by Amy Waeschle
“You and Quinn seem really close,” Bo said while his thumb stroked the slope of her shoulder, sending a track of goose bumps down her skin. “He’s not gonna give me any trouble if you leave with me, right?”
Cassidy gripped the edge of the table, ready to push away from him. “Who says I’m leaving with you?” she managed, her throat so tight that speaking caused her pain.
“Just teasing,” he said, as a grin lit up his face. “Your eyes had some fire, though, damn!” He shook his head hard, still grinning, then his expression turned serious. “I like a girl with spunk.”
Cassidy tried to find some snarky retort, but her mind went blank. Quinn returned and Bo softened his grip on her shoulder so she could exit the booth, then followed. The walk to the door seemed to take years, each step agonizingly slow. Once outside, Cassidy was so grateful for the fresh air. She felt dizzy.
“See you tomorrow, brother,” Bo said, giving Quinn’s hand a sideways slap followed by a fist bump. “Hey, speaking of Deadman’s, there’s a northwest swell coming,” he said to them, giving Cassidy a quick glance. “Saturday. Let’s meet up.”
“Sure,” Cassidy said, her voice sounding garbled.
They said goodbye, then Bo spun on his heel and strutted away. When he disappeared around a corner, Cassidy exhaled her relief.
“I already called a car,” Quinn said, his face frozen.
Cassidy nodded. As much as she wanted to fall into his arms, Special Agent Harris had warned them of the possibility that they were being watched.
A white Leaf pulled up to the curb, and Cassidy gratefully slid inside. Her phone buzzed from her pocket and she slid it out to read Bruce’s text:
Keep the conversation light. Don’t talk about the meeting.
She flashed the screen to Quinn, who nodded.
Quinn expanded on the topic he had shared with Bo about the increase in minimum wage and what it was doing to his business model. Cassidy dutifully listened and commented, feeling like she was performing in a play. Were Bruce and the other agents still listening?
After exiting the Leaf, she practically ran up the stairs, fumbling with her key.
“Hey,” Quinn said, gently assisting her with the door. “It went okay. It’s over. You shouldn’t have to see him again.”
Cassidy nodded, hoping this was true. She had completed the task. Nothing bad had happened. Given different circumstances, she might even have enjoyed it. “He wanted to take me home,” Cassidy said as Quinn got them inside.
“Pushy, isn’t he?” Quinn slipped off his shoes and added them to the shelf behind the door.
“He acts like a horny teenager. The only thing missing is the acne.”
“How’d he react when you turned him down?”
Cassidy suppressed a shiver. “Said he liked a girl with spunk.”
Quinn raised his eyebrows. “Persistent, too.”
“What happened when I was in the restroom? He’s meeting you tomorrow?”
“He’s hooking me up with a free month of linen supply. But he hinted that it was just the beginning.”
A knock at the door startled them both, but it was only Bruce. Seeing him brought on a rush of emotion she couldn’t explain. Bruce pulled her into his arms and held her softly while she tried to understand this jittery energy racing through her.
Slowly, her fear ebbed and she stopped shaking. Bruce stepped back, his concerned gaze sizing her up. “You okay?”
Cassidy nodded.
Bruce’s face relaxed. He glanced at Quinn, who gave a one-shoulder shrug. “Piece of cake.”
“You did amazing,” Bruce said. “Both of you. Really well done.”
“I’m ready to get this thing off though,” Quinn said, tugging off his shirt.
Within moments, Bruce had detached Quinn’s hardware, then turned to Cassidy, starting with the transmitter. Cassidy helped by pulling up the side of her shirt.
“Wasn’t too bad, was it?” he asked.
“No,” Cassidy replied as his gentle touch tickled her skin. “Though I was nervous when I came back from the bathroom because then he was on my right side.”
She felt Bruce stiffen. “You sat next to him?”
“He didn’t give me a choice.”
Bruce followed the wire to where it moved up her front. There was an awkward moment where she thought he was going to reach into her shirt.
“I can get it,” she said, and hurried into the bathroom. Inside, she ignored her reflection and quickly undid the wire from her bra strap, then returned to the living room.
Quinn was getting beers from the fridge while Bruce stood on the balcony, his hands on his hips.
“I’m gonna take off for a bit,” he said, cracking the lid on the first beer and handing it to her, “if that’s okay.”
Despite the late hour, she didn’t bat an eyelash. Typical Quinn. “Of course, it’s okay.”
He cracked the remaining bottle and carried it toward the patio.
“You aren’t joining us?” Bruce asked as he took the beer from Quinn’s hand.
“Not this time,” he said. “But make yourself at home,” he added, sweeping his arms wide.
The two of them shook hands, locking eyes for a long moment. Cassidy thought she saw something pass between them—an understanding, perhaps. For some reason, seeing two people she cared about so much joined together like this, meshing so easily, settled something inside her heart.
Quinn disappeared inside, and as Bruce stood there, framed by the soft night sky, his warm eyes calm and his smile simple, easy, the feeling from earlier returned, giving her goose bumps.
“I know it’s been a long night. You want me to go?”
“No,” she said. “Stay. Please.”
Fifteen
“This is one of my favorite neighborhoods,” Bruce said, gazing out at the black night. “Can you see the ocean in the daytime?”
Cassidy took one more deep breath to calm her jittery stomach. Bruce is just a good friend who’s looking out for me, she told herself.
She nodded at the building across the street, barely visible in the gray lamplight. “No, but there’s a lady who cleans her house in her underwear and there’s a couple who yell at each other a lot, and an old man with a bonsai garden on his balcony.”
“Sounds like you’ve spent a lot of time here.”
Cassidy sipped her beer. “Quinn’s made it pretty easy. I have my own key, my own drawer, a wetsuit and board…”
“He seems to have a pretty full life, but I’ll bet he misses you when you’re gone.”
“Quinn’s not very sentimental or anything, but we’re very close. He’s sort of my rock.”
“You’ve been through a lot lately.”
Cassidy ignored where this thought tried to take her.
“Though you’re very protective of him, too.”
A surge of emotion raced through her. “Well, I have to be.”
Bruce sipped his beer. Below them, a car turned down the street. “I lost my mom last year.”
Cassidy grimaced. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
“Were you close with her?”
He shrugged. “Even though this job makes it hard to be close with anyone, yeah, we were.”
“Is your dad still alive?” she asked.
He nodded. “Working like a dog, like always.”
“My dad worked a lot, too,” she said. “I think it was a coping mechanism, after my mom died.”
“Likely it is for you, too,” he said, catching her gaze.
Cassidy thought about the many conversations she had shared with Jay, about this. Work was okay to escape to, as long as she didn’t ignore her feelings forever. Sometimes we have to put our emotions away for a while because it’s too raw, too painful to deal with. That’s okay. But at some point, those emotions need to be unpacked and processed. It hurts like hell, but that’s the only way we can heal.
Cassidy wondered how many more emotions she had left to p
rocess. Barely a week ago, she had experienced a debilitating flashback on the hunt for Izzy. Tonight, being close to Bo like that had brought on feelings she didn’t understand. She had felt as if she was in someone else’s skin, her words not her own. She had felt guilty, though that made no sense. She had no interest in Bo but playing this game with him twisted her emotions into knots.
“Did you ever consider living here?” Bruce asked, moving to one of the lounge chairs.
Cassidy settled into the neighboring one while her mind switched gears. “I love this city, but for me to live here, I would need to have the right job.”
“But you grew up in this area, right? Went to college here, plus Ocean Beach is here, Quinn is here…” He looked like he was about to say more, but stopped himself.
“Here’s a news flash for you,” she said, grinning. “I don’t love Ocean Beach.”
His eyes widened. “No? You don’t love the relentless paddle out? The bone-crunching sets? The powerful currents?”
Cassidy laughed.
“What did you think of Fort Point?”
“It was fun. The wave wasn’t exactly top quality, but it was cool to be there.”
“Yeah, it’s sort of a novelty, but a nice change of pace.”
“Are there always so many people down there, taking pictures? That was a trip.”
Bruce gave a little chuckle. “I’m sure I’m in plenty of photos in my underwear.”
Cassidy remembered his bare torso framed between the open doors of his SUV. “When you were loading the boards, I saw something on your side. A scar,” she said. “Is that from a case?”
Bruce’s gaze drifted away. “Six years ago. We had a hostage situation, and things went south.”
“A bullet wound?”
“Yeah. Got me right below the vest. Thank goodness it missed my spine, or I wouldn’t be here.”
“Did they get the guy who did it?”
“Yeah. Sniper. It was over in seconds.”
“Dead?”
Bruce nodded.
Cassidy sat back against the chair. “Has it ever gotten to be too much? Like…would you ever quit?”
Bruce eyed her. “Quit? Jeez, what the heck would I do if I quit? I love this job.”
“Even though you could die?”
He nodded stiffly. “Being able to settle the score, to bring justice to those who can’t achieve it for themselves is pretty satisfying.”
“Well, sure, but…the danger.”
“You work on the flanks of active volcanoes, don’t you?” he asked, a playful spark lighting up his eyes.
“Yeah, but—”
“No buts!” Bruce interrupted. “Your job is probably more dangerous than mine.”
“Get out!” she said, brushing his comment away with a swipe of her hand.
“Seriously,” Bruce said. “Your job is way more unpredictable. And probably deadlier.”
“But the technology available is very sophisticated. There’re plenty of warning signs.”
“It’s the same for me. Though it’s being able to read people, not technology, that warns me.”
“Yet you still got shot.”
“True, but the perp was a nut job. I wasn’t surprised when he pulled the trigger.”
“Why did you even go in there?”
“Because there was no one else. The hostage negotiation team was on their way, but the situation was deteriorating.” He gave her a stoic look. “He had a kid in there. I had to at least try to stall.”
“Ugh, that sounds awful.”
“It was, but it had to be done.”
She set her beer down and pulled in her knees. “Would you live anywhere else?”
His lips pursed into a pensive frown. “I’m not set to any one place. My assignments have taken me all over. I like the variety.”
“Is it lonely?” she asked.
“What, moving around?”
“Yeah. I mean, being undercover means detaching from your life. Then the friends you make on the assignment aren’t ones you can keep.”
“Not if they’re in the Bureau. We’re like a family.”
“Okay, sure, but those people you built your case around in Costa Rica…they’re gone from your life now.”
Bruce shrugged. “I see what you mean, but heck, I don’t have time to be lonely.”
“Would you ever move back to Hawaii?”
“When I retire maybe, but I don’t know. It’s a different life there.”
“How so?”
“Slower.”
“Maybe it would be good to slow down someday, though. Drink rum all day and surf when you feel like it. Settle down with some young island beauty.”
“Whoa there, I was with you until that.”
“What would be so bad about settling down?” she teased.
His face turned serious. “Because I tried it once and, well, it’s a lot harder than it looks.”
The air whooshed from her lungs. “Crap, I’m sorry.”
He flashed her a pained smile. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t even know why I brought it up.”
“C’mon, seriously? After everything we’ve been through, you know you can tell me anything.”
“Why would you want to talk about my divorce?” he said, looking puzzled.
“I don’t,” she said, relieved to see the playfulness return to his eyes. “But I’m a good listener if you do.”
He shifted in his chair. “It was sort of inevitable. I was in the field a lot. She wanted a family. I couldn’t think about kids when there are so many scumbags on the planet trying to hurt them.”
Cassidy peeled at the label of her beer. “That must have been tough.”
“I so badly wanted to make her happy, but I just couldn’t. Plus, I was afraid I wouldn’t be there to help raise the family she so wanted.”
“Because of work, or because you might not come home from one of your missions?”
“Both, I guess.”
“Wow, that’s awful.”
He squinted at the darkness. “Yeah.”
“When it ended, I joined the joint task force with ICE in Costa Rica. I needed something big to latch onto, something that would really make a difference, prove to me that it was all worth it.”
“Looks like it did, with Mel and that Columbian crime family now in jail.”
Bruce nodded, his lips pressing together in a tight line. “I almost lost you, though,” he said. “I don’t know what I would have done if that had happened.”
Cassidy remembered Bruce’s visit to her hospital room and the way he had tried to convince her to not blame herself about Mel.
“It wasn’t your fault though,” she said.
“Still,” he said with a heavy sigh. “That was the scariest things I’ve ever seen.” He closed his eyes. “You had gone blue and limp in my arms, Cassidy. I was watching you die.”
Her gut lurched.
“Sorry, that’s probably not pleasant to hear.”
Cassidy inhaled slowly while counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…until the image of Mel’s conflicted expression faded. Thank you, Jay. Where would she be right now without his support?
“Since then, I haven’t been able to let anyone get close to me,” she said in a rush. Why was she telling him this?
“No surprise there,” Bruce said, giving her a look of compassion.
“Tonight, when Bo put his hand on my back, it felt so weird. Like I wasn’t in my own skin.”
“It’s not weird like that with Quinn is it?” he asked.
“No, though Quinn isn’t much of a hugger.”
“Or me?” he asked, a tightness pulling at the edges of his eyes.
Cassidy struggled to keep her stomach still.
“Uh, oh,” Bruce said. “Cassidy, I feel like I can read you pretty well, but have I made you feel uncomfortable?”
Her emotions fizzled inside her, mashing and mixing like a toxic brew. “No,” she replied while the concoction inside her bubbled furiously, threatening
to boil over. “But it’s sort of messed with my head.”
A tense pause filled the space between them. “Can you tell me about it?”
She picked at one of the fraying straps of her chair. She wasn’t going to talk about her reckless decision to sleep with Héctor and then Mel in a misguided attempt to regain her confidence. “I guess I don’t trust myself.”
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
She inhaled a steadying breath before meeting his gaze. “Of course I do.”
“Then what is it you don’t trust?”
“That I won’t end up alone again,” she said, crossing her arms.
“Because of Pete.”
“Because it’s what happens,” she said, the boiling acid in her stomach rising into her chest.
“I’m so sorry, Cassidy,” he said, shaking his head.
A tear leaked from the corner of her eye. “I try not to think about it like that, but…”
“You have Quinn, your friends, right?”
“Yeah,” she said, wiping the tear away.
“And you have me,” he added.
“But what if something happens to you?”
He closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m not going to lie to you, Cassidy, that’s a possibility.”
She nodded. At least he was being honest with her. Unlike Pete. “What does that mean?”
“It means I’m here if you need me.”
“Yeah, you’re here now,” she said. “But what about when I leave? What about when you take your next undercover case?”
“You said it. We’re together now, can we focus on that?”
Cassidy turned, the push-pull of emotions tumbling through her.
“I think this chair can hold both of us,” he said with a grin.
Despite the tear running down her cheek, she laughed. “What are you suggesting?”
He held out his hand and smiled. “That you let me hold you.”
Sixteen
With butterflies jumping into her throat, Cassidy shifted onto Bruce’s chair. He wrapped an arm around her and together they lay back, settling into place like two pieces of a puzzle.
She felt him sigh. His heartbeat tapped against her right ear, steady and strong.
Her mind was racing at Mach 10 with questions, but she was determined to silence them because this felt nice. A little weird, but nice.