by Briar Lane
No, actually, I hadn’t forgotten. That was a huge part of the problem. I was thinking about how lonely I was nearly every damn day. Until I got to talk to Lana. And she’d been stuck in my mind ever since.
It was really corny, but it felt like the universe had sent her to me. Okay, yeah, that’s a little over the top. That’s some shit you say about soulmates. Obviously I didn’t have any interest in her like that. But, still, the universe had sent me a friend.
The exact kind of friend I needed at that point. Someone who would give me that support I so desperately needed. For one evening, I felt less alone. Someone had volunteered to watch my daughter for me, had helped me fix my car, and had listened to my problems. I was so depressed about not having that kind of support it was like the world took notice and said, ‘Okay, Katie, tonight you get a break.’
Lana had been my break.
And now I was a little obsessed with her, but not in a creepy way of course. I just really couldn’t wait to become friends. All this dating business was going to be so much less depressing if I could have an actual friend to talk to and spend time with on a regular basis. Even just once a week would make the biggest difference.
I heard the chime of the school bell and grabbed my purse, sliding the wine bottle behind my back as I got out of the car. It had a beautiful red ribbon tied on it with a sweet thank you card I had attached.
Honestly, I wanted to get her more than just the wine bottle. What she did seemed deserving of an entire gift basket. But I didn’t want to go too overboard.
I knew that since it had been so long since I connected with anyone that I was at risk of being a little too extra. I didn’t want to scare her off by being too intense or anything.
I saw her walking out to the drop-off zone with her adorable little line of kindergartners behind her. They all stayed in single file so dutifully until they reached the tree. That was the point where they were allowed to run off to their parents if they saw them, or stay next to Lana if they didn’t.
Most of the kids soon began to scurry, including Alex, who was rushing toward me. She quickly had her arms wrapped around my legs like she always did when I went to pick her up.
“Mommy!” she chimed.
“Hey, baby, how was school?”
“Good! I can count to 20 now!”
“You can?” I asked excitedly. “That’s so great, babe. Hey, let’s go talk to your teacher for a minute, okay?” I said as I looked up to see Lana smiling over at me.
“Okay!” Alex said, running back over Lana’s way. I began to follow, the wine bottle still not-so-slyly tucked behind my back.
“Hey, I got you something,” I said as I pulled it from behind me and handed it to her. Her face instantly lit up.
“You didn’t have to do that!” she said, though she clearly was happy I did. “Thank you!”
“It’s no problem at all. I really appreciate you helping me the other day.”
“Well, it was actually kind of a fun way to spend my evening. I truly didn’t mind at all.” She lifted up the wine bottle. “Maybe we could drink this together?”
Perfect, I didn’t even have to segue into hanging out, she did it for me! “I’d love that! When?”
“Well, it is Friday. Do you have plans tonight?” she asked.
“Not at all! Would you maybe want to drop by around 8 after I put Alex to bed?”
“That would be perfect! I’ll see you then!” she said.
“Alright, see you!” I said as I took Alex’s hand in mine and whipped around quickly. For some reason, I didn’t want her to see I was grinning from ear to ear in excitement. Again, it just felt like I would come on a little too strong.
As we walked to the car, Alex turned to me excitedly. “Mom, Miss Andrews is going to come over to play with me again?”
Oh, right, maybe I should have planned this out of earshot of Alex. Well, it was too late now. A little disappointment here and there was healthy anyway.
“Well, no, Miss Andrews is coming over to hang out with Mommy. You’ll be asleep.”
She furrowed her brow. “But why do I have to sleep? I want to hang out with Miss Andrews too!”
“Because it will be your bedtime and we’re going to have adult time. You get to have fun with Miss Andrews every day, can’t Mom enjoy some time with her?”
This seemed to register with her, though she was still pouting a bit. “I guess…”
“Tell you what, me and you will go to the park now so you can have some fun too. Sound good?”
“Yeah!” she said enthusiastically. I knew this would be enough to get her off my back.
And I quite enjoyed going to the park. Alex was pretty outgoing so she would quickly run off and hang out with whatever other children were around while I sat on the bench, but it was nice. I watched her play while I let my thoughts run wild. And right now, I was so excited that I was happy to daydream about the night I was going to have when Lana came over later.
Maybe that was a little pathetic, to be this excited about just hanging out with a potential friend, but I didn’t care. There wasn’t much fun in my life these days. I was going to savor this.
6
Lana
I had mixed feelings about offering to hang out with Katie tonight. On one hand, she really was nice to talk to and I thought we’d have fun. On the other hand, I was undeniably attracted to her and that wasn’t exactly the best foundation for a genuine friendship.
The last few days, my stomach had filled with butterflies every time the bell rang for school to get out because I knew that Katie was going to be right outside, her perfect smile shining my way. The breeze would blow her long hair slightly away from her face and I’d be stunned by how gorgeous she was again.
Because of this, I’d specifically kept our conversations to a minimum the past couple days. And because she didn’t mention me helping her the other day, I thought maybe all that talk of us hanging out again was exactly that… just talk.
So I resigned myself to the fact that we’d likely keep our relationship strictly parent-teacher from now on. And I didn’t even completely mind because, like I said, I was attracted to her and the last thing I wanted was to make anything awkward.
So when she showed up with a bottle of wine, I was a little stunned. So she actually did want to try to be friends. I hadn't jumped the gun on asking her to hang out. I was just so thrilled that she wanted to at all that I took the opportunity and ran with it without thinking about whether or not it was actually a good idea.
But now it was 7:50 and I’d be seeing her in ten minutes and that was all I could think about… was it a good idea?
I mean, I sure wasn’t going into this hangout like I would with a friend. I tended to be laid-back in my appearance when I wasn’t in school. Yoga pants and sweatshirts were my style of choice. I liked to be comfortable. And normally, with an actual friend, that’s how I’d dress to drink wine on a Friday night.
Instead, I was standing in front of the mirror, curling my hair. I had a full face of makeup on. My clothes were still a little bit casual because this wasn’t a date or anything. But I was still wearing jeans and a cute blouse.
What was I doing? She was my student’s parent. While I normally trusted myself to keep myself in check around women I’m attracted to, I didn’t trust drunk me. Alcohol was my aphrodisiac. When I used to drink heavily in college, I’d almost always wake up with a girl in my bed.
But I was older now, and I could handle my liquor. That’s what I told myself, anyway. I’d just have a couple glasses, drink them slowly, and make sure I wasn’t getting out of hand. I’d get a little buzz going, but I wouldn’t get drunk, I’d make sure of it.
I grabbed the bottle of wine Katie had given me and headed out the door.
It was dark by then, nothing but the glow of the yellow streetlights above my head to guide my way to the other house. It was bright enough to see and her house wasn’t far, but it still felt weird to be walking outside at this
time. Normally, I’d be in bed with a book, preparing myself to go to sleep. Even on a Friday night, I headed to bed pretty early.
I rubbed my arms slightly as the cold breeze whipped against my hair. I had a jacket on, but it was a light one and I could still feel the cool night air. I rushed across the wet grass of her lawn and quickly knocked on the door, hoping to get inside and get warm fast.
But as soon as I knocked, a wave of anxiety came over me. Dammit, I didn’t mean to knock that soon! I hadn’t even thought about what I was going to say to her! I didn’t have a plan. And any second now she’d open the door and—
“Hello!” I burst out in an over-eager tone as soon as the door was open.
“Hey!” Katie instantly leaned in to give me a hug and those familiar butterflies came washing over me again.
“I’ve got the wine,” I said as I held up the bottle awkwardly.
“Perfect, come on in! I was just watching TV.”
I turned my head toward her television set and immediately knew what show it was. It was one of my favorites. Perfect, this would give us something to talk about.
“I adore this show!” I said instantly.
“You do? I don’t know anyone else who watches it!”
That didn’t surprise me. It wasn’t super popular. It was a kind of nerdy sci-fi show. It was like a modern version of The Twilight Zone, actually. Every episode was different and they all told these weird, dystopian stories about the future and the past.
“Well, to be honest, I’m a total geek,” I told her. “I’ve seen, like, every episode.”
“Me too!” she said as she waltzed into the kitchen and came back with a bottle opener. “On both counts.”
She screwed the opener into the cork and popped it effortlessly. “Wow, not bad,” I said.
“What can I say? I drink a lot of wine.” She laughed. “I mean… not in, like, an alcoholic way!” She sounded worried or embarrassed. “I don’t, like, drink every night or anything.”
I laughed. “It’s totally fine. I didn’t take it that way at all.”
She sighed. “Oh, good.” She began to pour the red wine into two glasses for us. “Is it weird that I feel a little paranoid of what I say around you?” she asked.
“Paranoid?” I asked. “Of me? Why?”
Katie shrugged as she handed me my glass. “I don’t know. I guess it’s stupid, but, like, you’re Alex’s teacher. I don’t want to, like, come off as a bad parent or anything. I don’t know, I’m probably not explaining it well. It just feels like there’s this boundary there that I shouldn’t cross.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be paranoid at all. I’m never judging you, I promise. I totally know what you mean, though. I’ve been a little careful about what I say too. I don’t want to come off as totally unprofessional or anything.”
Katie nudged my shoulder. “Don’t worry about that, either! I already think you’re a fabulous teacher. I hope that all of Alex’s schoolteachers are as awesome as you are, honestly.”
I could feel myself blushing and tried to cover it up by going to sip my wine. “Really?”
“Absolutely! You’re just so sweet with the kids. Alex loves you. And, you know, your job is incredibly important. This is the first year of school for all the kids in your class, so this year is really going to color how they see school for the rest of their lives. And I can honestly say that because of you, Alex adores going to school.”
Now I was definitely red-faced and couldn’t hide it. That was the sweetest compliment anyone had ever given to me. Even if I hadn’t been attracted to Katie before, that comment alone would’ve definitely sparked a crush on her.
But I was already attracted to her so, really, it wasn’t great that she’d said that. It was making my feelings even more intense and I really didn’t want that.
“I think that might be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” I told her.
“Oh, stop, you must get that all the time! Being as good a teacher as you are.”
I shook my head. “Not really, to be honest. I feel like I get more complaints than I do compliments. Teaching can be a little… thankless. Not that I’m in it for the thanks or anything.”
Katie sat down on the couch and curled herself up on her knees, her legs tucked neatly underneath her. She leaned her head against her hand, and once again, I was floored by how adorable she was.
“No, of course you’re not. You clearly love this job, that’s really obvious. But… complaints? I don’t know what anyone could possibly complain to you about.”
I shrugged. “It’s mostly parents complaining when I have to call about some disciplinary thing. Some parents really can’t stand the thought of a teacher disciplining their kid, and they start attacking me for doing it instead of addressing that their kid did something wrong.”
Katie rolled her eyes. “That’s so gross. People need to get a grip. Teachers are watching your kid all day, give them a little respect! If teachers couldn’t discipline their students we’d all have a bunch of entitled monsters running around. You can discipline Alex anytime!” She laughed.
“Like I’d ever need to. She’s a total and complete angel.”
Katie’s face lit up as she heard this. It was the kind of smile that only a mom gets when she’s feeling pride in her child. The love she had for Alex just exuded out of her.
“You really think so? You don’t have to flatter me or anything.” She laughed.
“I’m not at all! She’s really one of my favorite students. She’s smart, well-behaved, just a charming kid.”
Katie grinned as she took a few gulps of her wine. “You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that. I’m always wondering how I’m doing with her parenting-wise. I mean, I’m young, and if I’m being honest, I didn’t really have great parents to learn from. So it’s a little tough to know whether I’m doing the right thing. But then I hear something like that and it reassures me.”
“Good. Because you’re clearly doing something right.”
She smiled at me and finished off her glass. I did the same thing.
“More?” she asked me as she started pouring herself some wine.
“Absolutely,” I said, handing her my glass.
I don’t know why I said ‘absolutely.’ I probably shouldn’t have been drinking another glass so soon. But I couldn’t help myself. I was having fun and I hadn’t been drinking in a long time. I just wanted to continue to enjoy myself.
Still, I’d go slower with this one. After this glass I should have a nice buzz going, and then I’ll stop, I told myself. I promise, I won’t take it too far.
But I was totally lying to myself. We started watching our favorite show, and as it turned out we both had the same favorite episode. As we got into it, talking theories and making jokes, the second glass turned into a third and Katie ended up breaking out another wine bottle that she had in the kitchen. Before I knew it, I was drunk and so was she.
I was still confident I wasn’t going to do anything to expose that I was attracted to her though. I was drunk, but not let-me-suddenly-lean-in-and-kiss-you drunk. But I was drunk enough to ask dumb questions and get too personal, which I very quickly did.
We were talking about past relationships, and without thinking, I asked, “Where’s Alex’s father?”
Even drunk, I immediately knew that was a stupid thing for me to ask. This was our first time hanging out, that was far too personal of a question, and I immediately went to take it back.
“Oh, God, that was dumb. Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
“No, it’s fine,” she said. “I’m actually glad you asked. Nobody ever asks. People just dance around the subject like I had an immaculate conception or something. I like that you asked because, like, I wanna be real friends, you know? I wanna be able to say the hard stuff.” She was a little drunk too, I could tell, but still I knew what she meant. I wanted to have that kind of friendship too.
Or, actually, I wanted to have that kind of
relationship but that was too much to think about right then so I shoved the thought down.
“Anyway, yeah, he’s totally out of the picture. He doesn’t visit Alex, doesn’t ask about her, he sends child support but that’s it.”
“Wait, you’re telling me he sends you child support but he never asks about his daughter?”
She sighed. “Exactly. He legally has to and he has a good paying job anyway so he does, but he couldn’t give a shit less about her.” She was starting to get angry. “Nothing in this world makes me madder than that. I look at our beautiful, smart, funny little girl who I fall more and more in love with every day, and I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to be a part of her life. Her own dad doesn’t want to be a part of her life? Why? She’s perfect! How could he not want that?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. Like, truly, I don’t. She is a great girl. I would never be able to turn my back on my own daughter.”
“Exactly.”
“So I take it he was some one night stand and just, like, backed away when you said you were pregnant?”
“No!” she said suddenly. “Not at all! We were in a relationship!”
My eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Yes! We’d been dating about a year before that. I mean, I had a lot of hook-ups before and after him, don’t get me wrong. I was kind of a party girl. But when it came to him, I slowed it all down. It feels so stupid to say now, but that boy was my world. He was the first and only boy I’d ever fallen head over heels for. I was a lovesick schoolgirl with him, as embarrassing as it is. But, I mean, at the time it wasn’t embarrassing at all because he loved me back.”
“He was, like, a nice dedicated boyfriend?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah, he was so sweet. And we’d talk about the future and he’d tell me how he wants to be with me forever and how I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He said as soon as he graduated with his engineering degree, he’d propose. And we’d buy a house and start our family…”