by Sarah Noffke
“Good choice,” Liv said with satisfaction, turning her attention back to the waitress. “We’ll have two dino steaks, medium rare with garlic mashed potatoes and sea salt encrusted green beans. Oh, and a vat of ranch.”
The waitress nodded, not having written down a thing.
“When I say a vat, I don’t mean those cute little cups that you hatch sea monkeys in,” Liv said tersely. “I mean a vat. Like a bath for a lobster.”
“I’m feeling you, sister,” the waitress replied, her bracelets clanging loudly as she dropped her hands from the prayer position.
Liv pointed at Sophia. “That’s my sister. You’re a stranger, and as far as I can tell, someone who will never be able to sneak up on anyone with all that jewelry.”
“Nothing is a surprise when our intuition guides us,” the waitress said.
“Right,” Liv replied, drawing the word out, irritation flaring on her face. “Also, we’ll take a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and a baker’s dozen of the cheddar biscuits.”
“I’m happy to make your request a reality,” the waitress intoned before trotting off.
Liv shook her head. “Damn hippies. You’d think working for Papa Creola in his current incarnation as an elf would get me used to it, but I have zero tolerance still.”
Sophia laughed and then remembered why they were there. “Rudolf. I want the update.”
Liv waved her off. “He’s fine. We’ll get to that. First, I have to know why you have a pot of leprechaun gold, where’d you get it and also what the hell, that stuff is real!”
Chapter Eighty-Three
Sophia's eyes darted to the purse sitting on the table that was actually the pot of gold. “How did you know about that?”
Her sister rolled her eyes. “For starters, you are about as likely to carry around a handbag as I am. They just aren’t practical. Secondly, most can’t see through glamour, but I’m not most.”
Looking around, suddenly nervous, Sophia put her hand protectively on the pot of gold. There weren’t many people in the restaurant, although it was booked solid for fifty years. Apparently, that was because the sea creatures didn’t like crowds. Sophia still worried she’d gain unnecessary attention. “Do you think it’s safe?”
“With you and me sitting beside it?” Liv asked and then laughed. “It could be all the gold in all the world, and it would be perfectly safe. Don’t worry, love.”
She nodded. “Well, I had to go and fetch it in order to get payment for the cure for distortion.”
“Of course you did,” Liv said as the waitress returned with a basket of cheddar biscuits and a bottle of chilled white wine. “So, we’ll have a cure soon.”
“I think so,” Sophia replied. “I’m headed there next. Just needed an update from you and to refill my reserves. I made a rainbow and a rain shower.”
Liv whistled, looking impressed, and began pouring the wine. “All before noon.”
“Yeah, so I can affirm that leprechauns are real, and so is their gold,” Sophia stated. “If you ever need some of that treasure, I’ll give you tips on how to steal it.”
Liv shook her head. “I stay away from the ankle biters. I tend to antagonize those who happen to be shorter than me, which they apparently don’t like. But good to know about the gold if that need ever arises.”
Taking a bite of the steaming hot cheddar biscuit, Sophia thought she’d faint from the savory flavor. The bread was crispy on the outside, chewy in the middle, and filled with just enough burst of cheddar to excite her taste buds. She was about to exclaim about the flavors when all of the sea creatures suddenly disappeared from the closest aquarium, darting behind rocks and coral, with fearful expressions on their faces.
“What’s going on?” Sophia asked.
“The divas have arrived,” Liv said dryly, taking a sip of her wine.
Three of the ugliest and scariest creatures Sophia had ever seen swam into view. Sophia knew from reading Bermuda Laurens’s Magical Creatures that mermaids weren’t the beautiful sea people sailors once reported. They were murderous women with long, razor-sharp teeth and withered faces from spending so much time in the ocean, and their hair was stringy and covered in seaweed.
Those in the tank in front of them had gnarly hands and long claws and swam in jerky movements, their eyes were red and they had hungry expressions on their faces.
“Wow, they are something else,” Sophia said, watching as they twisted from one side to the other, their necks at strange angles as they stared through the glass at the sisters casually chewing on their biscuits.
“They are something you’ll never forget if you have to wrestle with one,” Liv said dryly, finishing her glass of wine and immediately refilling it. “The witches don’t fight fair. I’ve got the bite marks to prove it.”
“Do you ever have a normal mission?” Sophia asked with a laugh.
“Mission?” Liv questioned. “I fought a mermaid to help out Rudolf because I’m the best friend, and I have the worst ones.”
“Speaking of which, tell me all about the king of the fae,” Sophia requested. “I’m glad he’s okay.”
Liv obliged, leaning forward and telling her all about the strange call she’d gotten from Rudolf.
When was she done, Sophia peeled away, shaking her head. “Okay, this is mostly good news. So you’ll keep me informed about the information you receive from Rudolf?”
“Of course,” Liv answered as the waitress carried over a huge tray that was filled with the largest steaks Sophia had ever seen.
Not only did they look incredibly delicious, but the flavorful aroma wafting off them made her mouth water.
When the hippie had set all the food on the table and retreated once more, Liv gave her sister an encouraging expression. “Don’t worry, we’re going to get Rudolf back, get evidence on this Never Dumbmen and then take him down.”
Sophia cut into her steak, grateful for many reasons. “Then we’ll reinstate the Dragon Elite’s good name.”
Chapter Eighty-Four
The brontosaurus steak was quite possibly one of the best things Sophia had ever eaten, and that was saying a lot. She wondered if that was why those dinosaurs were extinct, but Liv had said it was more complicated. All Sophia knew was she understood why the Mermaid Tavern had such a long waitlist. If she didn’t have Liv as an in, then she’d be doing everything she could to ensure she could eat at the restaurant regularly.
When Sophia entered Rose Apothecary, she was surprised not to find the oversized cauldron sitting in the middle of the shop. Instead, there were row upon row of tiny round bottles filled with red liquid like the one Rumi had given her.
“Wow,” Sophia said, trying to guess how many antidotes to distortion it was.
“Wow is right,” Bep said, striding in from the back, looking exhausted. She slumped into an armchair beside the cash register counter covered with the small bottles. “This wiped me out, but now it’s done.”
“Thank you,” Sophia told her sincerely. “I got what you asked for.”
She pulled the glamour off the purse and held up the pot of leprechaun gold.
Bep jumped to her feet, suddenly looking full of energy. “You didn’t! That’s marvelous. I didn’t even know if it was possible or if leprechaun gold existed.”
Sophia lowered her chin, having trouble refraining from rolling her eyes. “Why is it that I so often have people assign me tasks they believe to be impossible?”
“Maybe we’re testing you,” Bep replied, taking the pot of gold and inspecting it.
“Hooray,” Sophia said with no real enthusiasm.
Bep glanced up from the pot and smiled. “You know, when I was a young potion maker, they didn’t tell me some of the elixirs were supposedly impossible to make. For some reason, that was just left off my curriculum. And guess what?” When Sophia didn’t answer, she continued. “I went off and made them. My mentor was shocked when I brought her a bottle of marvel potion and crumb root, all things that are apparently incr
edibly difficult, if not impossible to make. I reasoned that since I didn’t know the restrictions, they didn’t really apply to me.”
Sophia thought about this and found herself smiling. “I like that. It really is all about the state of mind, isn’t it?”
“Indeed,” Bep said, returning her attention to the pot of gold. “This is the real stuff.”
“Well, it better not be fool’s gold,” Sophia said with a laugh. “I wouldn’t think leprechauns would try and fry me over fake stuff anyway. I do feel bad about taking it from them. They were pretty angry about it.”
Bep shook her head. “Don’t be. I heard they stole it originally from the giants and have spelled it so heavily and protected it, believing they will try and return and get their resources, but honestly, I don’t think the giants give one hoot. They just want to be left alone.”
“That sounds like giants,” Sophia related.
“Now, where do you want these delivered?” Bep asked, pointing to the cure for distortion.
Sophia thought. “I’ll have to do it since you can’t ship to the Gullington.”
Grateful she’d refilled her reserves, Sophia swept her hand over the many bottles of red liquid, making them all disappear. Moments later they would show up just outside the Barrier at the Gullington. Sophia sent Lunis a quick message, asking him to have the guys pull them into the Castle.
Very soon, magicians and elves would be healed of this awful illness, and the Dragon Elite would be that much closer to clearing their name. Things were finally looking up.
“Now, for the unpleasant news,” Bep said, her tone shifting and her chin lowering.
Sophia stiffened. “Because I have to take the good with the bad, right? Are there side effects to the cure?”
“Not that I’m aware of, but that will vary case by case,” the potions expert answered. “No, while I was using Baba Yaga’s grimoire, I sensed a very strange presence enter my shop. Not wanting to take a chance and having everything that I needed from the spellbook to complete the potion, I locked it up immediately.”
Sophia had questions but was interrupted by the chimes of the door opening. Already on guard from Bep’s story, she spun around, and was relieved to find Lee striding through the door.
The assassin baker came over with a pleasant smile on her face. “Are you able to help me out with that ointment, Potionmaker?”
Bep pursed her lips. “Are you going to torture me with more of your supposed jokes?”
“Only if you’re into that kind of thing,” Lee answered with a wink.
“Well, I’m finished with Sophia’s potion,” she stated. “So I suppose I can.”
“The healing elixir,” Sophia said in a rush. “Where are we with that?”
“It’s resting,” Bep answered. “As I said before, that needs to happen. That’s actually one of the most important parts of the process. There’s time to stir and time not to. We have to know when to relax.”
“A common theme in my life right now,” Sophia related before turning her attention to Lee. “Do you want the healing potion? Or your own ointment for…what did you say it was? A rash?”
Lee scratched her back and then her leg. “I made the mistake of trying to make a love syrup for Cat out of poison oak. Karma is a witch.”
“I don’t think that’s how the phrase goes,” Bep said dryly.
“No,” Lee argued. “Seriously, Karma is a little evil witch. That’s Cat’s sister’s name. She put the love syrup in my food, and I’ve had a stubborn rash ever since.”
“The healing potion will take longer than you’ll want to wait,” Bep told Lee. “Come back tomorrow morning, and I’ll have something for you that will bring the rash under control, but hopefully this teaches you not to try and poison your wife.”
“If experience has taught me anything,” Lee began, “whatever lessons I learn will be erased by the things Cat does to provoke me.”
“Aren’t they sweet?” Sophia winked at the potions expert.
“Not in the least,” she answered. “Anyway, as I was saying, about your spellbook, Sophia. There’s a complication to giving it back to you.”
Sophia arched an eyebrow at her. “Yes?”
“Well, the moment I take it out of my chest that has protective spells, whatever was trying to steal it will return,” Bep explained. “I can’t say what it was, but it’s powerful and homed on the grimoire. I’m guessing that you Sophia, had a protective quality over the spellbook, and once it wasn’t in your presence, it wore off and invited the evil spirits in.”
Sophia deflated. “I was assigned as the protector. Darn it.”
Bep pursed her lips. “Well, then you really shouldn’t have let it out of your possession.”
“Thanks,” Sophia said dryly. “I was obviously thinking of myself when I asked you to use it to replicate the cure to heal hundreds from distortion.”
“You could have stayed with me while I had the book,” Bep lectured.
“I do have other obligations,” Sophia fired back, growing frustrated.
“I think the whole back story that got us here is null and void,” Lee said, being a voice of reason in the conversation. “We’ve got to figure out how to get the book out of the chest without the evil spirit getting to it. I bet it needs the grimoire to recover or something, and that’s why it is hunting for it.”
“We?” Sophia questioned.
Lee nodded at once. “Absolutely. Looks like you need some help, and I need something to take my mind off the urge to scratch until Bep has my ointment tomorrow morning. So how are we going to combat this evil spirit and get this spellbook to safety?”
That was a very good question, and one Sophia didn’t really have the answer to just yet.
“I’m not sure,” Sophia began. “But I know who will, and although they will be madder than hell about this predicament, they’ll be obligated to help.”
“Why is that?” Lee asked.
Sophia waved her to the door. “Because my boss is their best friend.”
Chapter Eighty-Five
“Seriously, you’re taking me to meet Father Time?” Lee asked. “That’s like almost as cool as meeting Madonna.” A moment later, she added, “I’m referring to the singer, not the mother of Jesus, although both are cool, it’s just the latter is harder to do.”
Sophia cut her eyes at the baker assassin as they strode down Roya Lane. “You offend people easily, don’t you?”
Lee thought about this. “Is that why people usually charge off without a word, their faces all red?”
“Might be.” Sophia cut around the crowds to get to the far end of Roya Lane where the Fantastical Armory was. She knew it was a risk to take Lee there, but she also knew they needed to get Baba Yaga’s grimoire to safety, and having help would be good. Yes, she’d made a mistake, but also not really, since she had managed to get and replicate the cure for distortion. It was all about tradeoffs, and there would always be risks and dangers. They’d left Bep at her shop with the promise they’d return for the spellbook as soon as they had a strategy.
As they strode for the shop run by Father Time’s assistant, Lee reached into her pocket and retrieved a sticky honey bun. “Want a bite?” She offered it to Sophia.
“No, thanks,” she replied, wondering what the contents of Lee’s pockets must look like if she kept such things in there. “I just loaded up on cheddar biscuits.”
“Oh, I have an addiction to cheddar cheese,” Lee said, longingly. “But it's only mild.”
“It just never stops with you,” Sophia chuckled, shaking her head.
“A total gift,” Lee remarked. “You’re welcome.”
“When we’re in the Fantastical Armory, please try not to touch anything,” Sophia instructed. “There will be many temptations for you, I suspect, since it’s full of weapons.”
“Oh, so not just a clever name then?” Lee winked at her. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep my hands to myself. To ensure I’m good, how about I tuck my k
nees into my chest and lean forward?”
Sophia blinked at her, watching as she demolished the honey bun. “Why would you do that?”
“That's just how I roll.” Lee laughed loudly. “Am I killing you yet?”
“Slowly,” Sophia agreed as they rounded the steps up to the Fantastical Armory.
Chapter Eighty-Six
“You were instructed not to let Baba Yaga’s grimoire out of your possession. You are forever its keeper until I say otherwise,” Papa Creola declared. He didn’t appear frustrated, but more like he was trying to play the part as he sat in lotus position on the floor of the Fantastical Amory, his hands resting on his knees.
“No, you said to protect it,” Sophia argued, slapping Lee’s hands when she went to touch a sword hanging on the wall. “What did I say?”
The baker assassin looked momentarily like a scolded child as she yanked her hand back. Recovering, she said, “I don’t remember. I hardly listen when you speak. When anyone does, really.”
Shrugging off Lee, she turned her attention back to the hippie. “I had to get the cure for distortion, didn’t I?” Sophia asked the father of time. “What else was I supposed to do?”
The questionable look on the elf’s face made Sophia narrow her eyes with sudden suspicion.
“You knew I’d have to give the grimoire to Bep to replicate the cure for distortion,” she fired. “I didn’t even know where that idea came from, but I bet you somehow planted it in my head, Papa Creola. Didn’t you?”
He shook his head but smiled slightly. “You give me too much credit. But yes, you really did need to give the potions expert the spellbook to replicate the cure.”
“So, you knew it would be in danger then?” Sophia asked.
“But also that you’d trust it to someone as competent as Bep, which shows your judgment is intact, at least,” he replied. “I suspected she’d have the good sense to lock up the grimoire once she realized something was after it.”