***
Tyler
Tyler rolled off Jill, as they were both still panting. His heart was racing and there was a tightness in his chest he couldn’t explain.
“Wow,” Jill said, grabbing a throw from one of the other chairs. “Didn’t realize how much I needed that.”
The look in her eyes perplexed him. He couldn’t read her at all.
He shared her sentiment. He needed one space where the rest of the world didn’t exist. With her, seemed to be that place for him. But what was he to her. He knew she was attracted to him. She was willing to speak to her boss and even go public. But were they on the same page? He was in love with her. She was his endgame. Was he just another rugby player to her? The idea didn’t sit well with him. But he wouldn’t crowd her.
“Know what you mean,” was all he could say to her. He pulled up into a sitting position. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t he just tell her how he felt. Actually, he knew the answer to that one.
She walked out one before because he wasn't enough. If he wanted to keep her now, he needed to be more than a fling with a pretty boy player like Russel. If he fucked up his career, he would be at a lot less.
He needed to think. As much as he hated to admit it, he needed space. Time to sort out what he wanted. No that wasn’t true. He knew what he wanted. Jill. Probably for a lot longer than either of them realized. What he needed to do was figure out how to be worthy of her. He needed to be more than a glorified underwear model who could kick a ball.
Jill sat next to him and pulled on her pajama pants. “Do you want more popcorn?” she asked. Her light brown eyes studied him, her shoulders stiff. “Coffee?”
“Nothing for me, thanks.” Tyler grabbed his sweatpants from the side of the couch. “I think I need to go home. To my place.”
It killed him to say it. He didn’t want to leave, and it looked like all he’d wanted was sex. The look of disappointment on her face nearly gutted him. He vowed there and then, that it would be the last time he made her feel that way.
“Sure,” she said as she pulled her top over her head.
They walked to the front door. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife.
Before he could say anything, Jill opened the door. She watched as he dawdled around the doorway. “Jill, it’s one night—” he started.
“And you’ve had a bad day.” Jill shook her head. “I’ll see you at the stadium on Monday.”
She closed the door behind him, and he rested his back against the wall.
What the fuck did I just do?
In a matter of minutes, he’d called an Uber and was on his way to his house. His big empty house. No floral print bed covers. No undersized furniture. No Jill.
The thought made him ill. Before the driver could turn into his street, he requested to be taken back.
Jill may not know what she wanted, and that was okay. He knew. And he was damn sure that look of disappointment on her face was because she thought he was leaving her.
He popped in, screwed her brains out and then left. Like that was all he wanted from her. And he couldn’t allow her to carry on believing that.
He ran up the stairs two at a time, not even bothering with the elevator. Resting his hand on her doorbell, he hoped she hadn’t yet fallen asleep.
She opened the door looking adorably annoyed. “Was that really necessary?”
“Whatever thinking I need to do; I can do here.” He didn’t know what else to say.
She stepped away from the door, allowing him inside. “Okay.”
He watched as she closed the door and turned to him. Her arms were folded over her chest, completely closed off to him.
Tyler ran his hand through his hair, searching for the right words. “I’m not in the best space. And I have a lot to think about.”
“Tyler if you’re having second thoughts—”
“No, I’m not.” He held her shoulders. “I may go silent. And I can see a lot of alcohol in my immediate future. But I would rather be here with you than miserable alone.”
She narrowed her eyes. “So, you’d rather be miserable with me?”
He smiled and shook his head. “Not what I meant, and you know it.”
Jill rolled her eyes. “I’m going to bed. You can wallow in here if you like. Just turn off the lights before join me.”
Chapter 13
Jill
Jill arrived at the Johannesburg rugby stadium a little after lunch the following Monday. Tyler had spent the weekend doing exactly what he’d promised. He’d moped around her flat, barely saying anything.
Derrick had arrived with a six pack of beer in the afternoon. There were a few grunts exchanged between the two of them, but she wasn’t sure an actual conversation happened. He probably would’ve gotten into the tequila he’d found in her pantry cupboard if Callum hadn’t called him.
The captain had informed him that despite not being able to play for a month, he would still be expected at training and that he would be heading the development program Callum wanted to start during his anniversary year.
Tyler had arrived at the stadium earlier that day to meet with the kids from under privileged backgrounds to kick off the rugby clinic.
Jill watched as he put the teenagers through their paces, focusing on each of them. One of the kids must’ve made a joke because Tyler and the other kids were all having a good laugh.
Her heart melted just a little bit. It wasn’t that she was upset with Tyler. Not really. Yes, she was disappointed when he didn’t want to stay the night originally, and more than a little annoyed at his surly behavior around her flat the day before. But mostly she was worried about his head space. He seemed to think his world was coming to an end because he was out of commission for a month.
Watching him with the kids, though, there was a lightness about him she hadn’t seen in all their time together. She’d even hazard a guess that he hadn’t been that relaxed since he left high school.
With everything happening around her, she’d nearly forgotten that she needed to speak to Mary-Ann. Her boss had agreed to meet her for coffee before they went into the office the following day. Jill was nervous, she hadn’t known anyone who got involved with a client. Or an employee of a client. Maybe she needed to follow Tyler’s lead and take some time to think things through. Get her head, right.
The thing was, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to tell Mary-Anne. He obviously had doubts. It would be a complete lie to say that she didn’t. What if they didn’t last. Even though she couldn’t imagine it, there was always the chance that she would get bored. Or him, for that matter.
She stepped into the lobby of the conference section of the building, relieved to find it cooler than the humidity outside.
An elderly woman sat behind the reception desk. She looked like she had been the gatekeeper to the stadium admin hall all her life and took her job very seriously.
“Excuse me young lady,” the woman said confirming Jill’s suspicions. “Do you have an appointment.”
Jill pulled out her access card and flashed it at the woman. She narrowed her eyes to read the name tag on the woman’s left breast. “Ms. Chase.” Jill plastered on her most charming smile. Or what she hoped was charming, at least. “I’m the event coordinator for Callum Cooper’s anniversary benefit. I’m here to guide the some of the vendors through our requirements for the gala event.”
“That’s right,” the older woman said with a frown. “You booked the room a little earlier than the meeting, though.”
“Yes.” Jill didn’t trust the cautious tone in the woman’s voice. “I want to get a feel for the space before I give them instructions.”
Surely it was not an unusual request. Both Holly and Mary-Ann took time at the venue before laying out their plans to the suppliers.
“Oh, I thought you had done that already.” Ms. Chase’s cheek tinted pink. “I said it was alright for the kids to meet in their after their training.”
“The k
ids?” As far as Jill knew the only kids around were the ones with Tyler. She turned to look back outside. As far away as the field was, Jill could tell that they were packing up the equipment.
“Yes, Mr. Beyers wants to have a quick chat with them.” She moved closer to Jill, cupping her hand in front of her mouth as she dropped her voice. “Apparently he’s giving them homework. You don’t mind if they’re in there with you, do you?”
The kids? She could probably work around them. She preferred to work alone but they wouldn’t be too much of a hinderance. Trying to concentrate with Tyler around would take some doing. Especially when she’d decided she needed some space. All weekend she wanted him to tell her what was going through his mind. But she got it. What they had going on was not a sure thing. She needed to make sure the consequences were worth the risk.
She was a professional, and she had work to do, though. If she couldn’t concentrate around the Vice-Captain of the Thunder, she needed to find another job.
“I’ll tune them out,” Jill said. “Mr. Beyers is aware that I’ll be there, right?”
“I thought it was a mistake that you’d booked the ballroom for an hour longer.” The woman stepped up. “I will inform him that you’ll be working in there, as well.”
“Thanks,” Jill smiled. “Is there a switchboard extension in there. Will you be able to let me know if my guests arrive early?”
Ms. Chase nodded. “The telephone is on the podium at the front of the room. I’ll let you know when they arrive.”
Jill walked down the hall and into the large ballroom. She took her Dictaphone from her handbag and switched it on. As she walked through the room, she gave herself instructions. She was just commenting on the platform seating when a commotion at the entrance drew her attention.
The loud laughter and crude comments made her smile. Teenage boys were the same as they were when she was in high school. Before she could make her way to entrance the boys came walking in. Her mouth dropped at the size of them. Every single one of them was taller than her. Not a stretch considering how short she was, but they were children. Surely some of them had not yet hit that growth spurt.
Each of them brought a chair in with them and made a circle. With the room empty of everything else, their loud voices echoed.
The room went quiet and the boys turned to the door. Fuck. The way he could command attention by just walking into a room was so damn sexy.
Jill turned slowly until her eyes met his. The slight smile on his face told her Tyler was more amused than concerned.
“I’m sorry about the mix up,” he said. “Do you want us to find another room?”
“It’s fine.” She chose to ignore how tense his body was. “I’m just glad you’re engaging with someone. If it’s a bunch of teenagers, so be it.”
The cutting tone to her voice surprised even herself. Maybe she was a little angry. She was considering risking her job for him and he shut her out completely. She did need to rethink things.
“Jill, I said I need space to think,” he said. “I needed time to think. To sort out things. It’s not about you. If anything, you’re the one thing I am sure about.”
“Really?” Her voice hitched and the boys looked over at them. She dropped her voice. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like the first time you hit a crisis you retreat into yourself and shut me out.”
Tyler glared at her. His eyes narrowed and his jaw stiffened. “We need to talk.” He stalked back out the door without another word. Jill wasn’t sure whether he meant for her to follow. He stilled in the doorway. The corners of his mouth lifted slightly. “Are you coming? Or would you prefer me to throw you over my shoulder, again.”
Jill followed. Her cheeks heated and she was all too aware of the stares she was getting from the teenaged boys still sitting in a circle.
***
Tyler
Twelve years ago
The text made no sense. The words were all legible and in full sentences. Still, Tyler couldn’t understand what had happened since he left Jill a few hours ago.
Jill: I don’t think this will work. Best if we don’t wait for one another. We shouldn’t be tied down by a long distance relationship. I hope you understand. Jill
Fuck no. He didn’t understand. He’d started typing his response so many times to say just that, and each one he deleted before sending. What the hell had happened since he’d left earlier that morning. Or was that her plan all along?
He would see her at the airport. Maybe they would have a chance to talk. Maybe he could convince her that they could make things work.
Tyler spent the next few hours checking his gear. Even though the rugby academy was located in Johannesburg, he’d still staying on campus. It was the best of both worlds really. He lived away from home while still being able to see his friends and family.
He’d resisted the urge to call Jill, or even text her back. He didn’t want to be with someone who wasn’t into him. He remembered the look on her face earlier that morning. When it dawned on her that they would be apart. She was devastated. At least, that was what he thought.
It wasn’t until Tracey knocked on his door that he realized how much time had passed. “Ready to go,” she said, peeking her head in his door.
He picked up his car keys and pocketed his phone. If he had a chance to speak to Jill face to face he could make her see that things would work. If distance was going to be an obstacle to having a relationship, then he might as well write it off. He planned on being an international rugby player. He would be away from home a lot. If he couldn’t make it work with someone, he had trusted his whole life, what chance did any other woman stand.
Half an hour later they pulled into a parking bay at O.R Tambo Airport. Tyler swallowed hard as they walked through the sliding door and spotted Jill’s family immediately. Her mother was making the trip to Cape Town with her and Tina to get them settled.
Everyone was already there, making light even though they all knew that their circle will never be the same again. Even when Jill and Tina returned, things would be different. They’d all be adults, different people.
He caught Jill’s eye, but she made a point of averting his gaze. It happened a few too many times for Tyler to think it was a coincidence. She didn’t want to talk to him.
The announcement for her flight came over the intercom. Everyone gathered around. Tina gave him a hug.
She pulled him down so she could speak in his ear. “Look after them. And I’ll look after her, okay?”
He took a step back and smiled. “And who’s going to look after you?”
Tina’s smile was bright. She didn’t hesitate with her answer. “She will, of course. Don’t underestimate us.”
There was no chance of that. If anything, he’d done some over estimating.
At last Jill stood in front of him. “Goodbye.”
Nothing more. No, I’m going to miss you or See you in March. She was just leaving.
He pulled her into his arms, and she fell into his embrace. “I’m going to miss you.”
“It has to be this way.” Jill pulled out his arms. “Have a good year.”
She walked away and through the boarding gates without looking back. He watched until she disappeared down the corridor.
Derrick slapped his shoulder. “You okay?”
He swallowed hard before answering. “Fine.”
His friend wasn’t easily fooled. “What happened between you two last night.”
Tyler glared at his friend. For one thing he wasn’t the type of guys who spoke about the girls he’d been with. But more than that, he wanted to keep what happened between him and Jill private. If anyone picked up any awkwardness between them, it could mess with their entire circle. And he didn’t want that.
He just wished he hadn’t felt so… used. She’d made no secret about only wanting sex from him. He was the one that wanted more. The one who believed that they could be more.
She only saw him as one thin
g. A means to an end.
“It’s going to be different without all of you guys around,” Tracey said as they made their way back to the car.
He opened the door for his sister. “I won’t be that far away, you know?”
Tracey rolled her eyes. “Maybe but you’ll have matches over the weekends. We’ll be lucky to see you once a week.”
She was right, of course. The academy was designed to simulate life as an international sportsman. Training, fitness, diet, and even their social lives would be monitored. Was that what Jill saw in her future? A partner who was never around? Was that why so many sportsmen went through women like they were disposable?
It wasn’t a bad way to live. It just wasn’t the way envisioned life to be.
Those thoughts had plagued him for the rest of the day. When Tracey came in to tell him that Tina and Jill had arrived safely and were all settled in, he considered texting Jill again.
There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted to argue that she was wrong. That they could make it work. They could beat the odds. But he didn’t know that with any certainty. And if Jill had doubts, he had to respect them.
After playing the same thoughts on a loop in head for hours, he’d come to only one decision. He couldn’t risk texting her and creating a rift between them. If all he could get from her was friendship, he’d be happy with that. In time.
He would get over her. Eventually. He had a whole life ahead of him.
He grabbed his phone and stared at her name for several moments. He needed to avoid contact with her for a good while. He deleted her number from his phone. The option to block her popped up. He considered it, but it seemed a little extreme. If she needed him, he didn’t want to be unreachable.
For the time being, though, he needed to keep her out of reach. He was sure he’d be ready to talk to her by the time she came home in March.
Chapter 14
Tyler
Present Day
Tyler stood aside as he let Jill walk into the small office he used when he needed. Watching her ass move in the pencil skirt gave him more ideas. Just because he hadn’t spoken to her, didn’t mean that he didn’t want her. That was the problem. He wanted to make sure that what they had went beyond sex.
Loving The Game (Thirty-Something in the City - The Lunchtime Sorority Book 1) Page 11