“Do you know why Ranald was in Germany?”
I lifted my head. “I don’t other than he was on holiday.”
“Anna’s family is from Kaiserslautern.”
I hadn’t known that either, but also had no idea what point Burns was trying to make.
“He took her home to say goodbye.”
“I wasn’t aware she was ill,” I answered, looking at the sunrise.
“Rivet is a very private man.”
“It’s why he’s been so desperate for my answer.”
“Likely true.”
“How bad is she?”
“Terminal. Doubtful she’ll live through the month.”
Jesus. Here, Rivet was dealing with his wife’s illness, and I’d been so wrapped up in trying to find Losha, I hadn’t even noticed.
“Go back to England, Thornton. Take Losha and the baby with you. Do what you need to do, and let others do their jobs.”
“Understood, sir.” I ran my hand through my hair. “She doesn’t want to leave Zary until Gunner is back.”
“He’ll be here tonight,” said Burns, relighting his pipe.
“I thought…” I didn’t bother finishing my sentence. There was no point in questioning Burns. If he said Gunner would be arriving tonight, he would be.
“I’ll start making arrangements.”
“After breakfast,” Burns muttered. “Sorcha will not be happy if you miss it.”
When I walked up to the cottage, I saw Losha sitting outside with Kazmir on her lap.
“What’s happened?” she asked.
“Gunner will be back tonight.”
“What else? Any word on who planted the bomb?”
“Nothing definitive yet.” I sat next to her. “I spoke with both Rivet and Burns. They agree we should return to England. I’m sorry I disappeared on you. Rivet’s call…”
“Do they think it was United Russia?”
I shook my head. “As I said, nothing definitive.”
“Are we leaving today?”
“I was thinking tomorrow morning.”
She stood and turned to go inside.
“Losha?”
She didn’t turn back around, but she did stop.
“If you’d rather not return to England with me, I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that you and the baby are protected.”
“We’ll go with you, Shiver,” she said before going inside and closing the door behind her.
“There you are,” said Sorcha, wiping her hands on a towel and walking over to hug me when I walked into her kitchen.
“I’ve missed you, Mrs. Butler.”
“It’s Sorcha as you know well. How are you, Thornton?”
I smiled at her use of my given name like Burns had a short time ago. Other than my mother and sister, almost no one ever used it. Even I thought of myself as Shiver. “I’m well, and you?”
“Come with me,” she said, taking my hand and pulling me through the kitchen and out the door to the back porch.
“I was sorry to hear about your father’s passing.”
“I appreciate it.”
She sat on the porch swing and patted the seat beside her; I sat too.
“Let’s talk about Losha and that precious baby.”
“Of course.” I was anxious to hear what she had to say.
“She’s struggling. She wants to trust you, but her instincts are telling her she can trust no one.”
“Did she admit this?”
Sorcha laughed. “Of course she didn’t, but, Thornton, you must never give her cause to doubt you. Earn her trust and prove to her she’ll always have your support.”
“What if she doesn’t want it?”
“Oh, she does. More than anything.”
I followed her back into the house. “Can I help?” I asked, looking at the mess in the kitchen.
“Here,” she said, pointing to a pan and handing me a slab of bacon.
When that and the pancakes Sorcha made were ready, I helped her carry the heaping platters into the dining room.
The first face I saw was Losha’s, smiling at something Burns had said. I loved her smile, and her laugh, and everything about the woman. What would it take to get her to love me back?
24
Losha
I was listening to Burns, but looked up when Shiver came in from the kitchen. Sorcha was barking instructions at him, but his eyes were focused on mine.
He had the most beautiful eyes, and sometimes I felt that he could see straight into my soul. The way he’d always looked at me made me feel cherished, something I didn’t remember ever feeling, even from my parents.
He set the platters of food where Sorcha told him to, walked over to where I sat, and leaned down to whisper in my ear. “I’d love to know what you’re thinking about right now.”
“You.”
Shiver looked into my eyes. “What about me?”
I smiled. “Maybe I’ll tell you later.”
“Hello? Where is everyone?” I heard someone say from the direction of the front door.
“Kade!” Sorcha squealed, which made Kazmir squeal too and everyone else laugh.
The woman greeted her oldest son, followed by Burns, and then Shiver. It was obvious the two were close, more than I’d realized.
I’d heard as many stories about “Doc” Butler as I had about his father, but I’d never met him.
Kade walked back outside and held the door open for a woman I had also heard of but never met. Merrigan “Fatale” Shaw-Butler was as infamous as her husband. Maybe more so.
The first I’d heard her name was from another KGB assassin, Sergei “Oruzhiye” Orlov. Known in the intelligence community as “the gun,” Orlov had trained both Zary and me.
Like most of the people in our world, there were two sides to Sergei—the cold, hard killer and the sweet man no one believed could harm a fly.
He’d admitted once, after several shots of vodka, that he’d been in love with Fatale Shaw, but she didn’t return the affection. Those were his words, and to this day, I remembered how heartbroken he’d looked when he spoke them.
“Losha.” Shiver approached with both Doc and his wife. “I’d like you to meet two of my closest friends.”
I stood and shook both of their hands. “Who is this?” I asked, holding my finger out to the baby in Merrigan’s arms.
“This is Laird”—the woman beamed—“who is getting very heavy.” Merrigan handed the baby to his father.
“I knew a friend of yours,” I said once Doc and Shiver had walked away.
Merrigan raised a brow and took off her coat.
“Sergei,” I whispered.
The woman scrunched her eyes. “An enigma, that man. I can’t decide whether the world is blessed by his passing or if he somehow might’ve redeemed himself.”
I leaned in. “I’ve heard he’s still alive.”
Merrigan nodded. “Until yesterday.”
“Oh!” I gasped, causing everyone in the room to look our way. “I agree with your assessment,” I said once those in the room lost interest in what we were discussing. “Like others who do what we do, I’m sure there are many who consider us evil.”
Merrigan put her arm around my shoulders. “Many do not. Come introduce me to your baby boy.”
“This is Kazmir,” I said, lifting him out of Zary’s arms.
“It’s good to see you,” said Merrigan when Zary stood to hug her. “How are you holding up?”
“I miss Gunner, but otherwise, okay.”
As soon as she’d spoken his name, the front door opened again and Gunner walked through it. When Zary flew across the room and into his arms, my eyes filled with tears at seeing my friend’s unabashed happiness.
“I can’t say I would’ve predicted I’d ever see that look on Gunner’s face, but there it is,” said Shiver, who came to stand next to me.
Kazmir reached his little arms out, and I passed him to Shiver.
“You don’t mind, do
you?” he asked.
“Not at all. I was going to ask you the same thing.”
“Never. I’ll hold him as often as you’ll let me.”
My eyes focused on his. Would he? What about when the baby was fussy or needed a diaper change? Something told me he would still want to hold him. Could the Shiver standing before me, nuzzling my baby, be real?
“There it is again.”
“What’s that?”
“The look you promised to tell me about later.”
I smiled. “He’s hungry,” I added when Kazmir rubbed his face on Shiver’s chest. He was teething and left a trail of drool wherever he rubbed. “I’m sorry about your shirt.” I took Kazmir from his arms and handed him a cloth. “I should’ve given you this when you took him.”
He looked down at his perfectly pressed button-down shirt and smiled. “I don’t mind in the least.”
When I walked down the hall to the room Sorcha told me I could use to nurse the baby, Shiver followed. “What do you need?” I asked.
“You, would be my first answer. After that, to watch you with your son, even if only for the minute you’ll let me.”
“Why do you think I’d only allow you a minute?”
“Does it bother you?”
“That you want to watch me nurse him? No, oddly it doesn’t.”
“Thank you, Losha.”
“Don’t thank me. Listen, Shiv—”
“Hey, where the hell did you go?” Gunner shouted from the hallway at the same time I spoke.
“Here,” Shiver answered and then leaned forward to kiss my cheek. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Once again, at the same moment I’d decided to tell him he was Kazmir’s father, he was called away. I couldn’t help but think the universe was trying to tell me not to.
“What do you think, baby boy? Should we tell him he’s your daddy?” I whispered.
Kazmir brought two fingers to his mouth and started to cry.
“Guess not,” I said to myself after getting the baby settled on my breast.
25
Shiver
Something told me that leaving the room when I had was a mistake. What was Losha about to say when Gunner called out my name?
I followed him out the same kitchen door I’d followed Sorcha through a couple of hours ago. “What’s going on?” I asked when I saw Doc and Pinch waiting.
“Brief me on what you know about the bomb,” said Doc.
Pinch told him what we’d learned from both Pimm and the bomb expert the CIA had sent out. However, it wasn’t much. At this point, all we knew was who hadn’t planted it, but had no theories as to who had.
“What’s your plan?” Gunner asked.
“We’re leaving for Bedfordshire tonight,” I told them. “Originally, I’d planned for tomorrow, but since you’re back early…”
Both Doc and Gunner nodded.
“Let me know what the K19 team can do to help,” said Doc, resting his hand on my shoulder.
“Keep your ears open. Let me know of anything you hear, even if it seems incredible.”
“If you need more feet on the ground, let us know,” Gunner added.
“Appreciate it.” I looked between the three men. “Anything else?”
When they all shook their heads, I went back inside, hoping I could salvage the moment with Losha. Instead, I found both her and Kazmir sound asleep.
I eased the door closed and went back out to where the Butler family and friends were gathered.
After dinner, I loaded the rental car with the items Sorcha insisted we take with us for the baby, and wondered again if I was doing the wrong thing by taking them to Bedfordshire. When I’d told Losha I thought we should leave tonight, her reaction had been…resigned.
“We’ll go with you, Shiver,” she’d said earlier, as though if she’d had another choice, she wouldn’t have.
I walked up the steps of the porch and into the house, where I found her still sitting at the big farmhouse table. Sorcha held Kazmir on her lap while Burns played peek-a-boo with the baby. Peals of laughter from both Kazmir and his mother pulled at my heartstrings.
Would they be happier staying here with the Butlers? The family would certainly welcome them.
“Must you go so soon?” I heard Sorcha ask, realizing she was directing her question at me.
“I’m afraid we do.”
“But the bairn—”
“Now, Sorcha,” said Burns. “We discussed this at great length. It’s for the wee boy’s and his mother’s safety that they must return to London.”
“Nach bhfuil acu a.”
“Yes, they do,” Burns reiterated, smiling at his wife, who mumbled something more in Gaelic that I didn’t catch.
“Ready?” I asked Losha.
“Zary?”
“She and Gunner are out front.”
“I’ll say my goodbyes, then.”
When I walked closer to Sorcha, Kazmir held his hands out to be picked up. I looked at Losha, who nodded, before I took the baby in my arms.
“Do you have everything I told you to take?” Sorcha asked.
“I didn’t leave anything behind,” I answered before Burns could chide her for nagging, and carried the baby outside. I nuzzled Kazmir’s neck, which made him coo, and marveled at how natural it felt to hold him when I doubted I’d been around a baby since shortly after my sister was born.
“We’re off,” I said to Gunner, who met me on the porch.
3:24 “Godspeed, and again, let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.”
“Thanks, mate.”
Pinch came out, smiling and shaking Doc’s and Burns’ hands and hugging Sorcha. “Thanks for having me,” he said. “I wish we didn’t have to leave so soon.”
I looked over at Losha and Zary, both of them in tears, and wondered again if I was making a terrible mistake.
26
Losha
“You’re doing the right thing, Losha,” said Zary. “I’m proud of you for not fighting Shiver on this.”
“I have little choice.”
Zary scrunched her eyes and put her hand on her hip. “Of course you do. You could stay here. I’m sure both Sorcha and Burns would love to have you and Kazmir stay indefinitely. You could also stay with Gunner and me. There is no way anyone will be gaining access to the duplex ever again.”
I’d heard Burns talking to Shiver about that very thing. There was a team already working on fixing the holes in the beach house’s security system while other teams were analyzing the systems in place at several of the other houses owned by K19 Security Solutions’ partners—Butler Ranch included.
Kazmir and I would be very safe if we stayed, but I’d still be jeopardizing the safety of everyone who lived here.
“Let Shiver take care of you and the baby,” Zary said through her tears.
“Ready?” Shiver asked, walking up behind me.
“Sure.”
He handed Kazmir to me and then opened the back passenger door. I bent down to put the baby in the car seat, when I felt Shiver’s hand on my shoulder.
“Wait,” I heard him say, and turned back around, straightening to look at him.
“What?”
“We don’t have to do this. If you really don’t want to go to London, I won’t force you.”
“It’s fine. I understand it’s for the best.”
When he nodded, I went back to securing Kazmir in the car seat.
“I’ll see you in July, if not sooner,” Zary said when I walked around the car to get in the front passenger seat.
“July?” asked Shiver.
“Our wedding,” Zary told him. “We can’t be married without my maid of honor.”
Before I dissolved into tears a second time, I got in the car. Would I be back in July? Or would doing so bring danger back to Zary, Gunner, and their baby? Only time would tell.
Both Shiver and I were quiet on the drive to the airfield in San Luis Obispo. He’d told me a privat
e jet was waiting to take us from there to Los Angeles, where we’d take a different private aircraft to London. SIS clearly had a great deal more money than United Russia, given the way we were traveling. On the other hand, Shiver was a duke now. Perhaps the jets belonged to him.
“Pinch should be here shortly, and then we’ll leave.”
Part of me had hoped that Shiver and I would have some time alone on the trip so we could talk things through. I’d decided only a few short hours ago not to keep the fact that he was Kazmir’s father from him any longer. Except, every time I tried to tell him, I was interrupted. Perhaps it would be better to wait until we landed in London and I could speak with him privately without fear of another interruption.
“Pinch is the one who found me in Lapland.”
“I’m sorry, Losha.”
“Why?”
“I had to know where you were. I had to know you were safe.”
“I know,” I whispered, looking out the car window at the vast expanse of the Pacific Ocean.
All too soon, we arrived at the airfield where Kazmir and I were whisked onto the small plane.
“The next one will be far more comfortable,” Shiver said as he helped get Kazmir settled into the car seat that we’d strapped to a seat on the plane. “We’ll only be in the air an hour.”
I closed my eyes and feigned sleep when I heard Pinch board.
Shiver hadn’t exaggerated about how much nicer the plane was that we took from Los Angeles to London. Once we were in the air, at cruising altitude, he led Kazmir and me to the back.
“There are two staterooms. You can lie down if you’d like,” he said while setting up the portable crib for the baby.
“Shiver, this is…”
He stopped what he was doing and met my gaze.
“Thank you. I appreciate what you’re doing very much.”
“You’re welcome,” he murmured, giving me the sense that he wasn’t looking for my thanks but something else entirely.
With hooded eyes, he left me alone to contemplate why I found it so hard to share my feelings with him.
The Duke and the Assassin (The Royal Agents of MI6 Book 1) Page 12