Wallbanger

by Alice Clayton

  “It wouldn’t be that expensive. I’m renting a house, so that would be paid for. Airfare and spending money—that’s all you’d have to cover,” Simon added, not letting this go.

  “Hey, that’s a pretty good deal there, Caroline,” Mimi spouted, her energy making little ripples across the tub.

  “Okay, Mimi, truth or dare?” I asked, gritting my teeth and pushing ahead with the game.

  “Hey, we’re discussing something here. Don’t change the subject,” she objected.

  “Well, I’m done discussing it. Truth or dare, you little shit,” I said again, letting her know I meant business.

  “Fine. Dare,” she pouted.

  “Great. I dare you to kiss Neil,” I shot back, not missing a beat.

  “What?” she shouted, as the entire hot tub erupted in gasps.

  “Hey, we’re just playing a game, right? And Mimi, really, it’s not that shocking that I would dare you to kiss the guy you’ve been seeing for weeks now, is it?”

  “Well, no, I just, I don’t like public displays,” she sputtered, almost going under. This from the girl who was almost arrested for public nudity when she was found under the bleachers at a football game freshman year at Berkeley.

  “Oh, come on, what’s the big deal?” Simon chimed in, and I looked at him gratefully.

  “Nothing, it’s just—” she said again, and Neil interrupted.

  “Oh, come here, Tiny,” he exclaimed and pulled her over. They stared at each other for a second, and then Neil swept her hair out of her face. He smiled, and she leaned in. I heard Sophia inhale at the same time Ryan did, and we all watched as Mimi kissed Neil.

  And it was weird.

  They broke away, and Mimi swam back over to her side. Next to Ryan. All was quiet for a moment. Simon and I looked at each other, not sure what to do next. We’d been outsmarted. And I got pissed when I got outsmarted. I began to burn. The fact that I was drunk had nothing at all to do with my overreaction.

  “Okay, I guess it’s my turn. Hmmm…Ryan, truth or dare?” Neil started, and I stood up, splashing everyone around me as I did.

  “No, no, no! That’s not what was supposed to happen!” I yelled, stamping my foot, losing my balance and going under in the process. Simon’s strong hands brought me back to the surface, and I continued my alcohol-induced tirade. Flashes of lightning, now much closer, blazed across the sky.

  “You were not supposed to let her kiss him!” I sputtered, spitting out water and pointing at Ryan and then at Mimi. I whirled on Sophia. “And you were supposed to get mad at her!”

  “Why would I get mad at Mimi? For kissing her boyfriend?” Sophia mumbled, taking a sudden interest in her fingernails.

  “Argh!” I screamed and turned back to Mimi.

  “Mimi, are you even remotely interested in Neil?” I challenged, hands on my hips as I steamed into the night air.

  “Neil is exactly what I’ve always wanted in a man. He is my type to a T,” she countered robotically, flinching when Ryan looked at her with hurt in his eyes.

  “Blah, blah, blah, have you fucked Neil yet?” I screeched, pointing wildly as I tend to do when I drink.

  “Okay, Caroline, you’ve made your point,” Simon soothed, trying to get me to sit back down.

  “What point? What are you two talking about?” Sophia asked, leaning forward.

  “Oh, please, the four of you are ridiculous! I don’t care what you all think you want on paper. In reality, you’re doing it all wrong!” I answered, smacking the top of the water for emphasis. Why weren’t they getting it? I don’t know when I’d gotten so riled up, but in the last sixty seconds or so, I’d become blazing mad.

  “Are you kidding?” Mimi cried, jumping to her feet in the hot tub, which kept the water at about the same level.

  “Mimi, come on! Anyone with eyes can see the way you and Ryan feel about each other! Why the hell are you wasting time on anyone else?” I pushed.

  Simon pulled me back onto his lap and attempted to quiet me.

  “Okay, this has gone far enough,” Neil said, starting to get out of the tub.

  “No, no! Neil, look at Sophia. Can’t you see she is totally into you? Why the hell are you all so thick? Seriously? Are Simon and I the only ones that can see clearly here?” I yelled once more, bringing Simon into the conversation whether he wanted it or not.

  Neil looked at Ryan, and then at Simon.

  “Dude!” Neil exclaimed.

  “Dude,” Simon answered, gesturing toward Sophia, who stood up like she was going to say something. Neil put his hand on her shoulder, and she stopped and sat back down. Neil nodded at Ryan.

  “Dude?” he asked, and Ryan nodded back. Neil took a deep breath and looked at Sophia.

  “Sophia, truth or dare?” Neil asked.

  “We are not playing any more—” I tried to yell, but Simon took that moment to place his hand over my mouth.

  “All clear over here,” Simon announced as he pinned me to his lap more securely with his other hand on my waist. Thunder rolled in, blanketing the scene with an ominous air.

  “Sophia?” Neil asked again. She was quiet, and not looking in the direction of Mimi and Ryan.

  “Dare,” she whispered and closed her eyes.

  Alcohol made everything much more dramatic.

  “I dare you to kiss me,” Neil said, and all you could hear was the occasional loon over the lake. The loons in the tub were finally quiet. We all watched as Sophia turned to Neil and placed a hand on the back of his head, pulling him toward her. She kissed him, slowly but surely, and it went on for days. I smiled into Simon’s hand, and he patted my stomach, which made me giddy.

  When they finally broke apart, Sophia was laughing into Neil’s mouth, and he answered with his giant, goofy man-giggle.

  “Well, it’s about freaking time,” Simon said, releasing my mouth.

  “Mimi, I—” Sophia began, turning toward Mimi and finding an empty hot tub.

  Mimi and Ryan were gone. I caught just the edge of Ryan’s towel headed into the pool house—with a slippery wet companion on his arm.

  “Well, then, I guess we’ll call it a night.” Sophia sighed, grabbing Neil by the hand.

  “’Night.” I giggled as she walked into the house with Neil in tow. They cuddled close, already a picture in the making. I looked at the pool house, and noticed no lights had come on yet. They probably would not be coming on in the near future.

  “Well, that was a fine bit of matchmaking, although your bull-in-a-china-shop delivery left a lot to be desired.” Simon chuckled, letting his head rest against my back. I was still perched on his lap. His hand had left my mouth, and it was now drifting south, while his other hand remained tightly on my waist.

  “Yes, I usually leave a lot to be desired,” I observed wryly, not wanting to leave this exquisite spot, but knowing I needed to—and soon. Simon was quiet behind me, and I started to move off his lap.

  “You leave everything to be desired, Caroline,” he said softly, and I froze. It was quiet for another moment, both of us not moving, but still moving toward each other.

  Without looking back, I let out a tiny laugh. “You know, I never really got that phrase. Does that mean I am desirable or—”

  His fingers began to trace tiny circles on my skin. “You know exactly what it means,” he breathed into my ear. The air crackled around us, the tension as well as the actual weather. More tiny circles. In the end, it was the tiny circles that finally broke me.

  I lost all control. I turned quickly, catching him off guard as I wrapped my legs around his waist and threw caution, and my harem mantra, to the wind. I sunk my hands into his hair, luxuriating in the feel of wet silk around my fingertips as I pulled him toward me.

  “Why did you kiss me that night at the party?” I asked, my mouth mere inches from his. Once he realized I was driving this bus, he responded by pressing his hips into mine, bringing us closer together than we’d ever been.

  “Why did you kiss me?”
he asked, running his hands up and down my back, settling into the space where his hands spanned my waist exactly—thumbs in front, fingers in back—and pressed me into him further.

  “Because I had to,” I answered honestly, remembering how I’d reacted instinctively, kissing him when I’d wanted to do anything but. “Why did you kiss me?” I asked again.

  “Because I had to,” he said, the smirk returning. Luckily I didn’t see the smirk for too long. Because I’d finally discovered the secret of the ages.

  How do you make Wallbanger stop smirking? You kiss him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  THE SKY OPENED UP, pelting us with chilly rain, which mixed with the heat around us, and between us. I looked at Simon underneath me, warm and wet, and there was nothing in the world I wanted more than his lips against mine. So even though every single cowbell in my head was ringing out the alarm, I centered myself, wrapped my legs tighter around his waist, and gazed directly into his eyes.

  “Mmm, Caroline, what are you up to?” He smiled, his hands strong on my waist as his fingers dug into my skin. His skin slipped against mine in a way that made me not right in the head, and I could feel—I could actually feel—his abs against my tummy. He was so strong, so powerfully delicious that Brain began to burn, and other organs began to make all my decisions.

  I think O even popped her head up for a moment, like a groundhog. She took a quick glance around and pronounced it much closer to spring than she’d been in months.

  I licked my lips, and he mirrored my actions. I could barely see him through the haze of steam from the hot tub and the lust now brewing in this little cauldron of chlorinated chemistry.

  “I’m up to no good, that’s for sure,” I breathed, rising up just a little. The feeling of my breasts crushing against his skin was unimaginable. As I settled on his lap again, I felt his reaction in a very tangible way, and we both groaned at the contact.

  “You’re up to no good, huh?” he said, his voice gruff and thick and maple syrup pouring over me.

  “No good,” I whispered in his ear as he pressed his mouth against my neck. “Wanna be bad with me?”

  “You sure about that?” he groaned, hands clutching at my back with delightful abandon.

  “Come on, Simon, let’s bang some walls,” I answered, allowing my tongue to dart out from between my lips and against the skin just underneath his jaw. The scruff scratched my taste buds and gave me a sense of what that very scruff would feel like against other soft places on my body.

  O poked her head out just a little more at that point and went straight to Brain, which in turn spoke directly to my hands.

  I grasped him firmly at the base of his neck, and positioned him directly in front of me, his eyes flaring wide and turning into tiny little hypnotizers.

  His grin was hard, and so was he.

  I leaned in and sucked his bottom lip between my teeth, nibbling lightly before biting down and pulling him closer. He came willingly, ceding control as my fingers pulled and pushed at his hair, and my tongue pressed into his mouth as he groaned into mine. Everything in my world now narrowed to just the feeling of this man, this wonderful man in my arms and threaded between my legs, and I kissed him like the world was about to end.

  It wasn’t sweet and tentative, it was pure carnal frustration spiked with incomprehensible lust and rolled into a giant ball of please-God-let-me-live-in-this-man’s-mouth-for-the-forseeable-future. My mouth led his in a dance as old as the mountains that watched over us approvingly, our tongues and teeth and lips smacking and cracking and giving in to the sweet tension that had been building since I showed up at his door wearing the inspiration for my nickname.

  I shook as I felt his hands reach lower to grasp my bottom and pull me closer still, my legs scrambling as I panted like a whore in church. The Church Of Simon…where I was dying to kneel before him.

  My eyes were closed, my legs were open, and I was now moaning into his mouth like some kind of rabid dog. The idea that a kiss, just a kiss, had turned me into this giant lusting bag of CarolineNeedThat was undeniable, and I knew that if he continued to make me feel this way I was going to invite him straight into my Tahoe. Great idea.

  “Come into my Tahoe, Simon,” I mumbled incoherently into his mouth.

  He paused. “Caroline, come into your what? Oh, God,” he managed, as I pushed us off the side of the hot tub and vaulted us across the water, emptying half of its contents onto the deck and the other half sloshing us around like it was high tide. He slammed me into the opposite wall, pushing me up against the bench and rewrapping my legs around his waist, as I gamely pushed my mouth back onto his, unwilling to let go of him. At one point, I kissed him so hard, he had to push me off so he could catch a breath.

  “Breathe, Simon, breathe.” I giggled, stroking his face as he struggled before me.

  “You…are…a mad woman,” he panted, his hands looping underneath my arms and curling around the tops of my shoulders, keeping me firmly against the side while I dug my heels into his backside, nudging him to exactly where I needed him. He closed his eyes and bit down on his lower lip, an animalistic growl sounding low in his throat as I launched my second wave of the Lower Caroline-commanded attack.

  “You feel uncommonly good,” I moaned as I began to kiss him again, raining them down across his mouth, his cheeks, his jaw, slipping underneath to suck and bite at his neck as he dropped his head back to allow my assault. His hands were rough on me, dipping down low on my back and catching on my bikini strings, loosening the sides. The thought of my naked breasts against his skin drove me crazy with lust, and I removed my hands from his poor hair to snake back behind my neck and pull on the knot. As I maneuvered, I knocked into one of the empty bottles of Cava, starting a domino effect of bottles crashing to the ground. I giggled as he pulled back, startled at the sound.

  His eyes were smoky blue, crowded with lust, but as they focused on me, they began to crystallize. I finally managed to get to the knot untied and could feel the water swirl across my naked skin. I started to drop the strings, when Simon grasped them tightly in his hands. He shook his head as though to clear it, then closed his eyes firmly, cutting off our connection.

  “Hey, hey, hey!” I prodded, forcing his eyes open and making him look at me. “Where did you go just now?” I whispered.

  He wrapped his hands, still holding my strings, back around my neck. He slowly began to tie my suit back together, and I felt my face flush bright red, all the blood in my body betraying me in that instant.

  “Caroline,” he began, breathing heavily, but looking at me carefully.

  “What’s wrong?” I interrupted.

  His hands came to rest on my shoulders, and he seemed to be keeping a specific distance between us.

  “Caroline, you’re amazing, but I…I can’t—” he started.

  Now I was the one to close my eyes. Emotions whirled behind my eyelids, shame being chief among them. Heart plummeted. I could feel his eyes on me, willing me to open my own.

  “You can’t,” I stated, opening my eyes and looking anywhere but at him.

  “No, I mean, I…” he stammered, clearly uneasy as he moved away from me.

  I began to shake. “You…can’t?” I asked, suddenly feeling icy cold, even in the water. I unlocked my legs from around him, allowing him the room he needed to move away.

  “No, Caroline, not you. Not like—”

  “Well, don’t I feel like a fucking idiot?” I managed, laughing shortly and pulling myself up and out of the water to the side of the hot tub.

  “What? No, you don’t understand, I just can’t—” he started toward me, and I kicked out a leg, pressing my foot square in the center of his chest to keep him away.

  “Hey, Simon, I get it. You can’t. It’s cool. Wow, what a crazy night, huh?” I laughed again, swinging over the side and starting for the house, wanting to get away before he could see the tears I knew were on their way. Of course, as I tried to navigate the steps, I slipped in
a wet spot and fell with a big thud. I could feel the back of my eyeballs begin to burn as I scrambled up as quickly as I could, panicked that I was going to cry before I could get inside. Now that I was moving, I could feel the effects of all the alcohol I’d consumed, and the beginnings of a very strong headache.

  “Caroline! Are you okay?” Simon cried, starting to get out of the hot tub.

  “I’m fine. I’m fine. Just…” I got out, my throat beginning to close as I choked back a sob. I held my hand out behind me, willing him to understand that I did not need his help. “I’m fine, Simon.”

  I couldn’t turn around and see him. I just continued walking away. The cursed big band music still played on the turntable, but I still heard him say my name once more. Ignoring it, I made my way to the door, feeling foolish now in my teeny bikini that was clearly not as enticing as I thought it was.

  I didn’t even bother to grab a towel. Instead I threw open the glass door and heard it slam shut behind me as I all but ran for my room. I left little puddles along the slate floor down the hallway, trying to ignore the giggles coming from Sophia’s room. As the tears finally coursed down my cheeks, I locked the door and stripped off my bathing suit. I stumbled into the bathroom, flicked on the light, and there I stood, reflected back to me. Naked, wet hair streaming down my back, a bruise already beginning to form on my thigh from my drunken spill…and puffy, kiss-swollen lips.

  I wrapped my hair in a towel, and then leaned on the countertop, bringing my face within inches of the mirror.

  “Caroline, my dear, you just got turned down by a man who once made a woman meow for thirty minutes straight. How do you feel?” the naked woman in the mirror asked me, turning my thumb into a little microphone. She gestured toward me, holding out her thumb.

  “Well, I drank enough wine to sustain a small Spanish village, I haven’t had an orgasm in a thousand years, and I will probably die old and alone in a beautifully designed apartment with all of Clive’s illegitimate children swarming around me…How do you think I feel?” I asked back, offering Mirror Caroline her thumb.

  “Silly Caroline, you had Clive neutered,” Mirror Caroline answered, shaking her head at me.