Her shoulders relaxed a bit. “That’s exactly what has been running through my mind again and again.”
“Well, it’s wrong.” His light laugh hopefully helped her to relax. “I’d been trying so hard to assuage my own guilt. Reverend James called it striving. The striving that we do as humans to work our way into grace puts us in opposition to ourselves. We’re fighting and battling, clawing for every foothold, devoting all of our energy and effort into earning grace. But it can’t be done. Because God’s grace is a free gift to us. He paid the price so we wouldn’t have to.”
She shook her head. “That goes against everything I ever heard preached as I was growing up. Yes, we heard the story of God sending His Son as a baby to be born from a virgin. Then we heard about how He died on the cross. But everything else was about us doing good works so that we could attain heaven. The reverend at our church in Boston was good at yelling and scaring all of us. We definitely didn’t want to go to the devil’s domain, but if we didn’t do enough good, that’s where we were told we would end up. Fear was always talked about: We needed to fear God, fear His holy wrath, fear the consequences if we didn’t do what was right.”
“I know. I heard plenty of those same kinds of sermons growing up as well. That’s why when Reverend James showed me that verse, I wanted to cry. ‘Be not afraid, only believe.’ It didn’t seem possible. But then I read the verses that came before it. See, a man named Jairus had come to Jesus because his daughter was very sick. Jesus was going with him to see her when a servant came and told Jairus that he wouldn’t need Jesus after all because his daughter had died. That’s when Jesus said, ‘Be not afraid, only believe.’ And he went with Jairus to his home and even amidst all the grief and wailing, he assured him that his daughter was not dead. When he went in and told the girl to rise up, she did.” He squeezed her hands. “It was in that moment that I understood. I had heard that story in church many times, but I had missed the point. My fear was controlling me. I needed to believe. I needed to put my faith in the one true God.”
She studied him for several moments.
Had he messed it all up? Lord, give me the right words. “I was completely broken at that point in my life. But God turned my horrible mistakes into a new life for Him.”
Emma Grace looked down at their hands. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.” Then she stood up. “Monday is my next day off. I’d like to go exploring around the canyon rim some more. Would you be available? That is, of course, if I can get one of the girls to go along with us.”
Her quick change of subject told him he’d better let her deal with all he’d shared in her own time. It wasn’t his place to push. He came to his feet as well and smiled. “I’d love to.”
“Good.” She turned her face toward the hotel. “I need to get inside before curfew.”
“Of course. Let me walk with you.”
On Monday, Emma Grace woke without an alarm. Ever since her conversation with Ray on Saturday night, her mind had been spinning with everything she’d heard and studied. If God was really like what Ruth, Frank, and Ray all described, then she wanted to jump in with both feet. But fear kept creeping in. Fear that He wasn’t. Fear that He would fail her just like her own father. Fear that she could never trust again.
Fighting against all the doubt that swirled in her mind, she said the verse aloud. “‘I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.’”
It was a good thing today was her day off and she was going out to explore, because she needed to step away from it all and just have fun.
Ruth had wanted to chat yesterday, but the timing never presented itself. Several mishaps in the kitchen had kept her running back and forth. Emma Grace had wanted to tell her about the other note but couldn’t bring herself to add one more thing to the headwaitress’s already overloaded schedule. It was a good thing she hadn’t said anything because then Ruth would worry and probably advise her against going out to explore today. Something she desperately needed.
Including seeing Ray.
She hadn’t seen him at all yesterday and hated admitting that she had inwardly pouted when she heard that Ray and his dad had taken off to Williams and he didn’t even bother to leave her a note. Not that she had any reason to have those expectations.
It seemed the weight of the world was pressing in on her.
There was a man asking about her at Harvey Houses.
Then there was the mysterious guy who called himself a Pinkerton.
Wellington would stop at nothing to gain her father’s money. Of that she was more certain as each day passed.
Was he her father’s murderer as well? Would he kill her too? Her father’s fortune was at stake, so it was entirely possible. But what if there was another threat?
It was bad enough when she thought there was only one monster after her. If there were more . . . ? She wasn’t sure she could keep the fear at bay. She got out of bed and pushed the thoughts from her mind. “‘I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.’”
Fear had become her way of life for too long, and she’d had enough.
All right, God, I need to get rid of this weight. I want to be delivered from all this fear. I just don’t know how. Please help me.
As she made her bed, a sweet calm filled her. Was that God?
She definitely needed a good, long hike today. Something to get her blood pumping and her body moving so that she could forget everything else for a while.
Maybe Ray would bring his camera again and he could teach her how to use it. Or they could stop at the Hopi House and see if Chuma was available to demonstrate her weaving. The possibilities made her smile.
After she was dressed, she ran to the restroom to wash her face. All she had to do now was go upstairs to get their picnic lunch, find Blanche and Caroline, and then they would all meet Ray in the Rendezvous Room.
Ruth caught her as she was heading up the stairs. “I’m glad I got to see you before you left.” She gave Emma Grace a hug. “I’m so sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk yesterday. Have you found someone else to go with you today?”
“Someone else? Blanche and Caroline are coming, but you already knew that, and I’m really looking forward to it. I definitely need the fresh air.”
Her friend’s face fell as they reached the front desk area. “I’m so sorry, but Blanche got sick last night. I thought you knew. And Caroline agreed to fill in for Sally.”
“Oh.” She let her shoulders drop a bit. “That’s okay. I’m sure we can find someone else to go with us.”
“That’s the spirit.” Ruth’s mouth tipped upward. “I’ve got to get in there, but I can’t wait to hear about your adventures tonight. I hope you have a wonderful time today.” She headed down the hallway to the dining room and called over her shoulder, “Be careful! No climbing rocks today, huh?”
Emma Grace waved off her friend and shook her head. The more times Caroline told the story, the more elaborate it got. Now all the girls teased her about her mountain climbing skills.
After she grabbed the picnic lunch from the kitchen, she left notes for Mary and Bethany, the two other girls who had the day off. She would just wait to hear from them as she waited for Ray. She went and sat in one of the comfy chairs in the Rendezvous Room at the front of the hotel. She skimmed through one of the recent newspapers while the logs in the fireplace crackled and snapped as the flames licked at them.
The clock chimed the hour.
That was odd. Ray said he would meet her here fifteen minutes ago.
He must have gotten delayed.
She picked up another paper and read it front to back.
The clock chimed the half hour.
Standing up, she grabbed the picnic basket and then walked over to the front desk. Louis was manning it at the moment. “Would you mind sending one of the boys up to Mr. Ray Watkins’ room and let him know I’m waiting for him? The junior. Not the senior.”
“I’m so
rry, Miss Edwards, but they’re not here.”
“Oh? They didn’t return from Williams yet?” Her heart felt like it dropped down to her shoes. First no Caroline and Blanche. And now Ray.
“No, ma’am. Would you like me to leave him a note?”
She looked down at the desk and then back up to him and pasted on a smile. “No. That’s quite all right. Something must have come up.”
But as she turned away, she let the storm within her rage. She really needed this day. Needed to see Ray.
But no. He was off with his father. Doing business, no doubt.
Her father’s words screamed through her mind. “It was just business, trust me.”
Just business. Right.
It was the same with all these rich men, business always came first. So, no. He didn’t deserve a note from her. She wasn’t about to trust anyone right now.
With a glance to the stairs, she debated going and banging on the doors of Mary and Bethany. No. She didn’t need anyone.
Picnic in hand, she went in search of Frank. When she found him in the kitchen, she waved to get his attention.
Frank wiped his hands on a towel and walked over to her. “How may I help you, Miss Edwards?” The ever-present smile on the man’s face made her soften a bit. He didn’t deserve her foul mood.
“May I still borrow your pack?”
“Of course! In fact, I brought it for you this morning to use but forgot to get it to you.” He made a funny face. “I must have gotten busy. My apologies.” He tipped his head toward the back. “Help yourself to it. My hands are a bit messy at the moment.”
“Thank you.” She gave him a half smile and headed off to grab the pack. While she was at it, maybe she should offer the rest of the picnic to someone else.
But then word would get back to Ruth. Then Ruth would worry.
No. It was best for her to simply go on her way. She’d carry the picnic for four. She might get exceptionally hungry, anyway.
With the pack loaded and strapped on her back, she lifted her chin and marched out the front doors. She couldn’t believe that Ray hadn’t even thought to leave her a note. Again.
Well, that wasn’t about to ruin her day.
She would just go alone. It was better if she was by herself, anyway. Her mood needed an adjustment.
Heading out the door, she decided to go west past the Kolb brothers’ studio and just venture along the rim, if it wasn’t too overgrown.
The day was perfect. Sunny, not a cloud in the sky, and the temperature was considerably warmer than it had been since she arrived. She wasn’t sure when spring arrived in the canyon, but she was sure it would be glorious.
As she ventured down the incline to the studio, she let her mind wander. The scent of evergreens was strong in the crisp morning air.
Two men stood outside the studio by the trailhead for the Bright Angel Trail. One leaned up against the building and the other had his foot propped up on the post of the trail, his arms crossed over his chest.
“Good morning!” the taller of the two called out.
“Good morning.” She walked up to them. “You must be the Kolb brothers I’ve heard so much about.”
“Name’s Emery, and this is my brother Ellsworth.” Emery picked up his camera.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Miss Edwards. I work at the hotel. I’m thinking of hiking west on the rim. Do I need to pay the toll for that?” She’d heard stories about how Ralph Cameron wouldn’t abide people he thought were trespassing.
“Nope. But be careful. There are places where the edge sneaks up on ya. And there have been mountain lions in the area lately. They must be hungry.” He set up his tripod and put the camera on top. “Would you like a picture before you start?”
They were already quite famous for taking pictures of guests on the trail. After taking the picture, they ran back up and developed it before the customer made it back to the top.
It made her smile to think of having something to remember her adventures. “You know what? I would really like that. As long as no one else gets to see it.”
“Of course. It’ll be yours when you get back from your hike. Why don’t you stand over there where we can get the canyon behind you?” Emery crouched under the drape.
She stood still and held the pose while they took her picture.
“We’ll have it ready for you later today.” Ellsworth waved his hat at her.
“Thank you, and it was nice to meet you!” She returned the wave and headed through the scrub to the west.
The trees and undergrowth were thick in areas, and she had to watch her step because of the uneven ground, but it was all worth it to have some time to herself.
As she ventured farther along the rim, the view changed every few feet. The canyon stretched farther than her eye could see. The oranges and reds of the layers spread in ripples through the walls that stood thousands of feet above the river below. It was only at the times when she could spot the river that she realized how great the distance truly was.
Too bad the girls weren’t here to see this.
And Ray.
Her anger and frustration had melted as she’d walked her way along the rim. He didn’t deserve her wrath. Besides, he probably had a very good reason for not letting her know. She’d seen firsthand how difficult his father was.
But she shook off the thoughts. No sense dwelling on what couldn’t be. She had the whole day to herself, and she was determined to enjoy it.
The hours passed in silence and breathtaking views. She wasn’t sure how many different rock outcroppings she’d climbed, but she’d enjoyed sitting atop each one and munching on the sandwiches stashed in her pack. The only sounds had been those of her steps and a bird here and there for most of the day. As the quiet and the glorious scenery around her washed away her doubts, she took the time to talk to God. Not that she’d received any audible answers, but it was good to get her questions out. And somehow, speaking them to the vast expanse around her made her feel safe. Comfortable.
The sun began to slip toward the western sky. She pulled her grandmother’s watch out of her pocket. Three o’clock. How did the time go by so quickly? Best to get back while it was still light. She wouldn’t want to be on this trail after dark, that’s for sure. It was hard enough seeing each step as it was!
Feeling more peaceful than she had in a long time, Emma Grace let her thoughts go back to the problems at hand. It was time to make some decisions. They wouldn’t be easy. But she was tired of running and hiding. Better to come out with the truth now than live in fear for the rest of her life. She’d just have to face the consequences as they came. Hopefully one at a time.
Rustling sounded behind her, and it made her heart jump into her throat.
Turning on her heel, she looked back the way she’d come. But there was nothing there.
Nothing. No sound. She tore her eyes away and took a deep breath, then whipped her head back around to search the trees.
Again . . . nothing.
Willing herself to calm down, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being watched. The Kolbs’ words about mountain lions came rushing back. What if she was being tracked by a predator?
She picked up the pace and hummed the first thing that came to mind: “The Spacious Firmament on High.” Maybe the noise would scare whatever it was away.
After several minutes, she dared to look behind her again. A gentle breeze made the short trees move and wave.
She must be imagining things.
But the hairs on the back of her neck kept prickling, so she walked even faster. What had she been thinking coming out here alone?
The rustling sounded again, and she stopped in her tracks.
Dare she look?
As she turned around, something dark blocked her vision, and she tumbled to the ground.
16
Furious with his father, Ray paced outside the front entrance of El Tovar.
How could he have been so ignorant? Once again, h
e’d allowed his father to walk all over him.
Dad had awoken him yesterday, stating they had urgent business that they must attend to in Williams and they needed to race to catch the first train out. Ray wanted to leave a note for Emma Grace, but Dad assured him he had already taken care of it and rushed him to the train within ten minutes.
He should have never trusted his father’s words, but he’d been half asleep. They took the first train to the town, but when they reached Williams, his father told him to get a room at the hotel and off he went with several other gentlemen Ray had never seen before—something else that set Ray’s teeth on edge. After the jewel theft and Mr. Krueger’s words, he was hesitant to trust his father’s decisions. But what could he do? He’d gone down to the hotel lobby and found the telephone inoperable, then tried to post a telegram to Emma Grace, only to find out that the telegraph line was under repair.
Hours passed as he sat in the hotel, waiting for his father to return. All the while, he stewed. Not only had he missed seeing Emma Grace, but he also missed their walk last night and, even worse, their day together today.
When Dad returned, he refused to tell Ray anything about his business dealings and only shrugged when Ray pushed for answers to why it was necessary that he come along. Dad assured him it was of import because they were meeting with an important investor later. One who—of course—never showed.
At that point, Ray prodded Dad about the note he left. But Dad shrugged and said he left a note for the staff letting them know they were gone. Of course he lumped Miss Edwards in with the “staff”—why wouldn’t he? His comments about Ray’s walks with a “waitress” had been snide and demeaning.
It was time to tell his father that he was interested in pursuing more than just a friendship with Miss Edwards. There was no reason to tell him anything else. If Dad knew who she really was, he’d probably try to take advantage of it for his own personal gain. And Ray wouldn’t betray Emma Grace. The fact that Dad was acting odd didn’t help the situation.
A Deep Divide Page 21