CHAPTER I.
THE GIANT'S TOY.
The legend tells of that child-giant who took the ploughman, withplough and horse, to be a plaything, gathered them up in his apron, andcarried them off.
This was the case with Manna. Her thoughts, by day and by night, hadbeen so far removed from the world, so elevated, and so victorious overit, that all its doings seemed to her like children's plays. What is itall for? To pass away the time? Children succeed in that; theyunconsciously persuade themselves that their dolls are alive; whilechildren of a larger growth play with their dolls, but look upon themas shams.
Life is all idle play to them, and death alone is something serious.
It was with some such thought that Manna stood at the window, early onthe morning after Roland's birthday; she saw nothing of the world, andyet she saw the whole world, far, far away.
So deeply impressed upon her memory were the tones of the convent-bellwhich had awakened the pupils at the first blush of dawn, that they hadaroused her, this morning also, from her slumbers. She seemed to hearit ringing as she slept. It was some time before she realized where shewas.
Thou art at home--where is thy home? who has built a house out of thesestones, has made this bed?
In the villa all were still sleeping. Manna alone was awake, and withher the innumerable choirs of birds in the garden; and as the birdsoutside mingled together their twittering songs, so a thousand thoughtsflitted through her mind.
She went into the park, and stood for a long time before the new gatethat opened upon the path to the little green cottage. A voice withinher seemed to say: Through this gate, and in this pathway, thou wilthave much to experience, much to struggle with, and much to overcome.
She wanted to find out, to image to herself what would enter there, butshe succeeded no better than did Eric, as he gazed at the conventsteps, in calling up before his mind's eye the various destinies ofthose who had passed in and out over that threshold.
Who would have been able to tell her that Eric had once gazed with thesame feelings!
Manna had a feeling of unrest, as if she knew that an eye was watchingher. Eric was now in fact standing at the window, and his glance restedupon her; but he took care to keep out of her sight. His soul too wasmoved, but by wholly different thoughts. While he was asleep, there waswith him the abiding feeling that now he was possessed of ample meansand was his own master; and this consciousness finally waked him. Inthe earliest dawn, he had again counted over the money which Sonnenkamphad handed him on the previous day. It was enough to support himselfand his mother. He was so unaccustomed to money, that he felt impelledto count it several times over, and finally even to write down theamount. Then he smiled, saying to himself:--
It's well, and I am glad to be put to the test whether I can perform myduty in life with the same earnestness, poor or rich.
He opened the window and perceived Manna. He drew back softly, andwondered what were the feelings and thoughts of the child, who had comefrom the seclusion of the cloister into the luxurious parental home.
Sounds were now heard from the neighboring village, from all quarters,from both shores of the river, up and down the stream.
Manna left the park and turned back to the house in order to get herprayer-book. Fraeulein Perini was waiting for her in the hall.
Manna heard Fraeulein Perini give directions to the servants to makeready a room for the Justice's daughter, and she had it upon her lipsto reproach herself to her former governess, for having been insincerein permitting Lina to be invited. She dreaded her visit; thesuperficial and childish character, as she had seen it the day before,seemed something new and strange. She had resolved to gain the victoryby herself alone, and had come to the conclusion to ask Lina plainlynot to make the visit at this time; she owed it to herself to remainalone, and to admit no distracting influence.
As she was going down the steps with Fraeulein Perini, a letter washanded her, brought by a messenger, who was waiting for an answer. Linawrote how much she regretted that she was not permitted to accept thehospitable invitation to Villa Eden. She besought Manna to send back asingle word, containing the assurance that she was not angry with her.
Manna was glad that she could now reply without wounding the feelingsof Lina, whose parents, she wrote, were in the right. On reading overagain her friend's letter, it seemed strange to Manna that no sort ofexcuse was assigned. Do all the neighbors still hold aloof from herparents' house?
Perhaps so! Another parental home, yonder, extends its invitation.
The church bell again rang, and Manna went with Fraeulein Perini tochurch.
Fraeulein Perini was elated and happy. Others might attempt to win Mannawith every variety of influence; she alone could go with her to church.
"Do you still prefer to be silent in the morning?" asked FraeuleinPerini quietly, extending her hand.
Manna nodded without speaking. Not another word was interchanged.
When the mass was over, and they had left the church together, FraeuleinPerini said that she would like to introduce Manna to the Priest, whohad been stationed here during her absence.
Manna begged to go alone. She lingered a while, without moving from thespot, and then went to the Priest's house. She seemed to be expected,for the Priest came out on the steps to meet her, and welcomed her witha benediction. He led her by the hand into his room, hastily removinghis breakfast from the table, on which there was an open book.
Manna was directed to take a seat on the sofa. She began:--
"Fraeulein Perini wished to introduce me to you, Reverend Sir. Thatmight be necessary with a man; a stranger, but you are not a man, astranger, you are a servant of our holy Church."
The Priest partially closed his eyes, brought together the ends of thefingers of his handsome hands, then drew them apart, and said in aquiet and clear tone:--
"The right way! You are in the right way, my child, keep in it. So itis! Worldlings come into a place, they are strangers, strangers as ifthey were among savages, and they are ignorant whether there is asingle person who cherishes the same thoughts with them; and there areno two people who have the same thoughts, even when the words are thesame, and they have no bond of unity; they are like the mote dancinghere in the sunbeam. But you, if you should enter the remotest village,you would be at home. _There_ is a house, and within it is a man whowelcomes you as a spiritual brother, as a father. He is not there ofhimself, but has been placed there by another; and you have not come ofyourself, but have been led by another. You are doubly welcome, mychild, for perceiving and realizing this immediately. You knock at mydoor, and it is open to you; and it will be open whenever you may come.You knock at my heart, and that is open to you, be sure of that. I haveno house of my own; my house belongs to him who shall come after me,and not to him either, and my heart is His who has made it beat."
The Priest stopped speaking, and fixed his regard upon Manna, who hadclosed her eyes, as if she could not bear the sunlight, could not gazeat the countenance on which the Spirit was now descending. The Priestcould see how deeply she was moved; he placed his hand in a friendlyway upon her head, saying:--
"Look up at me. I repeat to you, that you have come alone, and you knowwhy you have come alone; this spares us the necessity of coming to anunderstanding, as worldlings term it. Coming to an understanding!"
The Priest laughed.
"Coming to an understanding! and they never do understand each other,they, the cultivated, as they call themselves, or the self-cultivating,as they ought to call themselves, for they believe that they can makethemselves into anything they please. They need a recommendation fromsomeone, who must say who they are and what they are; but we, we needno introduction, no recommendation. You are recommended and introduced,inasmuch as you are a child of our holy Church. Hold fast to this, mychild, and speak to me about whatever you wish to, of what is sacredand what is profane, of what is great and what is small; you will
always find with me a home. If they disgust you in the world, and makeyou feel homeless, remember, here is rest and here is home. Look out ofdoors! Your father has, above there, a hot-house for foreign plantswhich, are not at home in our climate; this room is your hot-house forthe plant of holy faith which, is not at home yonder. My child, I castno stone at any one, but I tell you, and you know already, this plantis not of this world, and is, in this world, in a foreign climate; ithas been brought to us from heaven."
The Priest stood looking out of the window, and Manna sat on the sofa.
For some time not a word was spoken. Manna was deeply affected by thiselevated strain of cordial sympathy. There was no need of anyhesitating preliminaries; she was at once conducted into the inmostsanctuary.
She asked at last in a timid way, how she ought to conduct herselftowards all the persons who were received as friends in the house ofher parents, and who plumed themselves upon their culture.
"You question well, you question definitely, and that is the mark of amature mind," replied the Priest. "Know then, that you are to smile atall the boastful things you will be obliged to listen to; they pretendto be so great, and they are so very little. These learned ones believethat the world is without understanding, and that it is ruled with nomore wisdom than their understanding and their wisdom attribute to it;they put God in one scale, and their own brain in the other. Pah!"
The Priest spoke now in a wholly different tone; he was violent andbitter, so that Manna shrank together with affright. The Priest, whonoticed this, composed himself again, saying:--
"You see that I am still weak, and allow myself to be carried away byexcitement. My child, there are two things which conquer the world:their names are God and the Devil, or, when transferred into the domainof our own interior being, Piety and Frivolity. Piety sees everythingas holy; appearances are only a veil, while Frivolity sees nothing asholy. Piety is the law of God; Frivolity has released herself from thelaw of God, and sports with the world of appearances according to herown pleasure. Between piety and frivolity there is a half-and-halfstate, and that is the worst of all. Frivolity reaches its extremepoint and is capable of being converted, to which we have some gloriouswitnesses; but the heroes of reason, so-called, or, more properlyspeaking, the weaklings of reason, _they_ are not capable of beingconverted, for they are wholly destitute of that disposition whichtends to humility."
The Priest thought that Manna would understand him to be pointing outEric and Pranken; he did not want to be any more personal at first, butthe ground was to be broken. Now he turned round, smiling, and seatinghimself said:--
"But, my child, let us not to-day lose ourselves in such generalconsiderations. What have you to say?"
Manna complained of finding it so hard to complete another year ofprobation, moving about in the world in order to be released from it.
The Priest reassured her with the words:--
"You wish to take the veil; you have taken it already; it is drawn overyou, and over the world, though invisible to every body else. Things inthe world do not affect your real self at all; there is a veil betweenyou and the world, which will be wholly dropped only when death givesus deliverance."
The Priest proceeded to exhort her to subject herself to what was thehardest of all experiences to youth and ardent zeal,--she was not toconsider it as her vocation to change the opinions of others, but shewas to labor for her own perfection.
He went more cautiously to work than Pranken did; he avoided a directattack upon Eric, as this might awaken an interest in Manna towardshim. He even praised him; but it was done in that tone of condescensionand pity, which comes so natural to him who upholds a dogmatic faith.He inculcated upon her the fact, that she would soon understand howtrifling an affair it would be to annihilate this liberal culture, asit was termed,--that it was in its very nature exceedingly fragile.This could be plainly seen from each one of these so-called liberallycultivated people wanting to be something entirely different from hisneighbor. Each one of Roland's teachers, for instance, had a differentmethod, a different course of instruction, different principles, and adifferent end in view.
When Manna asked why the Priest had not used his influence to keep Ericfrom being received into the family, he replied that he was glad tofind her so zealous, but a person was obliged to let some things taketheir course in this world; and besides, from the outset, allresistance to her father would have been to no purpose, for Roland hadinsisted upon having his own way. And notwithstanding Eric was acomplete heretic, he recognized the holy, to a certain extent, althoughthere was much pride mingled with this recognition.
He feared to make Eric of too much importance, and so he added, almostwith timidity, that these apparently mild and enthusiastic idealistswere just the most dangerous.
Then he went on to advise Manna to consider the world around as aliento herself.
The interview seemed now to have become rather painful. The Priestsuddenly and abruptly said that it was time for Manna to return home,as they would be expecting her there. She was not to conceal that shehad been with him, but he would excuse her now in advance, if sheshould often suffer a considerable time to intervene between her callsupon him; he should remain unshaken in the conviction that her inmostsoul continued devoted to the holy faith.
"Now go, my child," he said in conclusion, "and be assured that I shallpray for you."
Manna had risen; she looked at him earnestly. The inquiry seemed to beawakened in her own soul: Can, then, one human being pray for another?
The inquiry which Roland had proposed presented itself afresh, and grewto be the riddle of her life. She desired to sacrifice herself foranother, her whole existence should be only a prayer for another.
How is this possible?
She wanted to ask if it were true, and if true, why it was, that onehuman being could do more harm than good to another; that one could laya burden upon another soul, but no one could remove that burden. Shewanted to say this to the Priest, and receive some help from him, buthe repeated,--"Now go, my child!" She turned away her inquiring eyesand went.
On her way home, she stood near a field, watching a laborer who wasbusy ploughing, and the thought occurred to her: Yes, one can sacrificehimself for another, for the souls of men are nothing by themselves;all that breathe are nothing but a breath of God; all movement in theearth and in the great world is nothing but the movement of a singleBeing.
Everything seemed to swim before her eyes; she saw the peasantploughing, she saw the vessels floating upon the Rhine, and the birdsflying in the air. All is one, all is little, the whole is only agiant's toy.
Das landhaus am Rhein. English Page 132