by KT Strange
“Sounds like a great idea,” Finn agreed, his eyes soft when he surveyed his mate. Ace bopped his head, nabbing one last chicken nugget from Finn’s plate.
“I’d honestly love to do something new. She needs songwriting partners? I’m down,” he said.
Something in me cracked.
“What the fuck can you help her write? Bass lines? Anyone could do that,” I said, my voice more twisted and cruel than I’d intended. Ace sat up in his chair, surprise on his face. I never talked to him like that. Finn’s head snapped around, and his eyes were glowering when he looked at me.
“Charlie,” he warned. I couldn’t help it. I felt it rising inside of me, so familiar, the oldest feeling I could put a finger on that had been wrecking my life for as long as I could remember.
“What, it’s true. What’s he going to do? What’re you going to do? Co-write with a mundane while hunters are crawling the city, looking for us? Hey, let’s let everyone know we’re in the fuckin’ city, they’ve already been to the jam space once to try to take out Max. So, let’s do some live damn streams, remind them we’re here. Eli’s out there, protecting her hide while you guys hatch plans to still be rockstars?” It rushed out of me, every single speck of insecurity and feeling like I was never enough. I knew it was wrong, it was so wrong, and Finn growled, pushing up from his seat.
“Charlie, outside,” he snapped. “Now.”
My lips twisted into a smirk before I could stop them.
“You’re not my real dad,” I mocked him. His eyes darkened, and Cash cleared his throat. I glared at the dark-haired wolf. “What? Wanna be the voice of reason? You? You’re always popping off and saying the wrong thing to her, to all of us.”
Her. I couldn’t look at her. Those blue eyes, boring into me, the look of betrayal in them? I didn’t want to see it. The way her lower lip pulled down at the corners in hurt.
“Yeah well I learnt my fucking lesson, didn’t I,” Cash said to me. Ace sat still, staring down at his plate. Guilt ate at me, but the fear was worse. She’d come too close, wanting to have me, to touch me. She’d know me inside and out just like she did the other three.
I was a fucking idiot for thinking I could have that with her. I should never have touched her.
“Have you? A wolf doesn’t change his colors.” My eyes were hot, and I blinked hard and fast. She was staring me down, her lips parted like she wanted to say something. I held my breath.
“You’re an idiot,” Ace’s voice was quiet, and not the person I expected to be talking. My body jerked back in my chair like he’d hit me. Not Ace. He didn’t look at me, just kept his eyes on his plate. “You’re taking all this for granted. What for?” He lifted his chin, anger in every line of his face. “What happened?”
My muscles were frozen. What happened? Everything had happened. The fires had come for us, and we’d nearly burnt to a crisp. I’d needed to run. We’d all needed to run.
“Well, we all know you guys didn’t fuck, so it’s not like you’re having night-after regrets,” Ace said, jerking me back out of my thoughts. Darcy exhaled, the sound shaky and broken. Out of the corner of my eye, movement flickered as Cash wrapped his arms tight around her. Her face was pulled tight, lips pressed together.
“Ace,” Finn’s voice was the lowest I’d ever heard it.
“No, its good. I’m going,” I said, getting to my feet. “I’m, yeah, I’m good.” She was staring at me, and so was Ace. They all were. I wondered if they could see me, the real me? I left before I got that answer, bursting out of the jam space and into the fresh air, away from the guilt and the heavy memories that threatened to drown me.
I slept on the roof of the jam space that night, under the open sky. It was the only place for me to find any sort of solace. In the space of a day, I’d destroyed everything that we’d worked so carefully to build with Darcy. That’s the way secrets worked, though. They were like slow burning fires, deep underground. Eventually they’d have their day where they’d break through to the surface and consume everything in their path. It was just a question of when.
It sure as shit felt like now was my time to burn.
Twelve
Darcy
Charlie slept outside for three nights straight, only coming in to use the bathroom before disappearing outside again. I was doing dishes with Ace, waiting for Wolfe to show up for another one of my magic lessons when I realized something.
“How long has it been since Charlie ate?” I glanced up at Ace, who was drying the plates from our lunch. A guilty expression crossed his face.
“Uh—”
“Has he not eaten in three days?” I exploded. “Oh my god. This is ridiculous.”
“Huh-what?” Cash sat up. He’d been napping on the couch, and his hair was sticking up on one side of his face. Finn watched me, shaking his head slowly.
“He does this sometimes,” he explained, waving a hand at the ceiling.
“Hides out on the roof?” I demanded. “For days at a time? And doesn’t eat? Are you guys insane? That’s not normal.”
“He’s a wolf, Darce, we can go a long time without eating,” Finn said, his voice gentle.
“Doesn’t mean we like it,” Cash grumbled from the couch, rubbing a hand over his belly. “Got any leftovers from lunch, Ace?”
“You ate an hour ago.” Ace rolled his eyes but opened one of the cupboards, grabbing a bag of chips. “Don’t scarf them all.” Cash made a gleeful sound and ripped the bag open.
“I’m going to go talk to him,” I said, drying my hands off. “Since you assholes aren’t doing anything to make him feel better.”
“We’re not the one who fucked him up in the first place,” Cash said, and when I pinned him with an evil glare he held up one hand in apology and to fend me off. The other hand was stuck in the back of chips. “I’m sorry. That was dumb.”
“We’re not assholes,” Finn took my hands in his as he spoke, stepping in front of me. I had to stop and look up at him. “We all have our thing. Hiding out is Charlie’s. He gets too deep in his thoughts and he needs time to sort them out. It’s better to let him be.”
“I didn’t mess him up,” I said, and hated how my voice wavered. “Right?” Finn’s lips twitched. “Finn! It’s not funny.”
“No, you didn’t mess him up,” Finn assured me.
“You mess me up though, shit,” Cash mumbled around a mouthful of cheeps. I glared at him again; Ace flat out growled at his pack-mate.
“Seriously?”
“In a good way,” he insisted. “It’s good.” I sighed. What me and Charlie had gotten up to in the bathroom wasn’t exactly a secret, although the guys were pretty good about not embarrassing me when two of us got caught being um, intimate, by the others. That night I’d gone to sleep, boneless and relaxed, trying to forget the way Charlie had pulled away from me after and convinced myself it was just my brain playing tricks on me.
Turns out my gut feeling had been pretty freaking spot on. Charlie was upset with me, or something—I stopped in my tracks and a sudden thought occurred to me.
Had I… he hadn’t been grossed out by me, right? I hadn’t tasted… I shoved that thought away viciously. It was an insecurity I was pretty sure every girl had, because Max had confessed in me about it more than once, but the other guys had never given me any reason to think that was an issue or anything. My cheeks were warm. Besides, there had to be a better reason for him hiding on the roof for half a week than not liking how I tasted when he went down on me. That was it. I wasn’t going to let stupid thoughts take root in my brain and keep me from finding out what was making Charlie act like a Grade ‘A’ dick.
Before the guys could tell me not to, I opened the door to the jam space and nearly ran right into Wolfe. He was standing, staring up at the sky a pair of sunglasses on.
More to the point, the sun was melting over him, and he was just standing there, unharmed. Like he didn’t even feel it. Confusion washed over me as he stopped frowning at the sky to lo
ok at me properly.
“There you are. I was going to knock but I think you’ve got something roosting up on the roof,” he said, shrugging in that long trench coat of his. With two fingers, he pushed up his sunglasses so they were more properly settled on his nose.
“Shouldn’t you be bursting into smoke or something?” I blurted out the first words that came to me. Wolfe gave a full body sigh, and brought up his hands on either side of his face.
“I think we are not going to have this discussion in full because it is boorish and tiring,” he said, his hands forming into what looked like hand-puppets. “But I thought you were a vampire, and don’t vampires turn to flames and perish in the sunlight?” he squeaked, the ‘mouth’ of one hand puppet flapping along with his words. “Oh, but vampires could go out into the sun, did you not know that, little witch?” his voice dropped an octave as the other hand flapped. “How surprising! I am ever so ignorant and poorly educated,” his voice pitched back up. I glared at him. He dropped his hands and glared back at me.
“All right, so I was wrong, then why the big act every time you come over?” Because, it was true. He would bitch and moan at us if we didn’t let him in right away, his trench coat pulled up over his head like he was afraid of the sun’s rays. He snorted.
“Just because I won’t die doesn’t mean I like the fucking sun.” His eyebrows pulled together as he glared up at the sky. “Humans sweat. It’s quite off-putting. You all wander around smelling like candied bacon. Very distracting when one doesn’t want to rip out the throats of every person he comes across. It’s not gentlemanly, you see.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. For a vampire, he wasn’t exactly terrifying but still I didn’t want to be rude.
“Well, that’s great, you can go inside,” I said, heading toward the corner of the building. He paused for a moment and then his feet thudded on the cement as he jogged up behind me.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting something down from the roof.”
“Your roosting wolf boy. He might prove more difficult than you’d think,” he said as he walked beside me. There was a fire escape at the end of the building with a ladder, which I was pretty sure Charlie had been using to get up and down.
“How’d you know he was up there?” I asked. “Did he talk to you?”
“He doesn’t have to,” Wolfe said as we rounded the corner, arriving at the old, half-rusted fire escape. Wolfe eyed it with trepidation. “That doesn’t look like it’ll hold the weight of a paperclip.”
“That’s unfortunate. I’m going up.” I reached for the lever that would release the ladder, and dragged it down toward me. The ladder shuddered and gave out an obnoxious skreeeeee noise before rolling down slowly. I reached for one of the rungs, but Wolfe’s cool hand wrapped around my wrist.
“No, you’re not. Allow me,” he said, pulling me away with a gentleness I’d come to expect from him. He talked a big game, but whenever he got close to me, he treated me like I was fine china he was worried about breaking. I stepped to the side, and watched as he climbed the ladder despite his earlier concern about it not being strong enough to hold office supplies. “Back in a minute,” he said and he disappeared over the top, his trench coat flapping in the breeze.
I squinted up into the sky for a few minutes before leaning against the side of the jam space in the shade. They were probably talking. The guys didn’t exactly trust Wolfe, but with him diligently coming around to tutor me in my powers, they’d come to grudgingly allow him into our space. At least Wolfe hadn’t come buzzing back down right away, with Charlie cursing him out.
I couldn’t hear anything, and after another few minutes, Ace wandered out to get me, urging me to come inside.
“If Charlie wants to stay up there, he will. He’s as stubborn as Eli like that.”
“Great,” I mumbled. Ace wrapped an arm around my shoulders, his fingers skipping under my chin to tilt my head up.
“Don’t be mad at him, please,” he said, searching my face with his eyes. Whatever he was looking for, he found, because a warm smile stretched his mouth. “Sometimes I think we get so caught up in wondering if you’re really here, with us, that we forget to appreciate you as you are.”
“I don’t feel all that appreciated right now,” I admitted. Ace had a way of drawing out all my deep feelings. Maybe because we were closest in age. Maybe because he never seemed to judge me, no matter what I said. He sighed, and before he could speak, I leaned up to kiss him, catching him by surprise. His eyes fell shut and he pulled me into him, arms lifting me up off the ground. My hands wrapped around his shoulders.
If Charlie didn’t want me, at least Ace did, and he made that very, very clear from the way his eyes always tracked me around the jam space with a hint of hunger in them.
When Ace pulled away, his pupils were blown, his breath short in his chest.
“You need a little appreciating?” he asked, his fingers fisting in my shirt at the small of my back, pulling it up my skin.
“Oy, you there!” Wolfe’s voice broke the moment, and we both looked up. Wolfe was scowling down from the top of the building. “Stop manhandling my pupil.” Ace let me go, shifting away from me as quickly as possible. I missed the closeness, but didn’t mind so much. There was something awkward about Wolfe seeing me with one of my guys like that. A bit like being caught by a teacher, or a boss. Wolfe put one foot on the edge of the building’s roof and then jumped, dropping twenty feet to land beside us with a sickening crack sound. Ace jerked me away, his arms wrapped around my waist, so fast that I yelped.
Wolfe was crouched there for a moment, his face making a tight grimace before he stood up again.
“I didn’t want to get more rust from that plonking ladder on my coat,” he explained, dusting himself off. Ace’s fingers were firm on my stomach, and I could feel that he was holding his breath. “C’mon then, inside. Had enough of the sun for one day. Let’s get on with your lessons, now.” Wolfe walked back towards the door and gestured for me to follow.
“Is Charlie okay?” I hated how my voice hesitated. I was mad at Charlie for doing the whole mope-on-the-roof-and-not-talk-about-his-feelings thing, but at the same time, I just wanted him back down inside, with the pack, where he belonged.
“He’s fine, he’s just a bloody idiot, and I don’t have any time to waste on someone who doesn’t wish to be helped,” came Wolfe’s stern reply.
“But you’re going to live forever,” Ace piped up. Wolfe raised an eyebrow at him. “I mean... don’t you have all the uh, the time, in the, uh—” He fell quiet after a moment when Wolfe’s mouth turned up into a playful smirk. “Nevermind, um, sir.”
“After you both,” Wolfe said. I glanced up at Ace, who’s cheeks were pink with embarrassment. I tugged on his hand.
“C’mon. Better make sure Cash hasn’t eaten all the chips.”
“For apex predators, the lot of you certainly indulge in poor diet choices,” Wolfe commented breezily as we entered the cool shade of the jam space. “Now, dear sweet, patient Darcy, shall we learn how to toss lightning bolts with purpose?”
Thirteen
Darcy
Shouldering my backpack, I pushed into the jam space. It’d been a long day at the label, fielding calls for Milen’s upcoming radio tour and getting her booked into some in-store performances at small record stores and all-age venues around the city.
The positive news? Her old label were idiots. People were loving Milen, and everything she represented. Part of it was because she was always on her Twitter, talking about issues that plus-sized girls faced. As a bigger, curvy girl, she was a good role model. It didn’t hurt that she was totally easy to work with compared to some of the other artists who were signed to XOhX. Like Charlie and Cash, who were determined to make my life difficult.
Between Charlie camping out on the roof (even in the rain, the absolute idiot), and Cash low-key giving me the side eye like I’d done something to cause this, I was ready t
o kick them both in the ass. Or fry them. Yesterday, Wolfe had me working on deliberately and with great precision, hitting targets with my lightning. I wasn’t very good yet, but that’s why I was learning. He said one day I’d be able to hit the seed out of a mouse’s mouth if I really wanted to (which was a bizarre image, and also, I would never deny some poor tiny rodent it’s dinner, really, what kind of asshole did he think I was?). For now though, I had to take whatever pride and satisfaction from the wobbly lightning strikes I was able to throw at the glowing magical shield targets Wolfe cast to hover in the air, and the fact I was doing great with Milen. So good, that Willa had even pulled me aside to say how proud she was that I was putting all my effort in with a new artist after being yanked off the Phoenixcry team temporarily.
“Hey.” Finn caught me as I set my bag down by the door, and scooped me up in his arms for a tight hug and a kiss. Coming home to him always felt so right. I stared up at him for a moment, a familiar, warm feeling in my chest. This really was home now. Even with Eli off with Max, making sure she stayed alive, and Charlie being a dick and Cash being an ass… this was home. Those things were all temporary, right? Things would settle down again. We’d get out on the road again. Phoenixcry would perform again. “Missed you,” Finn murmured, nuzzling his nose against mine and stealing another kiss.
“You sure you’re a wolf?” I teased. “You’re acting like a puppy.” His eyes flashed with heat.
“Oh, I can show you that I’m all grown up,” he purred.
“Dinner’s on in twenty, you don’t have time for that shit,” Cash called from across the room. Finn rolled his eyes.
“Guy’s just sour you’ve been bunking down between me and Ace.”
“Well, maybe if he wasn’t being a dick,” I kept my voice down, even though I knew Cash would hear me anyway. An evil little smirk crossed Finn’s lips.