by Colt, Shyla
“Mom.” Really?
Her mother’s brow furrowed, and Joss instantly recognized the no-nonsense expression. Always one to pick her battles, Joss grabbed the fruit tray, a pitcher of fresh sangria, and followed her out to the stone grotto without saying another word. The manmade waterfall, built-in hot tub, and pool area were a work of art. Setting their food on the dark wicker table, Joss sank onto the soft, black cushion that formed to her rear. Her mother followed suit with the cheese tray and two glasses, then filled their glasses to the top with the alcohol and fruit medley.
Her mother angled her body toward her and grabbed her drink. She swirled the liquid rapidly. The clink of the ice did nothing to break the tension. “The cancer was a cheap shot when I was already down. I’m still ashamed when I look at the way our roles so swiftly reversed. I should have been taking care of you, not the other way around. You’ve always been so much like your father, strong, independent, and ready to take on the world. I’m less adaptive. I hit the limit of what I could handle far too soon, and for that, I sincerely apologize. It’s pitiful how long it’s taken me to speak these words out loud.” She exhaled and gripped the handle of her glass tighter. “Cowardice is a state of being I can no longer stomach. You should have better. Your father must be rolling over in his grave.” She sucked down half of the drink, cringing as if her head ached. “Your father’s death took a spark from me I never got back. The chemo had me on my last leg.” Her mother grabbed her hand. “Don’t allow my piss poor showing as a mate and a mother be a reason to stop you from finding love, building a family, and living your best life.”
“Maybe my best life doesn’t include a family or a live-in love.”
“Joss. You can’t mean that,” her mother said, stricken.
“I don’t know how I feel. How could I when I’m constantly told what to do, how to act, and where my future lies? I can’t breathe here. The walls are closing in, eyes are constantly watching me, and I’m held up to impossible standards.”
“I know you don’t understand.” The anguish in her mother’s shaky voice created a physical ache.
“I don’t! Please break it down for me. You can’t love him. Not like you did Daddy. So, why did you drag me away from everything and everyone I knew to join this cult? Because we both know that’s exactly what this is.”
Her mother straightened and glanced over her shoulder. “Lower your voice,” she whispered.
“Or what?”
“Speaking against White Creek on this property is a recipe for disaster.” Her mother wrung her hands.
The fear leaking from her mother startled her. “Has he hurt you?” she whispered, balling her hands into fists. “’Cause I’ll kill the arrogant bastard.”
“No,” her mother croaked. “He’s never done anything of the sort. I’ve seen what happens to others who oppose the beliefs we live by. To control this many wolves takes an iron grip that borders on cruelty. I understand that. You’ve always been given more leniency because of your title. Ian’s shielded you and kept you safe.”
“Are you justifying what goes on here?” Are you truly ignorant to the things he did? Didn’t you see I wasn’t thriving? She swallowed the internal screams back down.
“No, I’m trying to protect you.” The desperation soured Joss’s stomach.
“What aren’t you telling me?” She searched her mother’s face in an attempt to understand the guilt twisting her features into a painful expression.
“You were always meant for more, Joss.”
She huffed. Not this shit again. “Everyone’s mother thinks that. It’s part of the job description.”
“No.” Her mother gripped her wrist tightly.
She winced. “Mom—”
“There are things I need to tell you. Secrets I can no longer keep. Reasons why I’ve made the choices I have.” Her eyes were wide and haunted. “I prayed you’d assimilate and all of this could be avoided.”
“What are you talking about, Mom?”
“Your father and I were both foster children.”
“I knew that already.”
“That means we taught each other everything we knew about being a shifter growing up. Finding one another was a one-in-a-million chance that saved us both. The family we had wasn’t bad, but to say they didn’t get us would be an understatement. Wolves, gone on hormones, experiencing their first shifts alone without the guidance of an elder. It was an intense, dangerous, and painful time, physically and emotionally. We had to be so careful to keep our distance from humans. If they knew what we were, we’d have ended up in a lab. So, when we hit eighteen, we left. We had enough money to buy a decent car, and travel to a small town to work. We existed that way for a time, traveling, seeing the United States and holding down whatever jobs we could.”
“It sounds exciting.” It was a rare thing, seeing her mother this happy. Her skin all but glowed, and her eyes sparkled.
Her mother laughed weakly. “Oh, it was. Every month was an adventure. We always had enough space to run nearby, and we were free.” Her mother looked up toward the sky, and for a moment she saw the once radiant woman who existed B.D.D.—Before Dad Died. “It was the best time, Joss. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
Sharing the new-to-her memories warmed her heart, and gave her hope. The person who raised her was still alive and kicking.
“Low on money, we holed up in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. We were working at a bar when we met the Lobos. What appeared to be an Outlaw Biker Club was a hell of a lot more.”
“Wolves?” Joss asked.
Her mother nodded. “Once they caught our scent, they took us on and taught us everything we needed to know. It was incredible. Neither of us had ever belonged to a pack. We were like babes in adult bodies. How could we walk away?”
“Wait. You rode with a biker gang?”
“They’re a club, and yes. They weren’t saints. Their dealings were shady, and their lives were wild. We were sucked into the madness.” Her eyes lit up. “It was a whirlwind of crazy. I loved it. There’s an addictive quality to that kind of danger. Life lived on your own term pleases the wolves inside of us.” Leaning in, Joss nodded, eager for more morsels of her parents’ past. “We were already outsiders. It wasn’t a big stretch to cross the line between what was legal and what wasn’t when it came with family.”
“It sounds amazing. What happened? Why didn’t I grow up with them?”
“We were happy for a long time with the Lobos. Then I got pregnant.”
“Was that against the rules?” Joss asked, baffled.
“No. They welcomed the new blood. Cubs are a precious to a pack. Without births packs die. Your father was over the moon. I was scared. What did we know about being parents? He convinced me it was more important that we knew what we didn’t want to be like.” She chuckled. “Stone always had a way of making me feel like I could do anything. Once I conquered most of my nerves, I caught his joy.”
Joss shook her head. “If you were so happy, why hide all of this from me? Why leave at all?”
“When they saw your birthmark, the Alpha was spooked. We didn’t understand. Unlike them, we hadn’t grown up learning the lore. The whispers began immediately. The familial vibe evaporated like water on a hot day. What once felt like the ultimate freedom became a prison. Eyes were constantly trained on us. We were never left alone for long periods of time. Soon the Alpha came to our home. It was a relief. Finally, we’d be put back in the loop. He came in with his usual confident swagger and easy smile that set us at ease. The beer flowed between him and your father, and we had a fine meal of beef stew and fresh bread. You slept like an angel through it all in your swing. After we dined, he asked to hold you. Seeing the burly man cradle you in the crook of his arm and smile down at you melted my heart. I guess that made it easier to break when he told us you needed to be killed. You were a danger to their way of life.” Her voice cracked.
Joss stared at her mother, horrified.
; “You see, the Lobos have a well-kept secret. They’ve learned to shift without the aid of the moon, and they weren’t about to let a slip of a girl come along and wield a power that would make her entire species bend the knee.” She grimaced. “We asked the Alpha for one last night with you. To say good-bye. He granted our wish. We took all we could carry, every bit of money we’d stashed, and left through the forest. We got as far away as we could, stopped only to procure a new identity, and continued on, never looking back. We changed our last name to Weber and found a small town to raise you in. We did all we could to make sure you had a normal childhood.”
“How could you keep this from me?” Joss jumped to her feet. The betrayal stung like a thousand bee-stings. A torrential downpour of varied emotions hit her full force. Anger, sadness, confusion, and understanding melded together, blurring her ability to think straight. The blood drained from her mother’s face.
“How could I not?” She stood in front of Joss, waving her hands about wildly. “Don’t you see? We still ended up here. Your father’s death drew that point home. The universe demands certain things. She’s a callous bitch who’ll stop at nothing to collect. This way you’re in a position of power. You have a pack who’ll die for you, and while you’ll be restricted, you’ll be alive.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
“Healthy wolves do not drop dead of a heart attack, and my cancer cinched the deal for me. We are being haunted, hunted, targeted. Give it whatever name you will.”
“This is ignorant insanity. Plenty of people experience tragedy,” Joss yelled.
“Not us. Not like this, so close to the onset of your puberty. I had to find a place with enough power to keep you safe. Don’t you see?” Her mother grasped Joss’s face desperately. “I heard rumors about White Creek. It was never about me being healed.”
“And dating Ian was a part of your brilliant plan?” she scoffed.
“It provided security and allowed me to have a voice in what happened with you. Your birthmark granted us an audience, and shortly after we came to live here with an understanding between us that grew to more.”
Joss gripped her mother’s hands and pulled them from her face. “I can’t except this.”
“The truth isn’t always pretty.” Her mother chewed on her bottom lip. “I am your mother. I will always love you, and do whatever it takes to provide and protect. You might not agree with my choices, but they were the best ones I could make at the time.” She held her head higher, like a queen.
She had to respect her honesty and grit.
“You should’ve told me this long before.”
“Perhaps. I had hoped things would turn out differently, and I would not have cause to.”
“I’ve stayed here for you, Mom. Knowing you placed me here to play the role of a false goddess prophet infuriates me.” Anger sealed her lips shut.
“Tell me what you would have done in my place, daughter. ’Cause I saw no other way out.” Her mother’s shoulders slumped. “If you want to blame me, feel free to do so. I can’t change the past.”
“No, but you sure could hide it.”
They stood inches away, but an ocean might as well have sprung up between them. The sound of the front door opening sent them both into motion.
“Are my girls out here?” Ian called.
“I was just leaving,” Joss replied, pivoting before he could reach them. Let her mother explain why she hadn’t touched any of her food. She was good at making things up after all.
* * *
The hike into the woods and the cool weather did nothing to curb her anger. Joss pushed her legs to the limit, stepping over tree roots, and setting a brisk pace. The muscles in her legs burned, and her heart rate spiked as she began an almost jog through the steep and overgrown terrain. The woods were home. The smell of moss and leaves in various states of decay and wood called to the animal leashed inside. Today, she didn’t want to be a human. Too much pain waited for her in the two-legged form. Her skin itched with the desire to shift.
Hopping over a log, she tapped into the restless she-wolf pacing inside of her and clawing to get out. The wind battered her face, and her heart lightened slightly as she hit her stride. Her sneakers pounded against the earth, and her nails lengthened and sharpened, catching the bark of a tree as she leapt over fallen, rotted-out trunks. The makeshift obstacle course gave her something to focus on.
“Slow down, Wonder Woman. Us mere mortals aren’t full of Amazon juice and anger.” Brook’s unsteady breathing made Joss draw up short. She brought her canter to a brisk walk and peered over her shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Brook.” Joss lifted her gaze, finally registering the burnt orange, scarlet, and gold leaves on the trees. The colorful burst contrasted the bleak sky, clinging to the last vestiges of fall before the winter months set in and stripped the land bare as everything slumbered or died in hopes of a spring rebirth.
“You’re fit to be tied. I knew when you asked me to head to the falls it was serious.” Brook bent over, placed her hands on her knees, and took a moment to catch her breath. “I’ll be honest. Your kind of freaking me out right now.”
Joss sighed. “Join the club. I don’t recognize myself in the mirror a lot these days.”
“Did you and Isiah get into a fight?” Brook asked softly.
She shook her head. “I wish that was what caused this.”
“Joss?”
“I had it out with my mom … Or I attempted to. In the end, I’m the one who got the rude awakening.”
“Oh, crap.” Brook placed a hand on Joss’s shoulder.
“Come on, let’s walk the rest of the way to the falls. I needed this trek to formulate my words and burn off the worst of my rage. Among other things, she tried to push her mating agenda.” Joss sneered. “I lost it, Brook. She’s supposed to love me unconditionally and support me and my desires. I’ve lingered here for her. Before we joined the pack, she nearly died from cancer.”
Brook gasped. “Is that why you’re here when you don’t believe?”
“Yes. I mean, what would you choose between your happiness and your mother’s life? It felt like a small price to pay up until recently. It was all built up. A dam broke, and I couldn’t hold back the floodgates. I read her the riot act and told her this was a modern day and age, and I would choose. I’m so sick of having my life dictated by others.” Her throat dried out as they reached the bank and the waterfall came into view. The white water cascaded over the cliffs, creating a stunning curtain.
Tall pines surrounded the area, creating a private, lush green paradise. The sound of the rushing water prevented anyone from overhearing a conversation. It was extreme, but this was the only place she felt capable of completely relaxing. Looking upon the natural splendor, she prepared to spill her guts.
“From the minute I was born, this tattoo has been fucking me. My last name isn’t even my own. I was too pissed to stop and find out what it had been originally. My parents had to flee in the middle of the night because of their pack. The wolves they trusted most in the entire world, wanted to kill me on sight because of a few lines of dark skin and an ancient prophecy that may or may not have referred to me at all. They left it all behind and rebuilt a life based on lies.”
“They did it to protect you.”
“Yes, when I was younger. What about now? I’m twenty-five. I should’ve heard the truth ages ago.” The anger bubbled up like water boiling in a pot.
“You’re right. Your mother should have come clean. I wonder how one tells their child that, though.”
“She doesn’t think my father’s death was due to natural causes.” Joss blurted out the words.
“What are you talking about?”
“A wolf in his prime suffering from a sudden heart attack with no warning?”
“I thought the doctors said they didn’t see any signs of foul play,” Brook said.
“You and I know there are ways to harm another that can’t be traced by any hu
man means, and if the caster is good enough, they’d be exempt from magical means of dedication.”
Brook’s mouth dropped open. “You think someone murdered him?”
“I think the coincidences that occurred and brought us here are beginning to look suspicious, and I have no doubt this group will stop at nothing to get what they believe they need to make their fantasy scenario come true.”
Brook whistled. “That’s a heavy accusation, Joss.”
“Yet, there it is on the table where it’ll stay. Why wouldn’t she try to find out what actually happened to my father?”
“Drawing attention to herself would, in turn, lead people to you.”
“Damnit, stop being reasonable, Brook.” Her voice was an octave too low. “I am done pretending to be a sheep when I’m a wolf.” Her voice rang out, clear and powerful. “If I’m a freak, it’s time to embrace all that comes with it.” Facts ripped away the wall of ignorance, and truth delivered a heavy blow. Maybe my life was never my own.
“Wow,” Brook whispered. “That’s what I’ve been waiting for.”
“What are you talking about?”
“This moment. The one where you got fed up and came into your own. This is the woman I always knew lurked inside of you, wrapped up in white robes, lashed down by rules and familial obligations. If nothing else, this situation has loosed you.”
“I’m not feeling the Polly Anna vibe right now, Brook.”
She smiled sadly. “I know. We never understand the hardships even as they shape and form us into the people we need to be. Believe me, I understand that.”
“Everything I thought I knew was a lie. How do I move forward from that?” Joss’s anxiety spiked. “I can’t un-know it. I wish to God I could.”
Brook shook her head; her best friend had run out of pearls of wisdom to give. Joss’s nostrils flared. The itch returned to her skin full force. She snorted, forcing puffs of air out of her nostrils. Rolling her shoulders, she felt her spine stiffen. She coughed as her voice box shifted.