by Becky James
“Me? Get a tattoo? My mum would kill me!”
“That won’t be necessary,” Aubin murmured.
I glared at him. “Wait. Are you just trying to get me to put that plant on my forearm?”
A smile flickered across Aubin’s pale face. “It nearly worked.”
Tuniel put her hands to her face. This time she cried tears of joy. “Aubin? Aubin, how are you feeling?”
“Better. Still uncertain. More certain.” He took a deep breath, straightening up. “But I have to be sure. I need to find my family, Tuniel.”
She put a hand to her chest. “They don’t exist. I’m sorry.”
“We’ll find them in Waker’s dreamland,” Evyn said eagerly.
“Evyn, that’s suicide. For something that doesn’t exist,” Tuniel hissed.
“They are real to Aubin. And who knows? Maybe Waker will reveal her hand behind it.” Evyn bowed her head. “I’m sorry, Aubin, I really am. You must be going through hell.”
“Yes. It will be worth it if I can find them,” he said.
I grimaced. He was in love with a phantom. I glanced at Evyn. The bubble in my solar plexus was still there.
Now I had to be careful that Evyn didn’t kill herself for a fleeting impression.
Aubin shook his hands, rattling the chains. “Are we leaving these on?”
The women looked to me. I drew in breath between my teeth. “You’re definitely more lucid than you were before. But you really hurt Evyn. This isn’t a punishment,” I added hastily, “this is a contingency. It’s my turn to be sceptical. This could be a way for you to disarm me before you try attacking again.”
Aubin raised an eyebrow. “You think I have the mental capacity right now to trick you?”
“All I know is Waker changed you, and it meant that as soon as you were restored mind to body and contract broken, you lay in wait and tried to seriously hurt my soul. This is better than lying to me that you’re fine, but I cannot take the risk.” I snorted. “Besides. You have the mental capacity to run circles around me.”
He shrugged. “Very true.” I warmed up further, but I still couldn’t take the risk of letting him go free completely.
“I’ll bring you some books to read,” Evyn promised.
Aubin looked away from her. “I’d rather be out there trying to find them.”
I had to talk to Evyn before she swore to something I wouldn’t let her do. “Mm. Evyn, let’s go get those books. I need to report in to Queen Ellesmere.”
Taking our leave, we promised to return shortly with supplies of reading material. Evyn bounced alongside me down the long echoing corridor. “He’s disbelieving all the things Waker put in about us! Excellent!” She punched the air.
I hesitated, not wanting to pierce her nascent excitement but to temper and balance her exuberance. “He’s still pining over his dream, though.”
Evyn skipped a few steps, cheeks pink. “That will take time, Thorrn. The more we help him try to find them and the more we reveal that they are Waker’s construction, the better that will be.” She stopped, her steps echoing on in the corridor. “It will hurt him, but the truth is better.”
I put my hand on the pommel of my father’s sword for reassurance. “I’m not enthralled with the idea of you entering Waker’s head to persuade him of something. That’s immensely dangerous.”
“How else can we do it, Thorrn? Without a definitive end to it, he’ll be thinking of them forever.” She looked up at the statue of a healer in the centre of the Queen’s Hall, with its one hand outstretched to help someone up. Evyn was so short, it looked like the statue indicated her.
I snapped my fingers. “We could ask Ellesmere to take them out of his head. She’s a reader. She can erase memories!” I grinned, chest brimming with excitement at the idea.
Evyn stopped in shock. “Thorrn! We can’t do that!”
“Why not? It would solve a lot of problems.”
“He had a life with them! Those memories of happiness are dear to him!” Her mouth opened and closed. “What would you say if someone tried to erase all the good times with Gavain?”
I scowled, stomach twisting at the memory of my one-time friend. “I’d say thanks, that makes it easier to kill him,” I grunted.
She tipped her head. “What about your father?”
A cold feeling slid through me. “Why would I want to forget those?”
“Don’t those memories hurt?” she whispered.
I walked on, scanning the connecting corridors. “Yes, and no. More no than yes. I don’t want to forget my father, and those are real memories with a real person.” I tapped my right forearm. “But Aubin’s got memories of phantoms, and going along with him in them is encouraging you to put yourself in danger.”
“Memories are all we have, Thorrn.” Evyn walked next to me, and I matched my march to her smaller steps. “I wouldn’t want to forget my father either. How do I know he was real? I can’t see him or touch him anymore. But he’s still real to me.” She started twisting her fingers again. I did not think she was aware of doing it. “And they are real to him. I want him to hold on to that capacity to love, Thorrn. He opened up to it in his dreamland and let the walls fall away so he could feel loved, wholly and deeply.”
I took her hand to stop her from pulling her finger off. “And he will again, only this time it will be you he loves.” I squeezed her hand. “Like it was supposed to be before Waker got in the way.”
Evyn’s lips twitched.
“You know I’m right,” I said.
She let out a low breath. “I don’t know that you are. I was reconciling to the fact that we can disprove his memories.”
Shaking my head, I said, “And in a key moment when we’re fighting Waker to get Gough back, she whips them out. He’ll be unable to fight and he could die.”
“We should ask him.”
“He will say no. Of course he would!”
“Then we shouldn’t do it.”
“Evyn.” I halted my steps. “You’re helping him live a lie.”
“I’m helping him work through a lie.” Pulling up next to me, she clung onto the fabric of my coat at the elbow. “He will be able to see it himself. He’s smart and capable and however much it hurts, he’s never afraid to bare himself to the truth. He will come around.”
Her earnest face made me want to agree to anything she wanted, and I felt the trembling warmth in that bubble in my solar plexus. But I had to help her and him in a way that was safe. “Or… he could just forget it and be back to the way he was. Don’t you want that?”
She screwed her fists shut. “I do. I do want that. Which is why I can’t trust that I want that for the right reasons.” She trotted toward the library.
I caught up with her easily. “No one wants to remember being tortured or being in pain. If I could erase what it felt like being suspended, I would.”
She spun around. “Why don’t you go ask Ellesmere and do it?”
I frowned, looking up at the high ceiling. “There might be an unintended consequence of that. Perhaps I won’t hate Gavain as much as I need to. Or something.” I scowled. “It’s different. At least let’s talk to Ellesmere about it.”
Evyn frowned but nodded, and I wondered what she would say if the queen agreed with me, as I felt she would.
We were afforded the honour of approaching the queen whenever we wished and a servant showed us into her rooms, where I quickly catalogued the entry and exit points and deemed it safe. The queen sat busy at her desk writing notes, looking up with a small smile as I saluted. She patted the ink on her papers dry, the tireless work of trying to convince the myriad lords not to follow the current monarch regardless of claims to the bloodline and instead listen to her.
Looking into each of our faces, she sighed. “I wondered when you’d come to ask me. I wasn’t sure whether it would be you, or Tuniel.”
I hadn’t felt her brush my mind, and she must have read the more usual expressions on my face because she
added, “I haven’t Read that, I merely anticipated the enquiry.”
Wrong-footed, I blurted, “Would this conversation go better if it was Tuniel?”
“If by that you mean whether I would be minded to tamper with Aubin’s mind, I do not think so.” Putting down her quill, she screwed the lid on the inkwell with finality. “He has gone through a terrible ordeal. Someone else changing or removing memories might do more harm than good. We want him to trust what we say and do. If he finds out that we manipulated him just as Waker did, that trust would be broken.”
“Well, when you put it like that…” I rubbed the back of my head. “Could you just take the edges off it, Your Majesty?”
She awarded me a tolerant smile. “Time will do that, Thorrn. Be patient with him, and let him know we are here for him to work it through.”
Evyn nodded eagerly. Scowling, I said, “Evyn’s thinking of doing something stupid, though.”
“Thorrn,” Evyn snapped.
I ignored her. “She wants to get his imaginary family out of Waker’s head.”
Ellesmere’s eyes widened. “That would not be wise.”
Evyn took a step forward. “It’ll help him see that they are Waker’s creation, though.”
“It gives Waker ample opportunity to manipulate him again. They are not just Waker’s creations, they are Waker’s puppets and her mouthpieces.” Ellesmere smoothed her hair back from her face. “No, my dears. Keep doing what you’re doing. Be yourselves, show him how what he was afraid was real could not be real, and that you do value and care for him. He will get to the right conclusions.”
We said our farewells and Evyn headed straight to the library, stiff-backed. “So, we’re both wrong,” I said. She didn’t say anything in response, busying herself with selecting a few books. I rubbed at the cold feeling in my solar plexus, watching her jerky movements.
When we arrived back at Tuniel’s rooms, they were empty.
“What the—” I carefully assessed Aubin’s room to make sure he wasn’t hiding around the corner before we went in.
The chains were deformed and melted. “Stone mage.” I snarled.
“Maybe they just went out for a walk?” Evyn ran to the corridor, looking up and down it. “Maybe we can go out and find them just outside?”
“I don’t think they went for a walk.” I opened a few closets. “All her gear is still here, though.” Unlatching the last closet, Tuniel fell out of it.
Swearing, I caught her, swinging her up in my arms. Her head lolled against my shoulder, a huge purple bruise swelling on her temple. Laying her out on the bed, I shouted, “We need a medimage or mancer, quickly. Damn and blast.” Instinct clawed at me, and I looked over my shoulder, guard raised, expecting an attack from the closet. Nothing there. Shaking my head I said, “He’s loose. Wonder where he’s going.”
“Earth,” he said. My head snapped up.
Aubin stood in the doorway. He held Evyn across her shoulders with a knife pressed to her throat. Evyn clutched his arm, her knuckles white.
A pounding fury flared in my chest. Evyn met my eyes and fought to keep calm, taking in a deep shuddering breath.
“Make a door to Earth,” Aubin hissed at her, pressing the blade into her neck. A trickle of blood flowed across the blade’s edge, and she mewled.
Clinging to the edges of sanity, I gasped, “Aubin, stand down.” I raised my arms to show they were empty, but they shook badly. I forced my shoulders to be still.
“Shut up,” Aubin snapped, glaring at me. “Put your sword on the bed,” he ordered, watching closely as I took off my sword belt and tossed it on the bed next to Tuniel’s prone form. He grimaced at his soul, but cleared all the emotion from his face.
He backed into the corridor, dragging Evyn with him. “Make a door, now.”
I struggled to maintain my control, tangled threads threatening to pull apart and douse me in rage. “She can’t, she can’t be sure what’s on the other side, it could be right in the middle of a mountain.” My voice sounded calm, considering that my heart galloped in my chest and sweat coursed down my back. “Ease back a little. Let her go. Lift up the knife and we’ll talk.”
“And let you put chains on me again? No. I think we’re fine the way we are.” He moved the blade, and I froze. Her rapid pulse pressed against the dazzlingly sharp edge. “Make a doorway,” he ordered her.
“No, Evyn, don’t. Stay with me, I can talk him down.” While Aubin’s attention was on Evyn I put my hand slowly behind me. I had a short knife stashed in the small of my back. I could kill him. I did not want to, I would hate myself, but—
“Make a doorway or you’re dead!” Aubin yelled, jerking the knife, and it all happened quickly after that.
I pulled out my knife. Evyn saw it and cried out. As the knife left my hand, she pushed Aubin and herself backwards. Evyn pinged, opening a doorway, and the knife flew through it and so did they, tumbling backwards.
Aubin did not fall when he stumbled on the new surface, righting himself and pulling my soul to the side. Snarling I leapt through, turning to go the same way—
Into a car beast.
Chapter 28
The screech filled me, then a huge smack. My head and shoulders went one way and my torso went the other. My back hit the ground, then my head. I heard a tinkle of glass. Everything hurt. I couldn’t breathe.
I groaned and tried to lever myself up. “Stay down! You might have broken something,” someone cried.
“Not… broken…” I catalogued my hurts. Everywhere and too much. I dragged myself onto my knees. “Ev… Evyn…” I stared at the hard grey river. Tiny chips of stone winked back at me. My head wavered on my neck as I looked up.
I swayed on all fours, surrounded by people. A man bent at my side, and a woman stood in tears being consoled next to a car beast that had a huge dent in it. I couldn’t see the person I needed to see anywhere. “M… Move…”
“Stay here. The ambulance is coming.” The man next to me had a device to his ear. “Yes, he’s talking. He’s upright. No, he’s not well. It’s clear he’s in shock.”
A wail struck me to my core. I closed my eyes and tried to clear my ears by swallowing hard. I tasted blood. My heart squeezed, Calling.
“Thorrn!” There! A faint, far-off scream, quiet underneath the screeching wail getting louder and louder. Putting my hands to the ground, I pushed off. My legs buckled underneath me. It took three tries to put my feet flat on the ground. All the while, people surrounding me cajoled me to sit down, stay down, don’t move!
“I can’t. I have to… have to go…” My vision blurred, darkening around the edges. The wailing was deafeningly loud now, a roar building up underneath it. The crowd parted as another type of beast eased to a stop in front of me. Astride it sat an armoured rider in green with a full plate helmet.
The flashing colours blinded me. I put one hand over my dazzled eyes, the other feeling around for my sword. Smelling blood, I focused on my hand, coated and covered in red.
“Luc! Luc!” The warrior pulled off his helmet. He cried out in horror. “Luc, what happened, what are you doing here – wait, you’re not…” He pulled a green bag off the back of the beast and yelled, “Move back, make a space, paramedic coming through.”
He bent over beside me. “Can you walk? To the pavement?” he asked me.
“I need to… I need to find…” I swung from side to side, trying to listen for her scream. The world swirled around me.
A device bleated on the man’s shoulder. He spoke into it, “Stand the rig down, I’m with the patient. He’s coherent and mobile. I’m going to treat at the scene.” Blasts of noise met his words. He put his arm around my middle. “Lean on me. We’re going to hop out of the road. Make a space, please! Has anyone called the police?”
“Yes, they’re on their way,” another man said.
“Oh good. Great.” We made our halting way out of the ring of people and to the side of the road. The man in green fired questions at me.
“What day is it today?”
“It’s… I can’t, I don’t…”
“Recite the alphabet.”
“Re… Re – what?” I felt drunk. All around and above me rose huge glass shards. I locked my knees out or I would have fallen.
“Who’s the queen?”
“Ellesmere.”
He took a sharp breath. Then, “You’re one of them. What’s your name?”
“Give me… few heartbeats… think… Evyn. Evyn.” Something was dreadfully, terribly wrong. “I have to go, now, I have to—” I stumbled. The green warrior caught me, lowering me to the floor.
“You are in no state to go anywhere.” The man bit his lip as he took out another device. He had a calm conversation on it and then he had a frantic conversation on it. He seemed to be two people, one in control, the other liable to fits. “It’s an emergency. Yes. There’s a breach. And… And he looks like you, Luc. He says his name is Evyn, that’s Dina… Dinah something, right?”
“Dinahen. Man’s name.” I needed something. Something was missing. I looked at my hands to see if I held anything. I flinched at the blood. “Oh.”
The armoured man took my hands in his blue ones, wiping them off. “Stay still, I need to check your head for… ah, there it is.” Holding my head turned to one side, he retrieved something else out of his green bag. “Luc is nearby, he’s on the way, he’ll close that gap you made.”
“I… I didn’t, I can’t make those. Ev… Evyn can.”
“Oh, is Evyn your soul companion? Do you have a male soul too?” He pressed down on my head. Pain bloomed and I reeled away from him. “Come back here, I’m trying to stem the flow. Head injuries always look worse than they really are but I have to check to be sure. I’m… I’m a medimage. Sort of.”
“Mancer?”
“Yes, right. Sorry, yes, medimancer.”
“I need to find Evyn, she… she pinged through just before I did… and…” My heart hammered, but I didn’t know why. Urgency flailed at me. “I just need to find her.”
“Her? You’re not making sense. This must be worse than I thought.” Something bleated. He perked up and tugged at me eagerly. “There! Luc’s here. Get in the car.”