by Amy Brown
My door opens, and my maid Lily comes in. I’m still not used to having a maid, and I told her so at least a thousand times. She smiles at me, and sets a stack of boxes on the bed. “More of your new clothes have arrived.”
Fred insisted on buying me and Luke new everything. New computers. New clothes. New game systems. I know he’s trying to make us happy because he wants Mom happy. But I catch him smiling each time Luke or I experience something new. There’s genuine glee on his face watching us open presents, or trying on new clothes. He never had kids, just as he said, so perhaps this is all very new and fun for him too.
“This is so nice of Fred.” I lift the lid on one of the boxes, and find three pairs of jeans. The next box has eight shirts, and the next box has blouses and undergarments. I’ve never had more than two bras at a time. Usually they’re so old and stretched out, they don’t give me any support. But now I have new lacy bras for every day of the week.
I never thought much about my underwear in the past. I’ve never had a boyfriend, so there wasn’t anyone seeing my raggedy underpants but me. I was always too embarrassed about how we lived to want to bring a boy around. I assumed any boy who saw how poverty-stricken we were would dump me anyway. But if I happen to meet a boy I like now, at least I don’t have to be embarrassed about my underwear should we get naked together.
Thinking about sex makes me think about Mason. I can’t believe I ran into him at my new school. A warm flush rolls through my body when I think of his green eyes and full lips. Today when we were in class sharing his book, I couldn’t help noticing things like the dark hairs on his wrists, and how clean and polished his nails were. He smelled good too. Masculine and clean.
I’m excited that I get to study with him tonight. Stupid, I know, especially since it was obvious he didn’t want to study with me. He tried to hide it, but I could tell. Mrs. Dunbar pushed the idea on him, and that’s the only reason he did it. At least he was polite to me. I was such a bitch to him the other day, I’m surprised he’s being nice to me at all.
I have no real experience with guys, especially guys like him. He has a confidence I can only dream of. Sometimes people think I’m very sure of myself because I have resting bitch face. However, it’s a façade. I’m sure being poor didn’t help any with my self-confidence. We’ve been poor as long as I can remember. Now, if Fred actually goes through with marrying mom, I’ll be living a life of luxury. I’m not sure how to feel about that.
I’m supposed to meet Mason in town in about a half-hour. I eyeball my new clothing, wondering if I should change or just go in the same clothes I had on at school. I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard. Especially, considering this is just about him loaning me his book. This isn’t a date. I laugh out loud at the idea of that. Mason doesn’t date girls like me, I’m sure.
I wonder what it would be like to date someone like Mason. He’s hard to read. I’m sure I am too. A lot of kids our age are. It’s a defense mechanism. There’s a lot of crazy going on inside my head, and I’d rather people didn’t know. Mason probably isn’t nearly as muddled as me. His life has probably always been stable. He probably has his entire future planned out already. I have no idea about mine. Partly that’s because my options were limited since we had no money.
Lily is busy putting my clothing away for me. It’s so weird to have someone doing that instead of me. Frankly, it’s so weird to have new clothing at all. It’s so weird to have more than one pair of jeans. It’s weird to wear clothing that looks expensive. People were staring at me today, but it wasn’t because my clothing was ragged. They were staring because I’m new. I can handle that. I assume once they get used to me being around, they’ll stop staring.
My door opens abruptly, and Luke runs in. He’s wearing new clothes too, and he smooths his hand down his shirtsleeve. “I think this is silk.” He looks up, his expression bright. “I’ve never worn silk before.”
I smile. “It’s nice, isn’t it?”
“It’s amazing.” He sighs and flops on my bed. “Everything about this house is amazing. I think maybe things really are going to be better now.”
I want to agree with him, but I feel like it’s way too soon to tell. But I don’t want to rain on his parade either. Instead of saying something negative, I nod. “Things are looking up.”
He frowns. “Are you just trying to pacify me?”
I laugh. “No.”
“You sure about that?” He sits up. “You have to give things a chance, Charity.” He sounds like he’s eighty and giving advice to a child.
“I am.” I thought I was hiding my natural wariness better. Apparently I’m not as good an actress as I thought I was.
“You didn’t even let Fred show you the ranch.”
“That was just because I was tired. I’ll take the tour later.”
His expression is dubious. “You do like Fred, don’t you?”
“Definitely.” I’m not lying. Fred seems like a great guy. But Luke hasn’t had as many years of disappointment as me. He doesn’t understand how quickly things can turn for the worse.
“Fred says I can have a horse.” He frowns. “I don’t even know how to ride a horse.”
“He’s trying very hard to make us happy.”
“Yes.” He stands. “Mom said you’re going to a study group?”
I shrug. “My books haven’t come in and one of my teachers asked another student to help me study.”
“You should’ve invited her here. She’d be impressed with this place.” He grins.
“It’s a boy actually,” I say. My cheeks feel warm as I admit that, and I hope he can’t tell. There’s nothing weird about studying with a boy. I guess because I am attracted to Mason I feel like Luke can see that on my face.
“Ooh.” He laughs, but then his smile fades. “This isn’t a date right?”
“God no. We’re just studying. The teacher basically forced him to help me.” I grimace. “You’re not gonna believe this, but it’s the same kid who delivered us our pizzas the other night.”
He bugs his eyes. “Seriously?”
I nod. “I’m not sure if he recognizes me. I think he does. But he didn’t mention how rude I was or anything.”
“That’s not exactly something you could bring up easily.”
“I guess.” He has a point. I didn’t disclose that I recognized Mason either. What I should’ve done was apologize for being rude the other night. But I was too nervous about my first day of school to think about that.
“You can apologize today. When you’re studying.” He stares at me with wide eyed innocence.
“I could.” But will I?
He must see something in my expression because he says, “Don’t be stubborn, Charity. You should do the right thing.” He moves to the door. “Maybe he could be your friend. You never have friends.”
“We never stayed in one place long enough.”
“Okay, but with mom marrying Fred, we’ll stay in one place this time. You could make friends because you’ll still be here next year.”
“I’ll be in college next year.”
His face falls. “Oh. Yeah.”
“Don’t look so sad. I plan on going somewhere close to home.” Before, my only option of college would’ve been a junior college. But now, Fred has offered to pay for us to go to college. I have to think about that carefully. If mom and Fred really do work out, that means I could potentially go to any college I want. While that’s tempting, my main priority will still be staying close to Luke.
“Would you still live at home?”
“You mean this place?” I don’t really think of Fred’s house as my home yet. Of course, it’s the only home I have. It’s only been two days. I’m really hoping that in a couple of months I’ll forget all about living in that yucky old trailer. I want to embrace my new life, even as I fear it.
“Yeah. Would you still live here with us?” He looks hopeful.
I smile. “Probably. You can’t get rid of me tha
t easily.”
He opens the door. “I don’t want to get rid of you, silly.” His expression becomes very serious. “You’re my best friend.”
A lump forms in my throat. “Same.”
He leaves my room, and I glance at my phone for the time. I should get going, I wouldn’t want to be late. Mason probably already thinks I’m a bitch. I shouldn’t keep him waiting, or he’ll never change his mind about me.
Someone will have to drive me. I don’t have my license yet. Mom couldn’t afford the insurance on the car if someone my age was added to the policy. It didn’t really matter much though, because we only had one car. There is no way we could afford another one for me. Fred says he’ll buy me a car, but mom freaked out at that. To keep her calm, he said he’d loan me one of his cars. Apparently he has several. But I still need to get my license first.
I go downstairs to find my mom. I enter the living room just in time to catch Mom and Fred kissing. They don’t notice me at first, and I’m not sure what to do. I take a step back, trying to leave the room, but the wooden floor creaks, and Mom pulls away from Fred quickly. She laughs, her cheeks pink, and she brushes her hair out of her face.
“Charity.” She’s breathless.
Fred grins, looking unflustered. “You caught us.”
“Yes.” I give an awkward laugh. “Sorry.”
“No need to apologize.” Fred moves toward me. “I should go do some work anyway. Your mother keeps distracting me.”
“Me?” She squeaks. “I was just in here reading and minding my own business.”
This living arrangement is going to be awkward because they’re basically newlyweds. Who wants to hang around newlyweds? Especially when one of them is your mother. Not this girl.
“Remember I need a ride into town? To study.”
Mom nods. “I remember. I think I’ll do some shopping while I wait for you.”
Fred looks pleased. “I hope you do. I gave you my American Express platinum card two weeks ago. You’ve yet to buy anything.”
“That’s not true. You bought me a whole new wardrobe.” Her laugh is lilting.
He gives her a doting smile. “Exactly. I had to buy those clothes because you still haven’t used your card.”
She grimaces. “I’m used to looking out for myself.”
“I know,” he says. “But you’re no longer alone. I’m beside you now.”
Even I’m moved by his genuineness. If Fred isn’t the real deal, no one is. I truly want to believe that. “I should get going. I don’t want to be late.”
Mom grabs her purse, and gives Fred a quick peck. We leave the main house and head toward the garage. Fred’s garage isn’t like any other I’ve ever seen. The biggest garage I’ve ever been exposed to was a three car. Fred’s garage is a monstrous building. Mom leads the way to one of the many automatic doors, and she pulls a remote from her purse. The door glides up and there’s a shiny red Mercedes parked inside.
“Wow.” That’s about the only word that comes to mind as I take in the sleek two door model. My mom’s old car is somewhere in this building because she felt sad to get rid of it. But I’m embarrassed at the thought of that old rusty Pontiac taking up space in Fred’s garage.
Mom unlocks the car and we get inside. It has that new car smell mingled with leather. I’ve never been in a car with leather seats before. There are so many instruments on the dashboard, it looks like the cockpit of an airplane. I’ve driven mom’s old Pontiac a few times just to get the feel of driving. This thing is intimidating. I’m not sure I have the nerve to learn to drive in a car like this. What if I accidentally hit the eject button? There must be one in a car this fancy.
Mom slips the key in the ignition and the Mercedes purrs to life. She looks over at me grinning. “Can you believe this is happening right now?”
I shake my head because I can’t. I still sometimes feel like this has to be a dream. She backs carefully out of the building, and heads down the long and winding driveway that will take us to the main Highway. Fred’s ranch is on the outskirts of town, but I’m sure we’ll make it to the coffeehouse in plenty of time.
I turn on what looks like a CD player, and the little screen on the dashboard lights up, offering us all sorts of options for streaming music. I choose Pandora which apparently is already integrated into the car. I pick the Lana Del Rey channel because I feel like Mom will enjoy her too. Billie Eilish might be a bit much for her.
“So how are you settling in?” Mom asks.
“Fine.” She sighs probably because she hates it when I say that. I decide to try harder. “Fred’s been very generous.”
“He really has been.” We reached the main Highway, and she waits for the sparse traffic to pass. She presses the accelerator, and the wheels squeal a bit on the pavement. She laughs. “I have to get used to how much power this car has.”
I laugh, digging my fingers into the soft leather upholstery. Mom’s a good driver, but this car really is different from her other car. We ride in silence for a while, just listening to music. Things have been a little strained between Mom and me. I’m hoping we’ll get back to normal. Although, things haven’t been normal for years. I will admit however that mom seems less tense. More relaxed about things. It’s amazing what having money can do for a person’s stress level.
“Who is this person you’re studying with?” Her voice is tentative, as if she doesn’t want to pry.
I clear my throat. “Just some poor guy my teacher roped into helping me.”
She gives me a quick glance. “It’s a guy?”
“Yes. Does it matter?” I frown.
“No. I’m just surprised.”
I laugh gruffly. “Why?” I actually do know why. I’ve never brought a boy around, or studied with any boy before. I really never even had girlfriends to study with. When you’re trying to hide your life from others, it’s hard to make friends. Real friends hang out at each other’s houses, and tell each other everything. I didn’t want anyone knowing my depressing secret life. I did my best to hide how poor we were.
“Oh, I don’t know,” she says. “I guess it’s odd that you’re meeting up with a boy I’ve never met.”
“It’s not a date. I just don’t have my books yet. It was the teacher’s idea.”
She nods. “Of course. I do hope though that things can be different for you now.” She grips the steering well tighter. “We don’t have to be ashamed anymore.”
“It’s still very early. I don’t want to get too comfortable yet.” I hadn’t really intended to say anything like that out loud. And judging by how Mom’s jaw tightens, I should’ve kept that to myself.
“I love Fred.” Her voice is terse. “And he loves me. We’re getting married Friday. This is the real thing. You don’t have to be afraid.”
I grimace. “Yes.”
“I mean it.”
“I know you do.”
She exhales. “I suppose it’s my fault you don’t believe anything good can happen. I’m sorry for how things were. I can’t change the past, but I can reassure you the future will be different.”
I stare down at my clasped hands. I hadn’t realized how tightly I was gripping my fingers. My knuckles are white with the pressure. “It’s only been two days. I can’t forget seventeen years in two days.”
She surprises me when she reaches over, and covers my hands with hers. Her fingers are warm and mine are chilled. She squeezes firmly. “I’ll try to be more patient. More understanding.”
Relieved that she doesn’t seem angry, I say, “Thank you.”
She pulls her hand away, and sighs. “Now, tell me about your new friend.”
Friend. Mason isn’t my friend.
“I don’t really know him.” I don’t bother to expand about our first meeting. It doesn’t really matter. I plan on being nicer to him from now on. I wish he didn’t know that I’d lived in a trailer park, but that can’t be helped now. I don’t have any memory erasing drugs.
“Wouldn’t
it be wonderful if you could have a boyfriend this year? I had one at your age.”
I’m sure you had several.
“We’re just studying.”
“That’s how you get to know people though. I had a math tutor in high school who ended up being my boyfriend.”
My face warms. “There are lots of boys in school. No need to overreact simply because I’m studying with one of them.”
“Right. I just mean, you’ll finally be able to form real relationships with other people. Boys. Girls too. Maybe you can even go to the prom.”
“Geez, who says I want that?” People act like going to prom is the most important thing in life. I’ve never felt that way. To me, prom is a ridiculously expensive date, where a bunch of girls give away their cherry to some guy for the price of a lame corsage.
She laughs. “Sorry. I’m just so excited for you kids. There were so many things keeping you down before. Money changes everything.”
“Boys are not my focus.” I’m not about to tell her I think Mason is sexy. God, no way.
“No. Nor should they be. This is your senior year and you need to get the best grades possible. With Fred in the picture, now you can go to college for sure. But in order to get into a great college, you’ll still need a good grade point average.”
“I know.” Somehow, even though our life has always been tumultuous, I’ve managed to keep my grades high. I don’t see why that should change now. I’m glad when we pull up in front of Smarties Coffee because it cuts the conversation short.
“How long do you think you’ll be?” she asks.
I frown. “Not sure.” Mostly I’m not sure how long Mason wants to waste time with me. I’m sure he has more important things to do tonight than lend me his book.
“I’ll plan on a couple of hours. If you need me to come get you sooner, just text me.”
For a second I forget I have a cell phone. Then I remember the shiny new iPhone in my pocket. Fred made sure Luke and I got a new iPhone right away. He said it would make him and Mom more comfortable knowing we had a phone with us at school. My old school didn’t like the students to have phones, but Longhorn Academy caters to its rich students more. “Okay.