“I love the city, don’t get me wrong, but I like being able to get away from everything. It’s nice going to sleep without police sirens.”
“So you’re saying if I need to get away from everything that keeps me up at night, I need to move to the suburbs? Damn. My lease doesn’t end for another four months.”
He takes a seat at the island and I follow, knowing that the awkward small-talk portion of our evening has come to a close.
“What happened?”
It’s a simple question, but I don’t even know where to begin.
“He brought her to the bar. And I lost it,” I can’t hold back the tears anymore. “I tried to keep my mouth shut, but I couldn’t, and I ended up saying awful things to Annabelle and Scarlett. I mean, absolutely vile things that I hate myself for. It’s just . . . they didn’t know about Kalum and me, so they . . . and he . . . God, I’m an awful person.”
I know most of what I said probably didn’t make sense, but at this point it’s just word vomit anyway.
“Tori, I know I’ve been your shoulder to cry on, and I’m absolutely happy to continue to do that. We’re friends now, and this is what friends do. But don’t you think it’s time you came clean with Annabelle and Scarlett? Wouldn’t that make this a hell of a lot easier for you?”
“And tell them what? That I’ve been sneaking around with Kalum and fell in love with him but he broke up with me for another woman and that’s why I was a mega-bitch to them?”
“Yeah, actually. Exactly that.”
“I can’t, Ben.”
“Why not?”
“Because.”
“Because what, Tori? For once, don’t be hardheaded. Get out of your own way. What’s more important: keeping a secret that’s now over, or being honest with your best friend and sister who you claim are the most important people in your life?”
Fucking Ben. Why did I have to find the guy friend who doesn’t hold back on the truth bombs? Why couldn’t I find the guy who can’t work through feelings?
“You know, when I was walking up here tonight, I thought to myself that I’m going to find a nice girl for you. But now I’m not so sure. You’re mean.”
He laughs. “No, I’m honest. But let me learn how to have a female friend before I add a girlfriend into the mix. You’re a lot to handle.”
I get up off my seat and give him the biggest hug I can muster.
“Thank you so much. For everything. I think you’re the only one who can cut through my crap and make me realize when I’m being an idiot.”
He rubs my back and gives me one more squeeze before pulling away.
“Well, that’s because I don’t want to sleep with you anymore.”
38
Kalum
If you would’ve told me years ago—when I was staring at the top of a jail cell—that the mayor of Chicago would be at the grand opening of the second location of my thriving business, I would have asked you for a hit of whatever drug you had to be smoking.
But here we are. The mayor and the city council representative holding the oversized scissors. Myself and Maverick. My mom. Jaxson and Annabelle. Scarlett and her little guy, Grant. Amanda.
But the person I wanted here more than anyone . . . isn’t. And I’m the reason why.
I know I can’t be mad at anyone but myself that Tori isn’t here today. This is what needed to happen. Between her overhearing my conversation with Maverick, and Big Al’s threat against her, she was in danger.
I’ve reminded myself of those reasons a million times since we broke up. And I’m sure this is just the first of many events where I’ll wish I could be holding her hand.
I want her next to me right now, looking up at me with pride as the mayor says his prepared speech about local businesses coming into the city. I want her smiling and chatting with the customers as they tour the new space. I want her sneaking into my office with me to show just how proud of me she is.
“. . . and with that, I’d like to introduce the owners of M.K. Custom Cars, Kalum and Maverick West!”
I hate that the mayor just put on a dog and pony show for the press who showed up, because everyone else here knows who we are, so the rock star introduction is a bit much.
But having the media here has actually helped push back my return into the world of stealing cars.
When I told Big Al that Maverick and I were in, I swear the man did a cartwheel. Knowing the kind of inventory the two of us could bring in apparently had that effect on him, and Lord knows what else he’s doing with the cars he and his guys steal. But he also understood that there was going to be press leading up to the grand opening, and he agreed that we needed to wait a few days to let the spotlight dim before the big boost.
Which gave us more time with Amanda to come up with the plan to end this once and for all.
“Thank you all for coming out and supporting my brother and me,” Maverick says to the small crowd. “This garage would not be possible without all of you. This second location will still provide the same . . .”
Maverick continues on about loyalty and the history of the garage, and the new features we’ll offer. I’m about ready to zone out when something—or rather, someone—in the back of the crowd catches my eye.
No, it couldn’t be. Why would she come here?
I’ve never been more excited or furious to see Tori than I am right now. As much as I want her here, Amanda and I were hoping that when Big Al and his guys eventually saw pictures of the opening—with no trace of Tori—it would let them know she’s gone, and hopefully they’d leave her alone.
But she’s not standing with her sister or Annabelle. In fact, it’s like she’s trying to avoid being seen at all.
Little does she know she could be in the middle of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and I’d find her.
I have no idea what Maverick is saying; I’m just glad he’s the one talking today. I don’t know what to do. I want to look at her—take in everything I can because I’ve fucking missed her. But I know I can’t look at her because it will draw attention.
What I really want to do is run to her, scoop her up in my arms, and get the hell out of here. Disappear for a month or six, and just be with her.
A round of applause breaks me out of my thoughts of the two of us on a secluded island, and I plaster on a fake smile as I’m corralled for photos.
“I know she’s here, Kalum, so don’t do anything stupid,” Amanda whispers in my ear as the photographers place everyone.
“I won’t, but why is she here? Did the other night not work?”
“I don’t know. But don’t go trying to find out. Just let her go.”
Easier said than done.
Even if I wanted to go look for Tori, I couldn’t. After the grip-and-grin photos, it was a flurry of activity for the rest of the afternoon. We led a guided tour around the new garage, which included demonstrations of new services we’re going to offer. Since this shop is Maverick’s baby, he wanted to offer ways to make cars more high-tech. It’s something no other garages around here offer.
“I’m so proud of you boys,” my mom says, finally able to steal a moment away with me as the crowd starts to fizzle out. “You’ve turned your lives around. You have a successful business. And if I’m picking up on things, a woman who is finally going to get you to settle down?”
I laugh, just glad she didn’t go into the “when are you going to give me grandchildren?” speech.
“Yeah. We’ve done pretty well for ourselves. And it’s all thanks to you. I can’t even imagine how hard it was to raise us with . . . well, everything.”
“Psh. I didn’t do anything except keep you two alive, which I will remind you, was quite the task when you were younger. But don’t try to deflect with me, Kalum James. Are you and Amanda finally getting together? Is my dream finally coming true?”
I don’t remember a time in my life when my mom wasn’t the captain of Team Amanda. She and Amanda’s mother have had a secret wedding bin
der hidden since we were in kindergarten. I’ve brought home very few girls to meet Lisa West, and of those, none passed the comparison-to-Amanda test. At one point, I doubted any of them ever would.
But I have no doubt Tori would have. My mom would have loved her spirit, and how she calls me on my shit. It’s not hard to imagine them sitting back with glasses of wine, just talking about everything and nothing as they look through embarrassing photos of me. Just the thought of it brings a smile to my face.
“That smile says it all,” she says, putting her hand over my heart. “That’s the smile of someone in love.”
Yeah it is, Mom. Yeah it is.
39
Tori
Ben said that I was a glutton for punishment. I thought it fell under more of the masochist category.
I don’t know if either description is really enough to express what I felt as I watched Kalum during the grand opening. I knew coming to it was doing nothing but keeping the wound fresh, but I couldn’t NOT be there.
He looked so handsome standing next to his brother and the mayor. His hair was pulled back in his stylish—even though he’s trying not to be—man bun, which I will never, ever knock again. The smile he showed everyone was the one that looked so familiar—the one he wears when he’s actually happy. Or at least, that’s what I thought it meant. After the events of the past week, I’m not sure.
The only thing I’m sure about is that I need to be here and I need to tell him goodbye, which is why I snuck into his office earlier, hoping no one would come in here during the tours and demonstrations. I know that our goodbye outside the bar should have been enough for me to know that he’s done with us. That he’s moved on. But again, I’m a glutton, or a masochist, or an addict for Kalum. Maybe all three. All I know is that no one could keep me away today.
Believe me, Ben tried. My new guy bestie reminded me of what it felt like the last two times I was around Kalum. He reminded me of how I felt afterward.
It didn’t matter.
I believe his last text to me was: Your funeral.
It’s starting to quiet down in the garage, which means that it’s now or never. I just hope I’ll get the closure I need before I leave.
Me: Come to your office. I need . . . I type out then erase. I would like . . . Nope, too formal. Can I see you?
I don’t expect him to answer right away. Hell, I’m not sure if he’ll respond at all. I think he saw me today, but I’m not sure. I stood by myself toward the back, trying my best to blend in with the crowd. I haven’t talked to Scarlett or Annabelle since the shitshow at the bar. I’m going to, but I just haven’t yet.
Because I’m telling them everything. Ben was right. I need a clean slate.
Kalum: How did you get into my office?
That’s what he’s going to ask?
Me: Do you really want to know?
Kalum: Probably not. Why do you need to see me? I told you, we’re over. Don’t keep doing this, Tori.
I take a deep breath, knowing that this is it.
Me: I’m leaving town for a while. And I wanted to say goodbye without a shouting match.
I don’t know what I expect him to write back, but I expected something. Anything. But after staring at my phone for what feels like hours, nothing comes.
Maybe he doesn’t want to see me. I knew it was a long shot. But I figured that if I told him I was leaving town, he’d feel bad for me and, oh hell, I don’t know what I’m feeling, or want, anymore. I just know that this ache in my chest isn’t going away and I need to do something to get rid of it.
I check the time. Ten minutes since I sent that text with no reply. I guess that’s all the answer I need.
And because it’s been a whole day since I’ve cried, the tears start forming. I don’t even try to keep them at bay anymore.
I sit on his chair and lay my head on his desk, letting my daily cry out of my system. It’s quite pathetic that I can’t go a day without the waterworks, and hopefully when I’m out of town, that will change. Something needs to. I can’t keep going like this.
“You do know this is breaking and entering, right?”
His voice startles me, but I don’t look up. I don’t want him to see me like this. I want to be strong and leave with my head held high—I don’t want his final memory of me to be the defeated, angry girl who was crying in the alley. Or the sad girl crying at his desk.
“You would know.” Again, not what I wanted to say, but apparently I can’t help myself from being a complete smart-ass around this man.
But my comment gets a laugh out of him. “Hey, I never had a B&E on my record. Give me some credit.”
The tone of his voice gives me the strength to look up at him. I try to quickly wipe my tears away, but know it’s probably a lost cause.
But when I finally get a look at him, the look he’s giving me isn’t joking or amused. It’s not angry.
He looks exactly how I feel.
Sad.
“What are you doing here, Tori?”
“I needed to say goodbye without us yelling at each other.”
He looks at me, a little puzzled. “What do you mean goodbye? Where are you going?”
“Wisconsin.”
This surprises him. “You’re going back? Oh my God, is your dad okay?”
The fact that he remembered about my dad cracks a little wall around my heart that I just finished building back up.
“He’s getting better. He’s going to be released from the hospital in a few days. But between that and . . . well, you know . . . I could use a break for a bit.”
The look he gives me is piercing right through my soul. Given that this man picked another woman over me, I don’t understand why he looks guilty and sad. But he does, and that just makes me more emotional.
“How long are you going to be gone?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. However long it takes.”
“What takes?”
“For my dad to recover. And for me to feel normal again.”
“Normal again?”
I nod and stand up, walking around his desk and taking a seat on the edge. I don’t know why, but I want to be as eye level as possible when I say these next words to him. The words I came here to say.
“This, whatever we had, hit me hard and unexpectedly. Neither of us signed up for it, and I wasn’t ready for what we shared. I don’t think you were either. I know that now. It was a beautiful whirlwind that swept me up, and even though I wasn’t ready for it, I wouldn’t trade it for any other experience in my life. And I . . . I fell in love with you, Kalum. I can now say that I actually know what love feels like.”
He goes to speak, but I place a finger over his lips, needing to get out the rest.
“I don’t want you to say anything. I needed to say this so that, whatever happens, I have no regrets. Thank you for sharing what we had. And I hope that you and . . . you and Amanda . . . are happy together. Because you deserve a lifetime of happiness.”
I don’t know what I expected to happen after I laid all of that at his feet. Honestly, I kind of just expected to say it, give him a pat on the shoulder, and disappear.
But I never expected him to swoop me into his arms and kiss the ever-loving hell out of me.
40
Kalum
I know that kissing Tori right now is without a doubt the worst thing to do, but I don’t give a flying fuck.
Thank God she told me not to talk, because I was two seconds away from spilling everything, including that I loved her too, and that I’ve never been happier than when I’m with her.
Then I remembered that one of Al’s guys showed up at the opening today, and I knew that her leaving town was the best thing she could do.
But I can’t let her leave without tasting her one more time. Without holding her. If this is it, then I’m not going to let her go with a chaste hug, a pat on the back, and a “see you around.”
I’m a selfish bastard like that.
So
I’m going to kiss her with everything I have. I’m going to convey every boiling emotion through this final kiss, because I need her to know that everything she said was what I was feeling too. Probably even more.
You’d think this would be frenzied. That since we both know this will be our last kiss, that we’d want to be greedy in every movement. In every lick. In every touch.
But instead, we’re both taking our time. Nothing is rushed. Every kiss is with purpose. Every stroke of our hands is intentional. Every swipe of our tongues is savoring.
Her breasts are pushed against my chest and I can’t help but hate that this might be the last time I get to feel her against me. My hands travel up her sides, needing to feel the weight of her breasts in my hands one last time. Though we’re taking our time, I’m needing more, so I tweak her nipple the way I know she likes it, which makes her hips buck into me.
I’ll miss that too—the way her body is so responsive to me. I’ve never had to wonder whether Tori likes or dislikes something.
She obviously likes it, now grinding into me, trying to find every ounce of friction she can. And I give it to her, rubbing up and down on her, and I swear I can feel her heat through our clothes.
Her hand travels down between us, reaching for me, needing to touch me just as much as I need to touch her. My cock is rock-hard right now, and just rubbing against her is making me want to explode.
Loving every touch of her hands on me, I can’t hold back anymore. My lips leave hers as I begin my journey to her ear to nibble on her lobe, licking my way down to that perfect place between her neck and shoulder that at one point I wanted to be able to kiss and suck on every day for the rest of my life. So I stay there for a few minutes, which drives her absolutely insane. Her hips are now writhing off the desk and I swear if I didn’t know better, she’s about ready to come right here and now.
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