CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE.
"THE FEAST OF REASON AND THE FLOW OF SOUL"--STAPLETON, ON HUMAN NATURE,PROVES THE FORMER; THE DOMINIE, IN HIS MELTING MOOD, THE LATTER--SALL'SSHOE PARTICULARLY NOTED, AND THE TRUE "READING MADE EASY" OF A MIND ATEASE, BY OLD TOM.
The afternoon of the next day I heard a well-known voice, which carolledforth, as Mary huddled up her books, and put them out of the way; for atthat time I was, as usual, giving her a lesson:--
"And many strange sights I've seen, And long I've been a rover, And everywhere I've been, But now the wars are over. I've been across the line, Where the sun will burn your nose off; And I've been in northern climes, Where the frost would bite your toes off. Fal de ral, fal de ral, fal de ral de liddy."
"Heave a-head, Tom, and let me stump up at my leisure. It's likewarping 'gainst wind and tide with me--and I gets up about as fast aslawyers go to heaven."
I thought when Tom came up first that he had been at unusual trouble insetting off his person, and certainly a better-looking, frank, open,merry countenance was seldom to be seen. In person he was about an inchtaller than I, athletic, and well formed. He made up to Mary, who,perceiving his impatience, and either to check him before me, or elsefrom her usual feeling of coquetry, received him rather distantly, andwent up to old Tom, with whom she shook hands warmly.
"Whew! what's in the wind now, Jacob? Why, we parted the best friendsin the world," said Tom, looking at Mary.
"Sheer off yourself, Tom," replied I, laughing; "and you'll see thatshe'll come to again."
"Oh, oh! so the wind's in that quarter, is it?" replied Tom. "With allmy heart--I can show false colours as well as she can. But I say,Jacob, before I begin my manoeuvres, tell me if you wish me to hoist theneutral flag--for I won't interfere with you."
"Here's my hand upon it, Tom, that the coast is clear as far as I'mconcerned; but take care--she's a clipper, and not unlikely to slipthrough your fingers, even when you have her under your lee, withinhail."
"Let me alone, Jacob, for that."
"And more, Tom, when you're in possession of her, she will require agood man at the helm."
"Then she's just the craft after my fancy. I hate your steady,slow-sailing craft, that will steer themselves, almost; give me one thatrequires to be managed by a man and a seaman."
"If well manned, she will do anything, depend upon it, Tom, for she's assound below as possible; and although she is down to her bearings on thepuff of the moment, yet she'd not careen further."
"Well, then, Jacob, all's right; and now you've told me what tack she'son, see if I don't shape a course to cut her off."
"Well, Jacob, my good boy, so you've been under the water again; Ithought you had enough of it when Fleming gave you such a twist; but,however, this time you went to sarve a friend, which was all right. Mysarvice to you Mr Stapleton," continued old Tom, as Stapleton made hisappearance. "I was talking to Jacob about his last dive."
"Nothing but human natur'," replied Stapleton.
"Well, now," replied old Tom, "I consider that going plump into theriver, when covered with ice, to be quite contrary to human natur'."
"But not to save a friend, father?"
"No--because, that be Jacob's nature; so you see one nature conqueredthe other, and that's the whole long and short of it."
"Well, now, suppose we sit down and make ourselves comfortable,"observed Stapleton; "but here be somebody else coming up--who can itbe?"
"I say, old codger, considering you be as deaf as a post, you hearspretty well," said old Tom.
"Yes, I hear very well in the house, provided people don't speak loud."
"Well, that's a queer sort of deafness; I think we are all troubled withthe same complaint," cried Tom, laughing.
During this remark, the Dominie made his appearance. "_Salve Domine_,"said I upon his entering, taking my worthy pedagogue by the hand.
"_Et tu quoque, fili mi, Jacobe_! But whom have we here? the deaf man,the maiden, and--ehu!--the old man called old Tom, and likewise theyoung Tom;" and the Dominie looked very grave.
"Nay, sir," said young Tom, going up to the Dominie; "I know you areangry with us, because we both drank too much when we were last in yourcompany; but we promise--don't we father?--not to do so again."
This judicious reply of young Tom's put the Dominie more at his ease;what he most feared was raillery and exposure on their parts.
"Very true, old gentleman; Tom and I did bowse our jibs up a little tootaut when we last met--but what then?--there was the grog, and there wasnothing to do."
"All human natur'," observed Stapleton.
"Come, sir, you have not said one word to me," said Mary, going up tothe Dominie. "Now you must sit down by me, and take care of me, and seethat they all behave themselves and keep sober."
The Dominie cast a look at Mary, which was intended for her alone, butwhich was not unperceived by young Tom or me. "We shall have some fun,Jacob," said he, aside, as we all sat down to the table, which justadmitted six, with close stowage. The Dominie on one side of Mary, Tomon the other, Stapleton next to Tom, then I and old Tom, who closed inon the other side of the Dominie, putting one of his timber toes on theold gentleman's corns, which induced him to lift up his leg in a hurry,and draw his chair still closer to Mary, to avoid a repetition of theaccident; while old Tom was axing pardon, and Stapleton demonstratingthat, on the part of old Tom, not to _feel_ with a wooden leg, and onthe part of the Dominie, to _feel_ with a bad corn, was all nothing but"_human natur'_." At last we were all seated, and Mary, who hadprovided for the evening, produced two or three pots of beer, a bottleof spirits, pipes, and tobacco.
"Liberty Hall--I smokes," said Stapleton, lighting his pipe, and fallingback on his chair.
"I'll put a bit of clay in my mouth too," followed up old Tom; "it makesone thirsty, and enjoy one's liquor."
"Well, I malts," said Tom, reaching a pot of porter, and taking a longpull. "What do you do, Jacob?"
"I shall wait a little, Tom."
"And what do you do, sir?" said Mary to the Dominie. The Dominie shookhis head. "Nay but you must--or I shall think you do not like mycompany. Come, let me fill a pipe for you." Mary filled a pipe, andhanded it to the Dominie, who hesitated, looked at her, and wasovercome. He lighted it, and smoked furiously.
"The ice is breaking up--we shall have a change of weather--the moonquarters to-morrow," observed old Tom, puffing between everyobservation; "and then honest men may earn their bread again. Bad timesfor you, old codger, heh!" continued he, addressing Stapleton.Stapleton nodded an assent through the smoke, which was first perceivedby old Tom. "Well, he ar'nt deaf, a'ter all; I thought he was onlyshamming a bit. I say, Jacob, this is the weather to blow your fingers,and make your eyes bright."
"Rather to blow a cloud and make your eyes water," replied Tom, takingup the pot: "I'm just as thirsty with swallowing smoke, as if I had apipe myself--at all events, I pipe my eye. Jacob," continued Tom, to meapart, "do look how the old gentleman is _funking_ Mary, and castingsheeps' eyes at her through the smoke."
"He appears as if he were inclined to board her in the smoke," repliedI.
"Yes, and she to make no fight of it, but surrender immediately," saidTom.
"Don't you believe it, Tom; I know her better; she wants to laugh athim--nothing more; she winked her eye at me just now, but I would notlaugh, as I did not choose that the old gentleman should be trifledwith. I will tax her severely to-morrow."
During all this time old Tom and Stapleton smoked in silence: theDominie made use of his eyes in dumb parlance to Mary, who answered himwith her own bright glances, and Tom and I began to find it rather dull;when at last old Tom's pipe was exhausted, and he laid it down; "There,I'll smoke no more--the worst of a pipe is that one can't smoke and talkat the same time. Mary, my girl, take your eyes off the Dominie's nose,and hand me that bottle of stuff. What, glass to mix it in; that's moregenteel than we are on board, Tom." Tom filled a rummer of grog, took
half off at a huge sip, and put it down on the table. "Will you do aswe do, sir?" said he, addressing the Dominie.
"Nay, friend Dux, nay--pr'ythee persuade me not--avaunt!" and theDominie, with an appearance of horror, turned away from the bottlehanded towards him by old Tom.
"Not drink anything?" said Mary to the Dominie, looking at him withsurprise, "but indeed you must, or I shall think you despise us, and donot think us fit to be in your company."
"Nay, maiden, entreat me not. Ask anything of me but this," replied theDominie.
"Ask anything but this--that's just the way people have of refusing,"replied Mary; "were I to ask anything else, it would be the sameanswer--`ask anything but this.' Now, if you will not drink to pleaseme, I shall quarrel with you. You shall drink a glass, and I'll mix itfor you." The Dominie shook his head. Mary made a glass of grog, andthen put it to her lips. "Now, if you refuse to drink it, after I havetasted it, I'll never speak to you again." So saying, she handed theglass to the Dominie.
"Verily, maiden, I must needs refuse, for I did make a mental vow."
"What vow was that? was it sworn on the Bible?"
"Nay, not on the sacred book, but in my thoughts most solemnly."
"Oh! I make those vows every day, and never keep one of them; so thatwon't do. Now, observe, I give you one more chance. I shall drink alittle more, and if you do not immediately put your lips to the samepart of the tumbler, I'll never drink to you again;" Mary put thetumbler again to her lips, drank a little, with her eyes fixed upon theDominie, who watched her with distended nostrils and muscular agitationof countenance. With her sweetest smile, she handed him the tumbler;the Dominie half held out his hand, withdrew it, put it down again, andby degrees took the tumbler. Mary conquered, and I watched the maliceof her look as the liquor trickled down the Dominie's throat. Tom and Iexchanged glances. The Dominie put down the tumbler, and then, lookinground, like a guilty person, coloured up to the eyes; but Mary, whoperceived that her victory was but half achieved, put her hand upon hisshoulder, and asked him to let her taste the grog again. I also, tomake him feel more at ease, helped myself to a glass. Tom did the same,and old Tom with more regard to the feelings of the Dominie than in hisown bluntness of character I would have given him credit for, said in aquiet tone, "The old gentleman is afraid of grog, because he seed metake a drop too much, but that's no reason why grog ar'n't a good thing,and wholesome in moderation. A glass or two is very well, and betterstill when sweetened by the lips of a pretty girl; and, even if theDominie does not like it, he's too much of a gentleman not to give uphis dislikes to please a lady. More's the merit; for, if he did likeit, it would be no sacrifice, that's sartain. Don't you think so, myold boozer?" continued he, addressing Stapleton, who smoked in silence.
"Human natur'," replied Stapleton, taking the pipe out of his mouth, andspitting under the table.
"Very true, master; and so here's to your health, Mr Dominie, and mayyou never want a pretty girl to talk to, or a glass of grog to drink herhealth with."
"Oh, but the Dominie don't care about pretty girls, father," repliedTom; "he's too learned and clever; he thinks about nothing but the moon,and Latin and Greek, and all that."
"Who can say what's under the skin, Tom? There's no knowing what is,and what isn't--Sall's shoe for that."
"Never heard of Sall's shoe, father; that's new to me."
"Didn't I ever tell you that, Tom?--Well, then, you shall have it now--that is, if all the company be agreeable."
"Oh, yes," cried Mary; "pray tell us."
"Would you like to hear it, sir?"
"I never heard of Sall Sue in my life, and would fain hear her history,"replied the Dominie; "proceed, friend Dux."
"Well, then, you must know when I was a-board of the Terp-sy-chore,there was a fore-topman, of the name of Bill Harness, a good sort ofchap enough, but rather soft in the upper-works. Now, we'd been on theJamaica station for some years, and had come home, and merry enough, andhappy enough we were (those that were left of us), and we were spendingour money like the devil. Bill Harness had a wife, who was very fond ofhe, and he was very fond of she, but she was a slatternly sort of abody, never tidy in her rigging, all adrift at all times, and what'smore, she never had a shoe up at heel, so she went by the name ofSlatternly Sall, and the first lieutenant, who was a 'ticular sort of achap, never liked to see her on deck, for you see she put her hair inpaper on New Year's day, and never changed it or took it out till theyear came round again. However, be it as it may be, she loved Bill, andBill loved she, and they were very happy together. A'ter all, it ain'twhether a woman's tidy without that makes a man's happiness; it dependsupon whether she be right within; that is, if she be good-tempered, andobliging, and civil, and 'commodating, and so forth. A'ter the firstday or two, person's nothing--eyes get palled, like the cap-stern whenthe anchor's up to the bows; but what a man likes is, not to bedisturbed by vagaries, or gusts of temper. Well, Bill was happy--butone day he was devilish unhappy, because Sall had lost one of her shoes,which wasn't to be wondered at, considering as how she was alwaysslipshod. `Who has seen my wife's shoe?' says he. `Hang your wife'sshoe,' said one, `it warn't worth casting an eye upon;' Still he criedout, `Who has seen my wife's shoe?' `I seed it,' says another.`Where?' says Bill. `I seed it down at heel,' says the fellow. ButBill still hallooed out about his wife's shoe, which it appeared she haddropped off her foot as she was going up the forecastle ladder to takethe air a bit, just as it was dark. At last Bill made so much fussabout it that the ship's company laughed, and all called out to eachother, `Who has seen Sall's shoe?--Have you got Sall's shoe?' and theypassed the word fore and aft the whole evening, till they went to theirhammocks. Notwithstanding, as Sall's shoe was not forthcoming, the nextmorning Bill goes on the quarter-deck, and complains to the firstlieutenant, as how he had lost Sall's shoe. `Damn Sall's shoe,' saidhe, `haven't I enough to look after without your wife's confoundedshoes, which can't be worth twopence?' Well, Bill argues that his wifehad only one shoe left, and that won't keep two feet dry, and begs thefirst lieutenant to order a search for it; but the first lieutenantturns away, and tells him to go to the devil, and all the men grin atBill's making such a fuss about nothing. So Bill at last goes up to thefirst lieutenant, and whispers something, and the first lieutenant boomshim off with his speaking trumpet, as if he were making too free, inwhispering to his commanding officer, and then sends for themaster-at-arms. `Collier,' says he, `this man has lost his wife's shoe:let a search be made for it immediately--take all the ship's boys, andlook everywhere for it; if you find it bring it up to me.' So away goesthe master-at-arms with his cane, and collects all the boys to look forSall's shoe--and they go peeping about the maindeck, under the guns, andunder the hen-coops, and in the sheep-pen, and everywhere; now and thengetting a smart slap with the cane behind, upon the taut part of theirtrowsers, to make them look sharp, until they all wished Sall's shoe atOld Nick, and her too, and Bill in the bargain. At last one of the boyspicks it out of the manger, where it had lain all the night, poked upand down by the noses of the pigs, who didn't think it eatable, althoughit might have smelt human-like; the fact was, it was the same boy whohad picked up Sall's shoe when she dropped it, and had shied it forward.It sartainly did not seem to be worth all the trouble, but howsomeverit was taken aft by the master-at-arms, and laid on the capstern head.Then Bill steps out and takes the shoe before the first lieutenant, andcuts it open, and from between the lining pulls out four ten poundnotes, which Sall had sewn up there by way of security; and the firstlieutenant tells Bill he was a great fool to trust his money in the shoeof a woman who always went slipshod, and tells him to go about hisbusiness, and stow his money away in a safer place next time. A'ter, ifany thing was better than it looked to be, the ship's company usedalways to say it was like _Sall's shoe_. There you have it all."
"Well," says Stapleton, taking the pipe out of his mouth, "I know afact, much of a muchness with that, which happened to me when I was
below the river, tending a ship at Sheerness--for at one time, d'ye see,I used to ply there. She was an old fifty-gun ship, called the Adamant,if I recollect right. One day the first lieutenant, who, like yourn,was a mighty particular sort of chap, was going round the maindeck, andhe sees an old pair of canvas trowsers stowed in under the trunnion ofone of the guns. So says he, `Whose be these?' Now, no man wouldanswer, because they knowed very well that it would be as good as afortnight in the black list. With that, the first lieutenant bundlesthem out of the port, and away they floats astern with the tide. It wasabout half-an-hour after that, that I comes off with the milk for thewardroom mess, and a man named Will Heaviside says to me, `Stapleton,'says he, `the first lieutenant has thrown my canvas trowsers overboard,and be damned to him; now I must have them back.' `But where be they?'says I: `I suppose down at the bottom by this time, and the flat-fishdubbing their noses into them.' `No, no,' says he, `they wo'n't neversink, but float till eternity; they be gone down with the tide, and theywill come back again; only you keep a sharp look-out for them, and I'llgive you five shillings if you bring them.' Well, I seed little chanceof ever seeing them again, or of my seeing five shillings, but as it sohappened next tide, the very 'denticle pair of trowsers comes up staringme in the face. I pulls them in, and takes them to Will Heaviside, whoappears to be mightily pleased, and gives me the money. `I wouldn'thave lost them for ten, no, not fur twenty pounds,' says he. `At allevents you've paid me more than they are worth,' says I. `Have I?' sayshe; `stop a bit;' and he outs with his knife, and rips open thewaistband, and pulls out a piece of linen, and out of the piece of linenhe pulls out a _child's caul_. `There,' says he, `now you knows why thetrowsers wouldn't sink, and I'll leave you to judge whether they ar'n'tworth five shillings.' That's my story."
"Well, I can't understand how it is, that a caul should keep people up,"observed old Tom.
"At all events, a _call_ makes people come up fast enough on board aman-of-war, father."
"That's true enough, but I'm talking of a child's caul, not of aboatswain's, Tom."
"I'll just tell you how it is," replied Stapleton, who had recommencedsmoking; "it's _human natur'_."
"What is your opinion, sir?" said Mary to the Dominie.
"Maiden," replied the Dominie, taking his pipe out of his mouth, "Iopine that it's a vulgar error. Sir Thomas Brown, I think it is, haththe same idea; many and strange were the superstitions which have beenhanded down by our less enlightened ancestors--all of which mists havebeen cleared away by the powerful rays of truth."
"Well, but, master, if a vulgar error saves a man from Davy Jones'slocker, ar'n't it just as well to sew it up in the waistband of yourtrowsers?"
"Granted, good Dux; if it would save a man; but how is it possible? itis contrary to the first elements of science."
"What matter does that make, provided it holds a man up?"
"Friend Dux, thou art obtuse."
"Well, perhaps I am, as I don't know what that is."
"But, father, don't you recollect," interrupted Tom, "what the parsonsaid last Sunday, that faith saved men? Now, Master Dominie, may it notbe faith that a man has in the _caul_ which may save him?"
"Young Tom, thou art astute."
"Well, perhaps I am, as father said, for I don't know what that is. Youknock us all down with your dictionary."
"Well I do love to hear people make use of such hard words," said Mary,looking at the Dominie. "How very clever you must be, sir! I wonderwhether I shall ever understand them?"
"Nay, if thou wilt, I will initiate--sweet maiden, wilt steal an hour orso to impregnate thy mind with the seeds of learning, which, in so faira soil, must needs bring forth good fruit!"
"That's a fine word, that _impregnate_--will you give us the English ofit, sir?" said young Tom to the Dominie.
"It is English, Tom, only the old gentleman _razeed_ it a little. Thethird ship in the lee line of the Channel fleet was a eighty, called the_Impregnable_, but the old gentleman knows more about books than seamatters."
"A marvellous misconception," quoth the Dominie.
"There's another," cried Tom, laughing; "that must be a three-decker.Come, father, here's the bottle, you must take another glass to washthat down."
"Pray what was the meaning of that last long word, sir," said Mary,taking the Dominie by the arm, "mis--something."
"The word," replied the Dominie, "is a compound from conception,borrowed from the Latin tongue implying conceiving; and the _mis_prefixed, which negatives or reverses the meaning; misconception,therefore, implies not to conceive. I can make you acquainted with manyothers of a similar tendency as _mis_-conception; videlicet, _mis_-apprehension, _mis_-understanding, _mis_-contriving _mis_-applying,_mis_--"
"Dear me, what a many _misses_," cried Mary, "and do you know them all?"
"Indeed do I," replied the Dominie, "and many, many more are treasuredin my memory, _quod nunc describere tongum est_."
"I'd no idea that the old gentleman was given to running after the girlsin that way," said old Tom to Stapleton.
"Human natur'," replied the other.
"No more did I," continued Mary; "I shall have nothing to say to him;"and she drew off her chair a few inches from that of the Dominie.
"Maiden," quoth the Dominie, "thou art under a mistake."
"Another miss, I declare," cried Tom, laughing.
"What an old Turk!" continued Mary, getting further off.
"Nay, then, I will not reply," said the Dominie indignantly, puttingdown his pipe, leaning back on his chair, and pulling out his great redhandkerchief, which he applied to his nose, and produced a sound thatmade the windows of the little parlour vibrate for some seconds.
"I say, master Tom, don't you make too free with your betters," said oldTom, when he saw the Dominie affronted.
"Nay," replied the Dominie, "there's an old adage which saith, `As theold cock crows, so doth the young.' Wherefore didst thou set him theexample?"
"Very true, old gentleman, and I axes your pardon, and here's my handupon it."
"And so do I, sir, and here's my hand upon it," said young Tom,extending his hand on the Dominie's other side.
"Friend Dux, and thou, young Tom, I do willingly accept thy profferedreconciliation; knowing, as I well do, that there may be much mischiefin thy composition, but naught of malice." The Dominie extended hishands, and shook both those offered to him warmly.
"There," said old Tom, "now my mind's at ease, as old Pigtown said."
"I know not the author whom thou quotest from, good Dux."
"Author!--I never said he was an author; he was only captain of aschooner, trading between the islands, that I sailed with a few weeks inthe West Indies."
"Perhaps, then, you will relate to the company present the circumstanceswhich took place to put old Pegtop's--(I may not be correct in thename)--but whoever it may be--"
"Pigtown, master."
"Well, then--that put old Pigtown's mind at ease--for I am marvellouslyamused with thy narrations, which do pass away the time most agreeably,good Dux."
"With all my heart, old gentleman; but first let us fill up ourtumblers. I don't know how it is, but it does appear to me that grogdrinks better out of a glass than out of metal and if it wasn't that Tomis so careless--and the dog has no respect for crockery any more thanpersons--I would have one or two on board for particular service; butI'll think about that, and hear what the old woman has to say on thesubject. Now to my yarn. D'ye see, old Pigtown commanded a littleschooner, which plied between the isles, and he had been in her for amatter of forty years, and was as well-known as Port Royal Tom."
"Who might Port Royal Tom be?" inquired the Dominie; "a relation ofyours?"
"I hope not, master, for I wanted none of his acquaintance; he was ashark about twenty feet long who rode guard in the harbour, to preventthe men-of-war's men from deserting, and was pensioned by government."
"Pensioned by government! nay, but that soundeth strangely. I have
heard that pensions have been most lavishly bestowed, but not that itextended so far. Truly it must have been a _sinecure_."
"I don't know what that last may be," replied old Tom, "but I heard ourboatswain, in the _Minerve_, who talked politics a bit, say, `as howhalf the pensions were held by a pack of damned sharks;' but in thishere shark's case, it wasn't in money, master; but he'd regular rationsof bullock's liver to persuade him to remain in the harbour, and no onedare swim on shore when he was cruising round and round the ships.Well, old Pigtown, with his white trousers and straw hat, red nose andbig belly, was as well-known as could be, and was a capital old fellowfor remembering and executing commissions, provided you gave him themoney first; if not, he always took care to forget them. Old Pigtownhad a son, a little dark or so, which proved that his mother wasn'tquite as fair as a lily, and this son was employed in a drogher, thatis, a small craft which goes round to the bays of the island, and takesoff the sugars to the West India traders. One fine day the drogher wasdriven out to sea, and never heard of a'terwards. Now, old Pigtown wasvery anxious about what had come of his son, and day after day expectedhe would come back again; but he never did, for very good reasons, asyou shall hear by-and-by; and every one knowing old Pigtown, and heknowing everybody, it was at least fifty times a day that the questionwas put to him, `Well, Pigtown, have you heard anything of your son?'And fifty times a day he would reply, `No; and _my mind's but ill atease_.' Well, it was two or three months afterwards, that when I was inthe schooner with him, as we lay becalmed between the islands, with thesun frizzing our wigs, and the planks so hot that you couldn't walkwithout your shoes, that we hooked a large shark which came bowlingunder our counter, got him on board and cut him up. When we opened hisinside, what should I see but something shining. I took it out, andsure enough it was a silver watch. So I hands it to old Pigtown. Helooks at it very 'tentively, opens the outside case, reads the maker'sname, and then shuts it up again. `This here watch,' says he, `belongedto my son Jack. I bought it of a chap in a South whaler for threedollars and a roll of pigtail, and a very good watch it was, though Iperceive it to be stopped now. Now, d'ye see, it's all clear--thedrogher must have gone down in a squall--the shark must have picked upmy son Jack, and must have _digested_ his body, but has not been able to_digest_ his watch. Now I knows what's become of him, and so--_mymind's at ease_.'"
"Well," observed old Stapleton, "I agrees with old Poptown, or whateverhis name might be, that it were better to know the worst at once than tobe kept on the worry all your days; I consider it's nothing but humannatur'. Why, if one has a bad tooth, which is the best plan, to have itout with one good wrench, or to be eternally tormented, night and day."
"Thou speakest wisely, friend Stapleton, and like a man of resolve--theanticipation is often, if not always, more painful than the reality.Thou knowest, Jacob, how often I have allowed a boy to remain unbuttonedin the centre of the room for an hour previous to the application of thebirch--and it was with the consideration that the impression would begreater upon his mind than even upon his nether parts. All of thefeelings in the human breast, that of suspense is--"
"Worse than _hanging_," interrupted young Tom.
"Even so, boy [_cluck, cluck_], an apt comparison, seeing that insuspense you are hanging, as it were, in the very region of doubt,without being able to obtain a footing even upon conjecture. Nay, wemay further add another simile, although not so well borne out, whichis, that the agony of suspense doth stop the breath of a man for thetime, as hanging doth stop it altogether, so that it may be truly said,that suspense is put an end to by suspending." [_cluck, cluck_.]
"And now that you've got rid of all that, master, suppose you fill upyour pipe," observed old Tom.
"And I will fill up your tumbler, sir," said Mary; "for you must be drywith talking such hard words."
The Dominie this time made no objection, and again enveloped Mary andhimself in a cloud of smoke, through which his nose loomed like anIndiaman in a Channel fog.
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