It was a lesson I should have applied to myself a lot further in the past than I had, but after a rough couple days, I’d had a pretty good week. Wrenching on the Mustang and getting her back into running order was exactly what I’d been missing. Or rather… Liam was what I was missing, the car was only a distraction.
I hated the way I’d acted toward him. He’d been so patient and gentle with me in the early days, and all of it had scared me. I’d wanted it and it scared me, and I acted out. I treated him horribly, and I wasn’t even in a place where I could apologize, because he was gone.
Liam was gone, and I was alone again.
“I’m going to get us more drinks.” Tai slipped out of the booth and wandered over to the bar, leaving me and Emmett alone. Emmett’s stare drifted around the bar, and I was thankful that he allowed me to exist with him in silence sometimes, understanding more than most the heartbreak of loss. The way it snuck up sometimes when you least expected it.
The pain I felt over losing Michael was more acute now, settling around me in different ways than it had before. I’d worried that after Liam left I’d go back into the house and drown in guilt over taking another man into the bed that had once been his, but I found Michael’s memories had woven themselves into the patchwork of the home. Like he was a part of the walls, the windows, the floors, and that comforted me. But it also meant the absence was whole again, all new, and the absence was Liam.
“You’ll be good,” Emmett said.
“I know.”
And for the first time in a very long time, I believed it.
Tai returned with drinks, dropping them down onto the table and sharing a secret look with Emmett, who climbed out of the booth and made room for Tai to take his seat.
“Be back,” he muttered, stalking away.
Tai pushed a fresh bottle of cider toward me, and I finished off the rest of my first drink before accepting it.
“Thanks.” I raised the new bottle to him in a toast.
“Are you holding up okay?” he asked me.
“I’m doing good,” I answered truthfully. “I miss him, but…”
“Good evening, everyone…”
Jon’s voice on the mic cut me off, and I sighed, leaning back against the booth, closing my eyes. I was grateful for the interruption and that I didn’t need to elaborate on my feelings for Liam and what had happened between us. The first time I’d talked to Emmett about it after Liam left, I felt ridiculous. How could I have feelings for someone I barely knew, someone I’d only spent a handful of nights with? But whether they made sense or not, the feelings were there.
And I had to live with that.
Emmett returned, shouldering Tai into the booth and I sighed, picking at the label of my cider.
“I was going to play a couple songs for you, but we have a guest tonight, and he’s here all the way from California.”
My eyes flew open and I found Emmett and Tai both staring at me. Tai’s attention turned toward the stage, but I didn’t dare turn around. I couldn’t look. My chest tightened, and any breath I’d been about to take lodged in my throat. It couldn’t be him. There was no way.
“Hey.” On the mic, Liam cleared his throat. “Hi. Hello, everyone.”
“Shit.”
Tai grinned, but I still couldn’t bring myself to turn around.
“I’m Liam, I was here a couple weeks ago and I had to leave pretty quick,” Liam babbled into the mic, and I closed my eyes again, hand held tight around the bottle. “But I got back to California and I didn’t want to be there. It wasn’t that I just had unfinished business here, but…”
He stopped talking and I screwed my eyes closed. He strummed his guitar, a familiar arrangement that I recognized from all the times I heard him play it on my porch. The song that didn’t have words.
“No, that’s not right.” Liam chuckled. “It wasn’t unfinished business. I really like Vermont. I like Burlington. And I love Jasper Cunningham.”
“Oh,” Tai gasped quietly, his cheeks flushed and his eyes moving between Liam and me.
“And I know he’s here, and I know he knows this song I want to play, but it has words now. So…” He strummed the chords again. “Here it goes, I guess. Oh. I wrote it while I was on the plane, so it’s a little messy, but I call it ‘Daybreak.’”
Liam started to play again and I turned, one leg sticking out of the booth, but not quite ready to face him. Which was ridiculous. I’d been sitting in the booth pining over the loss of him and now that he was here, I didn’t think I could bear the sight of him.
God, though, he had a pretty voice, and Liam sang about white blankets of snow and popping fires and warm skin. He sang about what home looked like and what it felt like, and it didn’t take more than a line or two before I realized it was my home that he sang about. The creaking stairs and the handmade blankets, the handmade memories.
Emotion swirled in my chest and Liam’s voice cracked on the highest note, and then he went silent. I stood, facing the stage. Facing Liam, the man I loved. He looked… he looked as good as he always looked, with perfect waves of blond hair and that slim, tight body of his that did so much for me. Under the spotlight, his bright eyes sparkled, glistening with wetness, and his guitar made a hollow sound when he leaned it against the stool and stood beside the microphone.
“I love you,” he said, stare focused solely on me, like we were the only people in the room. “I should have told you before I left.”
“I…”
Liam stepped off the stage and smiled at me, half understanding and half apology, and he closed the space between us before I could even think about what I’d meant to say. He stopped in front of me, his hands partly raised like he wanted to touch my face but wouldn’t dare. Those long and slender fingers of his curled in the air and trembled, and I gave him a quick nod.
Then he touched me, cradling my face in his hands and the tears I’d seen beneath the lights slipped down his face, unashamed.
“What are you doing here?” I managed to ask.
“I missed you,” he said with a watery laugh. “And didn’t you hear? I’m kind of in love with you.”
“We need to…” I looked around the bar, “not do this here.”
“All right,” he agreed. “Can I get my guitar first or are you going to change your mind?”
I saw it then, the unease and worry in the back of his eyes, and I knew I’d put that there. I remembered how I treated him the day he left, the way I acted. I’d given him the impression that he didn’t mean anything to me, and still he’d come back, still he’d confessed his love to me like this.
“I’ll be here,” I promised.
Liam gave me a lingering look, then ran back to the stage to pack up his guitar, and I leveled a sharp glare at Emmett and Tai.
“You knew,” I accused.
“We saw him earlier today,” Emmett said. “In town.”
“And you didn’t say anything.”
“No.” He smiled, and Liam returned, guitar slung over his shoulder and that same shitty winter coat on his arms. “I’ll come around in a few days to check on Gus.”
“Gus is fine,” I said.
“To check on you, then.”
I swallowed and bit the tip of my tongue between my back teeth, giving Emmett a rough nod, then I looked down at Liam. “Are you ready to go?”
“I’m all set.”
He followed me out of the bar and onto the street. It had barely started to snow, but fat flakes floated down around us, sticking to the sidewalk when they landed. The lights that zigzagged across Church Street sparkled, and Liam blinked up at the sky, a look of utter peace and calm on his face.
“You’re here,” I said.
He held his hand out, palm up, and snow landed, melting against the heat of his skin. He nodded, finally looking at me again.
“I like it here,” he told me, twisting his wrist and watching the flakes dissolve as they landed on his hand.
“You left though,”
I reminded him.
He answered me with a roll of his eyes, shrugging his guitar up higher onto his shoulder.
“I left, I got my affairs in order, and I’m back.” He smiled, but it quickly fell. This would have been a lot easier if you had a Facebook or something.”
I chuckled. “Did you try and find me?”
“Admittedly, not that hard.” Liam’s cheeks flushed and he crossed his arms over his chest, shivering from the cold. “I knew almost as soon as I got to California that I wanted to come back.”
“Why?” I choked.
“I’ll answer all of your questions, Sparky, I promise. But it looks like it’s about to storm and I don’t have a car.”
Out of habit, I glanced over my shoulder toward the corner and the parking lot where my own truck was parked.
“This sounds familiar,” I mused, and Liam answered me with a generous and warm laugh. It was enough to thaw my chest, relax my fingers, ease my spine.
“I don’t even have a car this time.” He shrugged and tightened his jacket. “I hopped on a flight and took a cab.”
“You really hedged your bets on me, didn’t you?” I reached forward and held him, my fingers curling around the thick cuff of his jacket, feeling for his slim wrist beneath. Sure enough, there he was. Liam was warm and real, and he was here.
“Yeah," he said softly, glancing down at my hand before looking back up to my face. “I was hoping you might know a guy who had a habit of taking in stranded Californians.”
“I don’t think I’ve made a habit of it.”
“Well.” Liam moved around, taking my hand in his. “Maybe you could start.”
26
Liam
Another ride from town to Jasper’s house in silence, but as soon as I saw the giant, white clapboard farmhouse, I could breathe. The truck rumbled up the driveway, gravel crunching below the tires. Much as he’d done before, Jasper pulled up to the garage and got out, opening the door and coming back to the truck. He pulled in and cut the ignition, then leaned back in his seat and cast a long look at me from the corner of his eye.
“No car,” he said under his breath, and a nervous chuckle floated out of my mouth.
“I didn’t want to risk breaking down anywhere but here.”
He nodded and threw the door open, getting out of the truck with as little instruction as the first time we’d done this. He closed the garage and grabbed my bags out of the back, heading into the house without another word. I bundled my jacket around me and followed him, thankful for the warmth of the house.
Claws skittered across the floor and Gus barked, a loud and repetitive cry as he bumped me and circled around my legs as soon as I stepped into the laundry room. I dropped down to my knees and grabbed his face in my hands, letting him lick my earlier tears away.
“There’s a good boy,” I said, fighting to keep his slobber out of my mouth. “I missed you so much.”
When it became apparent Gus wasn’t going to settle, I tore myself away from him and stood, giving him a gentle pat on top of his head. I looked up to see Jasper coming out of the bathroom, a wet washcloth folded into fours in his hand.
“Thanks.” I took the cloth sheepishly and wiped my face, then tossed it in the hamper in the laundry room.
Jasper had already walked away, so I went after him, finding him in the sitting room in that big chair of his, but instead of staring out the window, he stared at me.
“Hi,” I choked out.
Jasper’s expression immediately softened and he held out his hand. It took all my willpower to not run toward him and jump into his lap. I held myself back, coming slowly toward him and threading our fingers together. He stayed sitting and I stood, staring down at the way his massive hand dwarfed mine.
“So.” He cleared his throat. “What are you doing here?”
“You invited me,” I tried for a playful smile.
“In Vermont.”
“I…I missed you,” I said, dragging my thumb over his knuckles, “and I realized I love you and I wanted to tell you to your face.”
“So, tell me then.”
My entire body broke out in gooseflesh and I closed my eyes. The chair groaned and creaked beneath his weight and Jasper stood up. I could feel the way he towered over me, even with our hands still joined between our chests.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“No.” He pressed a finger beneath my chin and tilted my face up. I opened my eyes and found him looking down at me, a soft smile hidden beneath the length of his beard. “Tell me then.”
My lashes fluttered, an unstoppable flow of tears battering against the backs of my lids and leaking out the corners of my eyes. I blinked until he came into focus and reached up, curling my fingers around the ends of his beard in the way we both liked. I gave a little tug and Jasper’s entire body swayed forward, leaning into me, his mouth dipping toward mine.
“I love you,” I whispered, raising onto my toes and dragging our mouths together. “I love you and I want to be here with you.”
Jasper’s lips parted on the softest gasp and I pulled him closer, dragging my arms around his neck, aligning our bodies and holding him as tight as I could manage. He turned and stepped, and my back landed against a wall. The air in my lungs left in a rushed breath and Jasper dipped his tongue deeper into my mouth.
My cock thickened and pressed against his stomach and he pushed me harder against the wall, I groaned, the friction between our bodies driving me mad.
“Calm down, Sparky,” I panted against his mouth, cradling his head in my hands and slowing the kiss. “I think I’m gonna be around awhile.”
“I know.” His eyes fluttered. “Can I take you upstairs?”
“You better.”
Jasper carried me up the stairs like I weighed nothing, rounding the corner at the top and throwing me back onto his bed without a word. He crawled on top of me and rutted against me, rubbing his erection between my legs. I moaned and arched off the bed, fingers digging into his slim waist.
“Did you want that?” I asked him, stretching up and nipping his ear lobe. “Did you want inside of me?”
“Yes,” he rasped, grinding down against me one more time.
“Not tonight, Sparky.” I tapped his side and he rolled onto his back, taking me with him. “There we go.”
I settled on top of him and leaned back, shrugging out of my jacket and throwing off my shirt. I yanked at the hem of his shirt and Jasper wiggled out of it. Together we made quick enough work of our pants, and then the heat of our bodies connected again and it was like a four alarm fire.
I had the lube out of the nightstand and a condom out of my wallet before I even knew what I was doing. I was running on autopilot—open the lube, get him ready, line up, and… oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
How could I have forgotten what it felt like to be inside of this man? To bury myself into his body so fully and…
I fell forward, bracing myself with a hand on either side of his head. My hair fell into my face and I stared down at him, at those big dark eyes of his that watched me like they’d somehow known all along we’d end up like this again.
“I missed you.” Jasper stroked my hair out of my face, pushing it behind my ears. “I’m glad you came back. I had things I wanted to tell you, too.”
My hips eased back and forward, pumping into him slow enough that we both felt it without making it impossible to have a conversation.
“Tell me.”
“I love you, too,” he whispered and my hips snapped, filling him a little deeper, a little harder than I’d intended.
“Say it again.” I reached between our bodies and grabbed his cock, as if I could milk the confession out of his dick instead of his mouth.
“You’re gonna make me come really fast if you don’t stop,” he said.
“I’m planning on being around awhile,” I told him again. I swallowed and pressed the side of my thumb into the slit of his dick. “We can do it again later
if you come now.”
“You finished your song,” he gasped when I pulled all the way out. My fingers dug into the meaty flesh of his thighs, holding him open and looking down at the way his hole gaped in my absence, then I slipped back inside.
“When I decided to come back here, to you…” My eyes rolled back as the tight ring of Jasper’s muscles tightened around my shaft. “The words were all right there.”
I straightened up so I could see the way it looked when he fucked my fist. Beneath me, Jasper writhed, his hips arching up and drawing me deeper into his ass with every move. I didn’t even need to fuck him, so I waited, enjoying the way he took his pleasure from me. Against my palm, his cock thickened, pulsing and throbbing and I knew he was close.
“Jasper,” his name fell out of my mouth on a breath. “Tell me again how you love me.”
“I love you.” His breath hitched and he came as he said the vow. Cum spurted out of his cock, hot streaks against my hand and his stomach. His stomach clenched, every muscle in his body convulsing as his orgasm washed over him. I tumbled behind him, shooting off into the condom like it was the first orgasm I’d had in years.
Still inside of him, I leaned down and pressed our mouths together, the tremors of my own release still quaking through my body. I cupped my hands around the back of his neck and pulled him up so we were sitting, my legs wrapped around his waist. My cock slipped out of him and he winced, and I swallowed the noise, eagerly licking the flavor of his promises and his pleasure into my mouth.
We kissed until my mouth was swollen and sore from Jasper’s beard, then we collapsed on the bed, shoulders touching and fingers twined together near our thighs. My heart slammed around my chest, and I wondered if it would ever beat normal again or if it somehow knew every moment with Jasper deserved the utmost elation.
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