by Amy Brown
“I’ll keep my eyes open.” I smile at her tentatively. “You’ll still be my friend if I keep seeing him, right?”
She exhales. “Of course.”
“Good.” I slump with relief. I certainly don’t want to lose her friendship simply because I’m attracted to Mason. But now that I’ve had a taste of him, I’m hoping he’ll be my first. I don’t picture a guy like Mason falling in love with me, but, we have great chemistry. If what we shared tonight is anything to go by, he could be the perfect guy to lose my virginity to. No way in hell am I confessing that to Paula.
I notice Mason watching us. His eyes glitter in the firelight, and the dark shadows make his expression appear almost sinister. A nervous thrill rolls through me as we hold each other’s gaze. I feel breathless as he watches me. There’s something about him that seems dangerous. Predatory. Perhaps I should listen to Paula, and run from him as fast as possible.
But I don’t want to. I’m drawn to him. I barely know him, but I’m not ready to say goodbye just yet. The memory of his kiss and touch have me mesmerized, and I don’t think I have the strength to walk away from him. Not when he seems to want me just as much as I want him. And he does want me too. I can see his hunger buzzing from across the fire. Simply holding his gaze has my nipples pricked, and my pussy wet. I think from the first minute I met him I knew there was something between us. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so mean to him. Maybe subconsciously I’ve been trying to protect myself from getting too close to him because he’s dangerous.
But I don’t want to run from him. I want to run toward him.
****
I’m relieved that Paula is her old talkative cheerful self at school Monday. The ride home in the car Friday night was tense. I was afraid that come Monday she’d try to continue the conversation about Mason, but she doesn’t.
“We have a test Thursday,” she says, sitting across from me at lunch. “Do you want to get together to study?”
“Yes, please.” I laugh.
“How about Tomorrow at Smarties?” she asks. “Or is that the night you study with Mason?” I appreciate that she’s very careful to keep her tone neutral when she says his name.
“Tomorrow works,” I say, forcing a smile.
I’m feeling a little down today. Mason wasn’t in class today, and I have no idea why. In fact, I’ve only heard once from Mason since Friday. He texted me a funny gif about crawdads. That’s it. Not that I expected him to suddenly start texting me all the time. But, after the intimate things we did together, it would’ve been nice if he called or texted something more personal. Of course, I didn’t call or text him either.
I think I’m doubly uneasy because my books came in last week. There’s really no reason for Mason to continue studying with me. He’d said once that he liked studying together, and thought we should continue that, but that could’ve just been talk. If he doesn’t want to study with me anymore, especially after Friday night, I won’t quite know what to make of that. I hate to think that Paula was correct, and that he was just using me. But seeing as he hasn’t bothered to connect with me, I’m starting to worry she was right.
“Okay, then let’s study tomorrow,” Paula says.
I nod, and focus on unwrapping my turkey sandwich. My mouth waters because the food here really is amazing. Longhorn Academy doesn’t use pressed turkey lunch meat. Heavens no. Their sandwiches are made with real turkey breast, and fresh avocado. Only the finest for Longhorn students.
I hear clapping and laughter across the lunch room. When I glance up, I see Mason high-fiving Travis. My pulse picks up alarmingly, but he doesn’t look in my direction. I pull my eyes away from the cool kids table, and take a bite of my sandwich. I’m not sure how to feel right now. I’ve been thinking about him every moment of every day since Friday, but he didn’t even look over at me once. I know he knows where I sit at lunch too.
“Mason’s finally shown up to school.” Scott’s tone is droll.
“Must be nice to just waltz in when you feel like it,” mutters Lisa.
I keep my eyes down, pretending like I could care less about Mason. I don’t have enough experience with guys to know if it’s normal for them to ignore you… after having their tongue in your pussy.
Good God. What have I done? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
My face heats and sweat breaks out on my face. Why did I do that filthy stuff with him? What the hell was I thinking? How did I allow myself to be carried away by the moment so easily? It obviously meant nothing to him. I’ve obsessed about him all weekend, and he was probably off sucking some other girl’s clit the whole time. I let him do those things to me, and the most I get from him is a gif? A fucking crawdad gif?
Anger mixes with my embarrassment. I’m mortified. When he didn’t show up today for class, a part of me hoped there was a serious reason. I might have preferred him lying in a hospital bed, clinging to life, just so there would be some excuse for why he hadn’t reached out to me in days. But he looks just fine over there joking around with his buddies.
My pride kicks in when I catch Paula watching me. I can’t just roll up in a ball and give in to this cloud of dejection. Keeping my gaze from shifting anywhere near Mason’s direction, I force myself to join in the conversation happening at my table. I laugh at every joke, even though my face feels like it could crack. I obviously made a mistake. I thought Mason was more interested in me that he apparently was. I was naïve. Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson.
Paula meets my gaze, and gives me a reassuring smile. That almost makes me feel worse. She pities me. I appreciate that she isn’t smug, I don’t think I could handle that, but I don’t like people feeling sorry for me either.
When lunch is over, I go to the rest of my classes feeling numb. Eventually, the long school day ends, and Mom picks me up. I go to my room to lick my wounds. I fall asleep studying, and end up sleeping through dinner. Around 10 o’clock, Lily brings me a tray. The rattling of the dishes wakes me.
“I thought you might like a little something in your stomach before bed.” Lily smiles at me as she sets the tray on my nightstand.
“Oh.” I sit up, feeling groggy. Depression makes me sleepy, it always has. “Thank you. That’s so kind of you.”
“My pleasure.” She studies me. She’s pretty, and probably about my age. I wonder how she got into this line of work. She’s always cheerful, and thoughtful. Never resentful. Or at least, if she is, she hides it well. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “I was studying science and it bored me to sleep.”
She smiles. “If you ever need to talk to anyone, I’m here.”
Surprised at her offer, I say, “Thank you.”
“I’m sure this has all been very stressful for your family. Moving, and having Fred come into your life. It’s probably been a big upheaval.”
“Yeah.” I sip some of the jasmine tea on the tray. I set the cup down and it chatters against the saucer. I’ve never been a big tea drinker, but Lily always brings me some. I’m beginning to like it. “Mostly I just feel really fortunate that Fred and Mom fell in love.”
“I’m glad. Mr. Cartwright is a wonderful man. My whole family has worked for his family as long as I can remember.” She sighs. “He was single for so long, we didn’t think he’d ever get married.”
“Really?”
“Nope. But the minute he met your mom, something just seemed different. He’s always been a cheerful man, but he was downright giddy. He told us right away that he thought he’d met the woman he was going to marry.”
My mouth falls open. “He knew right away?”
“Apparently.” She laughs. “The whole staff was overjoyed. Mr. Cartwright deserves to be happy.”
“He’s definitely made our life better.”
She winks. “My family too.” She moves to the door. “I’ll get the tray in the morning. If you need anything else, just let me know.”
“I will.”
She leaves, quietly closing
the door. I have no idea if Lily or the rest of the staff know how poor we were. We probably had less money than all of them put together. If they do know, they’ve never let on or been disrespectful at all.
I go back to studying, and I’m grateful for the meal Lily brought me. I was much hungrier than I realized. I finish off the grilled cheese and chips, and then eat the apple tart too. Apparently being mad at Mason doesn’t affect my appetite. Once my belly is full, I set aside my science book. I can only study about Lysozymes and telomeres for so long before my eyes cross.
I wash up for bed in my new gorgeous bathroom. I’m still in awe of the fluffy towels and lemongrass scented soap. I get in my silky pajamas, and crawl into bed, exhausted. The covers are warm, and the mattress firm yet soft. I close my eyes, annoyed when Mason’s face comes to me.
Grumbling, I turn on my side, wishing I’d never met him. He’s distracting me from my studies, and it’s frustrating. From the moment we met, he’s occupied my thoughts. I’ve never been boy crazy before, but I feel a little feverish when I think of Mason. Especially when I remember his fingers inside of me, and his tongue—
No. I won’t go there. That’s the past. It’s been three days and he’s obviously moved on. I simply need to accept that. It’s best I focus on school, and my new group of friends. Mason is nothing to me.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
When my phone buzzes, I scowl. Who the heck is texting me at 12 o’clock at night? Paula falls asleep early. I know this from experience. Sometimes we text each other in the late evening, and she ghosts me because she snoozes off.
I’m shocked when I see the text is from Mason. My heart pounds and my fingers shake as I swipe to open the messages app.
How are you?
I frown. I haven’t heard from him in three days. “How are you?” seems like an odd way to begin a conversation after what happened between us. I’m not sure I want to respond. I’m hurt, but not positive I have a right to be. Maybe this is just how guys are. Maybe they all touch you intimately, and then disappear for days without a word. Or they disappear for days and send you a nonsensical gif. What do I know?
When I don’t respond, he texts again.
You weren’t at Smarties.
Of course I wasn’t. Why would I be? He knows my books arrived. I told him that the night of the bonfire. I don’t need to study with him if I have my book, and he didn’t make any arrangements with me to study. When I still don’t respond, he sends yet another text.
You should come to my house.
I stare at his last text almost hyperventilating. Why would I come to his house? Does he mean right now? Is he drunk? Horny? Both? I still have no idea what to say in response. I don’t want to look like a gullible fool.
Come to my house.
I swallow hard and finally respond. No.
So you are awake. I knew it.
I probably should’ve ignored him. Now he knows I’m awake. It’s late. Go to bed.
I see Mean Charity is back.
I guess so.
I thought you didn’t like to be mean to me.
My stomach tenses. I decide I don’t like playing games with him. What’s the harm in telling him why I’m upset? Thanks for the gif. It made me feel so special.
☹ You didn’t like it?
I frown. From what I know he’s had plenty of experience with girls. He can’t be so clueless as to think a crawdad gif was the appropriate way to reach out to me. Not after what happened between us. Felt a bit impersonal.
But… but… crawdads are our special thing.
Sure. Ours and the entire senior class at Longhorn Academy.
LOL Come on, Char, don’t be mad at me.
I hate nicknames. I really do.
You can give me a nickname too.
No thanks. You wouldn’t like the names I’d come up with right now.
Ouch.
I hate that I feel a twinge of guilt that I’m being mean. He deserves it. He can’t treat girls like he did me and think we won’t notice. Go to bed. We have nothing to talk about.
Look, I really like you.
Nothing says that like a crawdad gif.
I’m confused about you.
I scowl. Why?
He doesn’t respond right away. I imagine he’s not happy about the fact I’m not falling at his feet because he finally decided to contact me. He’s mistaken if he thinks I’m just going to forgive him because he bothers to speak to me. I’m inexperienced with sex, but I can read people. Usually.
Would you have preferred I not contact you? he asks.
I’m not sure. Maybe? Getting a text from him both excites and puzzles me. I’m not sure what he wants from me. I don’t understand you.
I don’t understand myself.
I have no idea what to say to that. He’s being so open. I suspect he might be drunk, and that’s why he texted me. He seems less smooth than usual.
What do you want from me? I text him.
Everything.
I gasp and drop my phone. What does that mean?
Come to my house tomorrow. We can study.
My heart pounds as I read his message over and over. If I go to his house, I’ll be at his mercy. Even though I’m mad at him, I still want him. My hunger for him didn’t go away just because I didn’t talk to him. Frankly, after what we did together, I want him more than ever. I don’t feel like I have the self-control to reject him if he makes a move on me. At least at Smarties he can’t seduce me.
I already have plans tomorrow night.
The little dots bounce for a bit, then he responds. Oh, really?
Yep. I can’t help laughing. I know he’s jealous. I don’t know how I know that, but I do. I can just feel it. Little does he know my plans are with Paula.
With who? ☹
I snort another laugh. What makes him think he owns me? Is he delusional?
None of your business.
He takes so long to respond, I think he’s decided not to. But then he sends a text.
Wednesday then. Come to my house Wednesday.
Feeling smug, I send him a response. I’ll think about it.
He doesn’t respond after that, and I feel a bit let down. That was an interesting conversation. I’d never have dreamed Mason would be jealous of me, but I know he was. He didn’t like the idea that I would move on. Maybe he’s one of those twisted types who don’t really want you, but don’t want anyone else to have you either.
I pull the covers over my head, feeling annoyed. I’d hoped to sleep so I could forget all about Mason. But now, thanks to his texts, I have a sneaking suspicion he’ll just occupy my dreams too.
Chapter Twelve
Mason
“What the fuck do you mean you haven’t been alone with Charity in six days?” Jeremy pulls his dark brows together. “Why the hell not?”
I hold his angry gaze, my stomach churning. “I had shit I needed to take care of.” My mom fell down the stairs Saturday night because she was so fucking drunk she couldn’t walk. I haven’t told anyone but Travis, and I swore him to secrecy.
“Like what?” he snaps.
Travis scowls. “Jesus, Jeremy, back off. Mason doesn’t answer to you.”
I’m grateful my pal is trying to protect me from Jeremy’s wrath. He’s probably just doing that because I’m still pissed at him for letting me down Friday night at the bonfire. He’s been kissing up to me big time ever since. Or maybe he feels sorry for me because of my mom.
Jeremy narrows his eyes. “Mason wants to be the one who sleeps with Charity. That means he needs to get on with it. The longer he waits, the less likely it is he can get to her before some do-gooder warns her away from him.”
“Nobody would dare warn her.” Travis chuffs. “We’d make their life hell.”
“Well, I still don’t see why Mason is dragging his feet,” Jeremy grumbles. “Screw her, or step aside.”
Fury bubbles inside of me. “I’m getting really tired of you bossing me around
. I’m more than capable of seducing a girl. I don’t need you yelling at me from the sidelines, coach.”
‘’It’s almost been a full week,” Jeremy snaps. “You haven’t made any progress.”
I have, but they don’t know that. I didn’t tell them about my little moment with Charity at the bonfire. I usually would have, but for whatever reason, I didn’t even tell Travis. I reassure myself it’s because I’m distracted with my mom being hospitalized, but it’s more. I feel strangely protective of the intimacy I shared with Charity. If I tell Travis and Jeremy about what we did together, then it’s just part of our twisted plot. It felt more personal than that.
It’s not supposed to be personal.
“I’m hoping to get her to study with me tonight at my house,” I say gruffly. I feel fairly confident if I can get her to my bedroom, we’ll fuck. I think that because of how responsive she was to me that night at the bonfire. I know she wants me bad. But she also implied she might be seeing someone else. That pisses me off. I don’t know who would have had time to slip in and drive a wedge between us. I suspected Jeremy at one point, but from the way he’s acting, I’m sure it’s not him. Charity has been giving me the cold shoulder since we texted Monday night, and blew me off for studying Wednesday. I’m praying I can convince her to come over tonight.
“You think she will go to your house?” Travis asks.
“Yes.” Jeremy is watching me like a hawk, and I don’t want to show doubt. I do have lots of doubt though because Charity isn’t responding to me like any other girl I’ve ever tried to seduce. Usually, if I do something sexual with them, and then ignore them for a few days, they can’t wait to hear from me when I finally do reach out. Charity wasn’t happy to hear from me, and that threw me. I wasn’t sure how to proceed.
“You’d better make your move soon. She’s starting to act like she belongs here.” Jeremy sniffs. “Inviting her to the bonfire just gave her social credibility. That’s the last thing we wanted.”
“It let me get closer to her,” I mutter.
Jeremy curls his lip. “Right. So close you haven’t spoken to her since.”