by Jessa Lucas
Dash clutched my shoulders and I was grateful I’d thought to put some fabric between us. The relief was short lived; he tore the cloak away from me an instant later, despite the grip I’d thought to get on it half a second too late.
“This is no convent,” Dash whispered in my ear. “No need to cover up.”
Oh how I regretted not wearing a Puritan dress! I felt entirely too exposed as I peered down at the other three waiting at the foot of the steps. And then—
Then it got so much worse.
People shimmered into place below me, gazes raised in awe at my entrance. The full-bodied bellow of an invisible orchestra reverberated through the chamber. With the eyes of hundreds of counterfeit subjects trained on me, I’d never felt less like a princess and more like I was supposed to be.
“What’s wrong?” Sy murmured next to me as my body jerked with the instinct to run.
It’s too much. If this was the life they expected me to want— the life they expected me to return to— I couldn’t—
“Nothing, just an existential crisis,” I mumbled, swallowing back the dissonance between my life on Earth and whatever the hell this was.
Because staring me in the face in the form of a thousand curious eyes was my choice: to waste away in this tower for all eternity, or to be someone I was so not prepared to be.
“Let’s go.” Dash reached for my hand and pulled me down the steps. Even the tingles that shot readily up my whole arm at this simple touch couldn’t tug my attention away from the feeling in the pit of my stomach. The feeling that this was wildly foreign... and sickeningly familiar.
“How?” I asked faintly as Dash delivered me to the rest of my watchmen with a flourish. “No one drugged me again, right?”
“Group effort,” Dash smiled. “Our imaginations married to a bit of magic...” he gestured at the room.
Gilles was watching the others with a pleasant smile on his face, and I waited for him to make some jibe at me. He didn’t. My eyes brushed uncertainly across Jude, who was smiling at me with a strange mixture of pride and caution as he stood across from me.
“So how’s this going to work?” I said, tearing my eyes away from him. “There’s one of me and five of you.”
Gilles snorted, but before any of them could answer, my hand was taken captive by a fierce grip. “Well, temptress, we had the very barbaric notion that we might take turns.”
A fury shot through me as Dash pulled me away from the others and through the throng of intangible onlookers.
“Lucky me,” I said, body tensing against the severity of our connection.
“I agree. You are the only lass here able to take advantage of all our wiles and good looks.”
I smacked his chest with my free hand, the devious look in his eyes burning into my core with as much heat as his handling. “Take advantage?” I raised my eyebrows, unable to help myself.
Dash shrugged, his eyes going over my head as he pretended to be serious. “In theory. Jude had his turn, though I am still waiting to take you to a dark corner and have my way with you.”
My cheeks flushed, and before I could retort that just yesterday he’d had me in a far more precarious situation than Jude ever had, Dash swung me out, my dress billowing and the necklace thumping heavily against my chest. I had to hold back the scream as he reeled me back in, his feet moving around mine expertly in a dance that somehow managed to be both classical and suggestive.
At least today I was wearing clothes.
“So which part are you doing in all this?” I asked as we sailed around the floor, my feet recognizing something in the savage beat. I tried to keep up.
“I am the one dancing with you, obviously.”
“You’re not playing magic tricks on my mind?”
“You tell me.”
Unfortunately, that wicked look was definitely getting in my head more than was recommended for his safety. It made me want Dash to get into other places too. But what was new.
I exhaled as he whirled me out again, allowing me one fleeting spin of alleviation as his hand released mine. And then he was at my other side, catching me in his arms.
“Guess,” I said, the siren snaking into my voice the instant he touched me again. My body writhed subtly against his, all eyes on me forgotten.
“I think when you are around me, temptress,” he pulled me tight so that his next words caressed my ear, “you, too, know that there is a more instinctive dance to sync our rhythms to.”
I pushed myself back from him, passing it off as a flirtatious play instead of as the necessary precaution it was. “Awfully confident aren’t we,” I taunted. It was so easy with Dash, to let the siren get the best of me. “It really is too bad you missed my panicked episode. Definitely would’ve changed your mind.”
“Maybe it was for the best, as I had some especially wild dreams that I got to see you in that night.”
“Oh my god,” I choked.
I could feel our touch thinning the veil of my dream loops. Feel the nightmare call out to me in bright pulses of Earth. I smelled cigarette smoke, saw a flash of trees. A shady back alley.
I steeled my mind against it. I didn’t want it. My pride couldn’t handle having some sort of mystic anxiety attack at a ball thrown in my honor, especially not with all the fake people watching. I opened my mouth to stutter something definitely stupid, but the music shifted, the tempo growing.
“Keep up, temptress.” Dash’s hands were all over me, grazing the back of my neck, brushing my outstretched arms. An intense heat shot through me.
Do you want one?
Sure—
Flame against my thumb, his breath on my face—
Got it?
He was amused, I was an idiot—
I pushed Dash away from me as the music soared, an addictive and unpredictable melange of violins and tribal drums. The drums thundered a dense and arousing beat, and my weary body, high on both lust and adrenaline, found a dance apart from his.
“You’re good with a beat, temptress,” Dash smiled at me provocatively.
“The better to tempt you with, my dear,” I grinned.
Credit due the siren on that one. Meanwhile, Human Saylor was using all of her willpower to keep her from telling Dash the exact dark corner he could go meet us in.
He seized me again and the room spun past in a luxurious blur of gold and misty blue. I slammed back into his chest in perfect timing. In that single breath, I felt all of his body that I needed to. My lungs caught, this time not from trying to keep up.
I knew how much I’d wanted Jude, but it hadn’t fully dawned on me that there might be far more dangerous ventures to face in other men. I’d never had this much sustained body contact with Dash, and the repercussions of it were rioting in my limbs, descending on my core. The second I let my mind touch on the thought of him answering the impulses heavy there—
“Don’t worry,” he whispered, his breath tickling my ear, “my bark is only the beginning of my bite.”
It was as if the guy could read me like an open book.
A cigarette poised between two fingers—
A lazy exhale of smoke—
I swallowed, tugging that wall of consciousness forward like a blanket of protection in that childhood room of monsters. Before I could utter the embarrassing guttural sound that had built in my throat, he swung me out again, hand releasing me, and I twirled into the arms of Jude.
Good god above, if only I’d found some motherfucking gloves!
Jude’s clasp around my waist had an entirely different effect on me, and I calmed as the tingles from Dash’s contact scattered and fell away. I wrapped an arm around Jude’s shoulder and folded my hand into his. His touch was still tinged with the simmer of magic waiting to be violently released, but I pushed it back. I wouldn’t ruin this moment.
Despite being on my best behavior (and despite knowing better) Jude’s hold on me still felt like the embrace of a lover, and the tension was rich and difficult to endure. The tension of pla
ying games and holding hearts.
“You’re here,” I said quietly as he spun me once. The music swelled, the moment swallowing me whole.
“I am.”
I just smiled, afraid that if I opened my mouth I’d tell him how much his presence meant to me after all of four and a half days knowing him. It wasn’t fair to him to let my momentary gladness and relief over-exaggerate our bond.
Not needing words, Jude smiled back down at me, his thumb absently stroking my side as he held my waist tight in our spins. He didn’t twirl me out the way Dash had; he held me close and didn’t let go.
Fingers pushing into the soft flesh of his neck—
Gasping, thrashing, choking—
No.
I gritted my teeth, dragging my attention back to what was in front of me. My eyes caught on those of my imaginary subjects— blue, green, black, grey, silver— until they found the kind brown ones right in front of me.
Alive eyes. Sad eyes.
“You’re alright?” I asked Jude tentatively, gaze again moving just past his and out to the strange people milling about.
“I would never miss such an occasion.”
It wasn’t an answer, and my throat trembled a little with a puzzling disappointment. Something was off, something I couldn’t name but could feel crashing into my stomach like a wrecking ball. When I managed to lock eyes with Jude in passing glances, there was a distance in his that was foreign to me.
“You were afraid to miss out on a make-believe ball with make-believe people?”
“There will be many more balls to escort you to one day, when we are free.”
“You still believe that’ll happen. Even when you saw what I mess I really am.” My eyes were on my feet as I preoccupied myself with the task of staying upward. Gilles was right; my core strength was pretty abominable.
“Look at me, Saylor.” Jude led me in such a graceful turn as I looked up, his eyes heavy with something under those thick brows. “I never stopped believing that you will free us.”
I’d felt every second of friction with Dash, but with Jude the time ticked away unnoticed. I almost forgot about the others until Jabari caught me.
I glanced one last time at Jude as he let me slip out of his arms easily. Too easily.
“Hi,” I smiled faintly as I turned to Jabari. I’d never touched men for this long before— not willingly, at least— and I was beginning to feel lightheaded. My body sagged into Jabari’s, and I tried to give myself some credit; I’d kept the visions at bay, and (so far) all my men still lived to tempt me another day.
Gentle chills crept along my skin where Jabari cradled me at the back of my neck. The impact of his touch had always been the gentlest. The least dangerous for me to fall irrevocably into.
“Hello,” Jabari returned my smile with a brilliant one of his own. Over his shoulder, I watched Jude weave his way through the mirage of guests and leave the ballroom without a backwards glance.
I drew my attention back to Jabari guiltily, trying to focus on how he held me with such dignity. I almost felt like proper royalty, braced in his arms as the music slowed to a ballad.
“You are better?” he asked.
“Better,” I said, keeping it simple.
I felt him nod against the top of my head and I pulled back, looking over him with amusement. The guy was always so composed, even among friends he’d known for a lifetime. His eyes found my throat and lingered there, a spark of curiosity forming.
“Did Sy return it to you?” His eyes raised to meet mine. “The pendant.”
“How’d you know it was Sy?”
“It was one of the few belongings of yours which he managed to salvage.”
“Oh. It’s a little weird looking, don’t you think?” I asked thoughtfully. “But kinda beautiful anyway. Wouldn’t really think it was my style.”
“You might ask Sy about it sometime.”
Before I could inquire further, the taste of hops staggered over me. Drowsiness and slurred words stirred in my body as Jabari and I cantered around the dance floor. I felt my grip on him tighten just slightly. Apparently so did he, gauging from the way his eyebrows lifted.
“Sorry,” I said, trying gain ground on reality again.
“Do not apologize. I know full well what you are.” Jabari spun me out and I twirled back into his arms, the beat heavy and dramatic. “Touch. It is how a siren obtains soul energy,” he said, his words meeting me when he clasped my hand again, “Not energy to survive, but energy to flourish. And sensual touch is something else entirely. Such a touch could inspire any number of remarkable things, as it is where your true powers lie. You have been starved of these things for quite some time, and have much to discover of the men you found when you woke.”
I swallowed thickly, feeling strangely guilty. In no life (that I could remember, anyway) had I engaged men’s interests with such intentionality. I’d never tried to juggle their feelings for me, or my own affection for them. It was territory I’d spent my whole memorable existence sidestepping, and I didn’t know how to have a soul that truly loved without fear of the consequences.
“Do you think they mind?” I whispered as we passed by the cluster of my laughing watchmen. I wondered briefly if Dash had told another dirty joke. Then again, Sy was laughing too.
Jabari’s nose crinkled up with his smile, and he said in undertone, “They know the same of you, Saylora, that I do. Their hearts were prepared long ago.”
“It’s different with everyone so far,” I admitted, thinking about how varied my experience with physical touch had been just in the last few minutes.
“Yes. Some natural connections are more powerful than others. Not less valuable, but less potent. Sometimes a single touch can inspire a surge of awakened power. Sometimes the effects are more gradual.”
“Do you know a lot about my kind?”
“Only that which I have read in books and seen in you.”
“Well, don’t tell the other guys Jabari, but I’m pretty sure you’re the smartest one. I bet this whole thing is you.” I waved my head around to indicate the whole glittering magical ball schtick.
“I take no more credit than is due me.”
“Yeah, but you’re the one doing all of it. Am I right?”
“A siren’s intuition.”
“Knew it,” I said under my breath, eyes falling on the people watching us from the sidelines. “Who are all these... guests?”
“Many are those we have known and loved. Others are strangers, buried deep in our subconsciouses.”
My eyes swept across the crowds gathered among us. Colors peppered the sea of faces and garments, a number of cultures joined here in a depiction of unity. I wondered if this was a vision of the world we hoped to save, if the real counterparts to these mirages still lived somewhere in the world outside. It hit me suddenly that most were probably long dead or soon to be.
My gaze found Sy’s, and my heart staggered as I wondered if he saw someone among them whom he missed, despite what he’d told me the other night. A sorrow and devastation were twisting in my gut as I wondered how many great losses these men had been put through on my account.
“Can you touch them? Talk to them?” I asked.
“Alas, no,” Jabari smiled sadly. “It is simple magic, drawing only from the minds of those who have allowed mine entry. But sometimes the face of a loved one is comfort enough, when times seem murkiest.”
My eyes locked with Jabari’s and I felt that prodding there, that thing he could do where his will butted up against my secrets. Not magic, but some sort of natural curiosity that drove him to deeper questions about my wellbeing, and some strange softness I had for him that allowed him to see past my barricades.
“Do not let your heart be troubled, Saylora. All is well.”
“How?” I choked. “That’s an insane thing to say.”
“There is still time.”
“Not much.”
“Enough.”
I caught Gil
les’ eye as Jabari flung me out again. He was watching me carefully, none of that bitterness hardening his face. My heart skipped a strange beat, and then I pushed my walls back out against the moisture clouding my eyes.
“How come you can practice magic?”
“How those such as us possess magic... that is quite a long history lesson for which a dance or two does not allow the time.”
“Wait, hold up,” I interjected. “You just said ‘us.’”
Jabari smiled. “Of course. You are fae-blooded.”
“Me? Magic?” Aside from, you know, corrupting wills and fighting misogyny, I’d never once had an ounce of superpowers like what I was witnessing at this ball. Glittery, wish-fulfillment superpowers. “You’ve got to be kidding. There’s no way, Jabari. No. Way.”
“Laïntar vé-ah aldaron-nen var-ávanya,” Jabari said. “Those are the words which enchanted this room.”
“Say them again. Show me.”
Jabari repeated the words, and I nearly laughed aloud at how absurd it was that gibberish could have such spectacular effect. That mere words could make people appear, and release the heavens from their boundary in the sky.
“Can you make me fancier? Like a real princess, not a dolled up street rat.”
“Imagine what you wish to see, and will it towards me.”
I pictured my death gown turning a beautiful blue, the color of the sky. I pictured myself done up, hair curled and makeup ready for the front page of one of those women’s magazines that always had SEX THE 501 WAYS HE LIKES IT splayed in all-caps across the cover.
“Look.”
My gaze dropped to my dress and I inhaled sharply. The black had transformed into a brilliant aquamarine.
We twirled past one of the windows hidden behind the apparition of night, and I caught a flash of myself reflected in the glass. I was flawless— dark smudged around my eyes, my lips painted a bold red, half my hair piled on my head with the rest cascading down my back. There was a dainty crown resting in the strands of my hair.
The woman staring back... that woman had my face, but she wasn’t me.
“It worked,” I whispered.
“Indeed,” Jabari said as my reflection spun out of sight. I looked up at him, seeing his disapproval.