by Uncle Amon
~ ~ ~
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Halloween Jokes
Q: Why are haunted houses so noisy in April?
A: That is when ghosts do their spring screaming!
Q: Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
A: Because he’s a pain in the neck!
Q: What did the zombie say after he ate a comedian?
A: This tastes funny!
Q: What happened to the naughty little witch at school?
A: She was ex-spelled!
Q: Did you hear about the girl that wanted to marry a ghost?
A: No one knows what possessed her!
Q: When do vampires bite you?
A: Wincedays!
Q: Where do zombies shop for clothes?
A: The monstore!
Q: How can you make a witch itch?
A: Take away her W!
Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end!
Q: Where do vampires eat lunch?
A: At the casketeria!
Q: How did the zombie accomplish all his goals?
A: He was very deadicated!
Q: What was the witch’s favorite TV show?
A: Lifestyles of the Witch and Famous!
Q: Who did the ghost invite to the party?
A: Anyone he could dig up!
Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: To improve his bite!
Q: On which day do zombies eat people?
A: Chewsday!
Q: What did the teenage witch say to her mother?
A: Can I have the keys to the broom tonight?
Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Day-scare centers!
Q: How does Dracula like to have his food served?
A: In bite-sized pieces!
Q: Why was the zombie fired?
A: They wanted someone more lively!
Q: Why was the student witch so bad at essays?
A: Because she could not spell properly!
Q: Did you hear about the ghost comedian?
A: He is always booed off stage!
Q: What has webbed feet and fangs?
A: Count Quackula!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a zombie?
A: Frostbite!
Q: Have you heard about the good weather witch?
A: She is forecasting sunny spells!
Q: What Central American country has the most spooks?
A: Ghosta Rica!
Q: Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires?
A: He liked to see new blood in the business!
Q: What did the zombie eat for dinner when he was late?
A: The cold shoulder!
Q: What do you call two witches who share a room?
A: Broom-mates!
Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
A: Bamboo!
Q: Can you name a vampire holiday?
A: Fangsgiving Day!
Q: Why did the zombie take his nose apart?
A: To see what made it run!
Q: How does a witch doctor ask a girl to dance?
A: Voodoo like to dance with me?
Q: Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with?
A: The girl necks door!
Q: What did vampire eat to stay healthy?
A: Neck-tarines!
Q: Why was the zombie party so boring?
A: It was a dead event!
Q: What happened when the ghost went to a party?
A: He scared everyone off!
Q: How come a witch would never wear a flat cap?
A: Because there is no point in it!
Q: How did the vampire get clean?
A: He took a blood bath!
Q: What did the zombie say to his long lost friend?
A: I’ve been dying to see you!
Q: What was the ghost’s favorite drink?
A: Ghoul-aid!
Q: How do witches lose weight?
A: They join Weight Witches!
Q: What was Dracula’s favorite fruit?
A: Blood oranges!
Q: Why did the zombie go see the psychic?
A: To get his horrorscope read!
Q: How come ghosts do not make good magicians?
A: You can see right through their tricks!
Q: What happens if you see twin witches?
A: You will never be able to tell which witch is which!
Q: What is the first thing that vampires learn in school?
A: The alphabat!
Q: What kind of dog is a zombie’s favorite?
A: A blood hound!
Q: What is Dracula’s favorite ice-cream flavor?
A: Vein-illa!
Q: When do ghosts play tricks on each other?
A: On April Ghouls Day!
Q: What does a vampire take for a cold?
A: Coffin syrup!
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Copyright © 2014
All rights reserved. This book is a work of fiction. No part of this book or this book as a whole may be used, reproduced, or transmitted in any form or means without written permission from the publisher.