by Unknown
Connor? Connor? Connor, are you ok?
I look at my dad and the worry in his eyes makes me feel sad for him. I felt sad that his life took this turn at such a young age. I at least was born this way. I didn’t have people who I call brother and sister trying to kill me. I know what he’s thinking. I know he is wondering if I can handle this or will I close off to him and the world. I reassuringly walk over to him and pat his shoulder.
“I’m ok dad. It’s just a lot to take in”. I see it comforts him to see me so confidant. “So how do I prepare myself like you did? I don’t want to wait for this change to happen I want to meet it head on. I need you to show me how.” And then I see it, my Dad’s famous half smile. The one that he charms everyone I know with. I know I have him convinced that I am ready.
As if he is reading my mind he says,” Let’s go to the fair.”
CHAPTER 3
As we parked at the town fair I finally asked him the burning question, “Why are we here?”
“I’m surprised it took you this long to ask. Before you can be focused enough to separate yourself from your body you have to control your heightened senses. And what better way than here in the most crowded and distracting place in town? C’mon.”
Before I got out of the car I called Lisa again and finally her dad picked up. “Hi Mr. Grainger, is Lisa there?” “Hi Connor. She just got out of bed. She’s been sick with a headache all day. Hold on.”
I don’t know what it is but I was never able to warm up to Lisa’s dad. Maybe it was how he treated her for the first few years they lived here. He was so distant with her. He would come home just in time to sign off on her homework and then he’d retreat into his room. He abandoned her at the time she needed him most. She always made excuses for him, which is just like her. She always sees the best in everyone. She is the kind of person that can lift you up from a real crappy day by saying just the right thing or sometimes not saying anything at all and just holding your hand so you know she’s right there for you. And her dad couldn’t see that. He was so consumed with his grief that he forgot about hers. I guess she just became this ray of light since that was all that was left for her to do. She is one of the reasons I respect my dad so much. He stepped in as her only parent from the beginning. She practically lived here after the first few months. I remember my dad clearing out his office at home and putting in a futon. He said it was for overnight friends who couldn’t drive home but it was for Lisa. She hated being at home at night alone so she stayed here with us. And when she was too tired he had her sleep in there and he would carry her home once her dad came home. My dad did this for a year until finally her dad said she could just stay over and come home for breakfast. Finally when she was 13, she started to sleep at her house, only after my dad gave her a two way she could keep on so we can hear her and she can hear us. I remember my dad peeking over at her house all night till her dad came home.
“Hey stranger! Have you forgotten about your bf? Where are you?” She started in on me. I wanted to tell her everything so badly but I made a promise.
“Sorry I didn’t stop by, but my dad wanted to take me out to the fair and I was already running late from practice. Promise I will bring you once you get better, ok?”
“No worries. I wanted to see if I missed anything worthy at school. But I don’t think I am going to the fair this year. My doctor says I may be suffering from migraines. I told him about all the headaches and nausea I have been feeling for the last few months. I’m going in for a head scan tomorrow so I’ll be back for the second half of the day” She said, a bit nervously.
“Finally they’re checking your head. Mike’s always said you must have something wrong with you if you can resist his swag.” I tried to make light of it for her.
“Ha…that didn’t even deserve a ‘Ha Ha’. Darn I was so hoping you would tell me that Mike got run down by the cheerleading squad for double dating cheerleaders again. Oh well.” She said with laughter in her voice.
“He’ll never get caught. But I got to go and before you ask, I buckled under pressure and didn’t ask Amanda to homecoming. I kind of got distracted. I’ll come over when I get back.” I said a bit too quickly hoping she wouldn’t ask me about my distraction.
“Ok, Ok, I’ll save the nagging about Amanda till then. Have fun. Tell Dad I said hi!”
She’s been calling him that for years and now I think she does it just to bother her dad as a reminder of how crappy he was to her. My Dad is waiting at the ticket booth and we get on with the training.
It was 8 o’clock by the time we got back home and I was so mentally worn out. I haven’t been so mentally exhausted since I had to help Mike cram for finals the semester he skipped a record number of classes. I know I can go over to Lisa’s and just veg out and feel like a normal teenager again.
“Dad, I’ll be back from Lisa’s in an hour ok?” I said, and he raised a brow but instantly nodded his head. I knew he was wondering if I can hold to my promise and this is the test because if there is anyone I would tell it was Li.
As I walked in the door I smelled the familiar scents of Lisa’s house and it was a comfort not having to use my wolf sense. She was in the family room flipping through channels. And without even looking up she scooted over threw me a pillow and we sat in comfort for an hour while I unwounded. For the first time within days I felt like myself.
By Friday I was finally feeling normal. I could walk into my classes and I actually paid attention to what’s going on without being distracted by any little noise. Mike, Lisa, and I were at the Smoke Pit, a local bar-b-cue spot where we use to work in the summers. Ah, for just today I can be my old self again and not worry about the chaos my life has become. But I had to admit it was an adventure, something I always felt was lacking in my life. Mike and Lisa were bickering as usual about who he was taking to homecoming since he was juggling two girls. I had to remember not to laugh when he talked about Lexi but it was too hard to not give a smirk.
“Ok, Connor boy, what’s the smirk about?” said Mike “Every time I mention Lexi’s name you get this look like you guys have some inside joke.”
I blushed a little and shrugged.
“Don’t tell me you want to take Lexi?!?” exclaims Lisa.
I choked on my water, and vehemently shook my head. “Not at all, let’s say she isn’t my style.” I said with a conscious effort not to smirk again. “But I would surprise everyone Mike. Take Lisa.” And I immediately have to duck as Lisa throws an ice cube my way.
“Ok, Ok, sorry.” I sit back up and clear my throat. “So Li, what’s going on with your head? What did they say?” I ask.
“Well they don’t see anything wrong. I just don’t know what’s going on. I mean, it’s really been like this for the past few months and it’s just getting worse. I get these moments where I just space out and I feel like I am daydreaming. Afterwards I feel nausea and my head starts to hurt.” She was looking down into her glass stirring the ice around and looking ashamed. “You’ve seen it guys. Now I am starting to feel like other people are noticing and I don’t know what to do. I just feel out of sorts. Guess it’s hard to understand.” She sighs almost exasperated.
“Hey, Li, I understand more than you know. I really understand cuz I’ve had those moments too.” I realize I am saying too much and I hold back. The vow I made was so hard to keep from my closest friends. Instead I put my hand on hers and gently squeeze it and say, “Ask Mike. I’ve been spacing out too.”
Mike nodded enthusiastically since his mouth was full of fries.
“Look, we have a lot on our minds with this being our last year. I know I feel like I’m trying to hold on to who I was all through school and now I am faced with who I am going to be once we are out of here. The stress of it all can make you pensive and mentally burnt out.”
And there it was, the Lisa smile telling me that I lifted whatever cloud had been weighing her down.
We went back to talking about homecoming and I had a feeling that
Mike was thinking over my suggestion that was meant to be a joke because he was grilling Lisa about who she would say yes to. Then Amanda walked in. My head turned to the door because I could smell her sweet fragrance the minute she opened the door. She is what I imagined every girl would want to be like. The best thing about her was she never acts as if she knows how amazing she is. She is always a little reserved even when she’s around her friends. It’s like I’m the only one who notices that beyond the cheery smile and charisma that draws in everyone around her, there is shyness there. She’s actually similar to Mike in her ability to be liked so easily. She always has everyone around her smiling and she seems to really enjoy being in the moment. Her face is strikingly beautiful. She has eyes that draw you in. It’s not her shade of sky blue eyes as much as it is the depth of her gaze. Her face is a perfect blend of being round with a slight angle that gives her a model’s look. Her nose is petite and her lips are full and always a rosy pink. Most people don’t know this about her, but she is very intelligent. I mean seriously intelligent.
I remember when I met her in 8th grade. I was in advanced classes and the top of the class until she came in and made me look like a chump. People started to talk about her and that’s when I first fell for her. She was crying on the outside the auditorium that was being built.
“Hey are you ok?” I asked her. She just nodded but I could see she was on the verge of more sobs. So I sat a few feet away and started reading some old fables my Dad had given me that Christmas.
After a few minutes she looked over at me and said, “Thanks for sitting here with me. What’s that you’re reading?”
I blushed when I looked at her intense eyes focused on me.
“Just some old stories. They're mostly myths about wolves, witches, fairies, that sort of thing.”
She smiled and said “I never took you for the kind of guy that likes fantasy novels.”
“Well, it’s my little guilty pleasure. I guess I got tired of reading about crime and murder mysteries about half way through 7th grade. My Dad suggested an old book he read when he was young and I kind of got hooked.”I told her feeling completely at ease.
“I get it. I like to read mushy romance novels when no one is looking.” The wind blew her hair and she pulled it back together with her hand and tilted her head to one side. She looked so vulnerable.
“Do you think I could borrow it sometime?”She leaned closer to get a better look and I nearly choked on my own spit.
“Sure I’ll ask my Dad and let you know.” I paused then said, “You know we’ll be out of here in a couple months and then these same jerks are going to be in for a reality check when they’re the small fish in the big pond.” I wanted to wipe the strand of hair that fell over her right eye.
“I know they can be hurtful but they really are jealous of you. They know they have no hopes of being as smart as you and they resent you for it.”
Even if that were true, what could I do?”
“Just walk in chin up knowing there are worse things you can be, you could be like them. In fact, I think you being so smart is really cool.”
“So why don’t they give you a hard time?”She asked with a little scowl.
“It’s just because I’m good in sports and tutor half of them.” I said rolling my eyes which got her to smile again.
“Listen, I’ll talk to them, ok?”And with that she gave me a big hug and knocked the love right into my heart where it has been since then.
Unfortunately, it didn’t last. Her parents pulled her out of school early since she had already passed all the requirements for 8th grade and she went for a vacation. By the time I saw her in high school she was in upper class courses and hanging out with an older crowd. I wondered sometimes if she resented me for not saying anything earlier to the guys I played with. But I never did have it in me to talk to her again; maybe it was guilt that kept me away. She left sophomore year for a special program and came back junior year a little less enthusiastic about school work. I thought she would graduate early but she seemed to take school a bit less seriously. Don’t get me wrong she was still in advanced classes but she was more about the experience of being a high school kid than being the top of the class. I never did get to give her the book she asked for.
“So are you going to drool like an idiot or are you going to ask her out already?” asked Mike, a little annoyed at my apparent lack of man-uts. “Man, I don’t get it. You’re so assertive on the field, just harness that mojo and go talk to her.”
“Wow, Mike, ‘assertive’ is a big word. Are you making good use of that word of the day app?” teased Lisa.
Mike delivered his most dazzling smile and said “How about you join me at homecoming and I can whisper big words in your ear all evening?” This got him a sarcastic smile and a kick to the shin under the table.
“Ok I’ll go over there and ask her now, but no gawking.” And I got up and started heading her way. Then it hit me. What was I doing, what made me react this way? Why did I let Mike’s teasing get to me? Ughh, damn these wolf hormones! It dawned on me that instant, werewolves do not like to have their nerve questioned. And that landed me in front of Amanda.
She seemed surprised and my senses told me she was uneasy and nervous. Hmmm maybe I’m looking at this wolf thing all wrong. So I gave it a try, talking and sensing her at the same time.
“I’m not sure if you remember, but I owe you a book.” I noticed she was surprised and curious at the same time.
She smiled and nodded, anticipating my next words. She reminded me of someone playing chess. Except the speeding up of her heart gave away a little more than I think she would have liked.
“Well, I have it and if you still wanted to read it I can bring it to you Monday.” So far so good, she’s still excited. Lined up my knight. “And then maybe we can get together after you’ve read it and you can tell me if I got you interested enough for more.”And the queen is in sight. She’s blushing and I know she’s flattered.
“That sounds good, when did you want to have this little book club meeting?”She said calmly, only I knew she was still excitedly nervous. And I just took the queen and I am lining up for the king.
“Homecoming. That’s if you would like to join me?”I asked. Now unable to focus as my own nervousness is surfacing.
“Oh, well that’s in two weekends, umm I don’t know if I can read it all by then, so you may have to give me more time.” She said with a smile. Check. I didn’t see her lining her pieces up. But I could tell she was playing along with me rather than playing with me.
“As I remember it you were a fast reader. But if you need more time that can always be an excuse for date number two.” Checkmate! And now I sensed her scent and heartbeat and breathing all at once. As if she was overwhelmed and happy to have ha the end result that she led me to.
“So it would seem. I’ll be ready by 8. See you then Connor.” And with that she walked away a little nervously but with her chin up.
It was 6:00 a.m. on Saturday morning and Dad and I were shoveling breakfast down our throats. Pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs, rolls, waffles, and fruit. I was starting to feel hungrier than usual and it was starting to show. My muscles seemed to begin to bulge and soon I would need to hit up the mall for some bigger clothes. We’ve been going to the campground for the last 3 weekends in anticipation of the next full moon on Tuesday. I still hadn’t met any other pack members other the ones I already knew. Dad wanted to train me in private so when I meet the pack I’m more controlled and come off more threatening in case someone wants to challenge me. I was feeling so much more confident about my wolf. I’ve tackled every exercise he’s thrown my way without disappointing him. I could tell he’s proud of me just by how much harder the training has gotten. The physical part had become easier, but I the mental part of it had been harder to deal with. It’s just that I didn’t have anything to compare it to. At least all the sports I’ve played and all the outdoor hobbies I’ve taken up with my Dad had fin
ally paid off now. I’d been trying to work out the whole mind control stuff but it seemed too unreal at times for me to get a hold of it. To think that I have another side of me that could dominate my thoughts and actions, was kind of crazy. Dad said that some people don’t ever really control their wolf and he ends up having to make tough decisions on whether they can live or not. In the best case scenario he decides on how to rehab them. Some wolves are too radical and he says he has to kill them before they go public or try to change a human. I looked at him now, sipping his O.J. and I couldn’t imagine him being that vicious. He was so much stronger than I could ever be.
I’ve learned a lot about pack politics too. There is a council that reviews all the new wolves, requests for change (wolves wanting to use their venom on a human to change them), mate matches, transfer of wolves to and from other packs, and punishments. So far I know two of the council members already. There’s B.J., my Dad’s right hand man. His son, Rollin, and I use to hang out a lot when we were kids but once he started high school and went off to college on the East coast I rarely got to see him. B.J. is cool though. You would never guess he was a wolf by looking at him and certainly not after getting to know him. He is pretty stocky with glasses and has a cheery personality. He reminds me of a nerdy uncle who tells bad jokes but you can’t help but like him. Rollin is the complete opposite. He is tall with the looks most girls go crazy for. He’s got that bad boy look like he was born to ride a motorcycle and model for some cheesy men’s cologne at the same time. But appearances can fool you because he’s a real smart guy and in a way he’s as nerdy as his dad when it comes to school.
I’ve also already met one of the female council members, Ula. At one time, I used to think my Dad was dating her but apparently she is my Dad’s biggest pain in the you know what. He says she challenges him on any and everything and he only puts up with her because she is his dearest friend’s daughter. Fridolf, my dad’s best friend, looks like he could be my grandfather. He doesn’t look too old but he just has this way about him that makes you feel like he knows everything. He used to be a council member but gave the position over to Ula. Ula is stunning. She is tall and Nordic looking with long blonde hair and hazel eyes that are almost golden. She could have been a movie star but I guess with her temper, according to my Dad, she would have probably bitten off the heads of any director who pissed her off. She and Fridolf look so alike yet their personalities are so different. Fridolf is nearly six feet and a half with the same Nordic features. His physique is similar to a retired Olympian but because of his personality you don’t even realize how great of a shape he’s in for someone that is considerably older. I’ve never seen him upset and in fact he’s always seemed to treat my Dad in a fatherly sort of way. I can see why my Dad trusts him. I just feel bad that he has such a difficult daughter. Apparently, there are two other members, Ralph and Lyall, who I would meet once I go through my moon change.