"Mamma," she says when she reaches me, a little bashful. She always is when she knows she might be in trouble.
"To the room, little troublemaker, you've terrorized enough nuns for today!" I smile at her and pat her head. She revels in the gesture and readily agrees.
"And you?"
"I..." I'm about to say I'll join her when I spot Mother Superior and Sisi going toward the unknown male. My curiosity is piqued.
"Go first! I'll come shortly." She's about to pout, but I urge her forward, and she gives up, joyfully skipping towards our accommodation.
Intrigued by the unknown figure and his connection to Sisi, I stealthily make my way towards an arch that allows for better visibility. Once my spot is chosen, I strain to make out the stranger.
And Lord, is he beautiful. Wait... can men be beautiful? I frown a little at that. I'd never thought about it, mostly because I'd never interacted with any males that weren't family. My brother, Enzo, could be considered beautiful, but he is too perfect. No, this stranger is beautiful in a different way. If I were to cast him in a biblical play (technically I'm only allowed to read those), he'd be Lucifer. Bright, yet with hidden depths. His dark blonde hair is messy and falling down his forehead in unruly strands. His skin has an olive hue, and his features look as if they've been chiseled in stone.
Ahh... I release a dreamy sigh. I guess you can tell how deprived I've been of male eye candy. Enzo had sneaked me a phone with an internet connection, but Lord is it slow. Even now... in this day and age. The images are the worst to load. But considering the fact that I'm breaking the rules just by owning that phone... well, I'll just take what I can get.
For now.
But I do have my celebrity crushes, like Marlon Brando... (the young version, of course). And this man... well, he could give Marlon Brando a run for his money, if he doesn't become obese in old age.
As usual, I start thinking about something, and I lose the thread... My brain really must have gone into overload mode. I'm even feeling a little flushed, and as I fan myself, I imagine what it would be like to be kissed by such a man.
I sigh out loud.
Probably better than kissing Marlon Brando... and I have imagined that quite a bit. I mean, have you seen that clip where he bites his lip? I rest my case.
It must be because I've never been kissed. I've fantasized so much about it that every slightly attractive male becomes my next fixation. But this is the first time I see someone that appeals to me in a non-digital format.
Since that incident, years ago, I've given up hope that I will ever experience that type of feeling in the flesh. But no one can take my fantasies away.
Honestly, even if it happened in real life, who is to say I wouldn't react badly to it, given my trauma?
It's better to admire from a distance. And that man will be the protagonist of my dreams until I get a better internet connection.
I'm once again so lost in my thoughts I don't realize both Sisi and the stranger are now standing up, looking as if they are saying goodbye.
I wait around until both him and Mother superior are gone, before I dash to Sisi's side, ready to get more answers.
"Who was that?" Sisi's startled by my words, and I have to stifle a chuckle at her expression. She puts one hand up and one on her chest, indicating she's catching her breath.
"I told you not to sneak up on people." She shakes her head with a smile, and taking another big gulp of air, she proceeds to tell me all about the foreign male.
"He's my brother."
"Your brother? That?" I ask, my reaction a bit too telling. Sisi narrows her eyes at me.
"Yes. That." She laughs. "He came over to give me some updates regarding the family. My other brother, Valentino, committed suicide."
"I'm so sorry." I add immediately, feeling a little silly over my previous gushing when Sisi received such bad news.
"Apparently he was already ill. It doesn't matter now, does it? It's all water under the bridge. I feel bad about it, but it's not like we ever had a close bond... He was essentially a stranger."
"I know what you mean." I take her elbow and we head towards our room. We'd managed, against all odds, to stay together in the same accommodation for years now.
"It's sad. But it is what it is. Marcello promised he'd visit again, and maybe even bring my sister with him." Sisi says and I can see the longing on her face. She's always had a problem with her family abandoning her at the convent. Over the years, I'd seen her overcome some of her issues, but that doesn't mean she's stopped hoping that at one point she'd be reunited with them. While she's now resigned to taking her vows soon, it doesn't mean it is what she wants. And I know that better than anyone. She's just making the best out of the hand she's been dealt.
"Marcello?" I ask. Is that his name?
"That's my brother."
"I've never heard you talk about Marcello before." I add. She's talked about her family in vague terms, and I know Valentino visited sometimes.
"He left the family years ago... it seems he's back now to get the affairs in order." He left the family? That's interesting. It also paints him in a much more positive light. Sisi knows very little about our families, having been raised in the convent since birth. And I'd never had the heart to tell her they are criminals. I've also had enough interactions with men within the famiglia to know that we are both way better off without them. My brother is the only exception I can think of. Ever since I was a child, he's protected and shielded me from our father's wrath. He'd even prepared a suitable match for me before the incident. After... he promised to get me out of Sacre Coeur when he inherits. It's been ten long years now, but I still have not given up hope. I trust Enzo, and I know he will keep his promise. When my father is no longer a concern, Claudia will finally be able to enjoy the outside world. Just thinking about that makes me smile. It's the only thing that's been keeping me going all these years.
"And what did he do?" I probe. I'm a little too curious about the man, I admit.
"He was a lawyer. He put away criminals." Sisi smiles, pride reflected in her gaze. That's definitely a commendable profession. He's earning even more brownie points.
"He's very good looking." I add shamelessly, and I can feel my cheeks immediately redden.
"Lina!" Sisi exclaims in outraged amusement. "So that's why you were so curious." She teases, and I blush even more.
"It's not as if I see a handsome man every day." I argue, but she's having none of that.
"Maybe next time you can meet him, too."
"And do what? Swoon at his feet?" The mere thought of that is hilarious. A scene slowly paints itself in my mind. Me tripping unceremoniously and landing on Marcello's lap. Meeting his eyes for the first time, and him realizing that we're meant to be. All of it ending, of course, with a kiss. I'm so lost in that scenario, that it takes Sisi physically shaking me to get me back to reality.
"You were really gone this time." She chuckles.
"I'm sure he'd want nothing more than a semi-nun with a child." I mutter drily, the reality of it being rather depressing.
"Hey, don't sell yourself short! You are not a nun, and you are beautiful. And I mean really beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you." She tries to comfort me, but I shrug it off. So what if I'm pretty? My circumstances are decidedly not.
"Never mind." I try to change the subject. I know dreaming is dreaming... but when it becomes hoping, then it has the potential to become harmful.
"Mamma! Aunt Sisi!" Claudia greets us when we get back to our room. "You were gone for so long!" She pouts in her usual fashion and I just shake my head.
"We have baking duty at four." I suddenly remember, my head snapping back to Sisi. Her eyes widen for a moment before checking the time.
"One more hour." She sighs in relief, and I follow suit. Mother Superior would never let us hear the end of it if we're late. The only saving grace is that I can take Claudia with me for all the duties, including cooking and baking. It's one of our m
ost fun activities. Tomorrow is Sunday, and we have a special Banquet for a new priest that's coming to Sacre Coeur. Together with Sisi and a few other sisters, we have been assigned to baking duty to ensure that we have some cakes and pastries to greet the priest with.
"ADD A LITTLE MORE FLOUR." I eye the concoction Claudia is mixing. We all went for chocolate chip cookies and corn cupcakes. Mother Superior personally visited to approve our recipes, and in her own words, to make sure we make only the best for the new priest.
"Do you know why they are so excited about this new priest?" I ask Sisi, watching as she's frosting some cupcakes. The other sisters are doing the same, but they are out of hearing distance.
"I have no idea. It's not like we need a new one." She dips her finger in the frosting and brings it to her mouth. I immediately slap her hand, glaring at her.
"You don't want them to see." I adjust my body so that Sisi can't be seen by the other sisters.
She rolls her eyes at me, but swipes her finger in the frosting again, this time bringing it to my mouth. I raise one eyebrow at her, but seeing that no one's watching, I quickly taste it too.
"Not bad." I nod, and Sisi gives me a smile.
"See! You need to be naughty every once in a while." She winks at me.
There aren't a lot of things you can get away with at Sacre Coeur, but Sisi's tried them all. Falling asleep during prayer, shouting expletives out loud, switching ingredients during her cooking duty. If she could get away with a prank, she'd do it. She's mostly grown out of it by now. But of course, Mother Superior blames everything on me, saying it was my devilish influence that turned Sisi from the righteous path. I can't even remember all the times she'd had to remind me I wouldn't be here if not for my family's influence.
"If even a place of God wouldn't take you, what does that say about you?" She'd throw at me. Funny how I'm always such a rotten apple, and yet it's Mother Superior and her army of nuns and novitiates that have engaged in group bullying. All because I got pregnant while unwed. As if that was my fault... I'd tried to shield Claudia from the worst of it, but she'd inadvertently realized that some things were off.
"We should have put salt instead of sugar." I add drily, feeling a little petty. They are putting so much effort in impressing this new priest, and I really want to know why.
"Lina, a rebel. Who would have thought?" Sisi teases, but then her expression changes, and she leans forward. "I don't know how true this is. But I heard the other novitiates talking. Apparently the new priest has high connections. That's why Mother Superior is so bent on everything being perfect."
"Connections?" I frown.
Sisi looks around before coming even closer, her voice dropping slightly.
"The Italian mafia." She whispers and a chuckle escapes me. She leans back and regards me suspiciously before asking. "Did you already know?"
"No, no, of course not. It's just that I can't believe that." I immediately say, not wanting to admit that I was laughing at the irony of the situation. But if the new priest is mafia... then I have to wonder which family he belongs to. I can't say I know a lot about our world either. Most of the things I'd heard had been by eavesdropping. No one would tell me anything otherwise. I'm most familiar with the New York mafia and the five families. Agosti, my family, and then there's Lastra, Sisi's family. There are three others, Marchesi, Guerra and DeVille.
"That's what they were saying." She shrugs.
"I want some too!" I look down to see Claudia pointing at the frosting. She must have seen us earlier. I can't refuse her, so I make sure no one's watching, before sneaking a spoon full of frosting to her.
"It's good." She smiles as she licks the spoon, and I can't help myself. I lean down and kiss the top of her head.
"Are you done with your batter, moppet?"
She nods, and I go over to check the texture. Seeing it's alright, I prepare it for the oven, breaking it up into smaller pieces. Claudia joins me while Sisi continues her own decorating task.
By the end of the day, we have enough batches of cookies and cupcakes for the entire nun population and the special guest. I am a little biased against the man already, if he is indeed mafia. My lips curl in distaste at the thought.
We finish cleaning the kitchen, and then we go back to our room. There are three beds inside now. Until a few years ago, there had been only two, as I'd slept with Claudia on one and Sisi on the other. But with my little troublemaker growing so fast, we'd had to request another bed. It hadn't been the smoothest process, and I'd had to get Enzo to intervene.
Speaking of Enzo... he hadn't visited in a couple of weeks. It's worrying since he sometimes visits weekly. I've been meaning to call him to make sure everything is ok. Maybe I should do that soon...
THE FOLLOWING DAY WE all head together for Sunday service. The sermons go as usual, but towards the end, Mother Superior calls everyone to attention.
"Sacre Coeur is extremely lucky to welcome Father Antonio Guerra, who has studied under the greatest theological minds at Vatican. He's one of the brightest priests of his generation, and he does us great a honor in accepting our invitation."
A young man no older than thirty steps in front of the altar and introduces himself as Father Guerra. His appearance is nondescript, but there is something about him I don't like. It's just a feeling, but as he looks around the church, his gaze seems almost predatory. A shiver runs down my back as his eyes lock in on us. Ever so slightly his mouth curls up, but the next second it's gone. I don't even know if I imagined it... Maybe I did. I tend to either like people immediately, or like in Father Guerra's case, dislike them.
I'd realize later that for once, my intuition was proven right.
Chapter Five
AGE EIGHT,
A NOISE JOLTS ME awake. I take a moment to realize I'm not dreaming and that my eyes are wide open. It doesn't seem like it, though. Maybe because everything around me is enveloped in darkness.
Trapped in this tiny place, my legs are stiff from crouching. I once again attempt to test the strength of the lock with my hands. I push once... twice... it doesn't budge.
I don't know how long I've been here. I've slept a few times, but with no light I can't even tell if it's day or night.
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. But memories of how this all started assault me.
It had been during Sunday lunch. For what seemed like the first time in forever, father had demanded we eat together like a family. It had been a tense meal. We had all sat down in silence until mother started with her crazy whispering. Father's head had snapped in her direction, and with a snide smile, he'd watched mother pour holy water on her food, all the while saying prayers.
The more I grew up, the more I realized there is something seriously wrong with mother. And father just takes advantage of that.
"Liliana." He'd casually said, leaning back in his seat, still watching.
My mother hadn't reacted, so deep in her prayers she was that I don't think she even realized he'd spoken. Big mistake.
"Liliana!" This time, his voice held a threat to it, and it seemed to snap mother from whatever trance she was in. But she didn't snap gracefully. No... she had to throw the holy water on father.
"Demon... you're the devil." She'd whispered, and father's sinister smile appeared once more.
"Devil, huh?" He'd mocked her one moment, before his fist had shot out and connected with her cheek. I'd gasped as I watched mother crumple to the floor, eyes wide, a hand going to the redness appearing on her face.
"Monster..." She'd continued. Father had sat up, tilted his head at her and in a taunting voice asked.
"And what are you going to do about it?"
Mother's hands had gone to her cross, and she'd stuck it forward, as if hoping to repel the evil in father. It just made him laugh.
"Your God isn't very generous today, is he?" He'd picked up the knife from his plate, slowly wiping it clean with a napkin. Upon seeing this, I'd realized I couldn't just sit and wa
tch.
Mother was ill... she wasn't herself. But father didn't care.
"No!" I'd burst out, putting my body in front of mother's and hoping it would be a good shield.
Father had looked stunned for a moment, before laughing once more.
"Boy, you want to defend her?" He'd raised one eyebrow at me, as if challenging me to admit it. "You want to defend this faithless whore?" He'd hissed at her before grabbing the front of my shirt and lifting me in the air.
"Fucking useless piece of shit." It had been very sudden. One moment I'd been hanging in the air, the next I'd been thrown across the room and into the wall. As my back had connected with the hard surface, I'd grimaced. The pain had been too much, and eventually I'd succumbed to it.
The next time I'd woken up, I'd been here. In a small, two compartment chest of drawers. Or at least that's what I assume it is, since I'd tried to feel my way around it.
Father had shown up a little later.
"Let's see if you feel the same after spending some time in there." He'd chuckled and left me.
And now?
I don't even know what's worse... being deprived of light for so long, or sitting in my own piss and shit for hours upon hours. At first, the smell had made me gag.
Now... I think I've grown desensitized to it.
I try to stay awake for a while longer, but thirst and hunger overwhelm me. I close my eyes.
"Shit dude, it smells like shit in here."
"Fucking hell, you're right. But boss said to bring the brat down... Hold your nose."
There is some rattling, and I realize someone is opening the doors.
"Fuck... ew." A man says. As the doors open, my eyes struggle to get used to the light.
"Grab the brat and let's go." The other man orders dismissively. I am so weak... I don't have the power to struggle against his hold when he tugs me by my clothes.
They keep on making weird sounds and complaining about how disgusting I am, until they bring me to the first floor, to mother's prayer room.
Morally Blasphemous (Morally Questionable Book 2) Page 4