by Blue, Jayne
“That’s all I have for now,” he said. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Colt pounded his fist on the table, calling an end to the meeting.
He and Kellan stayed behind. No doubt they’d come up with a game plan for dealing with Davis. And we’d collectively have to come up with a number we were prepared to part with if it came to that.
I headed out to the main bar. We were closed now, heading into Sunday evening. Amy, Colt’s wife, stood behind the cash register totaling up a few receipts. Midsummer, and she had some time off from her regular gig as a middle-school teacher.
“Hey, Joker,” she said. “Come keep me company. My eyes are starting to bleed. You want a Bud?”
“Sure,” I said. “If you’re having one too. Colt and Kellan might be a few minutes yet.”
Amy looked up from the receipts. She had a scowl on her face as she glanced over my shoulder toward Colt’s closed office door. I wondered how much he’d told her about our latest potential trouble with the police chief.
Amy poured two draft beers and slid one over to me. Most of the rest of the guys started to clear out.
“Toby fell asleep watching The Lion King with Cam and Carly,” she said. Cam was Amy and Colt’s oldest. At seven, Toby idolized him. Their daughter Carly had just turned three. She liked to tag along with the older boys. Colt had a rec room over the bar where the kids could hang out after hours. Amy had the room up on the closed-circuit monitors behind the bar. Sure enough, I could see all three kids sacked out on the couch. There were about a million Legos all over the floor between them.
“Shit. Sorry, Amy. I’ll make sure Toby helps clean that up before we head out.” She waved me off.
“Forget it. Cam made most of the mess. Let them sleep. It’s been a big week for Toby. For you too.”
So there it was. I had a feeling Amy had an ulterior motive for inviting me over for a beer.
“Yeah,” I said, taking a swig of mine. “Went okay though. Thanks again for the recommendation. Toby seems to like Tiny Tots.”
My mind drifted to a particular daycare worker who’d turned my head. Miss Tara had been on my mind more than I wanted to admit this week.
“I’m glad,” she said. “He’s been talking about it a lot. I think he’s having a good time.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He misses Mrs. Loomis though.”
“How’s she doing?”
I shrugged. “Still bitching up a storm over at that rehab place. She keeps the nurses on their toes. But she’s following directions. With any luck she’ll get to come home in two weeks or so. Her days of running after Toby are over though. I think her family finally talked some sense into her on that. Her son came to see me. For Toby’s part, I hope he really does like it at Tiny Tots. I think it’s going to have to be a permanent arrangement.”
Amy touched my arm. Ever since Toby was born, Amy had taken both of us under her wing a little. I relied on her for advice about how not to screw that kid up.
“Did I ever tell you how proud I am of you for how you are with him?” she said. When I looked up, Amy had a tear in her eye.
“I just wanted to give him something different than what I had. Growing up without a dad isn’t good for a boy. Only now, he’s gotta grow up without a mom.”
“Well,” she said. “That’s not your fault. Christy was trouble from the get-go. As long as I live I’ll never understand how a woman can just walk out on her kid like she did.”
I finished my beer. “Christy didn’t get into this fix by herself. There’s plenty of blame to go around. We weren’t careful. I don’t regret that now for a second. That kid is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“You’re right,” Amy smiled. “Still though ... no calls? No messages? Even now?”
I shook my head. Toby’s mom, Christy, had only been in my life for a few weeks before she got pregnant. We tried to make a go of it for a few months. But she pretty much bailed as soon as Toby was born.
“Well,” she said. “You’re too good for Christy, anyway. So is Toby. Someday, when you’re ready, you’ll find someone. I plan on making it a point that you do!”
We’d been down this road before too. Amy liked to play matchmaker. I didn’t have the heart to remind her that she’d been epically bad at it over the years.
My mind drifted back to Miss Tara. She’d been so calm, so patient with Toby as she taught him to tie his shoes. I got a little choked up just thinking about it. That’s what a mom was supposed to do. But Toby had only ever been around my seventy-year-old neighbor and a bunch of bikers and their wives. Good men, great women, all. But I knew it wasn’t the same.
I dropped my head and ran a finger over the rim of my empty beer mug. I could almost smell Tara’s sweet scent from here. I imagined what it would feel like to touch her curves in those skin-tight jeans she wore.
“Earth to Joker,” Amy said, snapping her fingers.
“Yeah,” I said.
“I asked you if Toby’s been talking about his teacher. He has to me. He won’t shut up about her, actually. Tina?”
“Tara,” I answered, trying to keep my tone neutral. One look at Amy and I knew I failed.
“Tara,” she smiled. “Right. Toby said she’s pretty. He told me he’s pretty sure you think so too. Something you want to fill me in on?”
“No,” I said, sliding my beer mug back to her.
“Hmm. Well, if Toby likes her, she must be pretty special. He’s a tough little man to impress.”
“I’m just glad he had a good week,” I said. If Amy pressed me any harder about Tara, she’d see right through me.
But Amy’s attention went to the closed office door. Colt and Kellan had been in there a while. Amy wasn’t stupid. She’d been married to Colt for a few years and her old man was a past club V.P. before my time.
I tried to change the subject. “What have we got coming up this weekend? I told Colt I’d work the door while Brax is away.”
Amy put on a brave smile and grabbed the tablet the hostess kept back there. She punched in the passcode and pulled up the calendar.
“No fights this weekend,” she said. “That ought to make things pretty boring. Looks like we’re light on reservations. Except for a bachelorette party Saturday night. They’re in the back room.”
“Great,” I said. “I hate working those. Half the time they come in hammered to begin with. Please tell me it’s not a party bus.”
Amy smiled. “Sorry, Joker. Maybe they’ll ask you to cut and serve the penis cake.” She couldn’t stop her giggles.
“Fine,” I said. “Laugh it up.”
I was glad to see her smile. It worked to distract her for a few minutes. But only just. Then her face grew serious and she leaned in close to me over the bar.
“What’s going on, Joker?” she asked, her brow creased with worry.
I turned away from her. I was no damn good hiding my thoughts. Anybody who knew me could pretty much read them right across my face. It’s how I got my road name back in the day.
“Amy,” I finally said. “You know better than to ask. Club business is club business.”
She tossed a towel into the laundry bin behind the bar. “Right. But why do I get the feeling something’s about to change?”
I reached for her. I gave her arm a gentle squeeze. I knew I wasn’t doing a damn bit of good calming her fears.
Colt was measured during the meeting, but even I knew him well enough to know he was worried. Amy was probably dead on. We’d had peace here in Lincolnshire for a long stretch. I hoped to God it wasn’t about to come to an end.
Chapter Four
Tara
Two things happened on Wednesday morning that ended up changing my life forever. Only I didn’t know it at the time.
My car broke down at the corner of Emerson and Main. I was already ten minutes later getting out the door than my usual routine. I would have made it into Tiny Tots no problem. Then my fifteen-year-old pick-up truck started
to sputter and stall. Thankfully, I had just enough fumes to veer it to the side of the road before I came to the traffic light. It saved me from a chorus of angry, honking commuters. It didn’t save me from a few dirty looks.
I called for roadside assistance, but they were backed up and couldn’t make it out for at least thirty minutes. Then I called Miss Linda to tell her I’d be late.
“Not good, Tara,” she said. “You know I’m already short-staffed today.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“You need to do something about that clunker you drive. If you don’t have reliable transportation, that’s a problem.”
I bit my lip past the retort I wanted to give her. In the five years since I’d worked for her, this was the only time I’d ever been late. I’d only called off twice. Once, I’d been legitimately sick with the flu. The second time was when my father had been in a car accident.
“I understand,” I said, forcing a smile so my tone wouldn’t come out wrong. “I’ll be there just as soon as I can. They told me I don’t even have to wait for the tow. I’ll call a cab or something.”
I winced at how much that would cost. If the pick-up needed significant repairs, my monthly budget was already stretched pretty thin.
“Just get here,” she said and hung up the phone. I knew she wouldn’t stay angry long. Linda knew I was one of the best employees she had. The woman just suffered from a wicked case of obsessive-compulsive disorder. She didn’t do well with things she couldn’t control.
The next car that whizzed past got a little too close to the shoulder. My hair blew up. I yelled and waved a middle finger. I swear it was just a reflex.
I was just about to call for a cab when a black Mercedes slowed and pulled off to the side of the road behind my truck.
My heart sank when I saw who it was. Brian stepped out of the car and came toward me. He wore a perfectly tailored suit; his blond hair looked like spun gold in the sunlight and he slid down a pair of mirrored Ray-Bans as he approached.
“Tara?” he asked.
Great. Of all the people to find me in this predicament, Brian was the last I wanted to see.
“Hey, Brian,” I waved and smiled.
He pulled his shades down his nose and looked at the truck. Steam wafted from beneath the hood.
“Big Red finally konked out on you?” he asked. “I’ve been telling you for years to upgrade, Tara. You’re lucky you’re so close to town. What would you have done if you were on the highway?”
“Same thing I’m doing now, Brian,” I said. “And don’t knock Big Red. She’s just fine. I’ll get her up and running in no time.”
“Come on,” he said. “I’ll drive you to work. That’s where you’re headed, right?”
“I don’t want to trouble you,” I said. “I have this under control.”
Another car whipped by, getting way too close. Brian pulled me toward him. I resisted the urge to jerk my arm away.
Not this. Not now. I didn’t still have feelings for him. But I also didn’t want him looking at me like that, thinking I was vulnerable.
“I’m not letting you stay out here,” he said. “You’re on my way anyway. Did you call a tow truck?”
“They’ll be here any second. I’ll get a ride with the driver.”
“No, you won’t,” he said. “I’m not letting you get into a truck with some stranger.”
No sooner had he said it before the tow truck in question pulled up alongside it, his hazard lights flashing. I stepped away from Brian, signed the paperwork, and handed him my key. “Can you drop me off at Emerson and Vine?” I asked.
He chewed his gum a little more slowly and looked me up and down. “I can take you to the repair shop. You’ll have to wait for the shuttle or call a cab from there.”
“She’s with me,” Brian said, reaching to shake the man’s hand.
Anger rose within me. But the truth was, I wasn’t in a position to deny Brian’s help. He could get me to work in ten minutes. If I went with the tow truck driver, it might take closer to an hour.
“Thanks,” I said, waving off the driver. He nodded and resumed chewing his gum.
I grabbed my purse and tote bag off the front seat and followed Brian back to the Mercedes. He opened the passenger door for me and got behind the wheel.
He waited for the tow truck driver to secure my vehicle and drive away before turning to me.
“Are you okay, Tara?” he asked. “I’ve been meaning to call you. I thought we should actually get together for coffee. You know, to process everything before the big day.”
Process everything? “Yeah, I’m not sure that’s such a great idea,” I said.
“Listen,” he said. “None of this was my doing. When Em told me she was thinking about asking you to be her bridesmaid, what was I supposed to say?”
I was speechless. I turned to face him.
“If I told her no, don’t do it, she would have asked me why. She would have assumed I still had feelings for you. I just never …”
“Never what?” I asked.
He sighed. “I never thought you’d say yes. Why the hell did you say yes?”
My breath left me. Brian stared at me, his eyes hard.
“Because Em’s been my friend since forever. Since before you and I were a couple, Brian. Did it ever occur to you that if I said no, she’d think I still had feelings for you?”
He blinked. He tilted his head and a slow smile spread across his face. He reached for me, putting a hand on my knee.
My blood raced through my veins. His eyes became hooded. God. I knew that look.
“Do you?” he asked.
My jaw dropped. “What?”
The ass-end of Brian’s Mercedes was sticking out a little into the road. Another pick-up whipped by and honked. I turned my gaze to the front window.
“Can you just drive?” I said. “I’m already late for work. I really do appreciate your offering to get me there.”
I saw him staring at me from my peripheral vision. I refused to make eye contact again. My blood boiled. Did he actually think I still had feelings for him? I wanted to scream “no” at the top of my lungs. The last year of our dating relationship had put me through hell. He’d been angry about my career choice. He hated my clothes. My hair was never right. The man didn’t want a wife or a partner. He wanted a trophy. I could never be that.
Still, it hadn’t all been bad. Brian could be kind and a good listener. In the beginning, I’d just been so attracted to him, I overlooked some of the early warning signs. He was Brian Windham, after all.
Tiny Tots was only four miles down the road. Brian pulled into a fire zone along the curb and turned to me.
“I really am glad you’ll be part of our day, Tara. No matter how it all went down.”
Finally, I made eye contact with him. Over his shoulder, the last of the four-year-olds were filing in. The crossing guards herded them toward the doors as a few of the parents straggled behind. It really was better for most of them to just use the drop-off line. But I understood why some didn’t. A few had a hard time letting go every morning.
“It’s important to me,” Brian said. “You know, that we stay friends.”
He was handsome. There was no denying that. Brian had a glow about him. He had future politician written all over him. He’d made the best marks in law school. Top of his class at Case Western Reserve. Those had been hard years for us, dating long distance. God, we’d spent hours on the phone together or Skyping. For so long, not a day went by that I hadn’t talked to him. I’d almost forgotten what that was like.
“I’m glad too,” I said. “I want you and Emmaline to be happy.”
He smiled. “She’s a great girl. She’s loyal. She knows how to play the game.”
“The game?” I asked.
“Don’t ... I mean ... Em understands my ambitions and the demands of my family. She’s supportive. An asset.”
“Right,” I said, hating that the words seem
ed to spill out of my mouth on their own. “And I was definitely a liability. Got it.”
“Stop,” he said. “You know what I mean.”
The truth was, I did. And it was the reason why Brian and I had taken things as far as we could.
“I still love you, Tara,” he said.
He did not just say that. “Brian, I need to get into work.”
There his hand was again, back on my knee. This time, I got the car door open first but he tightened his grip.
“I mean I still care about you. Don’t make it into a bigger thing than it needs to be. I’m just trying to be nice. I know how much it hurt you when I ended things.”
I blinked. Hard. “Brian, I ended things.”
He smirked. I peeled away from him and got out of the car. Brian followed. He’d parked beneath the shade of a huge maple tree. It shielded us from the prying eyes of Miss Linda near the front door.
“I need to go,” I said. “Good talk though.”
“Will I see you this weekend?” he asked. “At Em’s bachelorette party?”
“Why would I?” I asked. “The groom doesn’t typically go to that.”
“I know,” he said. “Em wants me to make an appearance toward the end of the evening with the rest of the bridal party.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I probably won’t stay out as late as everyone else.”
His hand was on my shoulder. His eyes sparkled as he looked at me. I knew that expression and I couldn’t believe he was leveling it at me. This was Brian Windham’s trademark move.
“You heard what I said. I never stopped caring about you. You need to know that. You’re special, Tara. You always will be. And once we get past the craziness of the next few months ... things will settle down. I hope we can reconnect.”
He stroked my arm. He. Actually. Stroked. My. Arm. As. He. Said. It.