Bellamy stared at the floor for a few moments, uncharacteristic for him. He shook his head and looked at me.
“Mike, you and I have been friends for a long time, although I shouldn’t say that in front of other people. But you’re right. You need to send out a worldwide recall announcement, and then we’ll try to see how those robots were turned into bombs. The negative press against your company will be relentless, but you have a big thing on your side. You didn’t do anything wrong or duck any responsibility. I leave it to your talented PR lady here to put that message out to the consumer.”
“I love working under pressure, Rick,” Blanche said. “Pardon me while I go to the ladies room and barf.”
“I’ve ordered increased security which started yesterday,” I said. “I’ve also put in place enhanced quality control. Not one bot will ever leave our manufacturing facility without being pulled apart and inspected. We don’t want to release any more time bombs on the world.”
Chapter Thirty Two
“Billy, we’ve got to repurpose Angus for the time being,” I said to our chief scientist as I walked into his office.
“I expected you to say that, Mike. It’s obvious to anybody that a lot of nasty shit is going on. What are your thoughts?”
“The FBI thinks it’s terrorism and I agree with them. Because all of the events involve Robot Depot products, it’s our problem not just a law enforcement issue. But we have a secret weapon, and his name is Angus. You’ve invented an amazing robot, Billy, and I think he can get a handle on this crap faster than we can. I’ve seen him diagnose some complicated medical cases, and I want to turn him loose on our problem.”
“Mike, from what you’ve told me, especially after your house burned down, we have a problem with quality control, and the problem goes back years. It’s possible that our products all over the world that are waiting to explode.”
“You’re the smartest guy I’ve ever met, Billy, next to Angus. That’s why you’re our chief scientist.”
“Thanks for the compliment, Mike. Yes I am proud that I invented a machine that’s smarter than me. So let’s boil this stew down to its ingredients. First, we have to figure out how the timing devices or remote detonators work. Then we need to figure out a way to disable the mechanisms. I’m going to suggest that you hold off on the giant recall until we can find out what exactly we’re dealing with from an engineering point of view. If you issue the recall, whoever the bad actors are can wait for them to come into our plants and then blow the goddam things up, killing a lot of our best people. If you were a terrorist out to kill Robot Depot, isn’t that what you’d do? It only makes sense. Let’s huddle with Angus now.”
***
“Hello, Angus,” I said. I’m one of a few people in the world who thinks it’s normal to talk to a robot.
“Good afternoon, Mike, good afternoon, Billy. I have been hearing and reading about the difficulties facing Robot Depot. I’ve concluded that the problem is one of terrorism.”
“It doesn’t surprise me that you’re right up to speed with our thinking,” I said. “Please give us your analysis of the situation, and we’ll see where we go from here. Think of it like one of those medical cases you diagnosed. Our company is sick, and I want you to diagnose the problem and recommend a solution. But first let me give you two pieces of information. One, all of the violent events of the past few weeks are the result of one or more of our robots exploding or malfunctioning. Second, and this is the scary part. Based on the facts surrounding my house burning down, we know that we’ve sold at least three years’ worth of products which may contain exploding mechanisms.”
Angus slowly nodded his new humanoid head up and down, emitting a slight whirring sound.
“Here is where I see the situation at the present,” Angus said. “First, I knew that there is some sort of explosive device inside many of our products. I did not know the second fact until now, that there are possibly thousands of our tampered-with products in use for at least three years. That certainly provides us with a sense of urgency. We need to consider a third factor. Until we know the exact nature of the explosive device and the timer or remote control switch, we can’t inspect those machines for defects, for the obvious reason that the inspector may be killed if he digs too deeply into the mechanism. Not a reasonable option. I must devise a method for inspecting the machines without actually tampering with them, a challenging but not insurmountable problem. The time right now is 5 p.m., approaching what human beings call quitting time. I will address these issues overnight, which should be plenty of time for me to come up with some solutions because I don’t require sleep. I recommend that you gentlemen go home and do that thing that humans do, have sex with your spouse or partner. My research tells me that human beings are most efficient when they are relaxed. So, as I believe you’d put it, go home and get laid. I have no idea why humans find rubbing naked bodies against one another to be relaxing, but it seems to work, from what I’ve read. I will see you in the morning at 9 a.m. or at any other time that Mike chooses.”
“Angus, every time I talk to you I feel like I’ve just received an education,” I said. “We’ll see you in the morning at nine.”
Chapter Thirty Three
“Hey, Jen, it’s quitting time. Let’s leave.”
“But it’s only 5:30, Mike. Don’t you have more to do? I know I do.”
“I’ve got plenty to do, as usual, but I think it’s a great idea to go back to the guest cottage and have sex.”
“What? Why? I mean I’m not objecting, but the atmosphere today doesn’t seem romantic.”
“It’s Angus’ idea, Jen. He has analyzed human behavior and concluded that we work best when we’re relaxed and not under stress. He says, not that he’s got any experience, that sex calms us down and makes us more productive.”
“Let me grab my purse. I think we need more robots like Angus.”
***
Jenny and I lay in bed, totally spent. Our guest cottage, located next to the creek, actually had a better view than our house, which would be under reconstruction for about six more months.
“Hey, do you realize it’s still daylight on a stressful workday,” Jenny said, “and we just behaved like it was the first night of our honeymoon. I think Angus is on to something. I feel wonderful, you?”
“I think it’s because we just did something that we thought we shouldn’t do. Screw in the daytime on an extremely busy workday. Makes it feel sort of naughty, no?”
“Naughty, yes,” Jenny said. “How do you feel now?”
“I still feel naughty. Let’s not waste good feelings.”
“We wouldn’t want to disappoint Angus,” she said.
Chapter Thirty Four
Jen and I got up early, took a shower, went back to bed and made love again. Who would believe that a suggestion from a robot could be such an aphrodisiac? Carly took us to breakfast at a local diner, and then to the office for our meeting with Angus and Billy.
When we walked into the conference room, Billy and Angus were already there.
“Mike and Jenny, I must say that you two appear much more relaxed than yesterday. So does Billy. I find it fascinating how humans can rejuvenate themselves by rubbing up against one another naked.”
“Thanks for your evaluation, Angus, not to mention your advice last night,” Jenny said. “To change the subject, how was your night?”
“Well, I didn’t get laid, if that’s what you mean,” Angus said, after which he laughed hysterically at his own joke. “Ayooga, ayooga, ayooga.”
“I believe that I’ve had another breakthrough idea,” Angus said after he stopped laughing. “My objective was to devise a way to inspect our products without physically removing them from their wrappings and thereby risking an explosion. I think I’ve come up with an electronic solution. I will send a signal to the box that contains the product and, depending on the return signal, I can tell if it’s explosive or not. But we can’t rely on a theory, we need to
test it. My research tells me that there’s a shooting range at the Suffolk County Police Headquarters where we can test my theory.”
I called George Clayton, the New York City police commissioner, the guy who had approached us on finding a robotic solution to mob violence. He agreed to meet us at the local firing range along with Timothy Sini, his friend and police commissioner of Suffolk County.
Carly pulled up to the Suffolk County Police facility in Yaphank and left us at the entrance. George Clayton was there to greet us, along with Rick Bellamy from the FBI, and Suffolk Police Commissioner Sini.
The explosive test range had just been mowed, leaving behind the pleasant smell of freshly cut grass combined with gunpowder. As a safety measure, the entire field is swept with a metal and explosive detecting device before the lawn is mowed. As a further safety feature, the lawn mower is an unmanned robot, manufactured, of course, by Robot Depot.
The plan was for Angus to send an electronic signal to the various boxes we brought with us. An aide sprayed red paint on each box that Angus identified as carrying explosives. We then photographed the array of boxes. Angus aimed his remote device at each of the red painted boxes. Every one of the boxes exploded, not just with a percussive blast, but with fire spewing in all directions. As a double check, Angus sent a triggering signal to each of the boxes without red paint. Just as we expected none of them exploded. The police lab would later identify remnants of Cemtex, a powerful plastic explosive.
The electronic signal that Angus sent to the boxes came from an inexpensive remote device that could identify the explosives by just pointing and sending the signal. Angus devised the explosive detection capability.
“Well, Mike,” Rick Bellamy said, “it’s still going to be a gigantic recall, but it just got a lot easier. You’ve got to make public announcements with a huge advertising campaign to get people to call you if they own a Robot Depot device. You can give them the option of bringing the product to the local store, or we’ll assign an agent, along with one of your people to go to the person’s home. If the device detects explosives, we pick up the product and bring it to one of various locations to be detonated.”
After the explosive range tests we returned to my office along with Rick Bellamy.
“Thanks to this robot over here, we have an excellent way to handle the recall.” Bellamy said.
“Excuse me, sir, but my name is Angus, not robot.”
“I’m sorry, Angus. Since my old friend Mike here got involved in robotics, I’m still learning how to be appropriate.”
“I’m the only robot that is aware of itself, Mr. Bellamy, not only at Robot Depot, but probably in the entire world.
“So here’s a big question for you, Angus,” Bellamy said, struggling to reconcile himself with the fact that he was having a deep conversation with a machine. “Have you determined who may be the perpetrator or perpetrators?”
“My suspicion, based on all of the evidence thus far, is that Mr. Jack Winston, the quality control supervisor, is the primary suspect, but that conclusion needs to be tested against additional facts.”
“But Jack Winston insisted that the tampering was an inside job from the beginning,” I said. “He even fingered that guy George Livingston from his department. Remember, Livingston disappeared.”
“Those facts, Mike, lead to the opposite conclusion—that Winston is innocent,” Angus said. “As I pointed out, we must test my initial conclusion of his guilt against additional facts.”
I almost expected Angus to say, in the spirit of Sherlock Holmes, “It’s elementary my dear Watson.”
“We have the dates the products were stocked on the shelves from the bar codes,” Bellamy said. “Livingston disappeared a month ago. So the question is, have any products been placed on the shelves or shipped since the date Livingston disappeared? Angus?”
“No, not one. That obviously does not include products that have been shipped in the past, but it does indicate that Livingston was the last one who had anything to do with tampering before that date. What it does not explain is how Livingston could have tampered with the products while under the supervision of Winston.”
Rick Bellamy and I looked at each other. We then said the same thing—Bennie.
“I want to interrogate Winston in Bennie Weinberg’s presence,” Bellamy said. “If Bennie-the- Bullshit-Detector sees that Winston is lying, we may have our man. I want to interview him here, where he’ll be more comfortable than at the FBI office.”
The idea that a man I’ve known and trusted for years could be the guy responsible for the disasters sickened me. I hoped Bennie could sort this shit out.
Chapter Thirty Five
“I don’t know what the hell you guys have been waiting for,” Bennie Weinberg said. “That guy Winston is the primary suspect, in my opinion. I base that opinion on simple detective reasoning, having nothing to do with psychiatry. Jack Winston is the quality control supervisor. How can somebody, Livingston or somebody else, pull off that crap without Winston’s knowing it?”
Bennie, Rick Bellamy, and I were at our main manufacturing plant in Hempstead, waiting for Jack Winston to show up. Angus was in the meeting as well, along with his creator and sidekick Billy Jackson. Jenny couldn’t make the meeting because she had to fly to Maryland to meet with the Army brass to go over the operating details of the Groundhog robots that were just delivered.
“Gentleman, Jack Winston is here,” Dianne said. She showed him in.
“Mr. Winston, we’ve met before,” said Bellamy. “As you know, our investigation into the exploding robots is a continuing one. That’s why I’d like to ask you a few questions. This is my colleague Ben Weinberg. This interview will be recorded, if that’s okay with you. Just to be clear, you’ve stated for the record that you do not choose to have an attorney present, is that correct?”
“Yes, that’s correct,” Winston said. “I don’t need a lawyer. I want to get at the truth as much as you guys.”
“Let me open our interview by making a couple of statements and asking you a rather broad question,” Bellamy said. “You were the guy who pointed us to one of your employees who suddenly went missing. As quality control supervisor, how could someone tamper with any products without your knowledge? Obviously, Livingston is our main suspect at this point because he disappeared into thin air. But I’d like to know how Livingston or anybody else could tamper with a product without you knowing about it.”
“I’ve been asking myself that same question, and I think I may have come up with an answer,” Winston said. “The answer, in a word, is solenoid. I understand that our friend Angus here has come up with a way to detect an explosive in a packaged product. So to answer your question completely, I’m going to ask Angus to scan each product that I put on this table with his detector. My interest is in not blowing up myself and you guys with me.”
I went over to a shelf and pulled the first box and put it on the table in front of Jack Winston. Angus scanned it and confirmed that it was not explosive.
“Now each product casing is opened, as is normal quality control procedure before the box is sealed.” Winston said. “This happens to every single product.”
Winston then casually opened the casing, ran his hand over a few parts, and closed it.
“So we need not worry about this package, right?” Winston asked all of us.
“That’s right,” I said, “Angus scanned it with his detector, and then you pulled it apart to inspect it further. So that package is ready to wrap and ship.”
“I hate to break some explosive news, not to pun, but this package can kill all of us,” Winston said.
“Ayooga, ayooga, ayooga,” Angus laughed at Winston’s “explosive news” pun.
“Pardon me if I’m being dense, Mr. Winston,” Bellamy said, “but how can that package be explosive after it was checked out by the remote and then inspected by you personally? Am I missing something?”
“None of you noticed that I just replaced the so
lenoid,” Winston said, “a device that’s in every one of our products. A solenoid is a cylindrical coil of wire that acts as a magnet when carrying electrical current.” He held up a solenoid. “The solenoid you’re looking at came from the product I just examined. I removed the old solenoid and replaced it and nobody noticed. Now if I saw someone perform the task that I just did, I wouldn’t have noticed it either. That’s right, the quality control supervisor would not have spotted what I just did. That’s because the inspector of the product is required to remove the solenoid to make sure it fits properly into its receptacle. The only difference is that I replaced it after I lifted it out. You don’t need to be a circus magician to do that. You lift out one solenoid and slip in the replacement with the same hand. Now I’ve done some research and discovered that a solenoid can be packed with a powerful explosive. That’s how soldiers place booby traps on artillery that they need to abandon. As quality control supervisor, I could follow one of my inspectors around the shop from package to package, and I never would have noticed what he did.”
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