by Sky Corgan
“Seriously, Bella, now is not the time for modesty. You need to know that you didn’t deserve this.”
“I’m not saying I deserved it. What I am saying is that I kind of brought it on myself.”
“Um, I don’t think so.”
“I do.”
“How do you figure?” Maggie asked hotly, her own face flushing with annoyance over my comments. She wasn’t at all pleased with what I was saying, and I knew that giving up on the idea of love and romance would strike her as the stupidest thing in the world, but I no longer had her kind of faith in the process. “I’m waiting, Bella. You can’t say something like that and then go all eerie silent like this.”
“It’s what I said already. My resolution.”
“A resolution to swear off all men? Because you deserved this guy treating you so badly? I don’t get it, Bella. It doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“I’m not saying I deserved it, but I didn’t ask for anything better. I keep falling for these douchebags and just losing my head completely over them. I’m not going to do that anymore. I’m not getting played like this.”
“So you’re giving men up?”
“Nope, not giving them up.”
“Then what?”
“I told you, I’m playing their game. I’m going to play without feelings. My heart is being taken out of the equation, right here, right now. I’m done letting myself get hurt. If somebody is going to get hurt from here on out, it’s going to be the dude.”
“But that’s so depressing! Don’t you see that? You’re just giving up on love.”
“Yes ma’am, you better believe it.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Why not?”
“Because you just can’t!”
“That’s not really an answer, Maggie. Besides, people make resolutions to be better off. Mine might be a little bit unconventional, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t good. I’m never going to have another morning like this one again. No more Elis. No way.”
Maggie gave me a forlorn look, but I could only smile. The note from Eli was still inside my head, and every time it pushed its way to the forefront, it made me sick to my stomach. If there was something that I could do to make sure I never felt this way again, I was going to do it. Something told me that the more guys I ran through without catching feelings, the better I would be at it, too. A year from now, I was going to be so far away from this sad girl with too many feelings that I wouldn’t even recognize her. All I needed was to find a guy.
“Excuse me, can I interrupt you for a moment?”
I looked up at the server, a girl who seemed like she would rather be doing just about anything but talking to us. She shuffled around in the pocket of her apron and grabbed a napkin before handing it to me. Even with it crumpled up, I could see that there was writing scribbled across its surface.
“He’s paying up at the register right now,” the waitress said before walking away.
I looked. I didn’t want to, not at all, but I did. The guy looked like Clark Kent, minus the nerdiness. If this guy wanted to try and date me, that was totally on him. As far as I was concerned, he was my practice. Operation New Year’s resolution was a go.
CHAPTER THREE
BELLA
“Just remember, keep your head in the game, Bella. This is not a first date. At least, not the way all your other ones have been. Don’t forget that. Don’t let yourself get swept up. This is sex and nothing more. Got it?” I stared at my own reflection in the mirror, stared at it for so long that it didn’t really even look like me anymore. That was good. I didn’t want it to look like me, not when I was dead set on turning myself into somebody else. Tonight was my ‘date’ with the napkin guy, which meant that being somebody else was exactly what I needed. It had been a week since he’d left the napkin with the waitress, and the two of us had texted back and forth ever since.
I looked myself over, doing my best to judge whether I was going to make a good enough impression. I was about to go change my dress for the third or fourth time when my doorbell rang and stopped me dead in my tracks. I wasn’t expecting anyone, and being a naturally suspicious person, my first instinct was to stand still and pretend I wasn’t there until whoever was at my door went away. Unfortunately, I was also the kind of person that would worry about why somebody had knocked on my door obsessively if I didn’t figure out who it was. It was the second part of me that won out in this battle, and I sighed, going to the door and opening it.
“Oh! You!”
“Yes, me. Sorry to surprise you. I guess I’m a bit early.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off of Matt, the man I had chosen to be my first victim in Operation Resolution. Part of it was because he was ridiculously good looking, but that wasn’t all of it. It wasn’t even the biggest part of it. The reason I couldn’t stop staring at him was because he wasn’t supposed to be at my door at all. I didn’t need to get my phone out and go through my text messages to know that I had been quite clear in my desire to meet Matt at the restaurant he’d picked out rather than have him come and get me. I didn’t think I had even given him my address, and yet here he was like it was no big deal.
“Something the matter?” he asked innocently, shooting me a smile full of the most perfectly straight, white teeth I had ever seen.
“Uh, no. I mean, actually, kind of, yes. What are you doing here?”
“I was under the impression that we were going out tonight. Was I wrong?”
“No, not wrong, but I’m pretty sure I told you I would meet you at the restaurant. Didn’t I?”
“You did. I took the liberty of getting your information from a little birdie. Please don’t be mad, all right? I just couldn’t get my head around the idea of having you meet me there. My mother raised a gentleman, or at least she tried. Old habits die hard, I guess.”
“I guess they do. Mind telling me who the little birdie was?”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. I made my promises.”
I nodded, not really needing him to spill the beans anyway.
Because I didn’t want to be rude, and because he was already at my door, I allowed Matt to escort me down to his incredibly impressive sports car and even open my door to boot.
A quick trip to Google’s search bar was all that had been required to learn that Matt had built a tech company from the ground up and was almost certainly a millionaire. He also had a reputation for being a playboy, which was just about perfect, as far as I was concerned. It was like having the answer I was looking for dropped straight into my lap. All I had to do was keep myself from letting my head get turned by him and all his fancy trappings, something that was going to be easier said than done, I realized as soon as we pulled up to the restaurant. It was one of those uber swanky places where only rich people could afford to eat, which I most certainly was not.
“Are you sure this is where you want to go?” I asked as the valet guy helped me out of the car, my eyes wide, despite all my attempts to look unimpressed.
“I am. Or at least, I was. Why? You don’t like it?”
“It’s just a little fancy, don’t you think?”
“Too fancy, huh? Can’t say that’s something I’ve heard women complain about before. We could just eat at the bar, if that makes you feel better.”
“That sounds great!” I answered brightly, feeling more comfortable already.
Matt stopped at the elegant double glass doors of the restaurant abruptly. He looked at me with an expression I couldn’t place, but if I’d been forced to guess, I would have said it was a mixture of exasperation and humor.
“What?” I asked, sounding a little more defensive than I should have.
“Please don’t take offense. I guess I’m just a little bit surprised.”
“By what?”
“By you,” he laughed, gesturing with his head for me to enter the door he was still holding open for me, “if you don’t mind me saying so. I was kind of joking about the eating at
the bar thing. You know most women wouldn’t want to do that at a place like this, right?”
“Why? What’s the big deal about a place like this, other than it’s super fancy?”
“It’s one of the hottest restaurants in Austin right now. It’s almost impossible to get reservations here, especially on a Friday night. Most women, most people, would jump at the chance to sit down at one of these tables.”
“Maybe I’m not most people. And as far as I’m concerned, the bar will do just fine. Is that a problem?”
“No.” He shook his head, laughing again as he led me towards the still impressive looking bartop with one warm hand on the small of my back. “Not a problem at all. This is going to be a good night, I think.”
I kept silent at that, not wanting to give Matt the impression that I was overly impressed by him or particularly confident that this was going to go the way he was predicting. Truthfully, it didn’t take very long for me to realize that he was going to be hard to keep my cool with. The Superman comparison had been an adept one, and it was far more noticeable with the two of us sitting so close. His eyes really were the most remarkable shade of blue-green, and he had dimples when he flashed his almost too perfect smile. I could smell his cologne now, a combination of woodsy and spice, and the way it combined with the heat of his body gave me a fuzzy, almost drunk feeling. When he put his hand on my knee while he talked, it was all I could do to keep from jumping off my leather bar stool. I gripped said stool’s sides with both hands and managed to keep myself in place, but a warm spot in the middle of me started to roll in expectation. I told myself that Matt couldn’t see it, that I was smooth enough to keep my nervous desire to myself, but then he flashed that grin at me again, and I knew he wasn’t so easily fooled.
“You doing all right there, Miss Marrow?”
“I’m perfectly fine. And you?”
“Never better. This place makes the best damned martini in Texas, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t had every martini in Texas.”
“You’re kind of a spitfire, aren’t you, Bella?”
“I don’t know. Am I?”
“Yes, I’d say so. Not like other girls, that’s for sure.”
“You already said that.”
“You’re right,” he said thoughtfully, his brow furrowing slightly, “I did. I guess I’m not completely sure how to talk to you.”
“I seriously doubt that. You seem like the kind of guy who knows how to talk to every woman. Isn’t that so?”
He just looked at me then, and I found myself wishing that I’d kept my mouth shut. Matt had asked me about ordering a full dinner as soon as we’d sat down, but I had nixed that immediately. Being wined and dined by this guy wasn’t the reason I had agreed to come out with him. I’d agreed to come out with him because of the resolution, and that was it. Maybe it was because of that, and perhaps it was because he was so good-looking, but for the whole time the two of us had been sipping our drinks together, I had felt a building tension between us. Matt kept probing to get to know me better, kept asking questions I didn’t want to answer, and I kept turning it back to light, meaningless banter.
It was actually kind of frustrating, and I couldn’t get rid of a vague annoyance over the whole thing. I had been on plenty of dates over the last ten years of my life, during which I had tried harder than I wanted to admit to get those dates to be genuinely interested in getting to know me. Now, here was this guy I was determined not to get to know at all, and he kept giving me looks like he was trying to see into my mind. I wanted him to stay an enigma, and for me to remain the same to him, and after I proved to myself that I could see my resolution through, I wanted to leave him behind before I could catch any kind of feelings.
“What makes you think that, Bella?” he asked, his voice a little too low and serious for comfort. “Have I done something to give you the impression that I’m a womanizer?”
“What?! No! Come on, Matt, you’re taking this too seriously. I was just playing, okay? Just having some fun. That’s what this is supposed to be, right? Fun?”
“I guess I can’t argue with you there.” He smiled, that unsettled look still a ghost lingering in his eyes. “I guess that’s part of the point of first dates. That, and getting to know each other better, which I’m not sure we’ve been doing a very good job of. We’ve been here for an hour, and I feel like I haven’t gotten to know you at all.”
Internally, I let out a little cry of victory. When it came to dating, oversharing had always been a problem of mine. Oversharing and falling for men too quickly, neither of which I was allowing myself to do right now. Instead of me feeling frustrated, it was him, and there was nothing wrong with that, in my humble opinion. Matt was right, he didn’t know me any better now than he had at the start of this thing, and I didn’t know him, either.
I took another sip of my martini, a long, deep sip that made me cough and sputter. The point of it had been to gain a little bit of courage. In my mind’s eye, I was sure I would look like one of those wickedly cool forties movie stars who commanded the attention and desire of every man she met. Instead, I almost choked, and Matt gave me a look of concern.
“You okay, Bella?”
“Fine,” I manage to get out, my face hot and blushing defiantly. “You just surprised me, that’s all.”
“Surprised you? I don’t understand. I didn’t say anything too shocking. At least, not that I’m aware of.”
“You’re too serious, Matt,” I answered in what I hoped was a flirtatious, coy voice. “Anyone ever tell you that?”
“Honestly? No. That’s not something many women have accused me of.”
“Well, I think you’re being too serious, for sure. We should be having fun. Let’s get out of here. Okay?”
“Where do you want to go?”
“I want to see where you live.”
I had been shocked by the sound of those words coming out of my mouth and even more shocked still when they had worked exactly the way I had wanted them to. Matt quickly called the bartender over for the check.
The whole interior of his car was filled with electricity while he sped through the dark, moving through the hill county roads quickly and with the two of us in near silence. His hand rested on my thigh while I clung to the sides of my seat in anticipation.
He seemed like a decent man, exactly the kind of man I would have fallen head over heels for just a couple of weeks ago, but I had managed to get out of our date without that. All there was, was the sexual wanting, and that feeling was extreme enough all on its own. It was so extreme that I barely even noticed the large, fancy house he pulled up to. When he got out of the car and came over to open the passenger side door for me, the only thing I could think of was my resolution. It was time to put my money where my mouth was.
Matt took me by the hand and helped me up and out of the car. As I got to my feet, I stumbled a little, just enough to send me pitching forward into his ready and open arms. His scent was stronger now, enveloping me thoroughly. When I looked up, his face was bent down towards mine, his breath showing in little white puffs in the cold winter night’s air.
“Sorry. The driveway is made of stones. Looks pretty but isn’t the most practical thing in the world. I haven’t lived here very long. I’ve been meaning to change it, but—”
“Matt?”
“Yes?”
“Shut up, okay?”
I rose up on the tips of my toes, a distant part of me marveling at my own craziness. Never in my life had I told a man to shut up that way, and the words were completely exhilarating and mildly terrifying at the same time. I noted the widening of his eyes, the look of surprise there, and had time to think that Matt probably wasn’t the kind of man who’d been told to shut up many times in his life. By a woman that he’d taken out to a fancy dinner? Probably not ever.
I slid my hands into his thick hair and pulled his face closer to mine, pressing my lips to his before I had time to chicken
out. I had never been the kind of girl to make the first move—had always waited anxiously for the guy to do it. Taking charge the way I was now shot my body full of nervous energy, and my stomach flip-flopped uncomfortably, but it was a feeling that was quickly replaced by a fire running through all my limbs that settled into the center of me, the part of me that was now aching for more of Matt. The moment my lips touched his, the electricity that had been building between the two of us exploded, and I felt like I was melting into him. My fingers tightened in his hair, and without even realizing I was doing it, I started pulling him in closer so that I could have more of him, all of him. His arms, which were still around me from his valiant catch, tightened, his hands sliding up my back before moving down to my ass and cupping it firmly. I moaned a little, and his hands grabbed me more intently, slapped my ass lightly, and then pulled me so close that there was no denying the massive erection resting against my hip. I leaned into it, pressing the weight of my body against him so that he grunted, his breath and heart both quickening at the same time.
“Bella—”
“No,” I said throatily, speaking into his open mouth. “Don’t talk. Talking is no good right now. I want you to feel me.”
I kissed him again, my lips parting gladly as his tongue slipped inside. He tasted like spice, like the vodka from his martini, and the heat in my pelvis grew. One of my hands dropped down from his now thoroughly tousled hair, found the hard length of him, and began to stroke up and down teasingly through his pants. Matt moaned, backing us both up until I was propped up against the hood of his car. He pulled my dress up roughly, unceremoniously, his strong fingers tugging my lace thong aside. My head cocked back, my eyes closed to the full moon watching our tryst in the sky above, and I cried out as his fingers located my clit. They moved expertly, found the perfect rhythm, and my hands reached for his belt blindly, wanting his pants off, wanting to feel him inside of me.