Lunch Swap Disaster

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by Bruce Coville


  Yes, but is it real or mechanical? I wondered. It was not a question I dared to ask out loud.

  I had already lived on three different planets, so I was used to being surrounded by beings who were unlike me in appearance. But never had I felt so different, so out of place, as I did in the city of the constructs, where Derrvan and I appeared to be the only beings made entirely of flesh and blood. All around us on the narrow streets were half-natural, half-mechanical creatures like Balteeri. Yet each was unique; each had his, her, or its own special combination of added parts, extra arms or legs or tails, usually with cleverly designed tools attached. Some were actually mounted on wheels and didn’t walk at all. Some had most of their birth faces, with only small patches of metal or plastic; others had heads that were nearly all constructed and would have seemed robotic except for the look in their eyes.

  They stared at Derrvan and me oddly as we passed. Some seemed angry, some almost hungry; some seemed to flinch at the sight of our unaltered, fully natural faces and bodies. I was struggling not to flinch myself, torn between my basic training about accepting difference and all the evil things I had heard about constructs.

  “Where are we going?” asked Derrvan, after we had been walking for several minutes.

  “You’ll see soon enough,” replied Balteeri gruffly.

  Only a moment later he led us down a side street. We passed a tavern where raucous singing and laughter flowed from the open windows—an unexpected bit of warmth in this strange place. The street was quieter after that. It came to a dead end in front of a small but very beautiful building.

  Without bothering to knock or ring a bell, Balteeri opened the door and stepped in. Derrvan and I followed.

  “This looks like a chapel!” I exclaimed.

  My surprise must have sounded in my voice, because Balteeri turned to me and said angrily, “I suppose you think that just because we’re half-mechanical, we have no souls.”

  “I hadn’t thought about it at all,” I said honestly. “I just wasn’t expecting you to bring us to such a place.”

  He nodded silently, but I got the impression he found my answer acceptable. Before any of us could speak again, we heard a voice from the far end of the chapel ask, “Is someone there?” Before we could answer, the same voice cried joyfully, “Balteeri! You’ve come back. Do you have good news for us?”

  Balteeri closed his eyes, and the biological half of his face looked pained. “I have but a slender thread of hope, Serha Dombalt. Nothing more.”

  “That is more than we have had so far,” replied the serha, moving into the light.

  Serha Dombalt wore a hooded robe of silvery blue, cinched around the waist with a black cord. The hood was up, hiding much of her face. Even so, I could see that she was a construct, not only from the glint of metallic skin that shone from beneath the robe but from the fact that one of her six-fingered hands was covered by light green flesh, while the other was made of metal and capped by fingers that each had a different mechanical design and function.

  She seemed startled by the sight of Derrvan and me. “You’ve brought two organics with you,” she said. In her voice I could hear curiosity, fear, and even a hint of accusation.

  “This is Derrvan, whom I first went to seek,” replied Balteeri. “The other is Pleskit Meenom, childling of the new ambassador from Hevi-Hevi. Derrvan and I intended only to seek his help, not bring him here. But we were pursued—”

  “Are you sure you weren’t followed here?” interrupted Serha Dombalt. “You could put us all in the gravest danger—”

  “We are already in grave danger,” replied Balteeri, his voice unexpectedly gentle. “That was the point of all this.”

  Serha Dombalt bowed her head. “Forgive me, Balteeri,” she whispered. “It is an old reaction, and deeply ingrained.”

  Balteeri waved her apology aside. “The point is, as long as I have the ambassador’s childling here, it makes more sense for you to tell him our story. You know it more directly than I do. Besides, you’re nicer than I am. The boy may be willing to hear things from you that he would resist from me.”

  Serha Dombalt nodded, then drew back her hood. “Come with me,” she said.

  Swallowing, trying to ignore the burst of fear and revulsion I felt at the sight of her half-organic, half-mechanical head, I walked with Derrvan and Balteeri to the front of the chapel, where Serha Dombalt led us around a speaker’s stand to a narrow doorway covered by a metallic blue curtain.

  We went down three steps into a small, cozy room that appeared to have been carved directly into the stone. Serha Dombalt gestured for us to sit on a long stone shelf. (Fortunately, it was covered by thick padding.)

  She gazed at me intently. Her organic eye showed sorrow and compassion; her mechanical eye was cold and unblinking. “So,” she said. “You are the slender vessel in which all our hopes reside.”

  “I do not understand! What is it you want of me?”

  She closed her eyes and whispered, “We want you to save us from complete and utter destruction.”

  To be continued…

  More from this Series

  Zombies of the Science…

  Book 5

  Class Pet Catastrophe

  Book 6

  Sixth-Grade Alien

  Book 1

  I Shrank My Teacher

  Book 2

  More from the Author

  Goblins in the Castle

  Goblins on the Prowl

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND ILLUSTRATOR

  Bruce Coville has published more than one hundred books, including My Teacher Is an Alien; Into the Land of the Unicorns; and Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher. He is a frequent speaker at schools and conferences, and has presented on five continents. He is also the founder and producing director of Full Cast Audio, an audiobook company that creates recordings of the best in children’s and young adult literature. He lives in Syracuse, New York, with his wife, author and illustrator Katherine Coville. Visit him online at BruceCoville.com.

  Glen Mullaly is an award-winning illustrator whose work can be found in books, magazines, greeting cards, and posters. He has also created puzzles and paper crafts for McDonald’s, and his Star Wars comics for kids (illustrated by legendary artist Ken Steacy) have been released by Marvel Comics in graphic novel format. In addition to the Sixth-Grade Alien series, he also illustrated Bruce Coville’s My Teacher Is an Alien series. He lives on the West Coast with his wife and cat. Visit Glen at GlenMullaly.com and follow him on Facebook at glenmullalyillustration.

  ALADDIN

  Simon & Schuster, New York

  Visit us at simonandschuster.com/kids

  www.SimonandSchuster.com/Authors/Bruce-Coville

  www.SimonandSchuster.com/Authors/Glen-Mullaly

  DON’T MISS THE REST OF THE SIXTH-GRADE ALIENS SERIES!

  Sixth-Grade Alien

  I Shrank My Teacher

  Missing—One Brain!

  Lunch Swap Disaster

  A GLOSSARY OF ALIEN TERMS

  Following are definitions for alien words and phrases that appear for the first time in this book. While most are from Hevi-Hevi, you will find a few from other alien tongues as well. (Note: definitions for alien words that first appeared in Books One, Two, and Three of Sixth-Grade Alien can be found in Books Two and Three of the series.)

  The number after a definition indicates the chapter where the term first appears.

  For most words, we are only giving the spelling. In actual usage, many would, of course, be accompanied by smells and/or body sounds.

  AI-YI-YIKKLE-DEMONGA:

  The literal translation of this is “Run for your life—someone’s been sucking the crazy fruit again!” However, over time it has come to be used as an all-purpose expression of fear or concern. (Shhh-foop, by the way, is not speaking Hevi-Hevian here, but in her excitement has reverted to the language of her own world, Mirdop 2. Interestingly, “Ai-yi-yi!” as an expression of concern or fright appears in at
least 419 different languages.) (17)

  BEEZLEDORF:

  A being whose heart-head ratio is out of balance, and who therefore lets emotions rule thoughts. (Literally, a “soft thinker.”) The opposite extreme is a dartdorf—a thought-ruled being who has forgotten the importance of emotion and feelings. (9)

  GEEDRILL PEEDRIS FLI-DANJI:

  “You are pampering these creatures!” (Not Hevi-Hevian.) (14)

  KILGADDURR:

  Important site in Hevi-Hevian mythology. In brief, all the forces were in place for an enormous battle that would have cost tens of thousands of lives, when a character called “the sheelkirk” (see below), beloved for her grace and beauty, made a sacrifice that so stunned the four armies involved that the battle was canceled. The moment is considered the beginning of true civilization on Hevi-Hevi. (13)

  PAK-SKWARDLES:

  A high-protein, slightly sweet Hevi-Hevian snack made from fermented dweezil beans that have been stored in a cool, dark place for at least three months. (7)

  PAWPREET:

  Half of a biological unit found in the southern wampfields of Hevi-Hevi; incomplete without a skrizzle. Pawpreets and skrizzles are notorious for their stubbornness, and if they are separated, there is a fifty-fifty chance they will die before either will make a move to reconnect. It is only the ones that will overcome their tragic stubbornness that survive. (18)

  SERHA:

  A being who has given its life to studying matters of the spirit; also used as a term of respect for any being considered to be particularly wise. (serial episode)

  SHEELKIRK, THE:

  A tragic, semidivine character in the first Hevi-Hevian epic poem; one of the most beloved characters in Hevi-Hevian mythology. (13)

  SKEEGIL SPRIXIS:

  Literally, “Now has joy returned to me!” An all-purpose exclamation of delight coined by the poet Brigdingle the Strange. (17)

  SKIBWEE:

  A hairy purple flower found in the northern wampfields; particularly loved for its delicate beauty and intoxicating (literally) aroma. (13)

  SKRIZZLE:

  The dominant half of a biological unit found in the southern wampfields of Hevi-Hevi; a hard-shelled creature with a soft underbelly. (See pawpreet.) (18)

  SQUIBOODLIAN:

  A popular stuffed toy particularly beloved by Hevi-Hevian children; by extension, a term of endearment between sweethearts. (3)

  ZGRIBNICK:

  A word used to express distress; the equivalent of “drat” or “phooey.” (11)

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ALADDIN

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division

  1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020

  www.SimonandSchuster.com

  This Aladdin paperback edition August 2020

  Text copyright © 2000, 2020 by Bruce Coville

  Previously published in 2000 as Peanut Butter Lover Boy

  Illustrations copyright © 2020 by Glen Mullaly

  Also available in an Aladdin hardcover edition.

  All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form.

  ALADDIN and related logo are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

  For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or [email protected].

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  Book designed by Tiara Iandiorio

  The illustrations for this book were rendered in in a mix of traditional and digital media.

  Library of Congress Control Number 2020935826

  ISBN 9781534464865 (hc)

  ISBN 9781534464858 (pbk)

  ISBN 9781534464872 (eBook)

 

 

 


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