Eventually, she made some friends. One was a long-time 2F member named Elizabeth, who was tall and thin and had long, straggly auburn hair. Elizabeth seemed to be very intelligent, well-read and thoughtful. Miriam liked Elizabeth’s mild-mannered and unassuming nature, and started spending more time with her.
“You know,” Miriam said to Elizabeth one day during the lunch break, “You’re not at all what I pictured.”
“How so?” Asked Elizabeth, as she poked at the Ceasar salad with her fork. “What do you think I’d be like?”
“Oh, you know, the wild-eyed, crazy cult type,” Miriam waved her hands dramatically and laughed.
“Mmm-hmm,” Elizabeth nodded, smiling, “You’re wondering how I fell for all this?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but . . . yeah, kinda.”
“When I first came here, I didn’t buy any of it. I wanted to leave as soon as I could. But, my then-husband had paid for two weeks, and two weeks he was getting. And it was super expensive, so long story short, I had to stay.”
“What happened?”
“My plan was to just complete the two weeks and then head home. But then, on my second to last day, something happened. I had this type of awakening, I guess that’s the best way to describe it. Like I had been sleeping all this time, you know?”
Miriam shook her head as she chewed on her salad. “No, I have no idea,” she said with a completely straight face, “I’ve never had that feeling. Go on.”
Elizabeth laughed and continued. “It was a transformation. I went home, divorced my husband, sold all of our stuff, and came back here. I’ve been living here ever since, in bliss I might add.”
“And how long ago was that?” Miriam probed, trying to sound as nonchalant as she could.
“It’s been a few years.”
“Years! No way! Have you ever gone out in all this time?”
“Not since I returned here, no. There’s really no reason to. We cultivate and grow our own crops, we have everything we need right here.”
“Don’t you ever get lonely? I mean, you know.”
“The first and the fearless is here. What is there to be lonely about? He takes care of all our needs.”
Miriam looked at Elizabeth with a question hanging in the air, but she was not able to formulate the words quite right.
“He has, in the past, assigned . . . partners for me.”
“Oh, I see,” Miriam nodded, feeling like she was venturing into uncharted territory. “Does he ever—? I mean, himself?”
Elizabeth nodded and a faint smile played upon her lips. “Yes, it is considered a great privilege if he takes you to his bed. I don’t think there’s anyone here who hasn’t longed for that. Whether they admit it or not.”
“And have you—?”
“Not yet, but maybe someday.”
There were no calendars in the 2F compound. Miriam lost track of time, and soon she lost track of what day it was. She would charge her phone at night, and that’s when she would have a chance to glimpse at the screen and check the date. One night, before going to sleep, she looked at the date on her phone and realized that it had been almost a month since she had arrived at the 2F compound. It didn’t feel like a month. But since they had kept her so busy, time had just flown by so fast.
A sudden pang of regret washed over her. She had wasted so much time but hadn’t gotten any closer to discovering why Daniel had been killed. She sensed that the answer was here but she had no idea how to find it. If only her phone had a cell signal, she thought ruefully. She might have been able to contact Agent Felicity Dawn. At the rate she was going, she was accomplishing nothing.
The next morning, she resolved to speak with Shivan about leaving the compound. Maybe if she got back into the real world, she could contact Agent Dawn and she could make some progress through that avenue. It was a bright and sunny day, and Shivan had just finished with a group that were doing deep meditation. She was wrapping up the blankets when Miriam approached her.
“Good session?” Miriam asked tentatively.
Shivan looked up from where she was squatting, a half-folded blanket in her hands. She smiled when she saw Miriam. “It was, you should have attended.”
“Oh, it’s too advanced for me, I think,” Miriam responded.
“I don’t know about that. I think you’ve been making great progress.”
“That’s what I wanted to talk with you about,” Miriam pushed through her hesitation and forced the words to come out of her mouth. “Do you have a minute?”
“Sure, let’s go for a walk.”
They took a stroll along a hiking trail nearby. Trees along the trail offered cool shade from the rays of bright sunshine.
“Tell me,” sid Shivan, sounding very philosophical, “Are you not finding yourself progressing spiritually?”
“It’s not that,” Miriam chose her words carefully, “I love all the sessions. And I’ve made friends.”
“I see that,” Shivan commented.
“But, I just feel like I do need to take a little break,” Miriam sighed, “I need contact with my friends, I need to talk with my family, you know? Then, maybe I’ll be fresh again and I can come back.”
“It’s a retreat, Nova,” said Shivan, “People don’t just get up in the middle of a retreat because they miss their friends. You should be more committed.”
“I am,” Miriam tried to sound as genuine and eager as possible, “And I’m learning a lot. And I really appreciate all that you’ve done for me. Truly. I just, I think I just need a little break. It seems too intense for me.”
“I see,” Shivan seemed to think for a moment. “Alright. I will talk with His Holiness Pama about it.”
“Oh thank you!” Miriam clasped her hands and jumped a little.
“No guarantees though. I will let you know his decision by tomorrow noon.”
“Thank you!”
Miriam was hopeful, but early the next morning she got a note from Shivan with a message handwritten on it:
Discussed your request with His Holiness. He does not think it’s a good idea for you to leave at this juncture. After your training is complete, you may leave if you so desire. But leaving now will cause problems in your learning and may stunt your spiritual growth. As teachers, we would be remiss if we didn’t act in a responsible manner towards our students.
Miriam stared at the note for a few moments before scrunching it up in her hand and tossing it in the garbage can. She frowned and sat on the edge of her bed, considering what to do. She thought about making a run for it, but that seemed like a risky move. Especially if this was the same group that was responsible for killing Daniel.
“Now what?” she mumbled to herself, “You don’t even have any proof of anything, Miriam.”
She stared at her phone, swiping through old photos she had taken. Pictures of her and Daniel. She stopped at one photo of them standing on the beach in each others arms. They both looked so happy. The image of Daniel conveyed strength and safety and warmth. His smiling face was looking directly at the camera. At her. She zoomed in on his face and gazed at it longingly. Silent tears fell from her eyes.
“I will find out what happened,” she whispered to him, “I will figure this out, my love.”
Then she got up, wiped her tears away, and walked out of the room.
Shivan had already started the meditation session. Miriam joined the circle of assembled students and quietly sat down in the empty space on the yoga mat. They were doing a breathing exercise, eyes closed, arms raised up high above their heads.
Miriam clenched her jaw and followed along. She felt irritated, impatient and angry. She kept her eyes open, watching Shivan.
“What are you hiding?” she thought.
Shivan suddenly opened her eyes, staring directly at Miriam. It was as if she had heard her thoughts, or maybe she just sensed her eyes on her. Miriam was taken aback, but she was too angry to care. She stared back defiantly.
Shiva
n’s gaze softened, and then, slowly, she smiled a small smile. Miriam couldn’t figure out whether it was genuine or not. It was a calculated move, for sure, but it seemed to be so perfectly calibrated.
Shivan let her gaze linger for just a moment more, and then she abruptly broke it off and clapped her hands. Everyone lowered their hands and opened their eyes. Murmurs and sighs of satisfaction arose among the students. The deep breathing exercise had had a calming, relaxing effect on everyone. Except Miriam.
“Well done, everyone,” Shivan announced. “Tomorrow, we will delve into conscious framing. This is an essential tool to master when it comes to the mind cleanse.”
After the session, Shivan came to Miriam and sat down beside her.
“I understand how you may be feeling,” she said softly.
“Oh? And how is that?” Miriam’s tone was decidedly defiant.
“Disappointed. Upset. Maybe a little angry?”
Miriam stared at Shivan without replying, her face expressionless. Shivan took that as a cue to continue.
“Being a teacher is like being a parent. Sometimes, we have to make decisions, painful decisions, that are in the best interest of our students. Even if they don’t realize it themselves at the time. But in the long run, ultimately, we as teachers see the growth and the development in our students. And seeing them succeed is our main goal.”
“I see,” said Miriam. “So let me go home, take a breather. And when I come back, I will complete the program.”
Shivan smiled and touched Miriam’s arm. “His Holiness gave his answer. This is not a question anymore.”
“What if I just walked out of here?” Miriam snapped. “Would you really stop me?”
“That would not be a good idea,” Shivan wasn’t looking at Miriam now. Her tone was cold and devoid of emotion.
Chapter 8
Miriam sat in the back row, not paying attention to the speaker on stage or the large projection screen behind him. They were showing a presentation that was centered around the greatness of the leader of the 2F movement. It was the first type of presentation of it’s kind that Miriam had seen. At first, she thought she might gain some useful information. But after twenty minutes, she gave up all hope of gleaning any information other than how much his followers doted on “His Holiness”.
She turned to look at the door. Before the presentation, she had strategically picked her seat. It was the last row in the room, and it was next to the aisle, only five steps away from the exit. If she was quiet enough, she might be able to slip out without anyone noticing. She looked around. The lights had been dimmed for the slide show, and everyone’s attention was focused on stage. No one was looking in her direction. She gripped the armrests of the chair and was about to stand up when something on the projection screen caught her eye.
The slide show being projected on the screen showed a school in a developing nation along with throngs of smiling children and locals, posing happily for the photo. There was a large sign next to the entrance of the building along with the words “Generously donated by His Holiness, Ntanshi Pama.”
At least she had a name now. Up until today, whenever she asked about the leader, she got in reply only vague references to “His Holiness”, or “the first and the fearless”. They had used his last name, Pama, for the new type of Yoga. But now, finally, she had his full name.
The memory of the hotel room came back to her, along with the chilling message from “NP”. Perhaps “NP” was this Ntanshi Pama. If that was true, it meant that he had been watching her since Daniel’s death. And if he knew what she was doing, then he knew why she was here. And that would mean that Shivan may also know. Miriam felt a knot form in her stomach as a cold sweat enveloped her.
The thought of immediately leaving popped into her mind. If she left now, and made it outside the compound, perhaps she would be safe. But she didn’t know how difficult it would be to just walk out.
While she was still struggling with these thoughts, something was happening on stage. The presenter had just made an announcement, and now he stepped to the back of the stage and started clapping along with the applause that was erupting from the audience. Someone important was coming on stage. Music blared from the speakers mounted high up near the ceilings, and a short, squat man bounced out from behind the side curtains and ran to the center of the stage, clapping as his head bobbed to the music. He had dark black skin, which was in stark contrast to his pearly white teeth. He flashed a smile and waved at the adoring crowd. They were up on their feet, shouting and clapping and making sounds of adulation.
After a few minutes of music and jumping, he motioned for the crowd to sit down. The music faded away into silence. He held up his arms in dramatic fashion, was silent for a moment, and then made the proclamation, “I am first! And the fearless!”
All the 2F followers swooned. Miriam heard cries and moans, guttural sounds and longing groans. There was a woman two rows ahead of Miriam who sounded like she was in the throes of an orgasm.
Miriam looked around at everyone incredulously. What was it about this man that all these people found so compelling?
The music slowly came back on, and presentation screen started displaying a rotating 2F logo. Ntanshi Pama was walking around on the stage, stopping occasionally to point at an audience member or make fist pumps in the air. The music was getting amped up, and the crowd along with it. The energy was palpable. Excitement was growing. Pama was revving up the crowd. Miriam was watching all this, unsure of what she should do. Eventually she stood up and started clapping half-heartedly. She thought it might be better to blend in with the crowd rather than draw attention to herself as the only one not celebrating Pama’s surprise appearance.
But apparently it was not enough to keep her from getting noticed. Pama had been scanning the crowd, pointing at people he chose. They would either wail in ecstasy or scream in delight. A few of them collapsed from the sheer overwhelm of emotion. And now, he turned his gaze towards her. At first she thought he was looking at someone else in her general direction. But within a second it became apparent that he was staring right at her. She tried to avoid it, but he had stopped and was looking. If he kept this up, the whole room was soon be looking at her. She finally sighed and looked up. Their eyes met, and he smiled that sickening smile. It seemed that he was pleased to see her. It also seemed that he somehow knew her. Miriam felt unnerved and shaken.
And then, just as suddenly as he had appeared, he turned around and walked off the stage, leaving the room energetically spent and exhausted.
Later that day, Miriam had some free time and spent it with Elizabeth in the park. They liked coming here. The grass was green and well maintained, there were colorful flowers of all kinds along the path, and today there was a fresh cool breeze blowing.
“I saw him today,” Miriam said, bringing up the topic in a nonchalant manner.
“Oh? Where?” Elizabeth was intrigued.
“At the education session, the one about the history of 2F and how it all started.”
“They haven’t done one of those in ages,” Elizabeth commented, sounding surprised.
“Yea, that’s why I decided to go. To see what it was all about, from the start.”
“Must have been quite a lot to digest?”
“Well, I didn’t really pay much attention, to be honest.”
Elizabeth laughed. “Those sessions can be somewhat dry.”
“Dry and boring. Until Pama showed up. Then it was just crazy.”
“He doesn’t do the general trainings anymore. It’s rare to catch a glimpse of him. So I can imagine that people were excited.”
“That’s putting it mildly. Why is everyone so crazy about him?”
“It’s just—“ Elizabeth shrugged, unable to articulate her words. “He has this, sort of, way of just knowing.”
“Knowing what?”
“What a person needs. How to take away their pain.”
“Hmm, interesting,” Miriam was tho
ughtful.
“Did he say anything?” Elizabeth queried. She seemed curious.
“Only that he was the first and the fearless,” Miriam replied.
Elizabeth nodded, “Yes indeed he is.”
Shock Treatment Page 6