A flash of a memory from the night before slammed into me. The way he’d reacted when I touched him. The way he groaned and sighed with pleasure when I pulled and pushed him. The way we’d kissed until I could barely keep my eyes open…
“Polite,” Manny mocked, the implication thick in his voice.
“Goodbye.”
I stabbed the end call button and shifted my eyes away from the deep V-cut disappearing into Jasper’s sweats and toward my coffee.
“You’re up early,” Jasper grumbled, raising his shirt to scratch his stomach.
Jesus, this man was attractive. Was this how they made all men in Vermont, because if so, I never wanted to leave.
“You’re up late,” I countered, raising the mug to my lips. “I made coffee.”
“No eggs?” Jasper poured himself a cup of coffee and joined me at the small dinette table that sat near the kitchen window.
It was already bright outside, the sun arcing through the sky, bright and yellow. The snow from the storm earlier in the week had melted away, revealing the light yellows of the grass in the field that surrounded Jasper’s house.
Yeah, I really liked Vermont.
“I can make eggs,” I offered, pushing up from the table.
Jasper’s hand flew out and landed on mine. I stalled and looked down at the casual and familiar way he touched me.
“You don’t have to,” he said, looking up at me with eyes far more alert than when he sat down.
“I know I don’t.”
We hovered like that, in a brief and silent impasse until he finally took his hand back. He gave me a small nod, which I assumed was his concession, then he took a drink of his coffee.
“Okay,” he said.
Jasper stared out the window while I busied myself around the kitchen, pulling a pan off the wall and eggs out of the fridge. As soon as the door opened, Gus was there, circling my feet again in the dance we’d already worked on earlier in the garage. I reached down and absentmindedly stroked my fingers through the fluff between his ears, and he barked an approval at me.
Jasper looked our way briefly, nostrils flaring, then he returned his attention to the window and I returned mine to the eggs. I fried four up in the pan, the delicious smells of breakfast quickly filling the kitchen. I made toast, and grabbed some sausage patties from the fridge, throwing those into another pan. I made an extra for Gus, then I plated everything and returned to the table.
I set the plates in front of Jasper and watched him swallow, fingers hesitating before picking up his fork.
“Did I do it wrong?” I asked, honestly worried I’d managed to screw up eggs, something I’d cooked a thousand times before.
“No,” he answered, face twisted into a pained grimace. “It’s just been awhile since anyone has cooked for me.”
“It’s just eggs.” I stabbed the yolk of one of said eggs and watched the yellow leak out and run across the ridges of the plate.
“It’s not,” Jasper said, forking a bite of sausage into his mouth.
I stared down at my plate and arranged a bite onto my fork, a little bit of egg, a little bite of sausage, and when I raised the fork to my mouth, I found Jasper’s eyes on me.
“Do you always eat like that?” he asked.
“Like what?”
“Like.” He swirled his fork in a circle over his plate. “Mixing everything like that?”
“Mixing?” I didn’t understand what he was trying to ask me. I just…ate breakfast.
“The food together on the fork.”
“Is that… is that not how you eat?” I collected another bite of food and slid the fork into my mouth.
“One at a time,” he said. “Not like all egg, all sausage, but not together how you do.”
“So, like a toddler.” I smirked.
“How can you even taste anything when it’s all mixed together?”
“I taste the flavors,” I said after swallowing, “all mixed together.”
Jasper ate a bite of egg. “That’s weird.”
“Okay.” I rolled my eyes, the amused smirk back on my face. ”We’ll agree to disagree, then.”
We finished our breakfast in a companionable, if not comparable, silence, then without a word, Jasper collected the dishes and carried them to the sink.
“Do you think we could go into town today?” I asked after he dried the last plate.
“What’s in town?”
I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. I stood up and stretched, holding the waistband of his too big pajamas so they didn’t fall off my ass.
“I don’t know. That’s why I suggested we go,” I said.
“All right,” Jasper practically grunted.
“Is there… like someplace we can get lunch there?” I stood beside him at the sink, resting against the counter.
“Yeah. There’s food.”
“Okay.” I shrugged. “I’m going to hop in the shower, then.”
“You can use mine,” he said quickly, running a hand through his hair and walking toward the stairs. “If you wanted to.”
“I don’t mind the one down here,” I lied, desperate to get my hands on the luxury of that giant walk-in beast of a shower in his room.
“Mine is bigger,” he said, cheeks flushing a dark crimson.
“Is it now?” I couldn’t stop myself from implying the innuendo, and the way his cheeks colored made it clear he realized it as soon as the words had left his mouth. Thinking about Jasper’s dick was another horrible idea, my own plumping against my leg as I followed him up the stairs to the bedroom.
“There’s clean towels under the sink,” he said, pushing the door open and stepping out of the way to let me in.
I gave the room an appreciative once-over, then gave Jasper an appreciative once-over.
“Did you want to join me?” I hedged.
He shook his head quickly and stepped back into the hallway. “No. No. I’m fine,” he answered.
“Oh.” I gave him a cockeyed smile, a little sad around the edges, matching the way his quick refusal made me feel. “We only do that stuff at night, then?”
Jasper sighed. “That’s not how I meant it.”
“I’m sure, Sparky.” I exhaled and dropped my shoulders, taking a white fluffy towel out from beneath the sink.
“Liam.”
“Don’t worry,” I promised him, “I’ll be out of here before you know it.”
And how true that was.
15
Jasper
“It’s really pretty here at night.” Liam stood on the corner in front of V and V and looked up at one of the trees, his expression pinched.
“Not now?” I asked.
Liam shrugged.
“It looks a little dead,” he said. “Like it’s waiting to come alive.”
I followed his stare up to the tree branches, obviously barren of leaves because of the weather. The string lights wrapped up the trunks and down the length of the branches looked more like a constricting bondage than anything appealing, but of course they weren’t lit during the day.
“Everything looks dead in the winter,” I told him, “because it is.”
“But dead doesn’t mean boring.” Liam sat down on the bench in front of the bar and kicked his legs out.
“You’ve clearly never lived through a Vermont winter.”
“Clearly.” Liam shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat.
I sat down beside him, not moving away when he scooted closer so our thighs brushed together. The touch made me shiver, and I crossed my arms in front of my chest with a sigh. Doing things with Liam in the privacy of my house was one thing, doing that in public, or even thinking about it? That wasn’t what I’d mentally agreed to. I didn’t want anyone to get ideas if we saw someone I knew, and sitting right in front of the bar…
I stood up and pointed down the street, needing space to think. “There’s an ice cream shop down the way.”
“Are you kidding me right now?”
> “You can get a hot chocolate,” I told him, and he reluctantly stood.
“Really?”
“A frozen one.” I set off toward the shop.
“Are you trying to freeze me to death?” Liam groaned, catching up to me a few feet down the street.
I couldn’t stop the unexpected smile I felt bloom on my face.
“It’s not that cold.” I pulled open the door to the ice cream shop and Liam ducked inside. I followed behind, a cowbell on the door jingling as it closed behind us.
“You’re used to it.” Liam stood in front of the ice cream case and bounced up and down on the balls of his feet. Without thought, I came up behind him, taking his shoulders in my hands and stilling him. Liam gasped a small breath and settled. His body swayed, like he wanted to lean into it, but he stopped himself. I cleared my throat and stepped back, shoving my hands into my pockets.
“Frozen hot chocolate, please,” Liam told the girl working behind the counter.
“And for you?” she asked me over his shoulder.
“I’m good.”
Liam made a disgusted noise and threw an accusatory look at me over his shoulder. I smirked and answered him with a small shrug.
“It’s cold,” I told him.
“You’re something else,” he muttered, turning back and focusing really hard on the ice cream in the display case. I stepped beside him, fishing my wallet out of my pocket because there was no way I was going to make him pay for the treat, and he immediately spotted the weakness, batting his lashes up at me in that irresistible way he had.
“What?” I asked, rolling my eyes.
“Will you keep me warm then?”
I wanted to say yes, but before I could try and force the syllable out, the bell on the door clanged, startling me. I almost jumped out of my skin, and Liam’s expression faltered, the earlier want and flirtation instantly shuttered. He looked past me and straightened his shoulders.
“Devon,” he greeted.
I spun around, eyes a little wider than I would have preferred, but Devon knew me well enough to know exactly what was going on. When he’d come over a few days before, he’d leveled me with one look and my secrets had been out.
Devon shifted his stare from Liam to me, his eyebrow raising just enough that I noticed it. I ignored him and looked back at Liam in time to hand a five dollar bill to the girl working.
“I can pay,” Liam interrupted me, those long and skilled fingers wrapping around my forearm.
“So can I.”
“Thank you,” he said softly, his hand slipping off my arm. I mourned the loss of his touch, then clenched my jaw when I realized. That wasn’t what this was supposed to be. I glanced out the corner of my eye at Devon, whose face remained stoic.
Liam twisted the straw around his drink, eyes darting nervously between the two of us.
“I’ll wait for you outside,” he said.
“It’s fine.”
“I know.” He gave me a reassuring smile, tipped his head at Devon and slipped out the door. As soon as he was outside, his face contorted into a cold grimace and I knew he regretted the offer to leave Devon and me alone.
“He’s not used to the cold,” Devon said, turning his attention to me.
“He’s not used to Vermont. Are you getting anything?”
“What? No. It’s barely thirty degrees outside,” Devon scoffed.
“Me neither.” I chuckled, and we both watched Liam bounce around to keep warm outside. “Do you want to come by after dinner?”
“Won’t you be busy?”
I sucked my tongue across the front of my teeth, and Devon made an amused noise in the back of his throat.
“I’ll come by around seven,” he said.
“Fine.”
He bumped my shoulder and held the door open for me. I stepped onto the sidewalk and let out a low whistle.
“Shit, it’s cold.” I cupped my hands together and blew into my palms, trying to generate warm air.
“You don’t say.” Liam glared at me. “Where’s your friend?”
I turned and looked behind me, finding Devon’s back as he walked away down the street.
“He’s coming by later,” I said, looking back at Liam and taking the iced drink out of his hands. He gave me a grateful look, shoulders slumping, and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his coat.
“He doesn’t talk much.”
“He talks plenty,” I corrected, well aware of Devon’s ability to say more than most with the fewest amount of words possible.
“I’ve never heard him say anything besides my name, his name, or your name, I don’t think.” Liam puckered his lips and I tipped the straw toward his mouth.
I tried to not watch the way his lips came together in the tightest circle, the way they sealed around the tip of the straw and sucked. I tried really hard to not wipe the smear of chocolate from the corner of his mouth after he swallowed, but apparently not hard enough.
“He says plenty,” I said again.
Liam’s tongue darted out and he licked the corner of his mouth, dragging his tongue over the spot where my finger had just been, and he looked up at me with that dangerous and secret look in his eyes again.
“Stop that,” I rasped, unable to look away.
“I like how it tastes.”
I cleared my throat and sat down on one of the benches that faced the street. I stretched my legs out and crossed them at the ankle. It wasn’t long before Liam joined me, abandoning all pretense and pressing as close to me as he could manage.
“Is it always this cold?” he asked, making a valiant attempt to burrow into me.
Against my better judgement, I raised my arm along the back of the bench to make room for him. He rewarded me with a happy noise and a warm press of his body against mine.
“In the winter,” I said. He made a kissing sound and I put the straw to his lips again. “Does it not get cold in California?”
“Not really below 50 ever.”
“Wow. I can’t imagine that.”
“Well…” He took another drink. “I couldn’t imagine this before I came here.”
“What brought you here, anyway?” I asked. “I don’t think many people think to take a road trip to Vermont in the dead of winter.”
Liam made a circle with his finger, then tucked his hand back between our bodies.
“All the states,” he said.
“What inspires a road trip like that?” I asked.
The way his shoulders tightened was nearly imperceptible. I probably wouldn’t have even noticed it, but the sharp angle of his shoulder gouged into my ribs as Liam tensed at the question.
“Change of scenery,” he said, pushing away from me and tightening his jacket around him.
I’d listened to Liam evade my questions for the last three days, and this answer was no exception. It shouldn’t bother me, because whatever existed or threatened to develop between us was fleeting; at my request and his agreement. He had half a country left to see and I had a dead husband and a guilty conscience I couldn’t quite shake.
“All right,” I said gently, holding his drink out.
Instead of puckering for it, he took the cup out of my hand and brought it up to his mouth.
“I won’t ask again.” I patted him on the leg. “It’s not my place, not my business.”
“It’s not that,” he protested.
“It’s exactly that.”
“Jasper.” Liam stood up and plucked the hem of my jacket between his fingers.
“Let’s not pretend this is any more than what it is,” I snapped, the words sounding gruff and wrong against my ears. I held up my hand, showing him my ring. “I still have this, and you’re leaving. Even if I was in a place to give you more than… more than what I have, it’s not the time. Or the place.”
“You wound me, Jasper.”
I exhaled.
“And you’re right,” he said, releasing his hold on my coat. “This isn’t anything more than wh
at it was last night.”
Last night had been more than sex, but I wasn’t going to admit that. I needed to exist in this pretend world for a few more days. Just enough time to get that water pump and the alternator and get Liam’s car fixed so he could get back on the road.
“I’ve seen enough,” Liam said, throwing half of his drink into a nearby trash can. “We can go back to the house.”
He didn’t give me a chance to protest, turning on his heel and heading back down the street toward the lot where I’d parked. I let him go ahead, taking a few deep breaths to steady myself before heading after him. I didn’t catch up to Liam until the parking lot. He stood at the passenger door, hand on the handle and eyes cast downward.
I clicked the fob and he climbed into the truck, buckling in without a word. It wasn’t like the last time we’d been in the car together and headed home. There had been a bright current of attraction and want coursing through the truck; today it was nothing more than an icy shard of confusion.
The drive back to the house was long and quiet, and Liam was out of the truck as soon as I cut the ignition. I took my time getting out of the garage, stopping in the laundry room to make sure Gus had food and water. Liam paced the front of the house, his footsteps fading as he stalked from one end of the house to the other.
I could sympathize with the desire to do the same. As it were, I wanted to crawl out of my skin when he was around. For as lonely as the last three years had been, they had been simple and predictable, where every second with Liam was chaos and need. When I couldn’t find another reason to waste time in the back of the house, I made my way toward him, circling through the rarely used family room to the sitting room.
I watched Liam make his way from the sitting room to the dining room, spinning around when he reached the window. His face was bright red, his eyes wide and nostrils flared. He stared at me and scratched the side of his nose, then took a step forward. I stayed still, rooted in place.
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