“I can’t wait to see that waterfall!” I blurted out once more. I was beginning to feel like a crazy person. My physical voice silencing my mental one. They were both fighting for my attention, and neither one of them was winning. At some point, I had to believe that taking the test and finding out that I wasn’t pregnant was far better than this slow torture I was putting myself through. I was stressing myself out for no reason at all.
“Do you hear it?” Easton asked.
“Hu?” Was he talking?
“Do you hear the waterfall?” I turned back to look at Easton, and his expression was all I needed to help pull me back to the present. And there it was, the deep rumbling calls from a grand waterfall. “We’re close!” Easton said. I forced a smile and searched the distant trail for signs of the famous Wabo Waterfall. The sound grew louder with each step, and my gait quickened in anticipation of the beauty that hid just up the trail. My mind snapped back like a rubber band that had stretched too far. I should just take it. Now. Like right now! “No!” I said out loud.
“What’s that?” Easton asked.
“Talk to me? Tell me something. A story?” I asked, needing the distraction because the lush green scenery was no longer doing it for me. And neither was the fear of an enormous boa constrictor dropping from the trees.
“Um . . . OK, so this one time, during World War I.” Easton sighed deeply, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “It was twenty-four hours before the bullet pierced my chest, and perhaps the craziest twenty-four hours of my lives. It started at twilight during the battle—”
“I have to pee!” I called out, darting off trail and stomping over large spikey bushes till I found one that was large enough to squat behind. I was determined to put my mind to ease. This whole thing was ridiculous. I unzipped my backpack and pulled out the pregnancy test. I clawed the box open and pulled the cap off the stick. Grasping the test tight in my hand, I pulled my pants down and squatted behind the bush. Getting pee all over my ankles and hand, I was sure that I had at least gotten something on the stick itself. My breath quickened as I pulled my pants back on. I returned the clear cap and stared at the window for my future to unveil itself.
Chapter 13
My eyes glued to the little window on the pregnancy test. I wasn’t sure if I was seeing things or not. I blinked several times to moisten my dry eyes and ensure I was seeing it clearly.
“Are you OK, Beck? Did you see one of those spider monkeys?” Easton called from the trail.
My face heated, but I said nothing in return. The window started to change. A faint blue began to appear in a thin line across the screen. The second I saw it, I stashed the test deep within my backpack and zipped it up, locking my future inside. Unseen. Unknown.
Popping to my feet, I yelled out, “Coming!” I must have been as white as a ghost by the time I got back to the trail, and by the disapproving look Easton gave me, I gathered I might have looked even worse than I originally thought. I didn’t know what blue meant on the test, but I did know that blue universally represented boys and pink was for girls. Was I having a baby boy? I cursed myself for clawing open the box without reading the instructions. Here I had convinced myself it couldn’t be any worse than the ongoing battle in my head, and yet I had found a way to make it worse. Much worse. Now I had my answer, and I didn’t know what it meant.
Did I even want to have a baby? A boy? I was only twenty-two, barely old enough to take care of myself. How was I going to take care of a baby? And what were people going to think? That I got married so young because I was pregnant? Nice. Nice, I thought. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn’t realize the five-mile hike to the Wabo Waterfall was complete. The waterfall, bold and beautiful, gushed before me, and in that moment, I couldn’t understand what it meant when my hand reached for my belly. I let it linger there for just a little while before I took in the view. The nausea had broken, and I felt at peace.
“Wow, look at that? Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?” I asked. Easton stood by my side, watching me. “Every day,” he said. It was so ridiculous to think that I could compete with this world-renowned wonder, but I blushed anyway. Easton leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. His glacier eyes so accepting. I didn’t know why I felt the need to carry this burden all on my own. I knew I didn’t have to. “Let's sit over there on that rock. Are you hungry yet? I brought snacks,” he said.
I nodded. Not in a way that was a lie, but more of an encouragement. Easton helped me crawl on top of a large boulder, and though it was uncomfortable to sit on, the view was stunning. I pulled my backpack onto my lap while Easton situated himself. Droplets of the waterfall spat at us, and every now and again, it would startle me. “You know I had this dream. A nightmare, really. It haunted me for months when I was looking for you. There were these twin boulders, just like this.” Easton slapped the rock. “I was so convinced they would crush me.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“They didn’t.”
“Huh. . .” I watched Easton examine the boulder. It didn’t seem much of a dream to me, be he seemed fascinated.
“So, is it everything you hoped it would be?” Easton asked as he laid out a few snacks in front of us.
“It’s more. I feel like it’s calming all my worries. I just feel at peace here,” I said in wonder.
“All your worries? What’s wrong?”
“Oh, just, you know. Feeling sick and what not.” I opened my backpack slowly and carefully. I pulled out my water and crackers. But not before I took another peek at the pregnancy test results. I was shocked to see it now had two blue lines. I pretended to be looking for something as I grabbed the ripped box and tried to piece the directions together. Maybe it was the pressure of Easton sitting right next to me, or maybe it was the dim lighting within my backpack, but I couldn’t tell what I was looking at.
“What did you forget?” Easton peered into my backpack. I snapped the bag shut, causing suspicion to rise in his eyes.
“Nothing!”
“Beck?”
“Nothing!”
“Beck, come on.” Easton reached over for my bag, and I pulled it away instinctively. I knew all too well I was only making him more suspicious, but I couldn’t help it. It was pure instinct. “What is going on?” he asked when the weird turned to uncomfortable.
“I flushed your wedding band down the toilet!” I blurted out.
“What?” Alarm sounded in Easton’s voice as I closed my eyes and tilted my head up toward the mouth of the Wabo Waterfall. I didn’t want to know what his face looked like. “You what?” He exclaimed, his voice even higher now. I sucked in a slow, quivering breath. His accusation began, “You told me that—”
“I’m pregnant!” I blurted out.
The humid air grew so thick it was hard to breathe. And the silence grew louder with every passing second. I opened my eyes, but I didn’t look at him. I stood up on the boulder and placed my hands on my hips, staring out at countless gallons of water that poured over the steep rocks. Once again, it did something to help ground me. Somehow, calm me. Telling me it would all be OK. How could it not, when something so beautiful as this existed?
After what seemed like a small eternity, Easton stood up and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his embrace. I didn’t just become unglued, I broke. All the fear of uncertainty poured out of me like the Wabo Waterfall. I cried for a long time—long enough that my legs grew tired of standing, and my eyes had swelled. Easton held me tight through and through. I was thankful for the silence then because after my emotions poured out of me, my mind had finally quieted, and it was nice for a change.
“Are you sure?” Easton asked softly after we sat back down on the boulder. Was I sure? The terrible realization came over me that I wasn’t sure. I was anything but sure. In actuality, the only thing I was sure of was that I had no clue how to read the instructions.
“Well, I took a test. . .” I said. Then I slowly unzipped my backpack and pu
lled it out, handing it to him.
Easton’s brows furrowed, and he flipped the test over, examining it. “What does that mean?” he asked.
“Um. Boy?” I said, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Boy?” Easton glared at me, and I nodded. “I don’t know much about pregnancy tests since I’ve never taken one, but I know that they don’t tell you the gender of the baby.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, holding his gaze bravely. “Do you have the instructions?”
“Yes!” I pulled the ripped box out of my backpack and handed it to Easton in pieces. He stared at me until I was uncomfortable enough I had to look away. I knew I had dropped the ball on this one. And while I can honestly say that the wedding band down the toilet was a whole-hearted mistake, this time, I just let my emotions get the better of me. I had to work on that. Staying calm under pressure and all. Gathering all the facts. And perhaps—not telling my husband I was pregnant before I really knew for sure—was something I should work on too. Lucky for me, I had all the time in the world to become perfect. I’d put that on my to do list.
“Beck. This is in French.” Easton shook his head.
“Cut me some slack! I’m only on my second life here!” I belted out. We stared at each other, his glacier eyes against my emerald ones until he cracked. His smile made me giggle, and my giggle made him laugh. Before we knew it, I was crying all over again. Though for a different reason this time. This time, I felt foolish getting worked up over nothing. But what I hadn’t realized before, was that I wasn’t alone. I had Easton, and he was a pretty damn good companion to have by my side. That’s why I married him after all.
“OK, so I knew French at one time. Bare with me, I’m a little rusty, but I’ll do the best I can,” he said.
“I thought you were a doctor?” I teased.
“I wasn’t an O.B., Beck. And even if I were, we wouldn’t have given our patients French urine tests. Blood tests are way more accurate than this hunk of plastic, OK?”
I shrugged. “Whatever you say, doctor,” I said, leaving him to it. Easton matched the three pieces of the torn box together and tried to recall his French. He looked at the test several times, perhaps in disbelief. Eventually, he handed everything back to me. “Well, what did it say?” I asked.
“It says you're pregnant.”
“It what?” I asked.
“It says your pregnant, but we will have to get a blood test when we get back.” Easton shook his head.
“What? Why do you look like that?” I asked. Easton’s eyes crinkled with worry.
“I don’t think it’s accurate, Beck. I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”
“Wait, why don’t you think it’s accurate?” Disappointment washed over me. I knew my hopes were already on the rise. I wanted to have a baby. And that was something that I’d never given thought to before now. Knowing it as clear as day wasn’t something I could take back.
“I think I may have told you this before, but I can’t have kids. I’m tethered. You are tethered. There’s no way it can happen.”
“But what if being a Tethered Soul is like being your own species? What if you just needed to find another Tethered Soul to make it work?” I asked. My voice whiney, like I was pleading for this to all make sense. It scared me to think how I might react to finding out I wasn’t pregnant. And now that I knew I wanted this, what would it do to me to live for an eternity without ever having children? Being a Tethered Soul would surely be a curse then.
“I’ve never thought of it like that. I mean, I guess it’s possible?” Easton questioned.
“Yeah.” I nodded, not wanting to give up hope.
“But if that’s the case, then the baby would be tethered too. And I don’t want to do that to another soul,” Easton said.
“Well, you did it to me!” I said.
“I did nothing to you. You followed me back here.”
“Is that what I did? I just followed you here?” I waved my hand through the air.
“Look, I don’t know what happened, I—”
“That’s right! You don’t know. So, let’s not pretend we know the baby will be tethered because we don’t. Fair?” I asked.
It took a moment, but Easton agreed. “Fair.” He nodded, and I was a little taken aback by my hostile reaction. The words mama bear came to mind. I had to be pregnant. Why else would I be so protective over nothing? “It just hurts me to think that I could bring a baby into this world, and I could only protect it for one lifetime. Then, he would always be on his own. Fighting for himself, fighting to get back to us. I don’t want that for him, and I don’t want it for you. I would never have chosen this life for you.” Easton’s eyes glossed over, and I could see the reflection of the waterfall in them. The thought of not being able to protect a child was unbearable.
“I know you want to protect me. I get that, but I’m not so sure this thing is a curse, Easton. I’m just not convinced of that yet,” I said.
“That’s because you didn’t remember for the first twenty-two years, and you had wonderful parents to make you feel loved. That doesn’t happen every time. And when you wake up as a young child, and all of your memories come crashing down on you, and you realize it’s not a dream any longer . . . that’s when it becomes a curse. That’s when you realize you’re lost, and alone, and you can’t find your way back home . . . Because you don’t have one.” Easton’s voice was soft and full of pain.
His words hurt deep in my chest, and I felt for him and our unborn baby. Easton raked his hands through his hair, and it toppled back down in front of his face. “Don’t you think we could be that home for him?” I asked. Worry lined my forehead, and I was pleading again. “Every year, we meet at the bridge. May seventh. Rain or shine; we reunite there. And we will be his home.” It wasn’t a question or a plea now, but a promise.
Chapter 14
The following day was a full day of travel. And even though I was nauseous again, I was happy because that meant that I may still be pregnant. I started calling it morning sickness, even though it lasted until well after lunch. The first thing I did when we finally got home was call an OB-GYN and make an appointment. The blood test was scheduled for the following week, and I could hardly wait. I slept like a rock that first night after returning home, and I blamed it on jetlag, but I knew better. I was exhausted from creating a human being. Still, there was a part of me—no matter how small it may be, that was a little superstitious—so I didn’t admit it aloud.
The following day, after my sickness had subsided, I ventured to the park by my old house. It was something that I had been doing for the past year. Ever since Easton and I broke into my first parent’s house. Sometimes I would sit there and read for a couple of hours. And sometimes, I would see Chloe and my nephew. He was young, maybe four or five, and I imagine she had him unexpectedly. Wes was much younger than my niece, Everly. Rarely, she would show up with Wes in tow. It was easier when she brought him; I never had to worry about being caught. But with Chloe, I did. I wore my spy gear, of course. The large sunglasses and hat. I pulled my hair back too and hid my face behind a good book. Many trips to the park, they would never show, and I would get some valuable reading time in.
Though today, on this sunny afternoon, Chloe and Wes did show. I hid my smiles behind my romance novel and my curious stares behind my mirrored lenses. She never had a second thought about the stranger that often sat on the bench, or if she did, she didn’t show it.
Chloe glanced in my direction, giving me a polite wave, and I smiled, raising my book. Keep calm. She’s done this a time or two before, she’s just being nice. I lowered the book a mere inch at a time and was relieved when she hadn’t closed the distance between us. I smiled again when I thought about how mad Easton would be if he found out I was here, playing with fire.
“Ma, who’s that?” Wes asked, pointing to me. I was the only other person in the park. My insides twisted, and I squirmed a little in my seat.
“That’s a lady.”
“She’s reading.”
“Why?”
“Because she wants to.”
“Why?”
“Because it must be a good book.”
“Why?”
“Do you want to go on the swings?”
“Yeah!”
I let out the breath I didn’t know I had been holding when Wes gave up pursuing me. My heart pounded in my chest. It was closer than they had ever come to talking to me. I raised my book to cover my sunglasses and tried to read the first sentence in chapter seven. I must have read that first line a dozen times, and each time, it made no more sense than the first.
Was I really going to have a baby boy? Would he look like my nephew, Wes? Sandy hair and chubby cheeks. Would he be tethered? And if so, was that really all that bad? I didn’t think being a Tethered Soul was a genetic disorder. After all, I only became tethered after falling for Easton. Or so I thought. Perhaps I had been tethered all along? Was that even possible? Had I had lives before that I simply didn’t remember? I quickly dismissed the thought. It was far too disturbing. However, if being tethered was not a genetic anomaly, then my theory on being a different species and the whole reason Easton and I could get pregnant in the first place would be blown out of the water. In which case, I didn’t know what to think.
The sun beat down on the nape of my neck, but I didn’t dare let my hair down. I didn’t want to give Chloe another reason to recognize me. I stared at the first line in my book while listening to his soft squeals on the swing. Chloe looked tired today. Maybe even a little sad. She had matured a lot in the last twenty-two years. Not just her clothing or lipstick, but her demeanor. Maybe it was the children that wore her down, but she seemed . . . calm. I worried it might be something else, but always faltered back to age. She must have just settled into her stride. Stopped worrying so much about what other people thought of her. I, for one, never liked her more.
The Kindred Soul of Nora Faye: The Tethered Soul Series, Book 3 Page 10