by Raathi Chota
“That guy is a fucking douche. I don’t want to talk to him.” I huffed.
“So you had to walk in the rain?” Benny asked as he pointed to the window. It drizzled, and I bit my lip as I thought of Aidan.
“I suppose.”
“Bastard.”
“He was pissed in Phys Ed, but someone seemed to brighten his mood,” Carter spoke up.
“Who?”
“Kelly.”
“No surprise there, being the man-whore he is,” I muttered. Carter and Benny shared a look but eventually got back to work.
Twenty minutes later, the bell rang for lunch, and everyone rushed out of the room.
“Mr. Nielson,” Miss Rosa called as Benny approached the door. He stopped, then went over to her desk as I gathered my things. “Thank you again for what you’ve done. I really appreciate it,” she said as I walked to the door.
“No problem, Miss Rosa. Don’t want to see my favorite teachers in a bad mood.”
“Of course! It was a complete misunderstanding, but thank you again.”
“Anytime, enjoy your weekend.”
Benny gave one more smile then walked past me. I raised a brow at their conversation, but then it clicked when he mentioned teachers.
“It was you,” I said as I caught up to him. Benny smirked as I thought about Mr. Bronx and Miss Rosa.
“Liam told me that you knew Mr. Bronx for a long time and about the things he has done for you, so I just thought why not.”
“Thank you!” I squealed as I gave him a side hug.
“No problem. Anything to make up the eight ruthless years I put you through,” he said as he put his arm around my shoulder. I smiled as I thought how Benny had changed; he’d lived up to his second chance. “And since they’re in a good mood, we don’t have homework from either of them.”
“You have done well, Nielson,” I said as we entered the cafeteria.
“We can grab something to eat then head to the library,” Benny suggested as he looked at the line.
“Sure, I’ll be right there. You go ahead,” I said, then walked to our table. “Hey, guys.”
“Lana! Oh my god! I thought something happened to you!” Liam exclaimed as he pulled me down on the seat and hugged me.
“Why?”
“Blake said he’d pick you up, but instead he showed up alone with a murderous look on his face.”
“Nothing new,” Miranda joked.
“We just had a little argument, so he left me. I had to walk in the rain.”
“And then her knight in shining armor came to the rescue,” Aidan’s voice echoed behind me, and when I turned, he winked while I forced a smile.
“You guys are lucky that you missed P.E. Blake sent someone to the nurse,” Carter said. Some found it funny and laughed, but I let out a scoff because he took out his anger on someone else. Everyone at the table suddenly went silent, and I followed their gaze to see Blake Gunner and Kelly West.
“Where were you?” he hissed.
“Again, with the questions,” I pointed out as I stood up. He wrapped his arm around Kelly as I folded my arms. “I had a smoke with Aidan and only came back a half hour ago.”
“Wow, no surprise there, and how ironic that you’re always giving my middle finger a boner,” he said, then flipped me off.
“Kelly told me it’s the only boner you can get,” I said, and everyone laughed.
“You better watch that smart mouth of yours, bitch. You don’t know what’s coming to you!” Kelly hissed as she pointed at me.
“Shock me, West. Say something clever for once.”
“Lana,” Blake warned, and I turned to him with my eyes squinted.
“Don’t Lana me, you asshole!” I said, then shoved my index finger in his chest.
“Err…Lana,” Miranda whispered behind me, but I ignored her.
“You just come into my life saying meaningful bullshit that makes me look at things differently, then take me on a ride just to treat me like shit in the end? But no, everything revolves around Blake Gunner. The only way to satisfy him is to send him to the queen bee herself!” I said, pointing at Kelly. His jaw tightened, and I noticed how his eyes darkened.
“Recall the moment when I said I cared? I lied,” he declared. My lifted eye twitched, and I raised my fist to punch him, but Benny pulled me away. The corner of Blake’s mouth rose as I backed away.
“Let’s go,” Benny mumbled. I spun around, but Blake decided to have the last say.
“That’s right, walk away like you always do!”
***
“I hate him.” Benny broke the silence. We were in the library, and I stared at him, then shook my head.
“No, you don’t. You were all getting along. Don’t let my stupid arguments with Blake make you pick sides.”
“You guys fight like an old married couple.”
“We’re not even a couple! I swear I’d never go for a douche like him.”
“Well, then, what kind of guy would you go for?” Benny murmured.
“I’m not too choosy, but any guy who wouldn’t treat me the way Blake does,” I said as I avoided eye contact. There were a few people in the library, most of them were on their phones, but a certain someone caught my eye. Parker was with someone behind a bookcase, yet I spotted them through the books. The guy handed Parker money in exchange for a packet. It had to be drugs.
“Is this right?” Benny brought me back to reality. I turned and looked down at his book.
“Yeah, but if you want to get more marks, write the whole equation,” I said. He nodded. I looked at Parker again and watched as he shook hands with the guy. I bit the inside of my cheek and pushed myself out of my chair. “I’ll be right back. Just going to check for books,” I said. Benny nodded. I walked to the bookshelf, then turned the corner. Parker had his back to me, which gave me a sight of his blond curls. “I saw you,” I said, then folded my arms. Parker spun around and grinned.
“I saw you,” he mocked as I thought of earlier. “What do you need, Willson?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why’d you come here?”
“I don’t know.”
“I got cocaine,” he said as he wiggled his brows.
“Where’d you get cocaine?”
“I know a guy.”
“Does he go to our school?”
“Maybe.”
“How much you got?” I asked as my brows knitted.
“Why, you interested?”
“Nope, just curious.”
“I don’t know. It’s going quick, though, so probably around five hundred grams,” Parker said as he stepped closer. I thought back to when James Cornelius got angry because there were only two hundred and forty-eight parcels and not two hundred and fifty. My eyes widened at the thought of Parker, who must’ve had them.
“Why so little?”
“It’s my favorite time of the year. The money just rolls in since everyone wants to pass mid-terms and get on to winter break,” he said as he eyed me with a smirk. “Especially people like you, Willson. They’d say anything.”
“Wha-what do you mean?”
“To focus…they’ll do anything,” Parker whispered as he stared at me. “Cocaine is just one of them, and with the stunt you pulled in the cafeteria, it looks like you need it.”
“I don—” I stuttered but cut off as he put a finger to my lips.
“What grades did you get last year?” he asked as he removed his finger.
“Straight A’s,” I whispered as I looked down in guilt.
“Straight freaking A’s…all thanks to mwah.” Parker gestured to himself.
“Yeah, but I’ve chang—” I cut off again when he put his finger back on my lips.
“No, you haven’t changed. Think about it. You can’t focus now with Benny and Blake on your case all the time,” Parker said, then tilted his head. “None of them have made a move yet because they don’t want to face your dad. If they do make a move, then that other guy is
gonna be pretty upset. What’s his name? I can’t seem to get it, but he’s friends with Keene.”
My eyes widened as I stared at Parker. I was blank on how he knew Levi, let alone his best friend Keene, who I hadn’t seen in ages. “This will make you focus and even pass finals,” Parker whispered as he walked around me. His chest pressed against my back as he held out the familiar bottle. The same pills inside that made me pull an all-nighter before. “Take these, and you’ll even get a scholarship to Yale,” he whispered as I stared at the bottle. “Any friend of Aidan is a friend of mine; thus, you get a discount. So what do you say, Lana Willson? Wanna become my favorite customer again?”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lana
I pulled the sheets closer as I stirred in bed. I couldn’t sleep again. I twisted and turned until I stared at the ceiling. I stared at it for what felt like an eternity until I saw movement from the corner of my eye. I snapped my head in that direction only to hear my desk chair squeak. It’s the wind, I repeated to myself as it turned. After a while, the chair stopped, but the feeling of not being alone didn’t. Again I saw movement, and when I glanced at my door, there he was. My eyes widened in horror as he stood at the edge of my bed. His ginger hair the exact same as the last time, he wore the same worn out clothing as he watched me. I sat up as I observed him; it was only then I noticed the item in his hand. Not any item, my shoe. The silver heel looked brand new as Jack raised his arm.
“No please…” I cried as he stabbed himself in the head with the heel. The blood spat out like a volcano as I cried. With both hands on the shoe, he put more force into it. The blood ran down his face as I watched. “I’m sorry, please!” I begged as the familiar nauseous sound erupted in my ears, aware that he had gone too deep.
“Lana!” Jack yelled.
“Please, I didn’t mean to!”
“Lana!”
“I’m sorry!”
“Lana!”
My eyes snapped open as I rose from my bed. My chest rose and fell as sweat dripped from my forehead. I felt two hands on my shoulder and shook as I looked up, only to be met by my dad. I let out a sigh as I tried to relax. Dad sat next to me as he rubbed my shoulder for comfort.
“That’s the fourth night in a row,” Dad muttered. I glanced up and noticed the tiredness took over his features.
“I’m sorry.” I sighed, then looked down. The nightmares had gotten worse, and it seemed like they were here to stay. Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured Jack August.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Dad asked.
“No—” I cut off when a knock came on my door. Dad and I turned to see my mother enter with a tray and three mugs on it. The smell of hot cocoa spread through the room as she placed the tray on my desk. She handed Dad and me a mug, then took hers. I watched as she sat on the edge of my bed and glanced at my father. They kept eye contact for a few minutes while we sipped our hot cocoa. It’s as if they talked to each other with their eyes.
“I’ve changed your sheets already…” Mom said.
“Thank you.”
“Do you want to talk about it, dear?”
“It’s my last year of school. Just a lot of stress.”
“You’ll get through it, kid,” Dad assured me as he got up from beside me. He placed his mug on the tray, then stood next to my mother.
“Besides, Thanksgiving is soon. You’ll have a nice break.” Mom smiled.
“I guess.”
“Try to get some sleep. We’ll be right across the hall, okay?” Dad stated as I nodded. My parents walked out as I smiled. I watched as the door closed, and the shadows under it disappeared. I sat in my bed for a while and watched the light on the ceiling. I couldn’t go to sleep. I didn’t want to worry my parents again and be questioned. I couldn’t let them know what I dreamed of. Only Benny knew about the dreams. We studied at my place after school in the kitchen. I got out of my bed and looked across the room at my bag. I reached for it, then unzipped the bag. I searched for the bottle until I found it. As I read the description, I sighed, because I’d never thought I’d be back on it.
***
As I walked through the halls, I blinked away the tiredness and saw Benny against my locker. With a smile, I approached him, yet when he saw me, his face lit up.
“Hey,” Benny said as he stood against the locker next to mine.
“Hi,” I mumbled as I opened my locker.
“You okay?”
“If waking up at two in the morning and worrying your parents terribly is normal, then yeah, I’m all right.”
“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, then looked down. I turned to him and noticed he covered his head with a hoodie.
“It’s okay…how are you?”
“Been better,” Benny muttered as his brown eyes met mine. “You ready for the test?”
“Yeah, I studied all morning,” I admitted with a smile on my face. I expected a smile back, but Benny squinted his eyes as I raised an eyebrow.
“All morning?” he repeated, and I nodded. “How many hours of sleep did you get?”
“Enough.”
“Lana, your mom told me abou—” Benny cut off when Carter came up beside him.
“Cool kids, ten o’clock.” Carter chuckled as he looked over my shoulder. Benny and I followed his gaze. There were no more Them; it was a mix of Blake, Kelly, Jennifer, and Austin. Blake and I hadn’t spoken since the fight last Friday in the cafeteria. He’d still hang out with the guys, but we ignored each other. A rumor was going around about him and Kelly dating. It irked me that he despised them, but they walked around like they owned the school. Blake still had that look of “I don’t give a fuck,” even though he walked with an entirely new crowd. We looked at each other, but he’d be the first one to look away. He made me feel so much pain these past few weeks that I couldn’t even think straight anymore. I didn’t know what possessed me to put my leg out as they walked past, but I was glad I did. Austin fell for it as he leaped forward and landed into Kelly. She tumbled over into Blake’s arms as Jennifer stood speechless. Benny and Carter snorted as I smirked. The four of them glared at us, but we turned away. Once they were all steady, they walked away as if nothing happened. “Okay, that just made my day.” Carter laughed as he high-fived me. “See you at lunch.” The bell rang. We watched the blond boy skip down the hall, and being the typical guy he was, he stopped to greet a few girls. I smiled, then turned to Benny, who raised his arms at me. I raised a brow, and he laughed.
“Come on,” he cooed as he motioned me to hug him. I playfully rolled my eyes as I stepped forward and accepted his hug. He wrapped his arms around me as I buried my head in the crook of his neck. We stayed like that for a while as he gently rubbed my back.
As I walked into Photography class, I groaned. The test was hard, which meant that the examination would be even harder. Mr. Dockwell wasn’t here, so I glanced around the classroom and saw Melissa in the back. I smiled as I sat next to her, and we began to chat. I was talking about Thanksgiving when Melissa tuned out. I followed her gaze to see Blake and Kelly walk in. Blake and I locked eyes as he slowly approached us, but he sat in front of us with Kelly next to him.
“Is she even in this class?” I whispered to Melissa. She shrugged as we watched the two. Blake whispered to Kelly as she giggled. He kissed down her jawline as I shivered. Mr. Dockwell entered the class and took the attendance. Afterward, we were told to do our assignments. I immediately set out to work on my laptop. I stared at the screen with its brightest on, so I’d focus. It didn’t help that my eyes drooped.
“Who’s that?” Melissa asked as she pointed to the screen. I opened my sleepy eyes to see a little girl and boy. I smiled at the pictures of Levi and me when we were seven and eight years old on Halloween. We went as ketchup and mustard, because Levi’s mother forgot to order our Cinderella and Prince Charming outfit, so those were the only ones left. “Is that your long-lost twin brother?”
“No, he’s just a friend.” I laughed at the
thought of Levi and me being related.
“Well, you guys do look alike…same hair color, same blue eyes, and whoa—” she babbled, but cut herself off when she saw the next picture. “Puberty!” she squealed as everyone turned to us. Melissa gaped as she stared at the picture of me in the mirror and Levi’s back turned to the mirror. It was the same picture Blake asked about.
“You can barely see him.”
“Yeah, but look at his back muscles, and his hair…is that tattoo—”
“Miss Singe!” Mr. Dockwell scolded Melissa. I kept in a giggle as she apologized.
“I’ll be right back,” Melissa assured me as she got up and walked to the other side of the classroom. As I went through old pictures of Levi and me as kids, I smiled. My happy moment got interrupted when I heard giggles in front of me. I looked up and saw Blake with the camera in his hands. I rolled my eyes as I tried to focus, but I couldn’t with Kelly. I sighed and looked around the classroom before my hand reached down for my bag. I quickly took out a pill and popped it into my mouth before anyone noticed.
“Blake, you’re supposed to be doing your unique assignment,” Kelly whispered.
“You’re unique,” Blake said as he lowered the camera and looked at her. I choked on the tablet as soon as those words fell from his mouth. Everyone turned to look at me as I tried to breathe, and instead of helping, they watched!
I raised my hand, and Mr. Dockwell ushered me out. I sprinted down the hall and into the restrooms. I leaned on the sink and looked into the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot as they surrounded my dark blue iris. I had bags under my eyes, but I was thankful for my glasses. While I licked my chapped lips, I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked down at my bag and regretted what I’d do next. As quickly as I could, I took out the bottle and stared at it. I only had one pill left, so I placed it in my mouth and drank water. Afterward, I took my glasses off, washed my face, then tied my hair in a high ponytail. When I put on my glasses, I tried to smile, but anyone could tell it was fake. I shook my head, then walked out of the restrooms. As I walked down the hall, I saw Parker stuff something in a locker. I slowly approached him and raised a brow.