by Becky James
She did neither of these things.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” she muttered, so only Shard and I could hear. “Mum thought the name sounded nice without stopping to check whether it was an appropriate name for a girl.”
Shard roared at Special Forces to be quiet. When they settled, he said loudly, “Evyn, well met. Get into place. We start with running.”
I deliberately turned away as Shard set us off to course down the straight to the fence and around the training field. We overtook her only a quarter of the way around. She had her head down with her arms locked to her sides, the classic “bad at running” stance. The line easily had enough breath to chuckle as we lapped her. I fell back into daydreaming, reminding myself that my soul would be an elegant runner. She wouldn’t be as fast as me, but with my encouragement and training, she would be able to tail me.
Shard had us do an extra lap but stopped Evyn at the usual three so she could catch up. Her face was red and sweaty. Shard started the warm-ups, push-ups, sit-ups, squats, and jumps. I focused on getting my muscles limber and ready for the day’s sparring with Gavain.
“Pair up!” Shard yelled. Automatically everyone moved into soul pairs. Shard usually sparred with me for obvious reasons, but today he shook his head at me across the distance. I kept my face clear. It would be rude to show my feelings, but this wasn’t going to be a workout for me at all.
Rose’s daughter watched everyone pairing off. The souls around us moved together, harmonised by how they thought of and reacted to one another. Wanting that for myself, I thought of how my soul companion would be new to training but not new to exercise. She would be a dancer or practise ancient arts of body movement, able to adapt her baseline fitness to the new challenges, with my help and guidance, of course. We would do extra sessions together with me taking her through the background, and I would be continually amazed by how much she picked up in such a short time.
The girl spotted me heading toward her and – did a scowl just pass her face? She could have been squinting into the rising sun. Realising I had let a frown rest on my face, I schooled my features to neutral. She looked around for someone else, and then her shoulders slumped as if in defeat.
We stood five steps apart as the others got started, flowing into the stances. Finally she looked up and stared off to the side of my face, spearing my right ear with her glare. “Well? What are we doing?”
“Standing here, Lady Evyn,” I said, putting special emphasis on the Lady. I still couldn’t believe she had a man’s name. My soul companion would have a lovely foreign-sounding name, but one obviously feminine.
“I don’t know what I’m doing here!” she complained.
I don’t know what you’re doing here either, I wanted to say. “Basic exercises.”
“Shardsson! Get moving!” my father screamed at me.
“I am explaining the basics, sir!” I replied smartly back.
Evyn scowled in truth this time. “Sure. Explain away. Why aren’t we doing them?”
“Because I already know how to do them.”
“Well, I don’t.”
I shrugged a shoulder.
She frowned. “What is your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem, my lady.” I knew how to stonewall someone.
“Well, would you show me how to do them?”
“I could.”
“Do I have to say magic words or what?”
“No magic is involved, my lady.”
“Argh,” Evyn cried. “Stop with the ‘my lady’ stuff. Will you show me what to do, please, or else tell me why you aren’t.”
She asked for it. “Only souls of swordsmen need to train with them, to demonstrate that both heart and bond is invested together in the protection of the king. You’re not, so there is no need to learn. And, frankly, you seem utterly unsuited to the work in any case.”
Her pink face paled. Turning away, she headed toward the gate.
There. I let out a breath. Now I would be able to spar with—
She changed direction. Throwing an ugly scrunch of her face over her shoulder at me, she marched toward Shard. I jogged to catch her, but she approached Shard and did some sort of movement with her hand, making a flat edge to tap to her forehead and away. Shard raised an eyebrow at her.
“I’d like a new partner please,” she said.
Shard shook his head. “There is no one else.” He turned that glare he had been using on me onto her.
Evyn didn’t seem to know what to say to that. “I’m supposed to be here to learn. I’d like someone to teach me.”
Shard nodded at me. “Shardsson here will do it. He takes new recruits through the basics all the time.”
“Oh,” she said, and then “Oh!” She marched back up to me, halted, did that weird hand to forehead movement again in Shard’s direction, and then faced up to me three paces away, beaming up at me. “It’s some sort of test, isn’t it? I get it. Okay, so, great, I’m no good at this. I know that already. I’m here anyway. I’d like to learn. Please.”
I leant away from her round, eager face. “Why do you want to learn? You’re never going to be a soldier, and you are certainly not Special Forces material.”
She nodded eagerly at my insults. “I know, but it’s apparently what you have to do, if you have a soul in Special Forces, so I wanted to give it a try. Even though…” She hesitated. “Look, this is way outside my comfort zone.”
“Comfort… zone?”
“The place where you feel like you know what you’re doing and who you are. And this” – she waved at the soldiers sparring around her – “is way outside of that.”
Folding my arms tight, I shook my head. “I don’t know why you are here wasting my time. I’m more than happy to teach actual, real recruits, but you don’t belong here. Why don’t you save us both some embarrassment and go back to wherever that zone is where you know what you’re doing.”
Evyn just stood there wagging her head! “Cool, yes, I get it. I’m ready to get started now.” She rubbed her hands.
I gritted my teeth. “You really don’t get it. You’re wasting our time, and all the while when I’m with you everyone will get the wrong idea and then I won’t be able to find my real—”
“Shardsson!” my father barked. “Just do something. Work together!”
I saluted my father, fist thumping hard into my chest above my heart. Evyn frowned, copying me with a lighter rap. “Oh, is that a salute? Not this?” She hit herself in the head with her hand again.
“This is a salute, yes.” I tapped my chest twice. She copied again, and a smile bloomed on her face. It was crooked, pushing her round cheeks up into her eyes, but a smile could be contagious. I felt something get lighter across my chest.
Shaking my head, I brushed the feeling off. “Fine. Basic ready stance.”
Coaching her through the easiest movements, I pointed out how she locked up in the wrong places and where she was too soggy where she should be strong. When I pushed her shoulders to test the set in her body, she would overbalance. The pairs around me tittered.
Why is she here? ’Isn’t this torture?
I gritted my teeth at the others, trying to shut out their laughter, hoping it wasn’t directed at me. As I reviewed her attempts, I wondered if her soul companion would be as clumsy as her. Did it work like that? Surely you had to share enough traits to recognise your unity and bond.
The worst was that my soul was still out there somewhere. My soul was waiting for me, and while she waited, she was bettering herself every day. I would do the same, when I could. When I wasn’t stuck with timewasters!
Eventually, Evyn got the three basic stances right. Moving between them was another feat she couldn’t accomplish with multiple tries and me showing her how to flow between them again and again until I had to do push-ups to keep my body warm. At last Shard called time and the souls could leave the field.
“Thanks,” she said, her smile taking up half of her small face. I salut
ed her, turning away to do some real training, losing myself in the familiar movements and trying to get her face out of my head.
Partway through the morning, Gavain nodded toward the castle. “Look who’s back. It’s your soul companion.”
Frowning, I twisted around to see. Rose’s daughter leant against the fence posts, hugging them to her chest like a child’s comfort doll.
“Don’t even joke, Gavain,” I growled at my friend, but he knew a weak spot to poke when he saw one. I shouldn’t have given him the opening.
“She’s mooning over you. New souls cannot bear to be apart!” He fluttered his lashes. I thumped him, and he was hard pressed to counter. When he caught his breath, he was laughing.
The training finished, Special Forces was dismissed to our duties. I tried staying camouflaged next to Gavain and Aleric as we made our way to the mess hall, but Gavain changed course.
“Where are you – Gav, no!” I hissed when I saw his direction.
Gavain approached Evyn. “Lady Evyn,” he said grandly, emphasising the title. Aleric laughed at the inappropriateness of it afresh. “Would you care to join us for mid-sun?”
Evyn looked at me, then nodded slowly. I curled my hands into fists. What was Gavain up to?
“You can walk with Shardsson.” Gavain grabbed my shoulder and pushed me toward her. I set my stance, so he had to use considerable force. Evyn frowned at that. “Go on, Shardsson. Give her your arm and walk the lady to lunch.”
“Gavain, stop it,” I snarled. Their smiles only widened.
“Go on,” Gavain goaded. “Be a gentleman.”
Shaking him off, I raised my fist.
He raised his eyebrows at me. “How rude,” he smirked.
Biting the inside of my cheeks, I seethed at the entire unfortunate situation. It would be some sort of slight, wouldn’t it, to refuse to walk the daughter of the king’s soul companion to mid-sun?
Sighing, I turned back to Evyn. “Very well.” I offered my arm.
Evyn disengaged from the fence. “It’s fine. I’m not coming.”
Aleric slapped my back. “Oh, please do come. We’d be bereft. Shardsson especially.” I glared at him.
“No, I… have something I need to do.” She was a poor liar, her face flushing.
“Whatever it is can wait. Mid-sun meal is one of the most important meals of the day, after all,” Gavain said.
She folded her arms around herself. It was a poor self-defence.
“Take his arm, Lady Evyn.” Gavain grinned widely, and Aleric wasn’t even hiding his laughter. The girl looked between them and then at me. Her face was redder than ever, and her glare pierced through me. I felt a shock of deep hurt land in my stomach like a lance. I took a step toward her, raising my hands.
She walked quickly from us, away from the castle and toward the gardens. At first her arms swung by her sides with her chin high, but as she receded her limbs slowly came up to hug her chest, her head bowed.
“Gavain,” I growled.
“What? You were the one who wouldn’t walk the lady to lunch.” Gavain and Aleric were laughing hard. “Aw, is your soul bond still sensitive?”
“She isn’t my soul, so stop saying that. She’s still Rose’s daughter. Do you think the king’s soul companion can’t have us all on half rations?” Strangely, that wasn’t my fear. Evyn had had an opportunity to tell Shard that I was refusing to train her, and she had not taken it. And what would she say? That I hadn’t jumped immediately to escort her? Hardly a crime.
What was that at the end? I had felt something when she glared at me, and it shocked me. I felt a little sorry for her, but she should not be here. She should be out in the castle looking for her soul companion. Maybe now she would stay with her mother, away from Special Forces.
Declining the mid-sun meal to give Gavain and Aleric time to cool off, I went to the baths. Washing quickly, I wondered what to do with my free afternoon. I had hoped to spend this time with my new soul, perhaps in the city, sharing our interests. We would marvel at how close our minds were and how complementary they were when they diverged.
Drying my hair, I sat at the edge of the bath, going still and staring between my feet.
Then I got up and got moving. I had to keep busy to get the image of Evyn’s eyes out of my head, the glare that shot through me, the betrayal that she felt. Betrayal? She wasn’t my soul. I forced my mind back to my contented, happy fantasies of what I knew my soul to be, the perfect image of my perfect companion. But no matter how much I tried, those images felt forced now. And really, how could she be so good at dancing and languages and conversation and everything else I imagined? I was an excellent swordsman because I trained, and I recognised I hadn’t the time for much else. Learning by rote had bored me; I wanted to be out in the field all the time. Perhaps my soul also had a singular focus. It was likely that we would be similar in that regard.
Exiting the baths, I ran smack into my father’s soul companion, Istadella. She had her arms folded and her foot tapping.
“Lady Ista, good day.”
She was small, half my size and wiry like my father, but that stance chimed too much with my childhood to be anything good. “Thorrn Shardsson.”
I took in a breath. It was bad if she was using my full name.
“Thorrn!” My older sister Sylvia strolled past. She saw Ista’s stance and raised her eyebrows at me. I grimaced. Sylvia stood as tall as me, willowy and beautiful as our mother. She could lighten a room when she entered and was a fantastic courtier. She always wore the latest fashions, knew everyone who was anyone at court and had the most interesting gossip about her peers. Shard kept saying that he wished Sylvia would find something worthwhile to do, but he didn’t understand.
Sylvia smiled widely, putting her hand on my arm. “Thorrn, your soul is delightful! So provincial. I showed her the library this morning, and she said she absolutely loves all those books!” I gave her a withering look. Her eyes sparkled. Now even she was making fun of her!
Ista’s disapproval deepened. “Sylvia Shardsdotter, don’t you have men’s hearts to break?”
Pouting, Sylvia said, “That’s an evening activity, Auntie. During the day, I like to volunteer to help those less fortunate.” She batted her eyes at me. I looked up at the ceiling.
Ista huffed. “I’ll make you less fortunate in a heartbeat. Be off with you and leave that poor girl alone.”
“But Auntie, I’m helping her. She’s the talk of the court right now. Her quaint ways are so darling!”
I took a deep breath. Ista did the same. “Thorrn, a word,” Ista said in a low voice.
“I’ll see you at some point later on.” Sylvia patted my arm. “I promised your soul I’d help her pick out an outfit for tonight’s dinner. She caused a stir in her culottes last night. Who knows, she might even start a new trend!” My sister bustled away.
Ista shook her head after Sylvia. I hoped Ista was distracted from whatever had made her use my full name, but she soon turned her irate attention to me. I did not know how someone so diminutive could be so forceful.
“Thorrn. You were missed at dinner last night. Missed and remiss.” I started to explain, but she held up a hand, forestalling me. “I have watched over you for all your turns of life. You know you are just as much a son to me as Bran. I was overjoyed at the thought that you might have found your soul companion in Rose’s daughter. It made perfect sense as you were yet to find your soul and Rose’s daughter lived away, without her soul match either!
“I asked and was honoured to be granted a view at a balcony overlooking the courtyard. I imagined a joyous first meeting, the trembling of nerves giving way to excitement, a meeting of minds and then the bonding…” She sighed, probably remembering her own meeting with my father for the first time.
Having no idea what it would be like, I had to settle for my experience of being without the other half of my spirit and making do on my own. Shifting my stance, I said, “Neither of us got what we imagined.”
She frowned at that. “You left. You didn’t even talk to her! You took one look and marched off, but I know you, Shardsson, better than you think I do. Better than even you do, I’d wager. You took one look and you made a snap judgement about that poor girl. I was at the dinner last night and she was just lovely, she—”
I held my tongue. It was clear that Ista just wanted to harangue me. I practised my guard stance, letting her words wash over me. My thoughts turned to where my soul companion could be.
She could be a lady somewhere. There were a lot of the northern cities I hadn’t been to yet, as my training and duties kept me close to the castle. She could be in the south, I supposed. I had only followed the court down a handful of times. She might be Daronian, where my mother was from. That was probably it. As soon as His Excellency Prince Torgund got the borders flowing again, I would go down there and find her. She wouldn’t be far away. I could meet her any day now.
Ista continued in the same vein for a while until finally, panting, she asked, “Well? What do you have to say for yourself?”
I snapped back into focus. “I have talked to her. She was at morning training.”
Ista blinked slowly. “Oh. And?”
“I took her through the basic stances.” And she was poor at them, I added to myself.
“Oh. Well.” Ista smoothed her hair back, pulled tight into her characteristic plait. “I suppose it’s likely to take time. You are both very nearly adults now. You will have lived separate lives entirely. It’s not like when you’re a child and can mould and fit to one another, I suppose,” she mused. “Maybe it will take time. But.” She fixed me with a glare again. “Don’t judge too quickly, Shardsson. First impressions count for much, but they are not everything.”
Chapter 3
That night I had guard duty on King Gough, but as the family were all together, the detail was expanded to include them.