Mr. Darcy's Diary

by Amanda Grange

  ‘Ah! So it is! Her liveliness appeals to you. I would not have thought it. You are so pompous, Darcy, but they say that opposites attract.’

  He had the upper hand, and he was enjoying using it.

  ‘Have a care,’ I warned him. ‘I will do much to save Lydia Bennet from disgrace, but if you go too far, instead of having your debts paid and something more besides, you will find yourself pursued by every creditor in Brighton, and maybe the army, for I will give them all your address.’

  ‘I can go to Bath, or Lyme, or the Lake District,’ he said. ‘I do not have to live here.’ But I could tell he had no stomach for further flight.

  ‘Do so,’ I said, calling his bluff. I stood up and turned towards the door.

  ‘Wait,’ he said.

  I paused.

  ‘I will marry her—’

  ‘Good,’ I said, sitting down again.

  ‘—for thirty thousand pounds.’

  ‘What?’ I cried.

  ‘It is the sum I should have had from Georgiana.’

  I mastered my temper with difficulty. ‘I will give you nothing of the kind.’

  ‘Very well, then, twenty thousand.’

  I stood up and left the club.

  He will come to me soon enough. He has nowhere else to go.

  I do not relish seeing him, but the knowledge that it will ease Elizabeth’s fears recompenses me for any time or trouble I might take, and I hope that, before very long, I will see her happy again.

  Friday 15th August

  Wickham called on me this afternoon, as I knew he would. His situation is desperate, and he cannot afford to throw away assistance. Only the thought of Elizabeth’s happiness sustained me throughout the ordeal, which was as unpleasant as our last encounter. If not for her, I would have abandoned the matter. We settled at last on a thousand pounds to pay his debts and a further thousand.

  ‘And a commission,’ he said.

  ‘I cannot believe you will be welcome in the army.’

  ‘You have some influence there. Come, Darcy, I must have something to live on. How else am I to support a wife?’

  At last I agreed, on condition he join a regiment in the far north, I do not want to see him when Elizabeth and I are married. If Elizabeth and I are married. I made the mistake once before of thinking that she was wanting me to propose to her, but I was wrong. I will not make the same mistake again.

  Having settled everything with Wickham, I decided to call on Mr Gardiner to let him know what had been decided. I soon found his house, but when I asked to see him I learnt from the servants that Mr Bennet was with him. I hesitated. In the first flush of discovery, I feared Mr Bennet might do something rash. On further enquiry I found that Mr Bennet will be returning home tomorrow. I therefore judged it wiser to wait, thinking it would be easier to talk to Mr Gardiner than Mr Bennet. Mr Gardiner is of necessity less closely involved, and therefore he is likely to be more rational.

  Saturday 16th August

  I called on Mr Gardiner and this time found him alone. He was surprised to see me, but welcomed me cordially.

  ‘Mr Darcy. I did not know you intended to visit town so soon. How is your sister? Well, I hope?’

  ‘Very well.’

  ‘We were delighted to meet her in Derbyshire. She is a beautiful girl.’

  ‘Thank you. You are very kind. It is not about my sister I have come to talk to you, however, but about your niece.’

  I saw him change colour.

  ‘Will you not sit down?’

  ‘Thank you. I called on her shortly after her sister’s letter was delivered,’ I said, ‘and learnt the unhappy truth. I felt responsible for the situation, for I knew of Wickham’s character and yet I kept silent. He had done something similar before, but I had not mentioned it because I had wanted to protect the young lady’s reputation. If I had made his perfidy known, then no woman would have been able to love him, and Miss Lydia Bennet would have been safe.’

  His expression said, Nothing would have kept a girl as wild as Lydia safe.

  Aloud he said: ‘It is really not your fault.’

  ‘Nevertheless, I took it upon myself to track him down. I knew his acquaintances, and knew how to find out where he might be. I have seen him, and persuaded him that a marriage must take place.’

  He looked more and more surprised as I unfolded the details. He refused to let me undertake any of the financial arrangements, but as I argued it with him back and forth, a thoughtful expression began to cover his face. He suspected the nature of my feelings for Elizabeth, I am sure of it, but said nothing. How could he? He said at last that we had talked long enough, and invited me to call on him again tomorrow. I think he wishes to consult his wife as to how far I should be allowed to help.

  I left him and retired to my club. Everything will soon be settled, I am confident of it. As soon as Elizabeth hears of it she will be relieved of care, and it is that thought that sustains me. She will be able to laugh again, and tease me, and she will forget all about her sister.

  Sunday 17th August

  I called upon Mr Gardiner again, and this time Mrs Gardiner was with him. They welcomed me warmly, and after exchanging pleasantries, I said again that I expected to settle Wickham’s debts. That they agreed to, but they would not agree to me settling anything else. There are some arrangements still to be made, however, and I mean to work on Mr Gardiner again tomorrow, until he agrees to let me settle the whole.

  Monday 18th August

  All has finally been settled. I have at last managed to have my own way. Mr Gardiner had an express sent off to Longbourn, and it gave me great satisfaction to know that it will relieve Elizabeth from distress. Mr and Mrs Gardiner are to offer Lydia their protection until the marriage can be arranged. I do not envy them. She has shown no remorse for what she has done, and seems to think it a great joke. She is one of the most worthless girls of my acquaintance.

  Tuesday 19th August

  I returned to Pemberley, and I was pleased to find that my guests had noticed nothing strange about my absence. If they knew that I had been arranging a marriage, instead of attending to business, how astonished they would be!

  Saturday 30th August

  I travelled to London, and tomorrow I have the unpleasant task of making sure Wickham attends his own wedding.

  SEPTEMBER

  Monday 1st September

  Today Lydia was married, and her reputation saved.

  The morning started badly. I called on Wickham in his lodgings at half past ten as arranged and found him only half-dressed.

  ‘What is this?’ I asked. ‘You have to be at the church in half an hour.’

  He poured himself a drink and threw it off.

  ‘It will only take us ten minutes to get to the church. There is plenty of time.’

  ‘If you are beyond the hour you will not be able to marry today,’ I said.

  ‘Do you know, Darcy, if you had given me the living I wanted when I applied for it, all this unpleasantness could have been avoided.’

  I made no reply.

  ‘It would have suited me better to marry other people rather than being married myself. I am beginning to think I do not want to be married at all,’ he said.

  ‘Then you must face your debtors.’

  ‘Ah. I would like that even less.’

  He put his glass down and picked up his coat. He shrugged himself into it and tied his cravat, then we went out to the waiting carriage.

  ‘This is like our boyhoods,’ he said to me, as we climbed in. ‘The two of us together. I always thought you would stand up with me at my wedding. Lately I began to doubt it, but here we are you see, friends again.’

  ‘You are no friend of mine,’ I said.

  He smiled tauntingly. ‘Unless I miss my guess we will soon be closer than friends. We will be brothers.’ He lolled back on the squabs. ‘How happy it would have made our fathers, to know we will be so close to each other. We were almost brothers last year …’ He pause
d, and I required all my self-control not to respond. ‘But alas, fate had other ideas. Or, at least, you did. How is Georgiana?’

  ‘Better for being away from you.’

  ‘A pity. I did not think she would forget me so soon. I rather thought she was in love with me. I am looking forward to seeing her again, when Lydia and I visit Pemberley.’

  ‘That is something you will never do,’ I said with finality.

  The journey to St Clement’s was a short one. The church had been chosen because it was in the same parish as Wickham’s lodgings, and the rector was willing to perform the ceremony. He knew nothing of what had taken place in order to bring the marriage about, only that a young couple wished to wed. He greeted us with smiles as we entered the church and we waited for Lydia to arrive.

  ‘Perhaps she has changed her mind,’ said Wickham. ‘You could not hold that against me. You would still have to pay my debts.’

  ‘She will be here. Her aunt and uncle will see to it.’

  At that moment Lydia entered the church. She glanced towards the altar then broke out in effusive spirits when she saw that Wickham had already arrived. Her aunt and uncle bade her remember where she was, and walked with her to the front of the church.

  ‘I will be glad when this is all over,’ said Mr Gardiner to me in an undertone.

  ‘I agree,’ said his wife. ‘I tried to make her understand the worry she has caused her parents, the disgrace she has brought on her family, and the gratitude she owes to those who have rescued her from ruin, but to no avail. She paid no attention to me and instead talked constantly of Wickham, with every now and then a complaint that we never set foot outside the house.’

  The ceremony began, and the marriage which had taken so long to bring about was quickly accomplished.

  ‘I hope you will thank Mr Darcy for all he has done,’ said Mrs Gardiner when it was over.

  ‘Mrs Wickham. How well it sounds!’ said Lydia, ignoring her aunt and gazing at the ring on her finger.

  A number of curious people had entered the church, and Lydia showed them all her ring, telling them that they must congratulate her and be the first to call her by her new name.

  ‘How envious my sisters will be,’ she said, as we left the church. ‘Not one of them is married, though they are all older than me. I should be ashamed to be more than twenty and still not married. Jane is fast becoming an old maid. She will have to give up her place to me at the table, for I am a married woman now. What fun it will be! “Jane,” I will say, “I take your place now, and you must go lower, because I am a married woman.”’

  Mr and Mrs Gardiner exchanged glances.

  ‘They will all be so jealous of me and my handsome husband. I was so worried this morning, when we were coming to the church. I had a horror of him wearing black, but my happiness was complete when I saw he had chosen his blue coat.’

  I felt a surge of satisfaction as I realized that Lydia will be just as silly as her mother, and I took enjoyment in the knowledge that Wickham will, after all, be punished for his iniquities, because he will have to live with her for the rest of his life.

  Tuesday 2nd September

  I dined with the Gardiners this evening. We were all relieved that everything had passed off well. The last few weeks have been a strain, but everything turned out for the best.

  They are a most pleasing couple. Mr Gardiner is intelligent, and Mrs Gardiner has a great deal of common sense. They are cultured and well-bred, and I spent a very pleasant evening in their company – so pleasant that I forgot I was in Gracechurch Street. I have spent many a worse evening at a better address.

  To think I once dismissed them without even knowing them, and rejected Elizabeth because her relations did not fit my notion of what they should be! Had I turned such a critical eye on my own relatives I might have realized that she was not alone in having undesirable connections. Lady Catherine, for all her elegance, disgraced herself by suggesting that Elizabeth – her guest! – should practise the piano in the housekeeper’s room, something I am persuaded Mrs Gardiner would never do. And Bingley’s relations are hardly any better. Caroline Bingley might be a woman of breeding and fashion, but she is also a woman who is eaten up by jealousy and spite.

  Wednesday 3rd September

  I returned to Pemberley to find that Caroline and Louisa were full of plans to visit Scarborough.

  ‘Do come with us, Mr Darcy,’ said Caroline. ‘Scarborough is so invigorating at this time of year.’

  ‘I have too much to do on my estate,’ I said.

  ‘But it would be so good for Georgiana. I do believe she has not seen the sea since last summer, when she stayed in Ramsgate. She must be pining for it.’ She turned to Georgiana. ‘Would you not like to see it again?’

  Georgiana blushed, and said she had no desire to do so. Caroline turned to me.

  ‘You would return to Pemberley refreshed, and manage twice as much work as if you had never gone,’ she said.

  ‘My intentions are fixed. But you must go,’ I said as she opened her mouth to change her mind. ‘The sea air will do you good.’

  ‘Sea air,’ said Mr Hurst, then retreated into his stupor.

  Thursday 4th September

  Caroline, Louisa and Mr Hurst departed for Scarborough. They tried to persuade Bingley to go with them, but he said he had no wish to be blown about and would remain at Pemberley. Caroline encouraged the idea. She still believes he will marry Georgiana, and wants him to see her more often, though it is obvious to an impartial eye that he never will.

  Monday 8th September

  ‘I think I will go to Netherfield again,’ said Bingley nonchalantly as we rode out this morning.

  ‘A good idea. If you mean to keep the house, you should use it from time to time.’

  ‘That is exactly what I think. Will you come with me? I should like to repay your hospitality.’

  My spirits rose. If I went to Netherfield, then I would have an opportunity of seeing Elizabeth again.

  ‘When do you intend to go?’ I asked.

  ‘In about a week. I thought I would send the servants tomorrow, to ready the house.’

  ‘Yes, I will come.’

  He looked pleased.

  ‘It is almost a year to the day that I took it. I little thought then …’

  His voice trailed away, and it was not difficult to guess what direction his thoughts had taken. I said no more, but let him lose himself in daydreams. Perhaps they will become reality before very long. And my dreams … what of them?

  Wednesday 17th September

  We arrived at Netherfield this afternoon. Bingley declared his intention of riding into Meryton as soon as we arrived, and it was only the onset of rain that made him put his visit off.

  Thursday 18th September

  Sir William Lucas called this morning, to welcome us back to the neighbourhood.

  ‘Mr Bingley,’ he said with a low bow, ‘you do us too much honour in returning to our humble neighbourhood. We thought we had not joys enough to hold you and yet here you are, fresh from your triumphs in town, to honour our humble village with your presence. Mr Darcy,’ he said, with a low bow to me. ‘It seems but a moment since we were all taking tea with Lady Catherine in the delightful dining-parlour at Rosings Park. You enjoyed your stay, I trust?’

  Enjoyed it? That was hardly the way I would have described my feelings during those turbulent few weeks, but he took my silence to mean that I had.

  ‘Have you visited your estimable aunt since that time?’ he asked.

  ‘No,’ I said shortly.

  ‘I hope to visit my daughter again before very long,’ he said.

  He embarked on a rambling speech, extolling the virtues of his daughter’s position. How long he would have gone on if Mr Long had not called I do not know!

  When our guests had left, Bingley said: ‘It was after Sir William called last year that Mr Bennet called on us. Do you suppose he will do so again?’

  I thought of Mr Bennet�
�s indolent habits and hesitated.

  ‘Perhaps I could call on the Bennets even without this civility,’ suggested Bingley.

  ‘Wait and see whether he calls tomorrow,’ was my advice.

  Saturday 20th September

  Mr Bennet did not call again yesterday, and this morning, Bingley made up his mind to visit Longbourn.

  ‘Come with me, Darcy,’ he said.

  Telling myself I would go with him so that I could see whether Miss Bennet had any regard for him, I agreed, but my real reason was to see Elizabeth. I was as eager to see her as Bingley was to see her sister, and I was just as apprehensive about it.

  We set out. Bingley was silent, and I too was lost in my thoughts, wondering how I should be received. If Elizabeth resented me for being the cause of Lydia’s ruin I could hardly blame her, more particularly because she did not know that I had helped to set matters to rights.

  I had been particularly concerned that she should not know. I did not want her gratitude. If she had developed any tender feelings for me I wanted to know they sprang from love, and nothing else.

  We arrived. The servant showed us in. I immediately saw Elizabeth drop her gaze, embarrassed, and busy herself with her needlework. What did it mean? I wished I knew. Did it mean she was alive to the awkwardness of the situation, or did it mean that she could not bear to look at me?

  ‘Why, Mr Bingley!’ cried Mrs Bennet, jumping up with a smile. ‘How delightful to see you at Longbourn again. We have missed you. You quit us in such a hurry last year you did not have time to say goodbye! I hope you will not be thinking of leaving us again so quickly?’

  ‘No, I hope not,’ said Bingley, looking at Miss Bennet.