by McLean, Jay
“I can’t. Benny won’t know where he is when he wakes.”
Leo’s grin turns wicked as he drops his mouth to my ear, whispers, “My headboard has wooden slats. I could tie you up—”
I shove him away, heat burning my cheeks.
Leo smirks. “I know that’s what you like.”
“Shut up!” I hiss, shoving his shoulder. I look around the empty house, then lower my voice when I add, “Next time.”
Leo groans. “Promise?” I roll my eyes. He takes a step back, leaning against the opposite wall. “So, how do you think it went?”
“It was… good.” I heave out a breath. “Much better than I expected.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s a relief,” I admit. “I’d been so worried, and—”
“I told you, you had nothing to worry about, Mia. I took care of it.”
“I know.”
“You should trust me more.”
“I know,” I concede. “I’m still learning.”
He cracks a smile. “Never stop learning,” he says. “That was one of Mom’s favorite phrases.”
“Yeah?”
He nods, closing in to drop a kiss on my forehead. “Sunday Family Breakfast tomorrow. Everyone will be here. You should call Holden and your parents and get them to come, too.”
“Okay.”
His eyes trail from my head to my toes, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “You sure you don’t want to come to my room for a little bit?”
Of course I want to. “I’m sure.”
I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep when I’m woken to a hand cupping my cheek and the whispers of, “Mama, Mama, Mama.”
My eyes snap open to see Benny standing beside the bed, his face an inch from mine. “What’s wrong, baby?”
“I’m thirsty, and I can’t find my water bottle.”
“Oh.” I sit up, rubbing my eyes. “We didn’t bring your bottle, bud. I’ll go down and get you a glass of water, okay?”
“Okay, Mama.”
“You get back in bed, and I’ll be right back.” I grab my phone off the nightstand to use as a flashlight, not knowing if there are going to be any lights on downstairs. Then I wait until Benny’s back in bed before exiting the room, closing the door behind me. It’s only now I realize that I’m just wearing a T-shirt Leo had lent me. I check the time on my phone. It’s just past two. The likelihood of anyone seeing me is low. A soft glow from a lamp left on downstairs gives me enough light to find my way. I make it all the way down the stairs and toward the closed kitchen door when I first hear the voices. “He should take a paternity test.” I don’t know the Preston boys well enough to decipher their voices, but I stop in my tracks, my heart falling to my feet. And even though I know I shouldn’t, that what I’m about to hear could possibly ruin me, I creep closer, my ear to the door.
“Are you kidding? The kid looks just like him.”
“No. The kid looks like a generic dark-haired kid. He looks like Mia.”
“I just don’t understand why she wouldn’t tell him.”
“And why now?”
A girl—I think Laney—says something like, “I don’t think we should be talking about this.”
But everyone ignores her. “Maybe she’s after his money.”
“Leo doesn’t have any money.”
“He has the money Mom left him.”
“Didn’t Vagina always try to hit on Dad?”
“For his money, right?”
“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
I wipe the liquid agony from my cheeks, my throat aching with my withheld sob. I’m fourteen again, hiding beneath the dock. It feels so real, like the waves are crashing into my flesh, making it hard to stand. But there are no waves here. My legs are just weak. I am weak.
“You really think it’s true—what Leo said—about being in love with her since the first summer she was here?”
A scoff, and then: “Why would she leave if that were true? Remember, she was going to stay with us and go to high school.”
“Oh yeah.”
“So why would she leave him?”
“Didn’t Vagina send her to fat camp?”
Chuckles erupt.
A silent sob tears through me, breaking every part of me. Bricks upon bricks of strength annihilated.
“Imagine spending all that time with a guy and not even knowing that he’s your dad.”
With shaky hands, I send Holden a text:
Mia: SOS
His reply is instant.
Holden: I’ll be there in ten.
“I feel sorry for the kid,” one of them says, and before I know what I’m doing, I’ve pushed open the door. All eyes go to me, so many deer in headlights. They’re all here, scraps of candy wrappers on the kitchen table between them. I release a sob—just one. I refuse to give them any more. “Mia…” Logan’s on his feet so fast, his chair scrapes behind him. He looks everywhere but at me.
I stand in the doorway, my heart in my throat, my pain laid bare between us. But I will not hide. I will not shrink under their judgment. They can say what they want about me, but feel sorry for Benny? Fuck them.
“I don’t need Leo’s money,” I tell them, which is such a stupid thing to start with. “My dad is Joseph Kovács. He owns Kovács Industries. You can look him up. His net worth is close to nine hundred million.” My eyes shift around the room. Everyone single one of them is here, even Lachlan. Laney and Aubrey, too.
I don’t want to be here.
But I am.
“My mom didn’t send me to fat camp that summer. I ran away.” Lucas stands, his arm reaching out, but I take a step back. “I ran away because… because…” My throat closes in, making it impossible to breathe, let alone speak. But then I think about Benny, of why I’m here, and the person he forced me to become.
Strong.
Defiant.
I wipe at my pathetic, endless tears and raise my chin. Then I allow myself a calming breath, and then another. “I ran away because I heard you, Lucas and Logan, on the dock after coming back from a party. I’d been swimming in the lake, and I was just in my underwear, and I was too scared to reveal myself because I knew how you saw me. Fat. Ugly.” I spit the last two words like acid on my tongue. “So I stood under the dock, and I listened to you say horrible things about me.” I look at Lucas first. “Brace-face heifer?” His eyes drift shut, his jaw tense, but he doesn’t speak. “Wait, no. It was fat-ass, brace face heifer. That’s right.” I nod, remembering all the things I’ve worked so hard to forget. “And Logan.” I almost break when I look at him. Almost. “You... you mocked me for not having parents who loved me,” I cry.
“Jesus, Logan,” his girlfriend mumbles. Logan looks down, his entire body shaking as he taps at his pocket.
“The worst part is that Leo was there, and he didn’t say anything. He didn’t add to the conversation, but he didn’t speak up, either. Not once. And it took a really long time for me to forgive him. For me to understand that he didn’t have to. He wasn’t put on this earth to protect me. That was my parents’ job, but like you said, I didn’t have any. At least not ones who gave a shit about me.” I sniff back my emotions and continue, telling them everything I wish I’d said so many years ago. “So I ran away and made one horrible mistake that ruined me for life. I believed you. I saw myself through your eyes, and I hated everything about myself. I hated the way I looked on the outside, but worse… I hated the way I felt on the inside. So I purged it all. All the ugly, filthy, and vile that was inside me. Every day for three years, I forced myself to throw it all up. I gave myself an eating disorder.”
“Oh my god,” Laney groans with tears in her eyes. I don’t want her sympathy. I just want her to understand. I want them all to realize that the things they say and do affect people.
“The thing is… you guys may have brought it on, but there was no one there to stop it until it was too late. My parents weren’t there to protect me, but I’m here
to protect my son. And trust me when I tell you this: there is not one fucking reason for you to feel sorry for Benny. But there are many reasons I didn’t tell Leo about him, and one of those reasons is you,” I spit, looking between Lucas and Logan, who are staring back at me, their expressions passive. “I didn’t want my son around such toxic fucking assholes because God forbid he isn’t perfect in your eyes.”
I turn to leave but slam into a solid chest. Mr. Preston stands in the doorway, his jaw tight, eyes glassy with unshed tears. His voice cracks when he says, “Why didn’t you say something?”
I laugh, a sound so pathetic it hurts when it resonates in my ears. I could lie, come up with a million different excuses, but I don’t. I tell him the truth. Every pitiful word of it. “Because I didn’t know what behavior would classify as being bad enough to abandon your children.” I lock my eyes on his. “I didn’t say anything to protect them.”
“Mia!” I think it’s Logan who says it, but I don’t turn to him, my focus switched to the little boy standing beside Mr. Preston, his tiny hand gripping the man’s large one.
“Mama?” His head tilts. “Why you sad, Mama?”
I curse under my breath and make quick work of ridding the tears. “I’m not.” It hurts to smile. “I’m not, baby. I’m sorry. I got caught up. Let’s get you that water, okay?”
I take his hand and lead him to the sink surrounded by silence so deafening I can feel it penetrate my flesh. My fingers tremble as I hold the glass under the tap, let it fill. “Try not to spill it, okay?” I manage to say.
He nods as he puts the glass to his lips, drinking slowly. When light shines into the house, alerting me of Holden’s arrival, I tell Benny, “Uncle Holden’s here. We need to go back to the hotel. Mama’s going to go up and get our stuff.”
He finishes drinking and wipes his forearm along his mouth before handing me the glass. He nods and then tugs on my hand until I’m low enough to hug around the neck. “Don’t be sad, Mama. I can recharge you.” When he lets go, he looks around the room, his eyes scanning. “Does anyone else need a recharge?”
My eyes drift shut.
I don’t want to be here.
It’s Logan who speaks. “I sure could use one, Benny.”
Chapter Eighty-Two
Leo
When I wake up the next morning, much later than anticipated, the house is quiet, which is odd, considering it’s a Sunday and we all wake up at a decent hour for breakfast. Honestly, I was hoping to be woken by an adorable four-year-old jumping on my bed. One day, it’ll happen, and on that day, Mia will be right beside me. I trudge out of bed with a yawn, throwing on some sweats and then fumbling, bleary-eyed, down the stairs. The kitchen door is open, and my family is all there, some sitting at the table, some standing, but no one is moving. I can’t even smell anything cooking. Weird. “What’s going on?” I ask, leaning on the doorframe. I look around. Everyone is here, besides—I stand taller, suddenly alert. Too alert. “Where are they?”
All their eyes move, shifting from one person to the next, while my pulse begins to pound. “Leo…” Lucas says, but then he shakes his head, doesn’t say any more.
I look at all my brothers, one by one. No one is looking at me. No one but Logan—and the guilt and regret on his face ignites the rage in my chest. “What the fuck did you do?” I mumble, walking backward.
I can’t think.
Can’t breathe.
“Leo, wait!” Dad calls, but I’m already grabbing my keys and heading out the door. I get in my truck, speeding through the streets to get to the hotel. It seems to take forever. My tires squeal as I pull into the valet section, ignoring the attendant who tells me I can’t park there. I rush through the doors, the lobby tiles cold against my bare feet. Relief washes through me when I see Benny running around the sofas, giggling as Holden chases after him. I look around for Mia, but she’s not here. Her dad is though, standing by the reception, talking to the woman behind it. Rushing up to him, I ask, “Where’s Mia?”
His eyes are downcast when he turns to me. “She’s in her room.”
“What’s the room number?”
“Leo, just…” He sighs. “Give me a second, okay?” He turns back to the woman to finish their transaction. The few seconds I wait feel like an eternity. When he’s done, he says, “Come with me.”
I don’t want to go anywhere with him. I want to find Mia, and I want to talk to her and find out what the fuck happened. Still, I follow him out the side doors and to the same bench near the fountain that Mia took me to. Nothing good has ever happened at this spot, at this entire hotel, and I wish I could punch something. Hard. Over and over until there’s nothing left in me.
“Sit,” Joseph orders, and so I sit. So does he. Side by side, we stare at the fountain as if it’s going to give us all the answers.
It’s just water. Fluid. Like the anguish filling my veins.
Joseph leans forward, rests his forearms on his knees. “Holden got a text from her just after two this morning. All it said was SOS.” My eyes drift shut. “He was there within minutes, said she was a mess. She was crying, but they were silent—for Benny’s sake.”
“What the hell happened?” I whisper, keeping my eyes closed and my world in darkness to match everything I feel on the inside.
“I had to coax it out of her this morning. She didn’t want to say, but… she said she overheard your brothers talking and… that’s all she said.”
My eyes snap open. “Jesus Christ, not again.”
“That’s not all,” he mutters, and I look at him, my eyes pleading for… something. Because I don’t know if I want to hear what he says next, but I know that I have to. “After he took them up to their room, Holden came to get me, because I… I had my phone on silent. I shouldn’t have. When we got back there… she was… was—” He stops there, trying to settle his breathing. “She was on the bathroom floor, next to the toilet, with her fingers down her throat.”
“No…” It’s all I can think. No. No. NO!
“Benny was there, Leo. He was in that room, virtually alone, and he was crying and...” Joseph sniffs back his tears, the same way I do. “I don’t know where to go from here, but I’ve booked a private plane back to New York, and her therapist is going to meet us at the condo.”
“I didn’t know,” I say pathetically, but I don’t want this man to think that I would ever, ever, knowingly let this happen. Not again.
“She needs to take care of herself. For Benny. And I don’t know how long it’s going to take or what she needs to do, but…”
Turning to face him, I choke on my words. “I can’t lose her again.”
A ragged breath falls from his lips. “Neither can I, man.” He clears his throat before facing me. “Look, Leo. As far as my hopes for who Benny’s dad was—I couldn’t have asked for a better man. You stepped up, and that’s something far greater than I ever did. And I see how much Benny means to you, and more, I see how happy you make Mia. She may be twenty-two, but I’ve never had a little girl, not really, and so that’s how I see her.”
The door to the courtyard opens, and Holden appears with Benny sitting on his shoulders. “Valet’s just brought the car up,” Holden says, ignoring my presence.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” Joseph tells him.
Holden leaves without another word, and I stare at the fountain, knowing I’m teetering on the edge of forever or never. “What’s going to happen to Benny? Can I still see him?”
“Of course,” Joseph’s quick to respond, and my tear-soaked eyes widen. “Mia’s made it absolutely clear that she will not take that away from either of you. I want to stay close to her, so I’ll be in New York. I think Tammy might bring him down in a couple of weeks if he’s up for it.”
He stands, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. “I have to go.”
“Can I talk to her, just to… I don’t know.”
“Yeah.” He motions for me to follow, and so I get up, leave my battered heart on th
e ground by my feet and let him lead me toward his car waiting in the valet. Mia’s standing by the back door, getting Benny settled in his seat. “Mia,” Joseph calls, and Mia turns, her eyes instantly meeting mine.
I am breathless.
Motionless.
I’m everything I shouldn’t be in this moment. She stares at me, hoping for something, anything. And the only thing I can give her is: “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes widen, just a tad, before she steps forward and takes my hand. Her touch is like oxygen, like fire to alcohol, igniting me, bringing me back to life. And then she’s in my arms, or I’m in hers, and it’s
everything,
everything,
everything.
Chapter Eighty-Three
Leo
“Shut the fuck up!” It’s the first thing I say the moment I enter the house. Only I don’t say it, I shout it. As soon as the door opened, they all pounced, trying to talk or apologize or take away from the destruction they caused with whatever the fuck it is they said last night. “I don’t want to hear a fucking word!”
“Are you going to let us explain?” Lucas yells.
My fists ball. What I wouldn’t give to punch him. Just once. “What the fuck is there to explain?”
His mouth opens, and a strangled sound erupts, but no words. Nothing.