Heart Recaptured

by Tillie Cole

  “So? What d’ya think?” Ky asked. “Could you see yourself living here?”

  Shaking my head profusely, I answered. “No. Absolutely not. It is too full. I would be fearful of everything, behaving wrong, of the unknown people I passed.” Taking a breath, feeling exhausted through overstimulation, I said, “If I were to reside outside of commune—”

  “Which is gonna have to happen,” Ky interjected.

  “Yes, okay,” I replied. “I would prefer to live somewhere quiet, away from people who would stare at me and make salacious advances. I would like to live without the fear of sin, without too much noise, without too much strife.” As I cast my gaze out of the window, I added, “I would like to live pain free.”

  Ky said nothing in response, but his knuckles betrayed his emotion as they turned white with the intensity of his grip on the wheel.

  The more we drove around the city, the more tired I became. Ky would point things out to me and explain what they were, things called museums that housed ancient artifacts from around the world, cinemas where people would meet and watch “movies.” Of course, I had never watched a motion picture. Ky had to explain what a television was.

  I found I could relate to nothing out here.

  It all felt so… so… big to me. Too much.

  After hours of all-consuming life-altering experiences, I turned to Ky. “Can I request that we return to the compound now? I have grown tired and I feel I have had more than I can handle in one day.”

  Ky nodded his head, clearly aware of my desperation, as I sank back into the depths of the seat. He clicked a button on the wheel, music suddenly blaring through the vehicle. Every space seemed alive with fast, heavy beats. I leaned my head against the door as the loud noise permeated the very air I breathed.

  Bright lights made the city glow like a lightning bug, and the darkening starless sky signaled the arrival of many unsavory characters on the streets. This place, I decided, was most certainly not for me.

  I preferred the quiet county lane of the compound. I preferred the moonlit sky of the compound, where the stars were visible everywhere in the sky, unaffected by the artificial lights this metropolis boasted. I preferred solace to bustle, green to concrete, and quiet to noise.

  Sighing in stress, we pulled to a stop at a red light, meaning that the vehicle must halt, when suddenly a large white building came into view. One look and it took my breath away.

  It was a structure of pristine white stone, a towering building that dominated the high stairways on which it sat, showcasing its beauty to the city’s residents. Arched colored windows beamed in the dark, casting a rainbow on their white stone surroundings. Lights on the high, tiled roof, illuminated every perfectly sculpted masterpiece. A set of wide wooden doors featured front and center. But most beautiful of all, a white marble statue of Jesus Christ stood out front, the Crucifix, an image serenely poetic in its art.

  “Please, can you stop the vehicle,” I requested, my palms flat against the window glass.

  “What?” Ky looked surprised as I turned to see him frowning.

  “Please!” I urged. “Pull over for a moment.”

  Doing as I asked, Ky stopped at the side of the road. Then all I could do was stare.

  “What is that place?” I asked in awe.

  Ky leaned forward, his arm brushing against mine, and replied, “A church.”

  “A church?”

  “Yeah, you know, where folk like you go to pray and sing and all that fuckin’ dull stuff.”

  Shock ran through me like a current. “People of God?” I asked, watching as a woman carrying a baby entered through the wooden doors.

  “Yeah, Jesus worshippers, Bible freaks, folks like you,” he answered, clearly becoming frustrated.

  Gazing at Ky’s handsome face, I said, “I do not understand. This is a church for Christ? People come here to worship?”

  Ky nodded slowly, like I was ill of mind. “Yeah, what ain’t you getting, sweet cheeks? Church. God. No fuckin’ fun.”

  “It is not that I do not understand the worship element, Ky. It is the fact this church exists outside of the great fence… outside of The Order. Is that what you are telling me?”

  “Well, now it’s me that don’t understand,” he said, looking from me to the church and back again.

  Fighting back panic, I said, “Prophet David told us we were the last people on Earth who were faithful to God, that all on the outside were evil sinners that rejected the Lord and his message. This was the reason we were segregated from the outside, to protect our beliefs from those who live to destroy us.”

  Ky’s face contorted into anger. “Lilah, there’s a million fuckin’ churches across this country. Religious folk are everywhere, of all kinds of faiths. Prophet David was lying outta his wrinkled loose ass.”

  “But how… I…” I trailed off, unknowing how to defend my late prophet’s scripture when I was seeing the evidence of his untruth with my own eyes.

  Ky’s hand brushed back a loose strand of hair that had come free from my headdress, and he tucked it back behind my ear. I turned my face into his hand, not realizing tears were gliding down my cheeks. His kind gesture and touch surprised me.

  Ky’s thumb wiped my tears away and he said, “Lilah, I know you ain’t wanting to believe it, but not much of what that shitbag said is true.”

  “No…” I tried to argue, but Ky’s sympathetic eyes made me stop. I suddenly felt hot and pains stabbed at my chest. My hand lifted to rub at the sternum, but I found no relief.

  “Lilah?” Ky asked, worried, and I shuffled uncomfortably on my seat, anxiety taking its hold.

  “I cannot breathe,” I said shrilly. “I feel that I cannot breathe!”

  “Fuck,” Ky hissed and pressed a button on the side of his door. The window beside me abruptly began to descend and a wave of cool evening air immediately calmed me down.

  My head sank to the doorframe and I closed my eyes… and that is when I heard it, the blissful sounds of the Lord’s music drifting from the church. With a complete switch of emotions, I went from feeling despair to cherishing the melodic hymns.

  “Beautiful,” I hushed out.

  “Gospel,” Ky said in response. “Gospel music, choirs. It’s pretty damn popular ‘round these parts.”

  “Giving Christ worship through song,” I said and smiled. It was serene, the first morsel of peace I had had since I was plucked from the protection of the commune. Mae, Bella, Maddie, and I often heard the other followers singing for the prophet during services. All four of us would sing along in the privacy of our quarters, wishing we were outside with the rest of our people.

  I was not sure how long we sat in the truck, but I listened to every word of every song until all went silent and a group of people began filing out of the church, someone finally exiting and locking the doors shut.

  I watched a happy man walk away humming a song, and Ky cleared his throat. “You ready to get going? We’ve been gone all day.”

  I nodded my head in silence, and Ky pulled out onto the now-quiet road. The journey back to the compound somehow seemed longer. The lights from the large vibrant building gradually dimmed and let in nature’s glow. Ky and I did not speak, and he did not play his music. I was thankful, for it would have tainted the glorious lyrical words of praise still echoing in my mind.

  My head was a foggy mess as I tried to understand why Prophet David had preached a false message. I questioned whether he was unaware of these faiths beyond the fence, or worse still, this church was a ruse and a way to lure lost souls through its doors, only for those with evil intent residing inside to do harm to an innocent.

  Neither of those explanations sat well with me. And that music I had enjoyed was one of the purest, most awe-inspiring events I had ever witnessed.

  Before I knew it, we were plunged into darkness on the old country lane, and within thirty minutes, the Hangmen’s concrete square compound hove into view.

  Ky retrieved a small black
fob from his pocket and, clicking a button on it, the gates began to open. As we rolled through the gates, the yard was quiet and still.

  Ky switched off the engine and got out of his door. Just as I was about to pull the handle on my door, it suddenly opened, and Ky reached out to take my hand.

  He watched me warily, almost with worry. Accepting his hand, I jumped out of the door, feeling tiredness in every one of my bones.

  Ky walked me to the back of the building, to the door that led to my quarters. As we stopped, I looked up into his eyes, and he asked, “You doing okay, sweet cheeks? Had a lotta new things coming your way today.”

  Dipping my eyes, I took a deep breath and peered up back up at him. “Thank you,” I said quietly. Ky appeared taken aback. “Thank you for showing me those wonders today. I know it was not what you wanted to do with your time, but it meant very much to me. The church was…” I failed to find any words to do the experience justice. It had called to me, stirred something lying dormant within my soul.

  Ky fidgeted on the spot and dropped his hand. Opening the door, he stood by to watch me pass, not saying a word, but as I stepped past, I asked, “Are we to do this again, tomorrow, I mean?”

  I could feel the heat of my blush burning my face, embarrassed to be asking this man for more. But today was the first time I felt… the first time I felt… anything in such a long time.

  A stunningly lovely smile lit up his face and my knees felt weak. Ky tipped his head and asked, “Is that a request? Or is it ‘cause I’m that fuckin’ hot you can’t wait to get more of me?”

  His subsequent wink told me he was teasing me, so I returned the smile, genuinely fighting back a giggle and on this occasion, watched him become unnerved. “Yes, I believe it is.”

  Ky’s eyes narrowed as if searching for something in my stare. Then he raked his hands through his hair and said, “I’ll be back for you in the morning.”

  Excitement coursed through my veins, and I bowed my head in thanks. “I shall be ready.”

  Taking my leave, I bounced up the stairs. As I crossed in front of Flame’s sleeping frame, his eyes flew open and his body went rigid. Seeing it was me, he relaxed, and I quickly entered my room. I had never feared a man like I did Flame. If I were Maddie, I would be unable to sleep with worry of his strange affection for me.

  “Lilah!” a voice called from the sofa, and Mae got to her feet, Maddie following behind. “You have returned,” she said with obvious relief.

  “Yes. I am back, sisters.”

  Mae gazed at me and, hesitantly, enquired, “Are you well? You have been gone a while.”

  Moving to the edge of the bed, I sat down and began to remove my headdress, now that I was only in the presence of women. Freeing my long hair from the large pins that kept the blond mass back, I rubbed at my scalp and answered a simple, “Yes.”

  Mae frowned and kneeled before me, assessing my expression. “You are sure? Ky did not try anything… untoward?”

  Lowering my eyes, I shook my head. “No. He was fine.”

  “Where… where did you go?” Maddie asked, her nervous green eyes huge with interest.

  For some reason, I found myself wanting to keep the details to myself. And it was at that moment that I realized what today had really meant to me.

  “We saw the city. We ate food. It was a rather strange but good day, I think.”

  “A good day?” Mae asked in surprise. “You had a good day with Ky?”

  Giving Mae a reassuring smile, I nodded my head. “Yes, sister. He was patient and informative, if not a little crude at times.”

  “And what now?” she asked in sheer astonishment, Maddie also listening intently, her mouth gaping.

  “We shall go out again tomorrow and he will show me more of the outside world.”

  Mae slumped back onto her behind and with disbelief, asked, “And you are really okay with this? You really wish to be spend more time in Ky’s company?”

  “Yes,” I answered, and on seeing a happy emotion flit across Mae’s face, something Ky said flashed through my mind.

  You give Mae shit for having the balls to leave something she knew was fucked up, and you’re fuckin’ killing her by refusing help or acknowledging any of her help.

  Bending down and taking Mae’s hand in my own, I noted her eyebrows knit together, confused at my show of affection.

  “I have not told you this, sister, but I want you to know that I love you.” I glanced to Maddie also. “And you too, Maddie.” I once again focused on Mae. “Very much. I know I have not made this transition easy. And I understand that you just wanted to save me… save us from a life you believed was wrong.”

  Mae’s uniquely colored blue eyes filled with water as I added, “I want you to know that I genuinely appreciate all that you have tried to do for me.”

  Mae’s tears flowed thick and strong. She abruptly crushed me into her chest. “Thank you,” she whispered into my hair. “This is so special for me to hear.”

  A minute later, she released me and asked again, “Now are you sure you want to go out tomorrow… again… with Ky?”

  “Yes, I am sure,” I said, laughing at the way she said Ky’s name.

  I was absolutely sure I wanted to go out tomorrow with Ky.

  Chapter Eight

  Ky

  The sun was blazing through the window when I cracked one eye open, and I winced. Fuck, my head was killing me… again.

  What the hell happened last night?

  Closing my eyes again, I tried to fish out memories through my Jack Daniels-induced fog.

  Walking into the bar, my cock ached to the point I thought I might pass out. The cause—one pilgrim blonde. One pilgrim blonde that just flashed me a winning smile—a genuine smile—sucking the breath from my lungs and almost knocking me on my ass.

  The bitch had killed me yesterday. Her face, the way she would look up at me under those long lashes, all innocent and Bambi-eyed. Her face when she saw downtown Austin for the first time. Her scrunched-up nose when she’d debated about trying coffee. And that look of fuckin’ pure happiness when she saw that church, tears in her eyes as she heard the gospel choir sing.

  Fuck, I wanted her. More than I’d ever wanted a bitch before. She never knew what she was doing to me all damn day, but minute by minute, she was crawling under my skin, making my fucking chest hurt outta crazy need to protect her. Hell, she hadn’t even realized that she’d been abused all her life. And then when we stood at the entrance to Styx’s apartment and she’d asked me to take her out again tomorrow… I’d fuckin’ turned to dust.

  And I’d agreed. The stupid cunt that I was agreed. And I was banned from touching her, but like a moth to a fucking flame, I couldn’t keep away. It took all I had not to grab her cheeks and kiss the fuck outta her mouth just so I knew her taste.

  As I walked through to the bar, Styx, Tank, Cowboy, and Hush were sitting around a table. Styx saw me coming and immediately got up.

  “You’ve been gone all day,” he’d signed.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  His dark eyebrows pulled down. “Where you been?”

  “With Lilah.”

  “All this time?” he signed, his face suspicious.

  “Yeah, all this time. Took her for breakfast, drove her ‘round the city, then brought her back,” I explained, seeing a look of surprise on my brother’s face.

  He cocked his head. “And she was okay? Never freaked the fuck out on you?”

  I shrugged. “Didn’t like it at first, then got over it and fuckin’ dealt. Surprised the fuck outta me, really.”

  Styx blew out a long breath, then closed his eyes. “Thank you, brother,” he signed, then opened his eyes.

  “No problem,” I said. “Doing it again tomorrow.”

  Styx’s calm expression soon hardened. “Why?”

  Jaw clenching, I replied, “‘Cause she asked.”

  Styx glared and signed, “Don’t fuck up with her, brother. She ain’t one of your sluts.�
�

  Stepping closer to my best friend, I said, “Prez, you fuckin’ roped me into this shit, and I’m doing it. She wanted me to take her out again. I said yes because of you. So you don’t lose Mae. Fuckin’ trust that I got your back.”

  “And that’s the only reason you’re sticking with her? ‘Cause I know you’re hard up for the bitch,” he signed.

  I just raised an eyebrow, not wanting to lie to the only person I could ever trust, and Styx shook his head in exasperation. Finally cracking a smirk, he threw his arm around my shoulder. We walked over to the bar, got rip-roaring drunk, and then the slut brigade arrived. The music cranked loud, more brothers showed face, and the real party fucking started.

  Stumbling to my room, drunk as all hell, I’d noticed Tiff and Jules waiting on the bed… only they didn’t much look like Tiff and Jules. Their short skirts and see-through tops were gone. Both sat waiting in short, gray familiar dresses, their long tanned legs on show, but both were wearing headdresses, the kind Lilah always wore, their blond hair tied back in a bun… just like Lilah.

  Fuck, one look at those god-awful things and my cock got rock solid. I was fucking turned on by the worse fashion statement on Earth.

  Tiff smiled wide as I entered, playing with the long tie from the headdress, curling it around her finger. “Ky, baby,” she mewled. “We’ve been waiting for you.”

  “Yeah?” I asked, locking my door and shedding my cut and boots.

  Jules jumped off the bed and stood in front of my swaying ass, dipping her head, and said, “Yeah, baby, we went to church but got thrown out for being bad little girls.”

  I didn’t wanna be turned on by them acting like this, but I fuckin’ was, too frustrated from being around Lilah all day, her fat lips and blue eyes stealing my fuckin’ breath at every turn.

  Jules reached out and, gripping the end of my shirt, pulled it over my head. If I squinted my eyes, the bitch could almost pass for Lilah, fooling my mind into believing she was here, with me, fuckin’ wet and wanting my cock.

  “Where’d you get these clothes?” I slurred, pulling on the ties.