Say You're Mine

by Alexis Winter

  Bubbles appear then disappear on the screen before his next message pops up.

  Kalum: Yes.

  Me: How can I believe you?

  Kalum: You just have to.

  I weigh our words and know he’s right. I either trust him or I don’t. But I need answers, no matter how big or small they are.

  Me: One more question before I agree.

  Kalum: ???

  Me: Why am I coming over to your place? I’ve never been there before. Why now?

  It takes more than a minute for him to reply to the text. While I’m curious, I didn’t realize I was asking him such a tough question.

  Kalum: Because I want to know what your hair looks like fanned across my pillows when I’m inside you.

  This man. How can I be so angry at him, and so hurt, yet at the same time get so worked up over his words and want to strip him naked the second I see him?

  If this is love, I’m glad I haven’t experienced it before. This shit is confusing.

  30

  Kalum

  I’m a lying bastard.

  When I texted Tori today, it was with the intention of asking her over so I could tell her everything. To lay my soul bare.

  I had every intention of telling her about my deal with the cops. That I’m working with The Kings because it’s all part of a sting that will help bring them down and make sure Maverick is free and clear of any past crimes he could be linked to.

  That I’ve gone and fallen in love with her. That I was told to break up with her but I can’t make myself do it because I’m a selfish asshole who thinks he can have it all.

  As time ticked away, I knew for a fucking fact that I wouldn’t tell her any of that.

  But I did know one thing for certain—that I had to end this with her.

  Amanda was right. Getting involved with Tori was a stupid thing to do. And yes, so far she’s been safe. So far no one knows about her. But how long will that last? Amanda says this will only go on for another month, but she doesn’t know that for sure. No one does.

  I have to keep her safe. I have to protect her. Even if that comes with breaking our hearts.

  So yes, I asked her over. It’s because I’m a selfish bastard and want one more night with this woman before I have to crush us both.

  I want to know what she looks like lying in my bed as I make her scream my name. I want her scent on my pillow so I can torment myself in the coming days.

  That was the only truth I told her.

  As my buzzer sounds, notifying me she’s here, I realize for the first time in months that I’m scared. Funny, I’m not scared when I’m in a room full of gang members. Or when I’m working with the cops. Hell, I wasn’t this scared when I was in prison.

  But knowing that this is likely the last time I’ll see Tori Brennan scares the absolute living shit out of me.

  I buzz her up, which gives me a few moments to get myself together. But when I open my door, I realize no amount of time could have prepared me for what I’m seeing.

  My girl is in yoga pants and a T-shirt, hair pulled back in a messy bun. But it isn’t her casual wardrobe that has me shaking—it’s the tears streaming down her face.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  She falls into my arms and clings to my shirt like it’s a lifeline. I wrap my arms around her, trying to soothe her as best I can.

  “It’s my . . . my dad . . . he . . . had . . . a heart attack.”

  Oh God.

  “Is he okay?” I ask as I guide her into my apartment, sitting us on the couch and quickly pulling her onto my lap.

  “He’s . . . stable. That’s what my mom said.” Another round of tears pours out of her and I wish there was some magic potion to make her pain go away.

  “What do you need? Do you need to go there? I’ll drive you. We can leave right now.”

  She shakes her head into my shirt, which is now drenched from her tears.

  “My mom told me not to worry about it. That she didn’t want Scarlett or me to come up when he was still in the hospital. She said that depending on how he’s feeling, maybe we can come up in a week or so when he’s released. It’s just . . . getting that phone call . . . it was fucking scary. My dad is young, how can he—”

  Her cries are gutting me. All I can do is hold her and try to console her, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I might have asked her here for selfish reasons, but those are now out the door.

  And as for ending this? I’d planned on doing it over the weekend before my Monday check-in with Amanda. But that’s not happening. I can’t wreck her even more.

  I’ll figure it out. I always do. But right now, my girl needs me. And fuck Amanda, and The Kings, and anyone else who is going to stand in the way of me being here for her right now.

  Because I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to do this.

  “If your mom is telling you not to worry about it, then he’s going to be just fine. I know it’s scary, but he’s alive. That’s what matters.”

  I place a kiss in her hair, letting my lips linger for a few seconds. This seems to calm her down as she buries herself in my arms. I hate the reason why she’s clinging to me, but I’m not complaining.

  We sit in silence for I don’t know how long, but I don’t care. Every minute with this woman, even if it’s holding her during a period of grief, is another minute I’ll have to remember her.

  “What do you need, gorgeous? Are you hungry? Want something to drink?”

  She shakes her head as she mumbles something into my chest.

  “What was that, baby? I couldn’t hear you.”

  She looks up at me, mascara smeared and eyes bloodshot. But even in this state, you wouldn’t be able to tell me there’s a more beautiful woman in this world.

  “I need you, Kalum. Please help take this pain away.”

  And I do. I pull her to me, placing the gentlest kiss on her lips. She might need me to help ease her pain, but I want to memorize every single thing I can.

  Her hands thread through my hair as she tries to kiss me back with more intensity. But I’m in control tonight, and I need this to be slow, and deep down, so does she.

  “Kalum, don’t be gentle with me.”

  I lift her hands from around my neck and place them behind her back. “No, gorgeous. You need me to help take the pain away? Trust me to do it. I’ll give you what you need.”

  I pick her up off my lap and place her on the couch, moving her hands above her head.

  “Keep them there. Don’t move.”

  I slide her T-shirt up, displaying her full breasts that are aching to spill out of her bra. I unclasp the hook and she only moves enough so I can discard it. But she does as I asked, leaving her hands above her head as I suck on one, then the other, making sure that both get ample attention.

  “I need to touch you, Kalum. I need to feel you.”

  I look up at her and see eyes filled with emotion. “Do you not feel this?” I ask as I gently bite her nipple before placing soft licks across it, making her pelvis shoot up into my hardening cock.

  “I feel it, Kalum. But I need to feel more. Please.”

  I continue spreading kisses down her stomach before removing her pants and thong. I kneel up on the couch, needing to look at this beauty. But now I need more.

  I need to claim her like I’ve never claimed another woman.

  “I’m taking you to my bed. The first time you come in my house, it’s going to be on my sheets.”

  I scoop her up and her hands instantly go around my neck, needing to touch me as badly as I need to be inside her right now. She places kisses along my neck and I swear each kiss is a brand on my skin.

  I’ve never had another woman over here. I’ve never fucked another girl in this bed. Tori will be the first. The first in so many ways.

  As I lay her down on the bed and quickly strip out of my clothes, I realize something as she watches me. This, right now, is the picture I’d envisioned in my mind. The one I’ve had since
we began this all those months ago in Wisconsin. My gorgeous girl, with her hair spread on my pillows as she watches me come to her. Lying naked and waiting for me, looking at me with love and longing in her eyes.

  This isn’t going to be fucking. This isn’t just some person I chose to share a bed and a few nights with.

  Tonight will be the first time I make love to a woman.

  And it could be the last.

  31

  Tori

  I thought there was nothing better than waking up in Kalum’s arms. But that was until I woke up in Kalum’s arms, in his bed.

  This California king is the most comfortable thing I’ve ever slept on, and when I’m awake enough, I’m letting him know in no uncertain terms that we are never again sleeping in my apartment. Not when we have access to this cloud.

  I hate that I naturally woke up early, because I should probably try to sleep for another few hours. I was supposed to open the café today, but after getting the news about my dad last night, I called in sick. Even if I wasn’t going to Wisconsin, I knew I’d be in no shape to serve customers today. Then Kalum kept me up for the best reason possible.

  But my internal alarm has spoken and my bladder is the next to chime in.

  I place a kiss on Kalum’s cheek before I snake my way out of his embrace. I love how he holds me when we spend the night together, but it’s quite difficult to navigate if I have to get up first.

  After doing my morning routine, I decide that food is in order. We never have mornings off together, so I’ve never had a chance to make him breakfast. And after how he comforted me last night, despite the weird place we’re in, the least I can do is make him French toast.

  I slip on one of his shirts and make my way to his kitchen. I track down bread, eggs, butter, and milk and begin to whip up my delicious creation when I hear a chirp from the living room. It’s a text alert, but I don’t know whose phone it is. When we realized we used the same sound notifications, we argued about who would change it. Neither of us budged. We ended up having sex and forgot about the argument.

  Wanting to make sure it’s not anyone from the coffee shop needing me, I head over and dig out my phone to find no messages for me. But as I look at the coffee table, I do see one on Kalum’s phone. From someone named Amanda.

  I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I don’t even have to unlock his phone to see the message staring at me plain as day.

  Amanda: Did you break up with her yet? You know you need to. Call me when you do.

  Who the fuck is . . . ?

  What the fuck is she . . . ?

  Is he about to . . . ?

  “Good morning, gorgeous. What smells so good in here? If I knew you’d make me breakfast, I would have invited you over a long time ago.”

  Just the sound of his voice makes me want to scream. I know I should let him explain. I know I shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

  But it’s me and that’s what I do, so fuck it. If he’s going to break up with me, then this charade needs to end. Now.

  “Who is Amanda and why does she care so much if you break up with me?”

  Part of springing information on people is not giving them time to prepare a reaction. And it doesn’t take a genius to see what’s written all over Kalum’s face:

  Guilt. Confusion. Anger. Remorse.

  My stomach bottoms out. He was going to break up with me. And now we both know there’s no backing out of this.

  “So you were. Glad I got to hear it from Amanda and not you. You should probably thank her for doing your dirty work. Or maybe I will. She sounds lovely.”

  “Let me explain, Tori.”

  “No! So you can pump me full of lies? So you can pretend to feel bad for me after I come over here crying because I thought my dad was about to die? Oh my God, is this why you wanted me to come over last night?”

  My breathing is heavy and I need to sit down. Before I got the news about my dad, I was planning to come over—hoping he’d open up to me about what I’d overheard at the garage, or why he’s been acting distant the last few days. But was this the reason? He was ending us before we even really got going?

  “No, Tori, that’s not why I asked you over here.”

  “Then what for? To fuck me one more time before you kicked me to the curb?”

  His silence is deafening.

  “Oh my God, you did! You fucking bastard!”

  I pick something up off the coffee table—maybe his phone but I’m in such a state that I’m not sure—and launch it across the room at him. I miss by a mile but I don’t care. I pick up something else and try again. This one got a bit closer, but the bastard ducked out of the way.

  How much of an idiot am I? Coming over here, thinking that my pseudo-boyfriend was giving me comfort when all it was to him was a goodbye fuck.

  “Are you even going to try to explain yourself?” The words are seething from my mouth.

  “If I do, will you stop throwing things at me?”

  “Depends on what you say.”

  He takes a deep breath. I don’t blame him. About time he fessed up to whatever is going on over here.

  “This has run its course, Tori. I think it’s best if we end things between us.”

  I knew what he was going to say, but I still can’t believe the words coming out of his mouth.

  What happened to him wanting to be happy? What happened to him needing time to get things straightened out?

  Was anything he said, or how I felt with him, real?

  “What changed?” It’s the only question I can think to ask.

  “You knew this had an expiration date. Friends with benefits can only last so long.”

  “We were more than that and you know it! So I’ll ask again, Kalum. What. Changed? Does this have to do with what I overheard in the garage last week? Or is this Amanda person your other fuck buddy who gives you better head than I do?”

  He flinches. It’s subtle, but I saw it. I wonder what line of bullshit he’s going to throw at me now.

  “Whatever you heard at the garage, you misunderstood.”

  I realize he doesn’t say anything about Amanda, but I can’t deal with that right now.

  “Oh. So I misunderstood that Maverick was asking you if you were stealing cars again, and you wouldn’t answer him?”

  “Tori, I need you to drop it. Forget what you heard. Please.”

  A maniacal laugh leaves my mouth. “Forget what I heard? Sure, Kalum. I’ll just snap my fingers and forget it. Maybe while I’m at it—forgetting things, that is—I’ll forget this whole thing between us ever happened.”

  “Maybe you should.”

  I know I said it first, but him telling me to do that is a knife to my heart.

  He sounds defeated. And it almost—almost!—makes me want to comfort him. The fact that he’s not going rounds with me is concerning. He’s not fighting back. And if I didn’t know better, I would think those last words wounded him. But that would require him caring, which clearly he doesn’t.

  “Oh, I will. This right here is why I don’t do relationships. Just when you think you can trust someone with your heart, you get fucking stomped on.”

  I storm out of the room to grab my clothes. The tears are threatening, but I refuse to let him see me cry.

  By the time I’ve gathered my things, he’s sitting on the couch—elbows resting on his knees and head hanging low.

  “I’ll be leaving. Thanks for the sex. Good luck with the stealing cars thing. Tell Amanda I said ‘hi.’”

  His head snaps up like those were the most hurtful words I could have said to him.

  “You don’t know the whole story, Tori.”

  “No. Because you won’t tell me. You won’t tell Maverick. But I’m sure Amanda knows, so at least you have someone. Goodbye, Kalum.”

  I continue walking to the door and I feel him on my heels. I stop to grab the doorknob and I can tell he’s just a few feet behind me.

  This is it. The last moment I’ll be
in his space. I hate that I’m going to miss it. Just as I gather my resolve to walk through the door, he whispers words that will haunt my dreams.

  “You need to forget me. But I’ll never forget you.”

  32

  Kalum

  Big Al: I need to meet you at the garage. Be there in 30.

  Just fucking wonderful. Like the past day hasn’t already been enough of a shitshow. I’m tired of being at Big Al’s beck and call. I hate that he thinks he has me by the balls. Even if it isn’t real.

  Though I still think of him as the shy kid in third grade, I know Big Al is dangerous, and he works with dangerous men. If I screw this up in any way, I know he won’t hesitate to hit me back where it hurts.

  My garage.

  My mom.

  Maverick.

  Which is why, in a weird way, I’m glad Tori saw Amanda’s text message. After getting the news about her dad, I didn’t have the heart to break up with her, though I knew I needed to. Amanda’s text gave me the opening I needed.

  I hated hurting her. It is without a doubt the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. I hated seeing the look on her face as she tried to hide the tears I know were trying to sneak out.

  I know because I was doing the same thing.

  I didn’t lie when I told Amanda I can’t stop myself when it comes to Tori. And I tried like hell not to lie to her yesterday.

  I will never forget her. I’ll never forget the way she laughed or the way she crawled into my lap after a long day. I’ll definitely never forget how she felt beneath me or when she wanted control and I pretended to give it to her.

  And I’ll never forget that I loved her.

  Knowing that Big Al said to meet him in 30, which in his book means in an hour, I took my time getting to the garage. Now, sitting in my office, all I can do is ponder how I got here—in this situation that’s pulling my life apart.

  What would have happened if I’d never started stealing cars in the first place? I could have kept my head down, gone to trade school, become a mechanic, and still could’ve had this garage. Maverick could’ve gone to college for computer science and invented his keyless technology for good and not evil. He’d probably be a fucking millionaire right now.