Heart Recaptured

by Tillie Cole

  Phebe glanced back up at me and nervously said, “R-Rebekah. Her birth name was Rebekah. But they took her from me, from our home, as a young child and they renamed her Delilah, a temptress’s name, a name fit for a Cursed Woman of Eve.” The bitch’s eyes fell on Li and she said, “They said she was evil. They killed her mother by fire for joining with Satan and producing a child of sin with Hades himself. They gave her to the prophet to be schooled and saved… but even then, she was always my little Rebekah.

  “I never saw her after that day until she was brought back here. And I could never bring myself to hate her as everyone else did. Although she was shunned and renounced by my mothers and father, I prayed for her to come back.” Phebe’s wary eyes met mine. “Even though you are a breathing demon, you seem to care for her, and maybe that is where she belongs, with the people of darkness… for she is sinful too. I ask you to give her true love. My Rebekah deserves to be loved.”

  My eyes dropped to my beautifully broken woman, and I whispered, “Rebekah…” Her eyes fluttered at that name and a moan passed through her lips. The name suited her—blond-haired and blue-eyed Rebekah.

  “We gotta go,” Smiler said from behind. “Like fuckin’ yesterday. Next patrol is in thirty minutes, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t wanna take on an army of a fuckin’ thousand jihadist cult guards when there’s only six of us Hangmen!”

  As we set off at a run, the redhead’s gaze never left her sister clutched in my arms as AK hauled her away and attached her to a tree. I had a consuming need to get my woman back safe to the compound. I saw AK staring down at the redheaded bitch, and I knew he didn’t wanna leave her.

  But there was no time for sympathies and good conscience in this outlaw life, sister or not. For all we knew, she could be lying, trying to fool us into thinking she cared… fooling Lilah too.

  Lilah was my woman and everyone else could fuck off. As a unit, a fuckin’ brotherhood, we took off for the fence and never once looked back.

  Seventy minutes later, we entered the gates of the compound and, holding Lilah’s limp body to my chest, I ran straight for my room. Smiler immediately went for the medical bag, just as Mae, clutching Maddie, Beauty, and Letti came barreling down the hallway. My mind worked enough to see that Maddie had actually fuckin’ left the apartment.

  Taking one look at my old lady, Mae and Maddie dropped to their knees, pained cries pouring from their mouths.

  Laying Lilah on my bed, I felt relief that my bitch was back in my arms, my bed, but I knew when she woke, it weren’t gonna be good… Nothing about any of this messed-up witch torture shit was good.

  This whole thing was a clusterfuck…

  A goddamn fuckin’ clusterfuck…

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Lilah

  “Smiler said she’ll be good. Just gonna take time. Been patched up, fever’s broke.”

  “And what of the men that did this to her? What of the men responsible?”

  “We got two of ‘em, sent ‘em to Hades. Her fuckin’ father was one of them, Mae.”

  “And… and the prophet?”

  “Nowhere in sight. She was on some witch trial stake, out on a hill in the middle of nowhere.”

  “I cannot believe he would allow this to be done to her… the lashes of Christ, the crucifix burn—”

  “Being fuckin’ raped! Multiple raped!”

  “Please… do not say it… I cannot bear it…”

  “Yeah, well, that cunt ain’t the person you knew. He’s a deluded prick with a God complex that’s gonna die… real fuckin’ soon.”

  My throat was tight and dry, and I ached everywhere. Talking around me filtered in and out of my consciousness, but I could not make sense of what was being said.

  Where am I?

  My back felt as though it were on fire, my stomach too tight to move. Panic began building my chest, my heart thundering, my breathing coming in short, sharp pants.

  New Zion… I was at New Zion… Fire, there was fire. My flesh too hot and flames licked at my legs.

  I tried to move my legs, but they were tied down, my hands restrained over my head. My father and Brother Micah were reciting scripture at my feet, their voices growing louder as their language changed to the scared one of our Lord.

  I was damned, burning in the hellfire, my soul being purified from the burning temperature of my blood.

  A scream built in my stomach, and unable to take the heat of the fire, I let it loose.

  “Lilah!” a female voice called.

  Heavy hands pinned me down as the pain from my thrashing body grew in intensity.

  “No, please!” I begged. “Do not kill me like this… not by the flames! Any other way but by fire!”

  “Lilah, baby, calm the fuck down.”

  That voice… that voice… centering me, grounding me.

  My body froze and something rough yet gentle ran across my forehead and down my cheek. “Lilah, wake up. Open your eyes, sweet cheeks.”

  Doing as commanded, my heavy eyelids opened and I blinked furiously, trying to see clearly. Dark shadows played before my eyes until they revealed a face… It was a familiar face; I knew that beautiful face.

  “Lilah? You there, baby?” his deep southern drawl rasped.

  I darted my attention around the room, dark walls, wooden floors… It was familiar; I knew this room. My hands felt along the linen. This linen was familiar; I knew this linen.

  “Baby?” My eyes beheld a pair of blue eyes. They were familiar; I knew those beautiful eyes. I was not in the fire… I am not in the fire!

  “Ky?” I rasped, the sound through my throat like razor blades. My hands covered the skin of my neck as if they could soothe the flesh inside.

  “Here,” a soft female voice said beside me, a glass of water moving before my mouth.

  Long black hair and a pair of strangely colored blue eyes came into view. “Mae,” I said, and she smiled down at me, though the action looked pained.

  “Sister, I am sorry… I am so, so sorry…” she cried.

  I could not speak. Too numb to even move my lips.

  “They wanted me,” Mae cried. “They were ordered to take me… Rider—Prophet Cain—”

  “Wants us all back,” a quiet voice from my left said, and I felt small fingers wrap around mine. “That is true, is it not, sister? They want all three of us back with our people.”

  Maddie. My Maddie was with me in this room. I wanted to feel gladness, but I lacked emotion. Something had happened to me. Something had left me detached. Maddie took my silence for my answering ‘yes’ to her question. And she should. It was true.

  Ky sat down on the bed and pushed the long strands of hair back from my forehead. “Baby…” He trailed off, and I saw a wash of pain ghost across his face. “Those perverts… what they did to you…”

  Lifting my hand to meet his, I brought it down to his lips. Ky stared at me for the longest time. Then his hands fisted and pulled from mine as he jumped to his feet. “FUCK! I can’t deal!”

  Maddie leapt from the chair beside me. Shaking, she fled for the door. I watched him pace, his face contort with anger, and tried to sit up. White-hot pain sliced down my back, and I gritted my teeth.

  “They fuckin’ beat you, lashed you… THEY FUCKIN’ RAPED MY BITCH! My bitch, and I weren’t there to do fuck all about it!”

  Expelling a whimper, I winced at Ky’s anger. Hearing my dismay, he stopped mid-step and his face fell. “Baby, it’s fuckin’ ruined me! Look at you, your beautiful body… They’ve fuckin’ scarred your perfect skin to shit!”

  He took three quick steps to the side of my bed, and I watched him breaking but could not rid myself of his words. Look at you, your beautiful body… They’ve fuckin’ scarred your perfect skin…

  “I love you,” I managed to whisper, needing to say those words out loud.

  Ky pressed a firm kiss to my lips and said, “Fuck, baby. I love you too.”

  I watched his face for any sign of untrut
h. “I fuckin’ do, baby. Shit, you’re everywhere, in my mind, in my fuckin’ heart.” Leaning forward, he pressed kiss after kiss to my face.

  Butterflies circled in my stomach with each feather-soft caress, but it all turned to ice when he said, “This fuckin’ face, Lilah, this fuckin’ beautiful face. I couldn’t stand it when you were gone. All I kept thinking about was those fuckin’ blue eyes, what it was like kissing those lips, that stunning blond hair, the feel of your pussy choking my cock. It was driving me insane not having you around, being with me… my woman.”

  My bottom lip trembled, and Ky ran his thumb across my lips. “Don’t cry, sweet cheeks. I can’t fuckin’ stand it.”

  “I… I am tired,” I croaked out, my voice sore and dry from the heat of the fire. I dropped my eyes for fear of him sensing my deception.

  “Okay, baby,” he replied and stood. “I gotta go talk to Styx anyhow. I’ll be back to check on you later. Just sleep.”

  I allowed myself to watch his broad muscled back bunch under his cut, his messy tied-back long blond hair hang down his back, and his thick legs beneath his denim pants. He was truly perfect, but I was not for him.

  I was never meant to fall for him.

  As the door closed, I tucked my head into the pillow and let the tears fall. It was all a ruse. He missed my eyes, my lips… Lord, I hated this face! A man as strong and beautiful as Ky could never like me for just me.

  At this moment, I wished I had perished in the pyre, for this feeling right now was worse than any burn on my skin… any scar on my back.

  Devastation swept through me and the last shred of hope I had flickered out like a candle. All I had ever been was a temptress.

  Do as I say, my little Rapunzel. Lift that head so I can gaze upon your beautiful face, those sparkling eyes…

  No! No, no, no, I thought as cold tears came thick and fast.

  You have seen the pictures in my coloring book. Prophet David wants us to be closer to each other. And you are so beautiful, Rebekah… so tempting. I want to touch you like the boy touches the girl in the picture.

  And my father, my own father…

  She has tempted me. I have… I have sinned with her, Brother Luke. I have done things in moments of weakness…

  And Ky, my Ky…

  Babe, from the minute you crawled outta that cell all those weeks ago, I was gone. Gone for your beautiful fuckin’ face, your killer fuckin’ frame, those eyes, those lips… Shit, I remember seeing you next to Mae all scared and shit, and like a fuckin’ bolt of lightning, I was struck.

  It was false… our love, all false…

  Fuck, Li, what the hell are you doing to me?

  What the hell are you doing to me?

  I kept my eyes focused on the ceiling, breathing… just breathing. But it was no good. I must cleanse. My skin was crawling with impurity and sin. I must cleanse… I MUST CLEANSE…

  Lifting back the linen that covered me, I placed my feet on the wooden floor, clenching my jaw as I bent. Using the bedside table for balance, I slowly walked to the washroom, flicking on the dull light as I entered.

  Wincing as I walked to the shower, I reached the stall and turned the knob for the water, making sure the temperature was scalding… I was so cold…

  Stepping into the shower, I relished the feel of the water stinging my stitched lashes, the red, raw cross burned on my stomach. Pain was the only feeling I had left.

  Fifteen minutes later, I stepped out of the cleansing water, once again feeling tainted and dirty as the air kissed my skin. Billowing steam fogged the bathroom. Dripping wet from the shower, not caring to cover my naked form, I staggered to the vanity and froze, staring unseeing at the misty mirror.

  A numbness enveloped me, paralyzing my every move.

  Everything that had happened over the last few months had completely shattered me. It haunted me, made me question my previously unshakeable faith, and revealed me for what I was—a whore, a temptress, a woman unable to ever be at one with God. A woman who, from birth, was a product of the devil, a masterpiece creation, sculpted to perfection by the stained claws of Satan.

  Lifting a trembling hand, I frantically wiped the damp mirror until my sinful reflection rippled into view. I stared at the girl in the glass, my lip curled in disgust. She was beautiful: flawless golden skin, long blond hair, cornflower-blue eyes… a most impressive disguise. The creation of utmost evil.

  Every strand of platinum hair was laced with sin, each fleck of sapphire in her eyes alight with immorality, and every blush on her cheeks bloomed with ungodliness.

  Men flocked to her side whenever she was near, lured by Satan’s elusive trap. They wanted to take her, to join with her in the most carnal fashion, driven insane by the seduction of her curved body, her large breasts, and her sumptuous pink mouth.

  All rational thoughts evaporated from their minds with just one look. Only one course remained that drove their lust into action: an insatiable desire to be with her. Like moths to a flame, they basked in her beauty, and all the time the devil rejoiced from within her, collecting one more soul to burn in hell for all eternity.

  Prophet David’s prophesied words swirled through my mind, tormenting me, crushing my soul:

  “Beware of the Cursed. One look in their soulless eyes and you will be trapped in lust. One touch of their mouths on your flesh and you will thirst for their bodies with an insatiable and sinful carnal need. Their seductive intent will bewitch you, trap you to do their damnable bidding, then drag you down to the brimstone where you shall burn eternally.

  “No man can truly love a Cursed woman of Eve. And no woman of Eve will ever have the love of a pure soul.”

  As I blinked away tears and tore my gaze from that girl, that Cursed woman of Eve of whom Prophet David preached, the realization struck me. It will always be this way. I would not be saved by the Lord—no matter how hard I tried. I would never reach my goal of salvation. Perhaps the only way to be saved was to face the devil head-on? I would not, could not, be saved until men stopped setting aside their righteousness and had no urge to take me…

  There was only one thing left for me to do—take this Satan-given poisonous beauty and make it ugly, disgustingly ugly, repulsively ugly… ugly enough to set me free of my curse.

  With determination in my step and seeing an almost transcendent view of myself from above, I opened the door to the bathroom and stepped into the cool room. The bed was rumpled from where I’d been laid, watery blood on the linen from the sores on my back.

  Moving to the sofa, I picked up the soiled discarded white tunic and slipped it over my head, not even feeling the scratchy material rubbing at my open flesh.

  Swaying unsteadily and my long hair dripping on the floor, I managed to pick up my feet and headed for the door. As I passed the single stack of drawers, Ky’s gun laid on top. Swept in a daze and without thinking, I retrieved the weapon and placed it in the pocket of my garment. As I turned the doorknob to the hallway, loud music drifted toward me from the bar, calling me like a beacon.

  I did not know where I was going, what my destination would be, so I looked down at the locked steel door down the hallway.

  Following the heavy beat of drums, my feet stepped in unison to the trancelike rhythm, my vision losing focus with tiredness, with the gravity of my plight. With every step, my heartbeat thundered, taunting me, calling my sinful name…

  Temptress—beat—whore—beat—harlot—beat—Delilah—beat—Delilah—beat—Delilah, Delilah, Delilah…

  Bare toes hitting the tall steel door that led to the lounge room, I turned the knob, and a wave of cigarette smoke and music engulfed me.

  Bodies were everywhere. Men in leather cuts were drinking, rowdy and loud. Loose women were hanging around their necks, bodies on show, hands doing sinful acts on the men’s flesh. And they were all laughing.

  But what was there to be joyous of?

  Walking through the heat of the bodies, I passed by Flame. His wide tattooed back faced me,
but I saw a knife in his hand, the sharp blade slicing into his skin, marring his skin, ruining his skin, making it ugly…

  Ugly…

  Ugly…

  Ugly…

  Seeing a lineup of blades on the table to his left, my fingers drifted across the mass of cold metal, clutching the last and sharpest.

  I kept on walking, blade down, nobody noticing me. I liked being ignored. For ugly was ignored… I no longer wanted to be the temptress.

  Catching sight of a roaring fire, I was drawn to the flames. Fire… cleaned by fire… By boiling blood you shall purify the soul.

  My feet led me to the fireplace and I noticed my reflection flickering in the mirror on the wall. I stared at the face for the very last time, that face, that perfect face… that sinful face.

  Ugly…

  Ugly…

  Ugly…

  Destroy the devil’s creation.

  Inhaling a deep breath and gripping the blade tightly in my fist, I slowly lifted my hand, bunching my long blond hair in the other. With a hold on the sharp knife, as calm as the summer breeze, I smiled at my reflection and—

  “BABY! NO!”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Twenty minutes earlier…

  Ky

  I walked into the bar, my brothers all celebrating. Pussy was everywhere, club sluts making their play for the brothers, some already taken.

  Taking a smoke from my cut’s pocket, I put it in my mouth, lit the end, took a long fucking drag.

  Pushing brothers outta the way, I made my way to the bar, Vike pinning some fat frizzy-haired slut over a table, fuckin’ the mewling bitch up the ass.

  Ignoring the fucking ugly scene, I hammered on the countertop, Prospect taking out a glass. I shook my head. The prospect frowned. “Just pass the fuckin’ bottle!” I snapped, feeling like a fucking alien in my own skin.

  All I kept seeing was my bitch on that stake on fire. Seeing Smiler cleaning up those fucking lash marks taking up all of her back… and that crucifix forever burned into her skin.