by Tillie Cole
But more than all that, it was Lilah’s numbness, her fucking indifference to everything, that was bothering me. Her dull blue eyes staring off into space at nothing, her pale skin, and fucking silence. It was killing me.
She’d been raped. My fucking woman had been raped. I couldn’t get that image out of my head. I wanted to take a damn blade and slice it from my brain.
A whistle cut through Black Sabbath’s “N.I.B.” and I saw Styx, Cowboy, Hush, Smiler, and AK sitting on a couch. Mae was on Styx’s lap, her face tucked into his neck as he took in a smoke, a full bottle of Beam in his hand.
My prez and best friend was staring at me. He and my brothers surrounding him cutting a fucking miserable picture, reflecting how I felt. I walked over to them, knocking back my Jack, then taking drags of my smoke.
Tank and Bull were off to the side of the room with Beauty and Letti, the lot of them staring at me as I passed.
None of them fucking knew what this was like… Not even Styx had his woman raped and tortured. None of them knew what this fucking hell was like.
Seeing some hang-around and his ugly slut sitting on the chair next to the couch, I dabbed my stub out on his head, gripped her hair, and tossed her rancid ass on the floor.
Turning to the wannabe biker that probably rode a red sports bike, I leaned down and said, “You have two seconds to get the fuck outta my seat before I slit your throat.” The guy didn’t waste no time and, ignoring the slut on the floor, hightailed it outta the club entirely.
Slumping down, I stared at the flames roaring in the fire across the room. I could feel my brothers’ stares, but I just kept draining my Jack, the bourbon taking away some of the damn ache in my chest.
“How’s Lilah, brother?”
Tearing my eyes away from the fire, I glanced to the couch to see the question came from Cowboy. Pulling out another smoke, I lit the stick and filled up my lungs.
Mae lifted her head from Styx’s shoulder, her eyes red from crying. Her fucking wolf eyes met mine, but I turned away and stared at the fire again.
No matter what I said to Li, she didn’t respond. The only bitch I’d ever loved and she wouldn’t respond. What the fuck did I do? Did she blame me? Did she fucking blame me for being taken?
Rage filled me again when I thought of how she nearly died. Those cult-fucks nearly took her from me. I couldn’t fucking bear it.
A whistle sounded again and I whipped my head to face Styx. His dark features were tight and, placing his Beam on the table before him, he signed, “She’ll get through it. We’ll get her through it.”
Seeing those words play on Styx’s hands made my stomach sink. Placing my smoke between my lips, I balanced the Jack between my legs and signed back, “She’s changed. She ain’t the same Lilah. Something in her’s switched off.”
“Ky.” Someone called my name, but I was too busy staring at Styx.
“Ky…” Someone tried again, but my hands were running down my face. I was fucking losing it.
“KY!” someone shouted, the voice causing someone to cut off the music.
“WHAT?” I screamed back, throwing the bottle of Jack to the floor, the liquor smashing on the wood.
Cowboy, Hush, and AK were on their feet, Smiler the one that shouted.
Lilah?
Jumping off the chair, Styx and Mae joined me as we watched Lilah, dressed in that bloodied white tunic from that disciple, by the fire, staring into the mirror, gripping her hair in one hand and a fuck-off sharp blade in the other.
Her right hand lifted in the air, braced to strike.
“BABY! NO!” I boomed out just as her hand hammered down, the blade slicing off a fuckload of her dripping wet hair.
Whipping around to face us, Lilah’s blue eyes were huge, tears pouring down her cheeks.
She didn’t stop; instead, she kept hacking off her hair. I tried to rush forward, but she held out the blade, aimed it right at my fucking chest.
“Do not stop me! For it must be done!” she hissed, and I backed up, hands in the air.
Bottom lip trembling, Lilah carried on cutting off section by section of her hair until only a few inches of blond remained on her head.
“Baby,” I whispered, hearing Mae crying in Styx’s arms beside me, as if in pain.
Her blue gaze met mine. “It must be done, Ky. To set you free, it must be done. No more spells… no more spells.”
Lilah backed closed to the fire, the blade rising in her hand. With her free hand, she lifted the sleeves of the tunic, her eyes glazing over.
“And certain women, which had been healed of evil spirits and infirmities, Mary called Magdalene, out of whom went seven devils.”
Lilah began mumbling some Bible shit as she placed the blade on her arm and began slicing at her flesh.
“Behold, I cast out demons and perform cures today and tomorrow…”
“Lilah!”
Lilah’s head whipped to the direction of the hallway, and Maddie came barreling through. “Lilah!” she screamed, tears pouring from her eyes. “You were gone from your room!”
Keeping her head downcast, Maddie pushed through the silent crowd. A deep roar sounded behind her, and Flame appeared at her back, shoving people away from Mae’s youngest sister.
Maddie stopped next to Mae, her green eyes wide with fear. “Please, Lilah… stop,” Maddie pleaded, Flame behind her, arms wide, protecting her back.
Lilah shook her head, her short, wet hair sticking to her forehead. “I cannot… I cannot live with this sin. I need to be saved… We must all be saved…”
Taking the blade, Lilah sliced down her tunic, revealing her bare chest. Taking the tip of her blade, she pressed it to the skin, gritting her teeth as she sliced herself from one side to the next. A pained cry wrenched from her mouth, blood running down to her tits.
Mae dropped to the floor, her palms flat the wood. She started spouting some prayer, her body rocking back and forth. Styx looked down at her in horror, then to Lilah lifting the knife, staring at the blood dripping off the blade.
“That if you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.”
Taking advantage of her attention elsewhere, I edged forward, communicating with my brothers that I was gonna take her down. But as a floorboard creaked below my foot, Lilah snapped her crazed eyes to me, dug her free hand in her pocket, and pulled out my gun.
“Shit!” I heard Hush spit out as Lilah raised the gun, clicking off the safety. “Do not stop me, for it must be done to reach salvation!”
“Lilah! Put the fuckin’ gun down!” I ordered, but instead, she targeted the gun on me, her hand shaking like a leaf.
Lifting the knife again, Lilah raised it to her face, and I felt every drop of blood I had leave my face. “Baby, what are you doing?”
The gun shaking, fat tears fell down her cheeks, dripping on her hacked-off hair on the floor. “I love you. I never thought it would have ever been possible for me to feel this emotion… but I love you… with all of my heart.”
Choking back a fucking huge lump in my throat, my breathing crushed at my woman breaking down like this, I coughed and said, “I love you, too, baby… Please don’t do this! I fuckin’ love you too!”
Shudders racked Lilah’s chest and, through her sobs, she said, “I have to… to set you free. I love you too much to be your prison… to be your pathway to hell!”
I looked to Mae and Maddie, but all I could see was their confusion. Then stumbling and pointing her finger forward, Maddie screamed, forcing me to look back to my woman, just to see her press the blade to her temple, push the tip into her flesh. It all happened so fast I barely had time to register it.
Maddie, on seeing Lilah with the blade, ran forward. Lilah, startled by her sister, cried out and aimed the gun at Maddie. Her finger slipped and Lilah pulled the
trigger, but rushing forward, Flame pushed Maddie out of the way and took a bullet right in the neck.
“FLAME!” Maddie cried out, seeing the brother hit the floor.
AK and Vike dived for Flame, Mae crawled to Maddie, and I turned just in time to hear Lilah shout, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” She dragged the blade down her cheek to her jawline, the knife slipping from her grip and clattering to the floor. My woman began convulsing, vomit spilling from the side of her mouth as she slumped to the ground, her body in shock.
“LILAH!” I yelled, the place a fuckin’ commotion. Brothers were gathered around Flame. Styx, Tank, and Bull cleared house.
Taking my bitch in my arms, my stomach rolled at her open cheek, her eyes lolling around in her head. She was a fucking mess, blood pouring from her body marred with a shit ton of cuts.
Rocking her back and forth and bringing her limp body to my chest, I whispered, “Baby… what the fuck have you done?”
Fingers ran down my cheek, causing me to rear back, and Lilah’s dazed eyes met mine and she tried to smile. “No more temptation. You are free from temptation… you are saved from… my evil.”
Lilah’s eyes rolled back and she passed clean out. Cowboy and Hush dropped to their knees beside me, and like a fuckin’ rabid dog, my hackles rose in protection.
“Brother, back the fuck off. We need to get her to the hospital. Ain’t Smiler gonna be able to sort this fuckin’ mess,” Hush said, taking no shit from me.
“Flame’s already gone. AK and Vike took him in the truck. She got him right in the fuckin’ neck. The stupid crazy fuck took a bullet for the little green-eyed one he’s obsessed with.”
Shedding my cut but never letting go of my woman, I wrapped it around Lilah and staggered to my feet.
Styx ran forward. “Get her to the hospital, NOW!” he signed, looking down at Maddie shaking, pale as a ghost and rocking in Mae’s arms.
“I’m driving. Let’s go,” Cowboy said, and the three of us ran for the exit, Tank and Bull hauling the last few folks out the door.
Jumping in the truck, Cowboy started the engine as I held Lilah in my arms, raking her uneven short hair from the wound on her cheek. Dipping my head down, I pressed a kiss to my woman’s forehead, her face still fucking stunning even hacked up to hell.
And for the first time in a long fuckin’ time, I started to cry.
*****
The clock ticked slowly in the long sterile hallway. The Hangmen were all here, lining up the linoleum floor with leather, everyday folk staying the fuck outta our way.
Lilah and Flame were both in surgery, Flame so fuckin’ crazed at being brought here and, worse, being touched that he had to be sedated on arrival, all so they could assess the damage and get his psycho ass into the ER.
Lilah had immediately been taken from my hands, the doctors and nurses all firing me shitty looks. The fuckers took one look at our colors and cuts and instantly jumped to the conclusion that I’d sliced up my bitch. It took all my strength not to beat the fuck outta their disapproving faces, but my woman needed them more than my rage right then.
The entire journey, she hadn’t woken up, and the docs had taken her to surgery to stitch her up without missing a beat. Styx and Mae, Bull, Tank, and Tanner arrived just after. Beauty and Letti stayed behind to deal with a shell-shocked Madds.
Which brought me to now, waiting and going insane, replaying Li’s final words in my head. No more temptation. You are free from temptation… and my soul is now saved. Her cut-up face was smiling. Fuck, she’d completely lost it.
Heavy leather boots squeaked on the floor beside me, and a second later, Styx slumped down beside me, his ass hitting the floor with a thud. His hands hung over his legs, and he signed, “Sheriff turned up. Security reported a gunshot and that the Hangmen were bringing in bleeding bitches.”
Sighing, I ran my hands down my face and said, “Fuckin’ perfect.”
“Tank and Bull paid him off and I made sure he got a bonus for keeping his good little bent-copper mouth shut.”
“Thanks, brother,” I said. “Last thing we need is cops crawling over our business.”
Styx’s hand landed on my shoulder and he left it there. That fuckin’ gesture from my best friend almost broke me. Since our old men met the boatman, all we’d had was each other. Then he got Mae. That bitch was seven shades to fucked up… but nothing to the level of my woman lying on that operating table, getting stitched the fuck up.
“We’ll get her through it,” Styx signed.
“Yeah? Through what? What was going through that head of hers to make her mutilate herself, or worse still, why the fuck didn’t I see it?”
“None of us saw it,” a quiet voice said. Lifting my head, I saw Mae standing before us, her arms wrapped over her chest. Styx held out his hand and, taking it, Mae allowed Styx to pull her onto his lap. Cheek on his chest, her eyes never left mine. “Lilah was always the one that took the elders’… schoolings best. She was the perfect obedient woman, and she loathed our title, our segregation, loathed being Cursed… I think… I think she no longer wanted to be beautiful… no longer a temptress.”
“Fuck me, Mae. Do those cult fuckers really have that much of a hold on y’all?” I asked, fucking trying to find some explanation in this shittin’ mess. Before Mae rocked up in our yard, bleeding out, I’d never even known cults still existed, never mind how much they could seriously fuck with folks’ heads.
“Yes,” she answered, fighting tears. “It is all we have ever known. It is hard for us to shed the teachings we hold most sacred.”
Styx wrapped his hand in Mae’s black hair and kissed the top of her head. Tipping my head back, I briefly caught the brothers all staring our way, listening to our conversation, before I closed my eyes and just worked on breathing.
Minutes later, a cough sounded, and I snapped my eyes open. A middle-aged male doctor stood awkwardly at the end of the hallway. “You men brought in a woman and a man?”
We all immediately jumped to our feet. I stepped forward. “The bitch, she okay?”
The doctor’s fucking assessing judgmental eyes looked me up and down, and he said, “If you are referring to the young woman who was brought in cut up and bleeding, then yes, she is out of surgery and is in recovery.”
“Take me to her,” I ordered, and the doctor dropped his clipboard.
“Do we have a name for the woman?” he asked, and I swear it took everything I had not to jam that clipboard up his tight ass.
“Lilah,” Mae spoke from behind me. “Her name is Lilah.”
The doctor began scribbling some shit down, and he asked, “Surname?”
Mae frowned. “She does not have one.”
The doctor’s eyes narrowed. “She doesn’t have one?” He laughed without humor and shook his head. “A young woman, bleeding from knife slashes on her arms and face, fresh, what look like, lash wounds littering her back, and a crucifix burned onto her torso, gets rushed in by… a… a notoriously nefarious motorcycle club, and now you’re telling me she has no full name. No legal name, no medical records, no history on our system. And just prior, one of your men is admitted, a bullet wound to his neck, a man so disturbed he had to be sedated, and that man is named Flame. No full name provided for him either.”
When I edged forward, the doctor’s face paled, and I wrenched the clipboard from his hand and launched it against the wall. The doctor stiffened. “Listen up, doc. We’re gonna overlook everything you just said.” I tore his name badge from his white coat and threw it back at Vike.
“Hey!” the doc called, and I got right in his face, his body freezing.
“Shut your fuckin’ mouth and listen up.” The doc gulped, and I said, “Now you’re gonna take care of my brother and my woman with a motherfuckin’ smile on your ugly face, or I’m gonna let my brother, Vike, here run a background check on your family, the
n show up in the middle of the night and stab them in their fuckin’ hearts. You getting that, asswipe?”
“Y-yes,” he stuttered, and I put my mouth close to his ear.
“The Hangmen run this city, not the cops or feds or any other authority you might think of calling. You might wanna remember that if you try to get in the way of me seeing my woman. Because nothing short of the damn apocalypse is gonna stop me getting in that room to be with my bitch.”
Vike came next to me, twirling the name badge in his hands. “What’s up, doc?” He paused. Then a huge fuckin’ grin spread on his lips. “I’ve been fuckin’ dying to say that.”
I snapped my head to him and clenched my teeth. Vike quickly lost his smile and said, “You gonna do what you’re told, or am I gonna get a chance to play with your wife’s tits?”
The doctor backed up. “No, I’ll comply. Just don’t hurt my wife.”
“Good choice,” I said tightly, then asked, “Where’s Lilah and Flame?”
“Lilah’s in room eight. Flame is in recovery room B. He’ll be transferred to a private room soon.” The doc turned on his heel and almost ran out of sight.
Mae tried to push past Vike and me to get to Li’s room, but Styx held her arm, only letting go to sign, “Babe, let Ky see her first. Let him be with his woman. We’ll go later.”
“No!” Mae snapped. “She is my sister. She will want me… She will need me.”
Dropping my head, I faced Mae and said, “Mae, please. Just let me be with her on my own for a while. I fuckin’ need this. I need her.”
Tears filled Mae’s eyes, huge tired rings underneath. “Okay,” she whispered. “Just let her know I am here for her if she needs me.”
Curtly jerking my chin, I headed down the hallway toward room eight. I could feel eyes watching me as I did—from staff, from visitors, from patients. I ignored the fucking lotta them and found myself outside a private room.
Turning the doorknob, I pushed through, immediately seeing Lilah sleeping on the bed. My chest tightened like I was inside some iron lung. Her short hair was brushed back and white gauze strips covered her body, the biggest one running down her cheek.