“Oh.” I paused again, considering the implications. “Right,” I agreed simply.
I hadn’t mentioned to anyone that I was planning on asking at the very least Liz, Trinity, and Zane to stay behind. Really, I had been indecisive myself until recently. I figured this wasn’t the best time to mention it though. Everyone needed to sleep, and while I was fairly certain no one was awake besides Ava, I didn’t want to chance saying it out loud and have an argument erupt if Liz or Trinity overheard and strongly disagreed.
But that meant it would be three of us going back, instead of just Zayden and myself. I could live with that. I just hoped Zane didn’t have a reason to return like Ava did. Otherwise, no one would believe Liz was dead.
“Sorry for unloading on you,” Ava abruptly added. “I’m not even sure why I told you that. I haven’t told anyone else.”
I shrugged, leaning my cheek against Trinity’s blue hair. “It’s fine. I don’t mind.”
She continued, as if I had asked her to explain herself. Or maybe she just wanted to understand her own actions. “I guess…it’s because you’re always awake.” Her gaze locked on mine again. “And I was glad you woke me up. I usually feel trapped in my dreams, knowing it’s a nightmare, but not being able to wake myself up.”
“That sounds horrible.”
“It is,” she agreed, biting her bottom lip. “So, if you don’t mind…please wake me up again, if you notice that kind of thing.”
My eyes widened slightly. “Okay,” I agreed. “I can do that.”
“Thanks,” she replied in relief. She then paused, her brow furrowing. “Wait. How did you touch me while holding…” Her voice trailed off. “Oh…”
“Sorry?” I stated almost as a question, uncertain if it was something I should be apologizing for.
“It’s…fine…” she conceded. “It’s just that it felt like your hand.”
I cracked a smile. “Well, that’s because it basically was.”
Her eyes widened as she thought about that. “Can you make anything? Like, could you turn your blood into a sword?”
I shrugged. “I mean, I guess. But it wouldn’t have much use, since it’s a lot more lethal to just kill people by…” I stopped midsentence, not wanting to go into the details of me stabbing enemies to death from across a room with tendrils of my blood. “Well, you know.”
She nodded silently.
A thought occurred to me then, thinking about what she had shared earlier. “Your father didn’t make your siblings watch too, did he?”
She shook her head, clearing her throat. “No. Just me. I was his firstborn, so he thought he was training me to be a prophet or shaman or whatever – they have a word for it in his language, but I can’t remember what it’s called.”
“You don’t think he actually heard voices, do you? I mean, like maybe he was a metahuman and that was his ability? To communicate with the dead or something?”
She appeared pensive for a moment. “Probably not. It’s rare for metahumans to be family members. I think he was just crazy. And besides, if anyone could communicate with the dead, it would be me.”
I gawked at her. “What do you mean by that?”
She pursed her lips as if she regretted making that comment. However, after a moment she answered while staring at the embers. “The world…looks different to me when I change into my other form. Like, it looks like our world, and yet it’s not.” She paused again, her tone becoming less hesitant. “It doesn’t make any logical sense why my physical body can become shadowy and go through solid objects. The military’s scientists did a ton of studies on me the first year I was here. And they only had one logical conclusion, though it ironically seems to defy logic…”
“And?” I prompted when she didn’t continue right away.
Her eyes darted towards mine again. “They think my physical body is transitioning into another dimension – or rather, that I’m hovering between dimensions, allowing my matter to pass through things it shouldn’t be able to pass through.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “And what do you think?” I wondered.
She shrugged. “It’s as good an explanation as any, I suppose.”
I considered that. “What does the other world look like?”
“Dark,” she replied immediately without hesitation. “There’s no sun, only a blue and red moon. The blue moon is out whenever it’s daytime here, and the red moon is out whenever it’s nighttime. Although, both moons are like double the size of our white moon.”
I gawked at her. “Are you serious?” I asked, not realizing just how ‘real’ this other dimension was.
She nodded. “Yeah, if I shifted right now, the red moon would be out, basking everything in a red hue. Granted, with it raining, it might be hidden behind the clouds.” She cleared her throat. “The blue moon is brighter, but it’s definitely a moon – not a blue sun or something like that. Honestly, I’m not sure how they produce so much light, since there’s no sun. There are several really large stars, but definitely nothing like our sun.” She seemed pensive again. “Although, I will say the sky is super weird when the red moon is out. There’s always a massive gap in the stars, like someone punched a hole in the sky.”
“Like a black hole?” I wondered seriously.
“Well, yeah,” she agreed. “Like a black hole, except supposedly black holes actually produce a lot of light around them. Instead, this is just a pitch-black gap in the stars, and it’s massive – like, it fills probably a fifth of the sky.”
“Dang,” I exclaimed quietly, trying to wrap my head around the size she was indicating. I was pretty sure black holes didn’t produce visible light, only radiation, but I didn’t want to get into an argument with her about it. I then thought about the moons again. Knowing how the aurora borealis worked from science class, it gave me an idea. “Maybe the black hole produces radiation that interacts with the moons’ atmospheres or magnetic fields or something – maybe they are actually planets.”
She shrugged. “No idea,” she admitted. “I don’t see dead people though,” she added, referring to her earlier comment. “I actually see everything here as it is, except it looks different.”
“How so?” I wondered.
She paused, her eyes flicking towards mine and away again. “Umm, well, like I could still see you, but your skin would be gray, and you wouldn’t have eyes. Or rather, I’d just see black where your eyes should be.”
“Creepy,” I admitted.
“It is,” she agreed. “I’m sort of used to it now – I used to have nightmares all the time when I was younger.” She paused. “I mean, I still do now, but it’s not from that – I actually feel safe there. Nothing can hurt me when I’m in my shadow form.” She took a deep breath, readjusting her head on her arm again. “I think it’s just because of how I ‘see’ when I’m a shadow though. Like, whenever I look into people’s bodies, I usually just see black where their veins should be…” Her eyes met mine again. “And like, when I’ve seen you use your blood while in my shadow form, it was black like your eyes. Makes me wonder if I just see things made of liquid as black – that might explain the eyes at least.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. Still, that’s just so crazy.” I quickly corrected myself, not wanting to offend her by being insensitive. “Not that you’re crazy, or I don’t believe you or anything,” I clarified. “It’s just so strange to know your reality is so different from the rest of us, and strange that there might be a parallel dimension or something where the Earth is orbiting a black hole.”
I was relieved when she smiled.
She opened her mouth to speak, before immediately closing it, her brow furrowing. I looked at her in confusion as she did it a second time, her eyes darting towards me and back to the embers. Finally, she got out what she was trying to say, speaking hesitantly.
“M-Maybe I’ll show you sometime…if you want to see…”
I gawked at her.
“H-How?” I stammered.
Ava abruptly sat up, looking behind me at Zane, before craning her neck to look over at Zayden, ensuring they were asleep. Her face was close enough now that I could touch her without extending my arm out to its full length, assuming it wasn’t occupied holding Trinity.
Satisfied that everyone was truly unconscious, she spoke in a low voice. “I can do more than just turn my weapons and clothes into shadows,” she admitted in a whisper. “I can turn others into shadows too, but it’s very difficult to maintain.”
I gawked at her. “You can turn me into a shadow like you?” I repeated in disbelief. “And then I’d be able to see the other world?”
She nodded once sharply. “You can’t tell anyone though,” she hissed. “It’s dangerous. I took a cat with me once, and it died when I brought it back. The only reason I’d consider it with you is because you can heal almost instantly.”
I nodded slowly as I absorbed what she was implying, holding her intense gaze. “Do you know why it died?”
She shook her head. “No. It was fine while we were both shadows together. But when we shifted back, it just fell over dead, blood leaking out of it’s mouth.” Her expression dropped. “I…really loved him…”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
She shivered slightly and laid down again. “I’m over it now. It was really rough when it happened though. I was super excited to bring him along, and then…well, horrified when I realized I had killed him.”
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, staring at the glowing coals.
I didn’t think anyone’s past could be any worse than Trinity’s, but it sounded like Ava was a solid contender. As horrible as Trinity’s experience had been as the personal blood-bag to a zombie-like metahuman, at least it was only a year of her life. For Ava, she had been in a living hell probably all of her life, being forced to watch her father ruthlessly torture and kill people on a regular basis, all the while trying to fill her head with messed up ideas.
Not that it was a competition on who had the worst past, but still – up until recently, I had lived a fairly normal life. And yet, what I considered to be normal seemed like a luxury in comparison.
When she didn’t respond, I cleared my throat, wanting to compliment her. “Well, it’s very impressive that you’re so kind, and overall normal, considering everything.”
Her eyes tightened slightly for a moment.
“What?” I wondered.
She glanced at me again. “I’m not trying to get all religious on you or anything,” she began hesitantly. “And if I’m being honest, I think religion is stupid. But…” She paused. “I was given a children’s version of a Bible by David’s mother just after he was born. It was my present for becoming a big sister. I was only six then, but I did read a lot of kid’s books to try to escape reality.”
She paused, tears reappearing in her eyes. “I think religion is stupid,” she repeated, sniffling. “But that book is the only reason I survived. The words written in there, telling me that I had worth, telling me I had a reason to exist, telling me that I was still loved even when times were hard, by a god I’m not sure even exists – it’s the only reason I haven’t tried killing myself like David’s mother ended up attempting when my father subjugated her to the same horrors I had grown up with.”
She sniffled and wiped her eyes again. “Maybe it’s just a crutch. I don’t care. I still hold onto those words, even now. And every time I kill someone, I pray for them and for myself, asking for forgiveness for both of us. Asking for forgiveness for something I have to do to keep my little brothers and sisters safe from a monster.” She sighed heavily with another sniffle. “I doubt it actually does anything, but I can’t stop doing it. I don’t want to stop doing it.”
“That’s fine,” I quickly replied. “You shouldn’t care what anyone else thinks. Life’s too short. If you want to pray, then pray. Why care what anyone else believes?”
She took a shaky breath. “Thanks,” she whispered. “You’re right. I should just do what I want.”
“I mean, why do you even feel like you need to defend yourself on that issue?”
She shrugged, her eyes seeming to look past the dying fire towards Zayden. “I guess because whenever I’ve mentioned it to anyone, they laugh and think it’s stupid.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s stupid,” I countered. “I mean, personally, I’m not going to waste my breath praying for anyone I kill, but if you want to do that, then do it. Who gives a damn what anyone else thinks?”
Unexpectedly, she smiled then, a genuine warmth touching her expression. “Thanks,” she replied sincerely, though it almost seemed like she was about to laugh.
“What?” I asked, my lighthearted tone matching her grin.
“I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you cuss,” she admitted. “We must be wearing off on you.”
“Oh.” I paused to think about that. “Maybe,” I agreed. “But I mean, usually adults cuss all the time. I gotta start sometime.”
Her smile faded. “You don’t have to though,” she disagreed. “Cursing doesn’t make you an adult. If you don’t want to, then don’t.”
I scoffed quietly. “That sounds like the advice I just gave you.”
“It is,” she agreed with another warm smile.
I sighed heavily. “Honestly, I’m not going to worry about it. I’ll never be someone whose every other word is a curse word, but if a situation demands cursing, then I’ll probably curse. And telling you to not give a damn about what others think seems like a good time for it.”
“It does,” she agreed again, her eyes sparkling in amusement. “Thanks,” she repeated.
“You’re welcome,” I replied simply. “And…” I paused, considering everything she had just told me. “Thanks for sharing,” I added, realizing that most of what she had just disclosed had been a secret until now – something she had only shared with me, assuming everyone else was truly asleep. And they were, as far as I could tell, exhausted from the long day and all the stress associated with it.
“You’re welcome,” she echoed, readjusting her head on her arm as she closed her eyes. Her voice became more serious. “Don’t make me regret telling you that.”
Despite her tone, I couldn’t tell if she was really being serious, but decided to play it safe and assume she was. “I won’t,” I agreed. “I promise.”
She opened just one eye to peak at me, examining my expression for a few seconds before closing it again. I continued to watch her, knowing she was asleep once her face completely relaxed and her lips parted slightly.
I didn’t fully realize how nice her company had been until I was alone again, sitting amongst the unconscious, finding myself lost in my own thoughts.
Feeling Trinity’s ribs press against me as she breathed evenly was comforting, along with the warmth of her body. But now I felt my thoughts begin to take a darker turn as the idea of death began to linger in my mind. Between what Ava had shared, coupled with the fact that we were in a radioactive wasteland, along with me feeling alone being the only one awake – it all made me think about death.
About what it might feel like to have everyone else die, while I just regenerated over and over again.
About the fact that I was different now, requiring blood to survive, the very thing that gave people life.
About the fact that I had almost killed Trinity, because of what I was now – a blood-drinker like the demon who had enslaved her for a year.
I had been so hungry, I couldn’t control my own body. I sucked up her blood, almost killing the person who was most important to me, because of what I was now – a monster. At the last moment, I had regained some control over myself, and tried to give her some of her blood back, which might be the only reason why she didn’t die. But still, it had been too close.
If I previously had any hesitation about going back without Trinity, I was resolved now. Because the safest place for her and Liz was away from me. I was a threat to everyone around me, and would uncontrolla
bly kill anyone so long as I was hungry enough. If I truly cared about them, then I knew I should probably stay away forever.
They’d never be truly safe otherwise.
The thought was distressing, as I found myself drowning in self-hatred and depression. Too distressing apparently, because before long I felt all of my emotions vanish into a black hole, replaced with a cold calculating monster, both in body and mind – like a lion who had grown fond of a herd of sheep, silently watching over them possessively, ready to kill any and all predators who might threaten them.
But the fact remained – I was still a predator myself.
Chapter 2: Newcomers
Zane was the first to wake up, groaning behind me as he pushed himself upright into a sitting position. It was still dark out, though noticeably brighter with the sun getting close to rising. He grumbled to himself, before taking a deep breath and then speaking to me.
“It finally stopped raining,” he commented. “I don’t sense any living animals though. I think the radioactive storm killed them all off.”
“Probably,” I agreed in a monotone.
He was immediately quiet, his voice hesitant as he continued. “Did something happen?” he whispered cautiously.
“No,” I replied simply. “I’m fine.”
I wasn’t sure if he believed me or not, but he didn’t say anything else. Ava woke up next, seeing my blank expression as I stared off into the distance.
“Jake,” she hissed in surprise, sitting up abruptly.
I just ignored her, continuing to keep my gaze far away.
She reached out then, resting her warm palm on my arm, her fingers trembling. “Jake,” she repeated.
Unexpectedly, the warmth in her hand seemed to rapidly seep into my entire arm, though I knew I wasn’t absorbing any blood. Instead, the sensation was coupled with a tingling that crawled up my shoulder, only to run down my spine and up my neck.
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