“Despite being rare”: Yacine Ben Safta, Montassar Ghalleb, Aymen Baccari, et al., “Vaginal cuff dehiscence and evisceration 11 years after a radical hysterectomy: A case report,” International Journal of Surgery Case Reports, October 28, 2017, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5686219/pdf/main.pdf.
“between 0% and 7.5%”: Kim, et al., “Evaluation of risk factors.”
600,000 hysterectomies: “Hysterectomy,” National Women’s Health Network, nwhn.org/hysterectomy/.
incidence of erectile dysfunction: “Sexual dysfunction after prostate surgery is more common than previously reported, says Hutchinson Center study,” Fred Hutch, January 18, 2000, fredhutch.org/en/news/releases/2000/01/JAMAprostatectomy.html.
“would be quite costly”: Beth Cronin, Vivian W. Sung, Kristen A. Matteson, “Vaginal cuff dehiscence: risk factors and management,” American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology, April 2012, ajog.org/article/S0002-9378(11)01077-5/pdf.
“Narrative medicine”: Rita Charon, MD, PhD, “Narrative Medicine: A Model for Empathy, Reflection, Profession, and Trust,” Journal of the American Medical Association, October 17, 2001, jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/194300.
effects of Tibetan singing bowl: Tamara L. Goldsby, Michael E. Goldsby, et al., “Effects of Singing Bowl Sound Meditation on Mood, Tension, and Well-being: An Observational Study,” Journal of Evidence-Based Complementary & Alternative Medicine, August 15, 2016, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5871151/pdf/10.1177_2156587216668109.pdf.
“Rituals trigger”: Ted Kaptchuk, “Placebo studies and ritual theory: a comparative analysis of Navajo, acupuncture and biomedical healing,” Philosophical transactions of the Royal Society of London, June 27, 2011, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3130398/.
THIRTY-FOUR: #METOO
hits the publish button: Deborah Copaken, “How to Lose Your Job From Sexual Harassment in 33 Easy Steps,” The Atlantic, March 9, 2018, theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2018/03/how-to-lose-your-job-from-sexual-harassment-in-33-easy-steps/555197/.
funded in part by Yuri Milner: Jesse Drucker, “Kremlin Cash Behind Billionaire’s Twitter and Facebook Investments,” The New York Times, November 5, 2017, nytimes.com/2017/11/05/world/yuri-milner-facebook-twitter-russia.html.
necessarily ethical: Jon Swaine, “Company part-owned by Jared Kushner got $90m from unknown offshore investors since 2017,” The Guardian, June 10, 2019, theguardian.com/us-news/2019/jun/10/jared-kushner-real-estate-cadre-goldman-sachs.
Keith Kelly’s byline: Keith J. Kelly, “Ex-Observer editor joked about my breasts: writer,” New York Post, March 12, 2018, nypost.com/2018/03/12/ex-observer-editor-joked-about-my-breasts-writer/.
disembodied man: Keith J. Kelly, “Observer fashion editor denies knowing about freelancer’s sex harassment claims,” New York Post, March 13, 2018, nypost.com/2018/03/13/observer-editor-denies-knowing-about-freelancers-sex-harassment-claims/.
“Concerning Ms. Copaken’s”: Jesse Drucker, “The Trump Administration Considers an Old Friend: Ken Kurson,” The New York Times, May 11, 2018, nytimes.com/2018/05/11/business/media/ken-kurson-trump-administration.html.
Jesse’s second story: Jesse Drucker, Emily Steel, Danny Hakim, “A Kushner Ally Was Up for a Federal Post. Then the F.B.I. Began Digging,” The New York Times, July 26, 2018, nytimes.com/2018/07/26/business/ken-kurson-jared-kushner.html.
THIRTY-FIVE: COGNITIVE HEALTH
FINGER study in Finland: Tiia Ngandu, Jenni Lehtisalo, Alina Solomon, et al., “A 2 year multidomain intervention of diet, exercise, cognitive training, and vascular risk monitoring versus control to prevent cognitive decline in at-risk elderly people (FINGER): a randomised controlled trial,” The Lancet, March 11, 2005, thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(15)60461-5/fulltext.
Divorcing without a lawyer: Copaken, “The DIY Divorce.”
it costs $1.30: “Surprising divorce costs from around the world revealed,” Love Money, January 14, 2019, lovemoney.com/gallerylist/80925/surprising-divorce-costs-from-around-the-world-revealed.
publish it on Medium: Deborah Copaken, “Exploring the Link Between Menopause and Alzheimer’s,” Medium, May 30, 2019, medium.com/neurotrack/menopause-and-alzheimers-1c455f29fe16.
“Have you looked at your brain scan?”: Maria Shriver, “Neuroscientist studies possible link between Alzheimer’s and menopause,” Today, November 1, 2019, today.com/video/neuroscientist-studies-possible-link-between-alzheimer-s-and-menopause-72570437699.
study had so many flaws: James H. Clark, “A critique of Women’s Health Initiative Studies (2002-2006),” NURSA (Nuclear Receptor Signaling), October 30, 2006, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1630688/pdf/nrs04023000.pdf.
women like me without uteri: Garnet L. Anderson, Rowan T. Chlebowski, Aaron K. Aragaki, et al., “Conjugated equine oestrogen and breast cancer incidence and mortality in postmenopausal women with hysterectomy: extended follow-up of the Women’s Health Initiative randomised placebo-controlled trial,” The Lancet, March 7, 2012, thelancet.com/journals/lanonc/article/PIIS1470-2045(12)70075-X/fulltext.
only 20 percent of ob-gyn: Jennifer Wolff, “What Doctors Don’t Know About Menopause,” AARP, August/September 2018, aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2018/menopause-symptoms-doctors-relief-treatment.html.
reaching out to me over Twitter: Rachel S. Rubin, MD, @rachelsrubin1, May 3, 2019, twitter.com/rachelsrubin1/status/1124324324251459585?s=20.
THIRTY-SIX: FUCK YOUR DUMB FIRE
Many ladies, moving: Florence Hartley, The Ladies’ Book of Etiquette, and Manual of Politeness: A Complete Hand Book for the Use of the Lady in Polite Society (Boston: G.W. Cottrell, 1860), Chapter XVI, gutenberg.org/files/35123/35123-h/35123-h.htm#CHPTR_XVI.
a letter written to: Deborah Copaken, “The Letter I Wrote My Rapist,” September 18, 2018, deborahcopaken.com/blog/2018/9/23/the-letter-i-wrote-to-my-rapist.
rapist apology story: Deborah Copaken, “My Rapist Apologized,” The Atlantic, September 21, 2018, theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2018/09/copaken-kavanaugh/571042/.
Katherine Schwarzenegger reaches out: Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt, The Gift of Forgiveness: Inspiring Stories from Those Who Have Overcome the Unforgivable (New York: Pamela Dorman Books, 2020).
THIRTY-SEVEN: MAKE A WISH
“Cancel everything!”: Yascha Mounk, “Cancel Everything,” The Atlantic, March 10, 2020, theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2020/03/coronavirus-cancel-everything/607675/.
major risk factors: Rina Marie Doctor, “Women Love High Heels But It Causes Morton’s Neuroma And That’s Not Wow: What To Know,” Tech Times, June 22, 2015, techtimes.com/articles/62389/20150622/women-love-high-heels-but-it-causes-mortons-neuroma-and-thats-not-wow-what-to-know.htm.
“Star studied French”: Alexis Soloski, “Darren Star Finds Sex in Another City With ‘Emily in Paris’: What do women want? Star, who created ‘Sex and the City’ and ‘Younger,’ seems to know,” The New York Times, October 2, 2020, nytimes.com/2020/10/02/arts/television/darren-star-emily-in-paris.html.
Actress Mira Sorvino: Molly Redden, “Peter Jackson: I blacklisted Ashley Judd and Mira Sorvino under pressure from Weinstein,” The Guardian, December 16, 2017, theguardian.com/film/2017/dec/15/peter-jackson-harvey-weinstein-ashley-judd-mira-sorvino.
lost their twenty-three-year-old daughter: Deborah Copaken, “Finding a Way Through an Unspeakable Loss,” The Atlantic, December 28, 2018, theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/12/finding-way-through-unspeakable-loss/579130/.
roug
hly 10,000: Derek Watkins, Josh Holder, James Glanz, et al., “How the Virus Won,” The New York Times, June 24, 2020, nytimes.com/interactive/2020/us/coronavirus-spread.html.
women were prescribed the wrong antibiotic: Anne Mobley Butler, “Most Women Receive Inappropriate Treatment for Urinary Tract Infections,” Infection Control & Hospital Epidemiology, February 24, 2021, https://www.shea-online.org/index.php/journal-news/press-room/press-release-archives/899-most-women-receive-inappropriate-treatment-for-urinary-tract-infections.
estrogen loss and Alzheimer’s: Deborah Copaken, “What Menopause Does to Women’s Brains,” The Atlantic, November 8, 2019, theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/11/menopause-alzheimers/601642/.
Even migraines: “Headaches and hormones: What’s the connection?,” Mayo Clinic, December 10, 2020, mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/chronic-daily-headaches/in-depth/headaches/art-20046729.
“health-care gaslit”: Ashley Fetters, “The Doctor Doesn’t Listen to Her. But the Media Is Starting To,” The Atlantic, August 10, 2018, theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/08/womens-health-care-gaslighting/567149/.
calcitonin gene-related peptide (CGRP): “Are the new migraine medications working?” Harvard Health Letter, October 2019, health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/are-the-new-migraine-medications-working.
three times more prevalent: “Migraine is an extraordinarily prevalent neurological disease, affecting 39 million men, women and children in the U.S. and 1 billion worldwide,” Migraine Research Foundation, migraineresearchfoundation.org/about-migraine/migraine-facts/.
Recent research suggests: Nu Cindy Chai, B. Lee Peterlin, Anne H. Calhoun, “Migraine and estrogen,” Current Opinion in Neurology, July 17, 2014, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4102139/.
33 percent more often: Neil Sherman, “Women See Doctors More than Men,” HealthDay, July 27, 2001, consumer.healthday.com/public-health-information-30/centers-for-disease-control-news-120/women-see-doctors-more-than-men-400589.html.
76 percent of all doctors: Jeffrey A. Singer, “Women Should Not Have to Visit a Doctor for Birth Control,” Time, January 14, 2016, time.com/4180612/birth-control-prescriptions/.
more than 100 countries: “Global Oral Contraceptive Availability,” The Oral Contraceptives (OCs) Over-the-Counter (OTC) Working Group, ocsotc.org/world-map.
fourteen times more likely: Raisa O Platte, Krystal Reynolds, “Why are urinary tract infections (UTIs) more common in women than in men?” Medscape, October 8, 2019, medscape.com/answers/452604-54622/why-are-urinary-tract-infections-utis-more-common-in-women-than-in-men.
story about coming down: Deborah Copaken, “My Whole Household Has COVID-19,” The Atlantic, March 27, 2020, theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/03/my-whole-household-has-covid-19/608902/.
shared custody under quarantine: Deborah Copaken, “How Are Parents Supposed to Deal With Joint Custody Right Now?,” The Atlantic, April 8, 2020, theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/04/navigating-joint-custody-under-coronavirus-quarantine/609676/.
put down my dog: Deborah Copaken, “On Top of Everything Else, My Dog Died,” The Atlantic, April 22, 2020, theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/04/when-your-dog-dies-during-pandemic/610339/.
“getting fired over Zoom”: Deborah Copaken, “I Got Fired Over Zoom,” May 12, 2020, theatlantic.com/business/archive/2020/05/fired-zoom-layoffs-coronavirus/611509/.
THIRTY-EIGHT: THE COST OF OXYGEN
More than 10,000: Michael Sainato, “ ‘They set us up’: US police arrested over 10,000 protesters, many non-violent,” The Guardian, June 8, 2020, theguardian.com/us-news/2020/jun/08/george-floyd-killing-police-arrest-non-violent-protesters.
THIRTY-NINE: FIREWORKS REDUX
when Trump derided: Philip Rucker, “Trump says Fox’s Megyn Kelly had ‘blood coming out of her wherever’,” The Washington Post, August 8, 2015, washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/08/07/trump-says-foxs-megyn-kelly-had-blood-coming-out-of-her-wherever/.
“Avoid, at all times”: Hartley, The Ladies’ Book of Etiquette, Chapter I, gutenberg.org/files/35123/35123-h/35123-h.htm#CHPTR_I.
arrested and charged: Nicole Hong, Jesse Drucker, “Trump Family Ally Is Arrested on Cyberstalking Charge,” The New York Times, October 23, 2020, nytimes.com/2020/10/23/nyregion/ken-kurson-arrest-cyberstalking.html.
Also by Deborah Copaken
The Red Book
Shutterbabe
Between Here and April
Hell Is Other Parents
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Deborah Copaken is The New York Times bestselling author of several books, including Shutterbabe, The Red Book, and Between Here and April. A contributing writer at The Atlantic, she was also a TV writer on Emily in Paris, a performer (The Moth, etc.), and an Emmy Award–winning news producer and photojournalist. Her photographs have appeared in Time, Newsweek, and The New York Times. Her writing has appeared in The New Yorker, The New York Times, The Guardian, The Financial Times, Observer, The Wall Street Journal, The Nation, Slate, O, the Oprah Magazine, and Paris Match, among other publications. Her column “When Cupid Is a Prying Journalist” was adapted for the Modern Love streaming series. She lives in Brooklyn with her family.
deborahcopaken.com
Twitter: @dcopaken
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