as well. “I expected you to have more of a Boston accent. But you definitely don’t sound like you’re from Pennsylvania, anymore. More hoity-toity I guess.”
“Freddie,” Mrs. Koeman inserted with a light warning in her tone.
I jabbed my nails deeper into the wood of the chair and looked at Aunt Lorraine for help. She scraped back her chair and took her purse, excusing herself to the bathroom. The chief watched her leave and then combed his fingers through his hair with a frustrated expression.
Before I mulled the tension between my aunt her boyfriend, Freddie snagged my arm and presented a stiff smile. “Let’s have a hug.”
She held me in a tight embrace and my chin landed on her shoulder. I kept my arms at my sides instead of wrapping them around her and pretending we were happy to see one another.
When her warm breath rushed over my ear, I closed my eyes, trying to calm my fast beating heart. It didn’t make sense why she would welcome me this way when it was obvious she was still angry at how we ended our relationship.
“You’re not running away from me this time. We need to talk. After you eat,” she ordered, and with one last tight squeeze released me.
I felt for my chair and sat down, staring up at her in speechless shock. She said something to her mother I didn’t catch because of the blood rushing in my ears. With one last pointed look at me, she and the chief shared some conversation and then she walked to the back and disappeared from my view with a long stride.
My appetite had disappeared, but I didn’t want to raise Aunt Lorraine’s suspicions, so I ordered soup and salad. She didn’t question my dinner selection and ordered something on the smaller end of the menu like I did. I would say it had to do with her heated whispered conversation she had with the chief earlier. He, on the other hand, had a steak with all the trimmings, and kept up the flow of conversation when Aunt Lorraine and I didn’t talk that much.
I wasn’t up for much conversation, especially when someone kept staring at me at the bar. Every time I glanced to my left, Freddie was in my line of sight, her gaze burning and accusing. I finally kept my eyes down on the table and concentrated on my meal.
I ate as fast I could, hoping Aunt Lorraine was in the same mindset as me and wanted to leave. With her dish half-eaten, she wrapped it up to go. Our server told us our meals were on the house. Not waiting around to make conversation with any of the Koemans’, I shot up from my chair, ready to dart outside, breathing a sigh of relief that Freddie had left the main floor. Escape was never as sweet as it was then.
Aunt Lorraine and the chief soon followed. He held her by the elbow and scanned the parking lot as he escorted her to the car. He would follow us back to the house. Aunt Lorraine just nodded, and when he tried to kiss her, she gave him her cheek. He left in what I would say was a huff. Aunt Lorraine didn’t comment, other to sigh and shake her head.
The ride back to the house was relatively short, but it gave me enough time to question my aunt on her interesting relationship with the chief of police.
“Is the chief your friend or a lover?” I asked as we turned down the street where I lived from twelve years old until college.
“Cassandra.” She only said my full name when she was upset or disappointed with me. Her cheeks flared with color and her lips fell in a flat line.
“We’re both adults here.” I nudged her in the side with my elbow. “So, what’s the deal with you two?”
She pulled up to the driveway of a gablefront house. A wave of nostalgia came over me as I viewed the green siding and covered front porch. Grandma’s precious verbena bushes looked barren but by spring they would be in full bloom.
She shut off the car and tapped the steering wheel. “I’ll tell you what’s going on with me and Gerard if you tell me why you and Freddie stopped talking. I saw the way you reacted to one another at the restaurant. You were panicked, and Freddie looked like she wanted to hit you.”
I ran my nails across the pleats of my trousers and shrugged. “There’s nothing to talk about. We lost touch, that’s all.”
“You two used to be attached to the hip. I don’t understand why you’re no longer friends, or don’t at the very least talk.” She stared at me, waiting for a response. When I didn’t offer any, she opened her door. “Freddie and her mother come over a lot. I expect you to be polite when they do.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked, growing frustrated by the line of questioning. If she knew the real reason Freddie and I ended our friendship, she would be more than upset with me.
“Ladies, shall we go inside before it starts snowing?” The chief came up to Aunt Lorraine’s side and held out his hand for her to take.
She shot me a disgruntled look but remained quiet. Taking the chief’s hand, she got out of the car. I would have stayed there in order to gather my thoughts, but it would have led to more questions from my aunt. I exited the car and then took my suitcase and bags out from the back seat. Aunt Lorraine and the chief entered the house without me. With my bags at my feet, I stared up at the dark, cloudy sky. A chilly breeze brushed my face, pushing me to find shelter.
I walked on the front porch, spying the two wooden rocking chairs my grandfather had made for Grandma as a present during their first year of marriage. He’d also built the wraparound porch since Grandma wanted to showcase the new house they had moved into as a newly married couple. Now more than fifty years later, his legacy still survived.
I would give my aunt and the chief some privacy, and sat in one of the rocking chairs. I took out my cell, scrolling through Bianca’s unanswered text and voice messages. The texts she set were direct orders for me to call her. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her or answer the questions she would throw my way. Instead I sent her a text stating I had arrived safely and would call her tomorrow.
The creaking of the wooden floor under my chair as I rocked relaxed me. I zoned out as I listened to the wind in the trees and the soft tinkling of some wind chime nearby. I started to close my eyes, but the loud puttering of a motor drew me out of my meditation. A person in a dark helmet wearing a leather jacket drove a black and red motorcycle up the driveway and parked behind Aunt Lorraine’s car. I stopped rocking but didn’t rise to greet the visitor. The person shut down their bike and took off their helmet. Freddie flipped back her hair and hopped off the bike.
I gripped the arms of the chair to stop from running inside. It was better to confront her before it spiraled out of control. I didn’t understand why after so many years she wanted to talk. She had stayed away the few times I came home for Christmas. I always stuck close to the house, never venturing out to my old haunts where we might bump into one another.
She walked up the front steps, not waiting for an invitation as she sat down in the chair next to me. “Why are you sitting out here?”
“I’m enjoying the crisp Pennsylvania air. It’s different in Boston.” I dropped my hands in my lap. “Nice bike. Is it new?”
Freddie rested her head on the back of the chair and rocked like she didn’t have a care in the world. “I’m giving the Sportster a test run. Parker rebuilt it basically from scratch. He’s thinking of expanding his shop to sell motorcycles and sport bikes.”
“That’s great,” I said, clearing the tickle in my throat. Parker used to dirt bike race and had dreams of racing professionally, but that came to a halt when he ended up in a car accident that left him with a bad limp.
“Yup, he’s doing great. We’re all doing quite well for ourselves.”
She sent me a mocking grin. What did she want from me? It was apparent she was angry with me still. Telling her to get over it wouldn’t go over well, so I would remain cordial and hoped it kept her animosity at bay for my time here.
“That’s great, really,” I said again, at a loss for words.
“Really?” she snorted and crossed her leg over the other.
“What do you want me to say, Freddie?”
She exhaled and a small smile appeared on her face. “I once loved how you said my name in that breathless whisper of yours.”
The memories I had blocked for so long came rushing back, specifically the ones of us in my bedroom, or in Freddie’s, during the summer months leading up to my first year of college. That had been a precious time for both of us, filled with such love and joy, with the promise of a future between us as not only friends, but as lovers. It all came crashing down when I was seduced by another who I thought would offer me so much more.
“Why didn’t you wait to talk to me like I wanted?” she asked with less irritation in her voice. “You run away—”
I jumped out of my chair and hugged my arms to my chest. “I don’t…I’m not running away.” I rubbed the middle of my forehead where it started to ache. “Not like last time. Staying for more than a few days is proof of that, regardless of what you may think.”
Freddie continued rocking. For once, her face was a blank slate. She was too relaxed and…unruffled. It put me on edge because the Freddie from ten years ago would have invaded my space with her finger pointing until we both ended up yelling or kissing one another into submission.
“I think you’ll agree with me that we can’t go back to what we once had together. We can’t be friends like we once were.” The lump in my throat expanded, and I almost gagged as I tried swallowing.
“I don’t want to be your friend.”
The truth stung even though it shouldn’t. But I would let it roll off my shoulders to prove to myself, and to Freddie her words didn’t matter
“Why is it so important we talk?” I leaned back against the railing and crossed my ankles to prove how calm I was, when in truth I was rattled by Freddie’s visit.
She slouched back in the chair, the condemnation in her eyes dimming. “I’m going to kick myself for saying this but I wanted to see you because I care.”
“What?” I straightened, any words I wanted to speak knocked out of me.
She lifted an eyebrow, and the corner of her mouth tilted up. My stunned reaction amused her. Agitated she could still push me off center, I glowered at her. “You care?” About me?
She bent forward and braced her forearms on her legs. “I care about Lorraine and Hannah, and how important you are to them. Now with Hannah…ill, Lorraine is going to need your support more than ever before.”
Oh, so she didn’t care about me, but my family. The sting intensified.
“That’s why I’m here. I’m staying for a while, so you don’t have to worry I’ll run away when things get rough.”
She snorted and rocked back. “Bianca doesn’t mind you’re staying in this backwater town, as she once called it?”
I flinched. Freddie sent me a nasty grin, too pleased with herself. I curled my fingers in my palms, anger pulsating deep within. Bianca was a sore point between us, still, after all these years. One of the worst days of my life was when Bianca visited me before we went back to college for our second year. Freddie had overheard what she thought of Delpoint and the people here, including my former best friend who she hated on sight.
“I think it’s best under the circumstances we don’t mention her.” I grabbed my bags to go inside, hoping it would end the conversation.
Freddie pushed out of the chair and blocked me from leaving. She tapped the side of her waist and rolled back her shoulders. I was finished with our discussion, but she wasn’t.
I was saved from any more intrusive questions or accusations by the chief opening the screen door and walking out. The front of his shirt was wrinkled and his hair ruffled and messy. He drew on his coat and expelled a long-suffering sigh while he straightened his hair.
“Hello, Chief.” Freddie raised her hand in greeting.
“Good to see you, Freddie.” He nudged his chin at her but didn’t smile.
“Leaving so soon?” I asked. Based on his subdued mood, something unfortunate must have happened between him and Aunt Lorraine while they were alone. It would be interesting if Aunt Lorraine told me what had occurred.
“It’s getting late, and you and your aunt have some catching up to do,” he said, and with a pat on my arm and another tilt of his chin at Freddie, he walked down the front steps and to his car.
“I should go inside now,” I said, reaching for my bags.
Freddie didn’t stop me, but she didn’t back away. Her arm brushed the side of my breast. I
froze, wondering if she had done it on purpose. Not wanting to bring any attention to my reaction to her touch, I shifted away and held my suitcase like a shield in front of me as if it could protect me.
“Lorraine needs you. Maybe you can convince her to stop being so stubborn,” Freddie said and pulled on her gloves.
“I’m not following. How is she being stubborn?”
She glanced at the open front door. “You don’t have a clue what’s going on with your aunt.” She shook her head in disappointment.
“About her and the chief?” I snapped, becoming more irate.
“Yes. He wants to marry her. Everyone in town knows how good they are for one another and how much he loves Lorraine, but she keeps him at arm’s length for some reason.” Freddie leaned toward me, frowning. “You and your aunt are a lot alike that way. You both don’t realize when you have something good, and you end up throwing it away.”
“You don’t have a right to psychoanalyze me or my aunt.” I stepped toward the front door, unable to remain in her presence anymore. She had succeeded in shaking me up like she probably had planned to do. “You should go.”
She lifted both her hands in surrender and actually looked contrite. “You’re right, I should head home before the snow starts.”
“Drive safely.” I turned to go inside, hoping she would take the hint and leave. I couldn’t trust myself not to have some sort of emotional breakdown in front of her. If I did, I would never be able to live it down.
“I’ll see you later then,” she with a promise in her voice.
“I’ll bet you will, if only to annoy me,” I muttered, watching her climb on her bike.
She stared back at me, unmoving, as a few snowflakes fell from the sky. Finally when I was inside the house, she pulled her helmet over her head and revved up the engine and backed out of the driveway.
In the shadows of the foyer, my throat clogged with so many emotions I couldn’t describe. Hot tears filled my eyes. Seeing Freddie after so long had tapped into my guilt that had lain dormant for almost a decade. Coming back here brought all those horrible memories back of how I betrayed our friendship. Perhaps my return was my punishment for destroying the love she once had for me? If so, I would suffer in silence because there were more important things to worry about, one of which was in the kitchen based on the movement there.