by Karen Malley
“You weren’t unkind, you kept to yourself,” Sarah said. “Everyone deals with grief differently. I’m sorry you’ve been so busy we haven’t been able to go out to lunch.”
Heat rose in Kathryn’s cheeks. “Not for lack of you asking.”
“True,” Sarah said, “but you said yes today. I admit, I’m surprised at how well you seem to be handling the news of the layoffs.”
“I’m surprised myself, but now my life is in God’s hands. I became a Christian a couple of days ago.”
“Praise God. I’ve been praying for you ever since your husband died. That’s such great news,” Sarah said.
“And that’s exactly why I was avoiding you. I thought you were a little preachy. I didn’t want people praying for me. I’ve always wanted to be in control of my life, not some invisible God who didn’t care enough to stop bad things from happening. I guess I was a little mixed up.” Kathryn busied herself dipping her french fry into ketchup.
Sarah patted her hand. “Consider yourself forgiven. What happens now? What do you plan to do next?”
Kathryn looked up. “I’m going to try for one of the chemist positions in Boston. What about you?”
“There are some biologist openings there too, but I’m not putting in for one. My family is here, my church is here, my husband likes his job, and I don’t have any desire to move.” Sarah paused to take a bite of her sandwich. “This comes at a good time for me. It’s a little earlier than I planned, but I was going to resign in the spring anyway.”
Kathryn blinked, surprised. “Why?”
Sarah beamed. “Because I’ll be busy with my new baby!”
“Congratulations! I didn’t even realize. I’m sorry.”
“I’m only 5 months along. Depending on what I’m wearing, you can’t really tell. Anyway, with the 3 months of severance, it will take me close to my due date anyway. My husband and I have been tightening the belt preparing to live on one salary for a couple of years.”
“I’m glad it’s worked out for you.” Kathryn said. “I’m not crazy about the idea of Boston, but what choice is there?”
“This is your chance to try something new. Is there anything else you ever wanted to do?”
Kathryn faltered. “Well…”
“Come on, what is it?”
“I’ve always thought about teaching. Not as a full professor in a research institution, but maybe at an undergrad college where I could work with a few students in the lab, and teach classes. That’s what I would like to do.”
“You’ve worked with the summer interns the last few years,” Sarah said, twisting her hair between her fingers. “I bet you’d be great at it. Why not do it?”
“It’s not all that easy. First of all, you have to apply a year ahead of time for most places. Second of all, I was on a research fellowship in grad school, and don’t have any teaching experience. I’m sure I’d need to teach some classes, maybe as an adjunct faculty member, for a while before I could even be considered.”
“Why not get started?” Sarah asked.
“I don’t think I could afford it. Three months of severance won’t cover expenses while I’m only teaching a course or two. Besides, an assistant professor only makes about half of what I’m making right now.”
“I bet you could spend a lot less. Think about it. Better yet, pray about it. You’re good at this job, and I’m sure you’d do fine in Boston too, but you need to go where God wants you.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Kathryn said, but she already knew she’d be going to Boston. She wasn’t about to take a huge pay cut. Money meant security. That was something she’d never known growing up. Once her father left, her mother was forced to do whatever menial jobs she could find while taking night classes. Kathryn vowed that would never happen to her. She planned to make lots of money and not worry about what would happen if a man left her. It was a good thing too, since now she didn’t have Robert’s salary to help pay the mortgage anymore. She frowned.
“What’s up?” Sarah asked, breaking her train of thought.
Kathryn put down the fry she’d been absentmindedly chewing on, forgetting where she was for a moment. “I was thinking I’ll miss our house. We’ve got a beautiful colonial in Edgebrook.”
Kathryn was proud to move into that home. Robert insisted it was too much, but she’d fallen in love with it. It was everything she never had growing up, and Robert understood how important it was to her. Unfortunately, the housing market took a downturn, and they now owed more on it than it was worth. Selling it would not be easy.
“You may surprise yourself. With an eternal perspective, stuff doesn’t matter much anymore.” Sarah told her.
Kathryn wasn’t so sure.
That evening, Kathryn attended cooking class, the first of a 10-week session. She didn’t know how many of the sessions she’d be able to make, but she was determined to learn what she could while she was in town.
She and seven other clueless cooks tied aprons around their waists and stood around a large kitchen island. In front of each station was a collection of strange knives.
Kathryn introduced herself to her neighbors.
The woman to her right was incredibly enthusiastic. “We’re learning knife skills tonight. I can’t wait to chiffonade and julienne.”
Kathryn rolled her eyes.
The man to her left, Phil, muttered under his breath “I thought chiffonade was a kind of cake, and julienne is a girl I used to date in high school.”
Kathryn burst out laughing. The instructor frowned at them, and Kathryn hid her face in her hands. The rest of the night continued the same way. Kathryn enjoyed learning the basics of food safety, and learned a thing or two about using knives, while Phil’s comments kept her giggling.
What a good day. Lunch with a friend, and a cooking class where she learned something new. Even with losing Robert and missing Adam, peace blanketed her. “Thank You, God, for the people in my life. Thank You for loving me, even though I don’t deserve it.”
25
Friday night Adam was back at the Campbells’ Bible study group. It was great to catch up with some solid fellowship after a few weeks’ break. He was thrilled to report to the group what forgiveness had done for him. When they went through their prayer requests, he again asked for prayer that God would show him why He had him in Pine Springs.
After study, he went over to talk to Mark. He didn’t want to pry, but he couldn’t get Kathryn out of his mind.
“Hey, Mark. Thanks again for inviting me to this group. It’s meant a lot to me.”
Mark smiled. “It’s been our pleasure. The only problem is, it’s nearly impossible to get Ben to bed when he knows you’re coming.”
“I’ll come early next week and say goodnight to him.”
“He’d love that.”
“So, how’s Kathryn doing?” Adam asked, trying to sound casual.
“She’s doing fine, Adam. Just fine.” Mark seemed to be ill at ease.
Derek Lin came over.
“How was your trip back to China?” Adam asked.
“It was great to be back with my family again. I believe God is calling me back home. Many people in my country are lost, including my own family.”
“China is a dangerous place to be a Christian.”
“True, but I have such a burden for my people. I could do a great work for God there,” Derek said.
“Derek, you’re doing a lot for God here. Working for the Kids of Hope Club is an important ministry. I would love to be doing that kind of work.”
Derek brightened. “If you’re serious, I’d love to have you. We could use the help.”
“Could you use a volunteer in the evenings or weekends?
“Absolutely!” Derek grinned. Why don’t you come to the offices tomorrow and I’ll show you around?”
Adam left the Campbells’ house with a spring in his step for the first time since driving back from Buffalo. The idea of helping at the Kids of Hope Club gave him
something to look forward to.
The next day, he met Derek as planned, and Derek showed him around the club.
Adam quickly got acclimated and was soon involved in a basketball game with a few of the teenage boys there.
After the game, Derek came over to him. “Adam, you’re a natural with those kids. Even with the short amount of time you’ve been here, they already seem to trust you. We can use you here.”
Adam, even out of breath and sweating, swelled with joy. “This is exactly what I’ve been missing since I came back from Africa. I love spending time with kids. Teaching the preschool Sunday school is great, but I can do more.”
“I think you’re right,” Derek agreed.
Adam drove back to his apartment, ready for a shower and some food. He prayed as he drove. “God, thank You for these opportunities. Thank You for showing me a little more of why I belong here. Thanks for guys like Derek, and thanks for letting me be a part of that ministry.” He paused, “and God, please be with Kathryn. Thank You for bringing her into my life. Please help her to draw close to You, Lord, and please show me my place in her life.”
~*~
With her carry-on suitcase dragging behind her, a box with Bandit’s things balanced on her hip, and Bandit wrapping himself and his leash around her legs, Kathryn tried to make it out to the car in one piece. She let go of the suitcase, put down the box, and scooped Bandit in her arms. “I’ll miss you, little buddy!” She giggled as the dog licked her nose. “Don’t worry, I’ll only be gone a couple of days. You won’t even miss me, not with all four Campbells ready to spoil you.”
Removing the leash, she situated Bandit in his crate in the car, and gathered the rest of their things. She dropped Bandit off with the Campbells and drove to the airport, her optimistic mood from the last couple of days quickly evaporating. She was not looking forward to this trip. Anne didn’t help, telling her over and over she belonged in Pine Springs.
Fortunately, the flight was uneventful. As soon as they were at cruising altitude, Kathryn flipped open her laptop and reviewed her interview presentation. Interviewing with a company that bought all of her projects meant she could present everything she was working on in full detail. Frowning, she read through the series of slides that represented her life for the last three years. Forty-seven slides.
Forty-seven lousy slides.
Guilt and shame rose like bile in her stomach. This was what she was so busy doing she didn’t spend time with her husband? This was what she did instead of getting to know her niece and nephew better, instead of making friends, instead of going to church, instead of finding out what God wanted for her life? Seeing it laid out on the screen put everything into perspective. She slapped the screen closed.
Her teenage seatmate glared, and turned up the volume on his phone.
She could hear the music pounding through his earbuds, but she didn’t care. Staring out the window, she watched the puffs of clouds roll by. That was what her career looked like to her now. Silently, she spoke to God, as if He were right outside the plane window.
“God, I’m sorry I wasted so much of my life. I promise I’ll do a better job making time for things that matter. Tomorrow morning, the first thing I’ll do before checking out the area will be to go to church.”
Fortunately, following up on that promise the next morning wasn’t too difficult. Kathryn found a church a few blocks from her hotel. Other than the blustery cold that seeped into her bones, it was a pleasant morning, full of sunshine. She stole into the back row of the church, rubbing her hands to keep warm. The sanctuary was filled. All these people came out in this cold?
The woman next to her extended her hand. “I’m Michelle. Nice to meet you.”
Kathryn greeted her seatmate as music filled the sanctuary. The congregation got to its feet, and Kathryn was strangely excited. She sang with all those around her. These were familiar songs, but she’d never paid attention to the words. Now she sang with all her heart the songs of redemption, forgiveness, and surrender. She bonded with these people as they all sang praises together. This was it! Why did take her so long to get it? She spent the rest of the service fascinated.
The pastor was well-spoken. He read familiar passages, but everything was framed in a new light.
After the service, Michelle turned to her. “Are you new here?”
“Yes,” Kathryn replied. “I became a Christian last week, and this is my first church service since.”
“It’s different, isn’t it?” Michelle said. “Now all the songs, the messages make sense. You’ll find yourself hungry for more. We offer all kinds of Bible studies throughout the week here, if you’re interested.”
“I’m only in town for this weekend, but I may be moving here in the near future,” Kathryn said.
The two women talked for a few minutes, and Michelle introduced her to some other members of the congregation.
Kathryn got some tips about different neighborhoods in the area. Maybe coming for the weekend was turning out to be a good idea. She bundled up and headed out into the wind, determined to scope out as much of the city as she could.
Instead of sightseeing, though, Kathryn wandered the streets of Boston with her mind churning. Mostly she was overwhelmed with gratitude that God would save her, but she was also sorry it took her so long. She found herself heavy with regret at her hard-heartedness. She’d finally found what she’d been missing in her life, in her marriage, and now Robert was gone. Still, she was filled with a renewed sense of hope she could one day be a part of the kind of relationships she’d always envied. She found herself wishing for a family of her own.
Her thoughts strayed to Adam, as they often did. If she’d realized all this before Christmas, would he still be back with Gina? She’d never find out. Glancing at her watch, she hurried back to her hotel to get ready for dinner with her potential new colleagues.
At 5:30 on the dot, she was in the hotel lobby shaking hands with Darryl Hanson, the vice president of research and development. He escorted her to his company car, and they drove out to the restaurant, where she was introduced to three other men. Dinner was delicious, but Kathryn found herself ill at ease from the beginning of the conversation.
“So, Kathryn,” Darryl said. “Gordon tells me I would be a fool not to hire you. I don’t like being called a fool. I make my own hiring decisions. I take pride in the group we’ve put together here. I don’t intend to compromise it to placate the boys from M. K.”
Kathryn pressed her lips together. “Of course not, sir. No one would expect that. You would not regret bringing me into your group. My record of accomplishments stands for itself.” From that point on, Kathryn found herself on the defensive. She couldn’t wait until the meal was over. After what seemed like hours, Darryl asked for the check, and drove her back to the hotel.
The next day wasn’t much better. While the labs and the facility were state-of-the-art and everyone was polite, Kathryn got the impression they weren’t interested in bringing on anyone from the old site.
26
Back at work, the next few days were more of the same. Obviously, morale was low, and no one was optimistic about finding another position in the area.
Kathryn spent her days cleaning out her lab and her nights going through her belongings, deciding what would be worth moving, and what would be given away. Each night she would stare at her phone, but there were no more messages from Adam.
Thursday night, cooking class was a welcome break from the routine. This week, they were focusing on salads. Kathryn never dreamed of making her own dressing.
“I thought dressing only came in a bottle,” Phil whispered to her.
“Me, too,” Kathryn said. “I hope we’re not getting in over our heads.”
After a few dressings and salads, the class managed to put together a couple of respectable soups. The best part of the class was tasting all of their hard work. The students gathered around a large table and feasted on the soups and salads they prepare
d.
After class, Kathryn went towards the door.
Phil called after her. “Hey, Kathryn, um,” he said, wiping his hands on his pants. “I was thinking, since we’re both lousy at cooking, would you like to go out to dinner with me Saturday night?”
Kathryn blinked, surprised. Phil was asking her out on a date?
Misjudging her hesitation for a no, he quickly returned with “If you don’t want to, that’s OK. I’m not offended.” He started to walk away.
“Wait, Phil, that’s not it. You caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting to be asked out.”
“I would think a pretty girl like you would get asked out all the time. We have a good time together in class. I want to get better acquainted.”
Kathryn bit her lip, trying to decide how to answer. She settled on the truth.
“Phil, I’m going to be honest with you. I haven’t been asked out in years. I was married until last summer, when my husband passed away. Dating isn’t exactly something I’m used to doing.”
Phil lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry, Kathryn. I didn’t mean to offend you. Please forget I ever said anything.”
“Well, if the offer still stands, I think it would be fun to go out to dinner. The alternative is I eat my own cooking, and with only two classes under my belt, that’s not too appealing.”
Phil chuckled, and they agreed on a restaurant in town.
Kathryn left the class, armed with her new recipes, and a lot to think about.
Saturday night, Kathryn pulled into the restaurant parking lot with mixed emotions. She was glad to be getting out, and Phil was a nice enough man, but she couldn’t help wishing she was meeting Adam instead. Still, she’d accepted, and was determined to make the best of the evening.
Phil was waiting for her inside the door of the building, well put-together in a sweater and khakis. With a receding hairline and some extra pounds around his midsection, he didn’t share Adam’s rugged good looks, but he wasn’t unattractive.
After the hostess showed them to their table, Phil told Kathryn about his work as a computer engineer, and Kathryn talked briefly about her job. She didn’t mention the layoffs or the probable move to Boston. Not exactly first date material. She stuck to safer topics.