by Briar Lane
“Lilac and gold,” I told her, “and thank you so much.”
I sat down at a nearby table and took in the calming scents that surrounded me. Man, working in a floral shop must be so nice. It smelled heavenly in here.
She came back around with a large bouquet of different colored purple and yellow flowers.
“Now, I brought out some yellow ones just so you could see, but, of course, there are not real gold flowers, so I’m sure the yellow is going to clash with any actual gold coloring you have.”
“Right, yeah, I’m not sure about that,” I said, as I looked them over. “I mean, they’re beautiful flowers, but I’m not sure the yellow ones will really fit in with the color scheme we have going.”
“Now, what I can do for you is, if you’d really like gold coloring in your bouquets and arrangements, I can dip some flowers in gold coating. But, personally, I don’t love how that turns out among live flowers. It ends up feeling very fake and a little tacky.”
“Oh, I totally agree,” I told her. “I really want all live flowers so… maybe we could just keep them purple?”
“Absolutely!” she said excitedly, as she started pulling some flowers out of the bouquet. “Would you like to keep them all light lilac purple like these? Or would you like some dark violet to maybe add some contrast a little bit, make it less matchy-matchy?”
“Hmm… I don’t know,” I said, as I tried to imagine it. “It’s a little hard to picture…”
“Here, hold on,” she said, as she started pulling all the yellow flowers out of the bouquet in front of me.
Then, she started working some crazy florist magic, moving flowers around, picking out the dark purple flowers and placing them at specific areas of the vase. I could see what she meant by matchy-matchy. Before she’d rearranged the dark purple flowers, the light purple had looked painfully boring. But when she’d finished, man, what a sight it was to see.
“Now, of course, your bouquet won’t be the same flowers. As this is such a wide assortment, we’ll have to pick a few, but, from this, you can see a little bit of what the color scheme might turn out looking like.”
“Holy shit!” I said eagerly. “That is gorgeous! How did you just do that? It was just random flowers before, and now it’s this beautiful thing…”
“What can I say? Family gift,” she smiled and shrugged. “So, you like it with the dark purple, then?”
“Absolutely! You’re totally right, it needs the contrast.”
“Awesome! Well, if you want, you can pick out three or four flowers, and I can get some other order information. Unless, maybe your fiancé wants to come in and help choose?
“Ugh, I wish,” I rolled my eyes. “He was kind of supposed to come with me today, actually, but he forgot… or, he claimed to forget.”
“Ahh…” she nodded. “So, he’s not really the kind of guy who gets very involved in wedding stuff?”
“Not at all. Not even a little bit… but, I’m sure you see that pretty commonly, right? Guys being uninvolved in their wedding planning?”
“Actually, I see quite a few husbands. Usually giving a lot of input.”
Great, well, that makes me feel ten times worse. I don’t think that’s what she’d been trying to do or anything, but it was easier to deal with my fiancé’s lack of involvement when I’d thought about it as ‘just one of those guy things.’
Ellie noticed my sadness and tried to soften the blow. “But, I mean, maybe he just isn’t all that into flowers. I’m sure he’ll be the first one by your side when it comes to cake tasting and checking out the caterer.”
“Ha, yeah…” I gave a fake laugh.
But, that wasn’t true. And, for some odd reason, I decided to be honest about it. I guess I just needed to vent. I had really avoided venting with all my friends because they were Johnathon’s friends, too. I didn’t want to taint their view of him. Everyone called us the ‘perfect couple,’ and I didn’t want to ruin that.
“Actually, I had the cake tasting earlier this week, and he didn’t want to go to that, either,” I said, defeated.
My sadness was obvious. “Aw, I’m sorry. Wedding planning all on your own can be stressful.”
“You know what? It really is,” I told her. “I thought I’d be more excited about it myself, but now that I’m doing it all on my own… it’s just hard.”
“One of these days this week, just take a break from it. And take a break from your fiancé if he’s frustrating you, that’s my advice. Get your girls together and just go for a night out. Trust me, I’ve given this advice to many brides, and they’ve all thanked me for it.”
I sighed. “Yeah, that would be an option… but, unfortunately, most of my girlfriends are living back in my old college town. I pretty much never see them anymore.”
And I hated this. I’d had such a lively social life in college. I’d been constantly seeing people, constantly doing things that made me happy. I’d been surrounded by girlfriends who I could vent to… though, again, I probably wouldn’t have vented about Johnathon.
But, at least if I still had my friends, I could get away from him for awhile. Outside of work, the only person I saw was him. And, the only thing we did these days was sit around the house. That is, when he wasn’t going to the bar with his new work friends.
Which didn’t really bother me. He’d always been an outgoing person who could easily make friends. I wasn’t surprised he had already taken to people and was enjoying his time here. I just wished I could enjoy it, too.
Ellie frowned at me. “You haven’t been in town long, I take it?”
“Well, about two years, but it’s hard to meet people at our age, you know?” I was assuming she was my age. She seemed like she was probably in her late twenties or early thirties.
“Right, I totally get it,” she nodded. “You know, a few of my girlfriends and I are getting together tomorrow night to go bar-hopping. You should totally come! They’re a really great group of gals, and I’m sure they’d love to show you a good time.”
“Oh… really?” I asked, caught off guard by the offer. “Well, I wouldn’t want to intrude…”
“Nonsense! We’re always looking for other ladies who enjoy going out! And, you seem like you need a night of good drinking.”
“Ugh, I really do.”
“Then come!” she insisted. “We’re meeting at seven at Paddyhouse.”
“Oh, I actually like that place!” It was one of the few bars I had been to in town. I’d gone with Johnathon to watch a football game with some of his friends. He didn’t invite me out with his friends often, so I took advantage when he did.
“It’s a great place! Feels very safe and great happy hour prices. So, I’ll see you there?”
“You bet!” I agreed. “I’ll be there.” I was actually really excited. It’d been years since I’d hung out with girls, besides chatting over Skype. And she was right, I was in some desperate need of de-stressing.
“Super awesome!” she said excitedly. “And, as for the flowers…”
“Oh, right! Umm…” I looked a the bouquet, and I didn’t know any of their names, so I just picked out three that I thought were really pretty and handed them to her.
“Awesome, yeah, I think this will look really nice. I’ll throw some green in there, as well as some actual lilac. I’d be remiss if I didn’t have actual lilac when it’s one of your wedding colors!”
I laughed. “I suppose you would.”
“Would you like to look at our gold ribbon and pick one out?”
I hadn’t even thought about that. “Oh, yeah, let’s do that!”
I spent a few more minutes picking out a beautifully golden, sparkly ribbon. After that, we said our goodbyes, and I agreed to see her the next night.
I absolutely couldn’t wait.
I bought Chinese on the way home to Johnathon; it was his favorite. I hadn’t been planning to before I’d gotten to the appointment. I’d been fuming and couldn’t stand the thought of buyi
ng him his favorite dinner, then.
But, I was significantly less mad after the appointment. It was crazy to think that the prospect of going out one night was easing so much of my stress. I guess I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed hanging out with other women. But I really had. It was energizing me just to think about it.
I walked in and put the food on the coffee table in front of Johnathon. He had his favorite show on and glanced up at me after I stepped in the door.
“You still mad?” he asked.
“Not really,” I admitted, though a small part of me wanted to hold a grudge.
He laughed. “Good, ‘cause I had no idea how I was going to make it up to you. Glad I don’t have to.”
Admittedly, this annoyed me a little bit, but I decided to let it go and move on.
“Actually, I’m in a pretty good mood. The florist was really nice, and she invited me to go out with her and her friends tomorrow night.”
“Oh, really? Go out where?”
“Bar-hopping in the city.”
“Oh, cool,” he nodded. “I was going to go out tomorrow night, too, so that works out.”
“Yeah?” I asked, as I kicked off my shoes and got comfy on the couch. “Why? Were you going to stay home with me if I wasn’t going out? Instead of going with your friends, I mean.”
“No, but I was going to have to hear you complain about it.”
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“What?” he asked. “You would have.”
“Well, I can’t help it. You're never as excited to see me as you are to go hang out with your friends.”
“Well, I do see you all the time,” he argued.
“Not enough…” I muttered. “And, I’m seriously going to need you to start remembering these wedding appointments! This wasn’t something I decided to do all on my own, you know. You asked me to marry you. You should be more involved.”
“Okay, okay…” he sighed. “Geez, I didn’t think it was going to matter to you. I thought you were just going to take care of it all.”
“Why would I do that?” I sighed. “Isn’t it your wedding, too?”
“Yeah, but the wedding is the chick’s deal,” he shrugged. “It’s all flowers and cakes and—”
“You love cakes!” I snapped at him. “You love sweets! So, what, it’s just too girly if it’s a cake for a wedding?”
He shrugged again. “I guess.”
My good mood was quickly fading. I hated this about us. I hated that our conversations devolved so easily these days. I felt so disconnected from him, and I hated it. It hadn’t like that when we’d first met.
Then again, I wasn't the same perky sorority girl that I’d used to be. I wasn’t this perky, cute girl waltzing in the room in Victoria’s Secret sweaters and Ugg boots.
But, I’ve only grown, not just in my style but my attitude, goals, and demeanor. And he’s grown, too… I just wish I felt like we were growing together instead of growing apart.
He was still the sweet guy I’d known, and I was confident the spark would be coming back. I’d kind of hoped the proposal would be what brought it back to life, but I guess that was a little naïve.
The wedding has to, right? The ‘honeymoon period,’ that’s a thing. Being able to call each other husband and wife, moving forward with the dynamic of our relationship, there is no way that won’t change a lot for us.
And if that doesn’t, the actual honeymoon will. We’re going to Hawaii. I had never been, but I couldn't wait for romantic sunsets on the beach as we curled up in the sand together. It’d be great; it’d be perfect.
And, in the meantime, I’d do my best to get absorbed in my own life. I’ll make new friends, I’ll go out, I’ll be the independent girl I used to be. Things were going to turn around, I could feel it. Things will be different.
19
Ellie
I sat at the bar with two of my girlfriends, Alex and Rosie, sipping our own mixed drinks. Mine was a Long Island iced tea. Classic, simple, refreshing… and filled to the brim with alcohol.
I should probably take it easy. I don’t want to be a drunk, sloppy mess after I invited Catherine with us. I wanted us to seem like cool, fun women who could drink responsibly.
Which, mostly we were, though we had our occasional night filled with too much fun. Those nights were few and far between these days, though. Alex and Rosie both had men in their life who kept them more occupied and more responsible…
I was still waiting for that special someone.
“So, Ellie, is this girl you invited out…cute?” Rosie asked me.
I knew what she was getting at. “It’s not a date, Rose. I invited her to hang out as friends. She seemed like she needed some. She’s got a fiancé at home for crying out loud. I’m sort of doing flowers for her wedding, you might recall?”
“Right,” Alex interrupted, “but does she know you’re gay?”
I rolled my eyes as they both looked over at each other cheekily. The teasing never stopped with them.
“No! She doesn’t know I’m gay, and I don’t want to make the poor girl think I was hitting on her, so you two better not mention it.”
Though, Catherine was very attractive, and, had she been another single lesbian woman, I would have been all over her. That’s truly not why I invited her out, though. I can find a woman attractive and still be friends with her.
Although, it’s probably another good reason to try and stay as sober as possible. I don’t want to make a fool of myself, and, let’s be honest, I’ve been known to get flirty while drunk.
I had no ulterior motives for wanting to hang out with Catherine, though. I just empathized with her. It seemed like she was in a frustrating relationship, getting married to a guy who seemed unconcerned with marriage. And, she doesn’t have any other friends in town to talk to about it.
I’d seen this situation several times since I’d taken over my dad’s flower shop and a lot of girls who came into pick out their flowers by themselves while acting completely dejected ended up calling off their weddings and canceling their flower arrangements.
Not that it was what was going to happen to Catherine, but it’s a possibility. And, if a girl has to call off her wedding, she damn well needs to have some friends in town to help her through it.
And, even if she doesn’t end up with a broken engagement, she needs friends anyway. Everybody does. Two years in a new place is too long to not have met any people.
“But, Ellie, is there actually any new women in your life?” Rosie asked me.
I shook my head. “Not really. I feel like I’ve dated every other lesbian in town at this point, and, I don’t know, none of them have been sticking lately.”
“Lately?” Alex ribbed me. “I think you mean ever. You’re kind of a commitment-phobe.”
“I am not!” I argued, though not convincingly.
“I mean, El, you kind of are.” Rose agreed with Alex. “We love you to pieces, but, boy, you could find something wrong with any girl to get out of things getting to serious. Hera herself could come down from Greek heaven, and you wouldn’t think she was good enough for you.”
“Well, Hera was kind of a jealous shrew…” I shrugged.
“Her husband cheated with any half-good-looking mortal with a vagina! But, okay, besides the point,” Rose rolled her eyes, “you’re too picky! Loosen up.”
“Uh huh,” I averted my gaze and continued sipping my drink.
This was one thing that somewhat bugged me about Rosie and Alex. They were very nosey and got very involved in every aspect of my life.
Though, I also liked that. They were good friends. We had been best friends since middle school, and, thus, we didn’t hesitate to let our opinions known. We could say anything to each other. And it was nice they were always so concerned about me.
But, ever since they’d both entered long-term relationship, they’ve turned the concern up quite a few notches. I know they just didn’t want to see me end up alone, and, I
have to admit, as someone in their early thirties who still hadn’t had much of a long-term relationship, that concerned me, too.
But, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with being ‘picky,’ as they called it. I have standards, that’s all. I didn’t want to end up with someone who I didn’t love totally and completely. I want to be head-over-heels for the person who becomes my life partner, is that so wrong?
“Hey, is that her?” Alex asked, as she nodded toward the door of the bar.
Sure enough, Catherine had walked in, and I waved her over.
Before she reached us, Rose was cooing. “Oh my god, she’s fucking gorgeous, Ellie! Why didn’t you mention she that she was so good-looking?”
I couldn’t deny this. Catherine was probably one of the prettiest women I had ever seen. She had perfect teeth that stayed hidden behind perfect, full lips, thick hair that she continued to nonchalantly toss to her side whenever she turned her head. She oozed femininity, which I loved. I really liked feminine-looking women.
Not that I was looking at her like a prospective partner, of course. I wasn’t.
“Hi, there!” Catherine said excitedly, as she sat at our table.
“Hey, Catherine, these are my friends, Rosie and Alex,” I said, coming off as somewhat awkward. I don’t know why, all of a sudden nerves just got the better of me. “Rosie, Alex, this is Catherine.”
“Nice to meet you!” Rose said, as she shook Catherine’s hand.
“Likewise!” Catherine said, as she and Alex exchanged smiled. “So, looks like the drinking has already begun. I should probably go grab myself something from the bar to catch up?”
“You better,” Alex said, as she pointed her finger at me, “this one is a little hard to keep up with.”
“Stop!” I hushed her. “Don’t make her think I’m an alcoholic.” Which, I really wasn’t. I didn’t ever drink during the week or at home when I was by myself. I was a social drinker only; though, I admit, when I go out with my friends, I am liable to get wasted.
Catherine just laughed. “If you were, you’d fit right in with my girlfriends from college. Hold on, I’ll be right back.” She grabbed her wallet and headed to the bar.