by Virna DePaul
“They crucified me.” Her voice cracked, and she dragged her hand through her hair. “They said I showed up to work hung over or drunk. Like I wasn’t even a real doctor. That it was all a publicity stunt to make a name for myself. One tabloid even claimed I was a hooker from Arkansas. At the hospital, nurses and doctors questioned my credentials and my academic career or even my ability to perform basic surgeries. I was pulled from the OR and relegated to pre- and post-op checkups. No one believed my commitment to my patients. Everyone thought I was solely out for me—and me alone.”
Raegan looked up at me with a shimmer of tears in her eyes.
“And the worse part was,” she managed to whisper, “is that I believed them.” Raegan dabbed her eyes with her sweater and ran her finger under her nose. “The day I was going to sign the reality show papers, I was so conflicted I actually drove back home to throw up. But when I ran in, my hand over my mouth, I found Oliver fucking some actress on my bed. So I threw up on them, grabbed my passport, and ran out of there.”
She fell silent.
I raised an eyebrow. “Wait, you threw up on Oliver Joyce?”
“On.”
“Not near? On.”
“Smack dab on his unimpressively small dick.”
“Wow.”
She nodded. “Didn’t hear that in the tabloids, now did you?”
I shook my head. “I’d have liked to.”
She smiled.
“So where have you been all this time?”
“Trying to find myself again, I guess. I hopped on the first plane out of LAX, and that took me to Thailand. I cried in a hotel room for about a week. Threw one hell of a pity party.”
I smirked. “Balloons?”
“So many balloons.”
“Hats?”
“The pointy kinds with that painful stretchy string under your chin.”
“Confetti?”
“You couldn’t even see the carpet.”
I tapped my chin as I thought. “Hmm, those things that make noise when you spin them around and around?”
Raegan grinned. “Oh, how the rooms next door to me complained.”
Together, we laughed. The lines of stress and pain eased from her face, which made me happy.
“Funnily enough, I went out only because I was craving strawberry ice cream, and the hotel didn’t have any. But otherwise I’d have stayed cooped up in there for weeks.” Her voice grew calmer. “I wandered the crowded streets and found a walk-in clinic with a line out the door. I offered to help, and that was it. From that point on, I started traveling around to poor, struggling countries in need of professional medical care. I’d just finished volunteering in the Dominican Republic when I met you.”
“So that’s where you’ve been?” I asked.
“That’s where I’ve been. I was ready to come back to L.A., but after meeting you and wanting to be with you…” She paused and glanced back at me with sadness. “I’m not so sure anymore. All I know is when I saw the letter from the hotel in your room that night, with your title—Dr. Noah Alexander—and I went online to check you out...”
I winced, knowing exactly what she would have seen about me online. Her worst nightmare. An attention seeker. A cocky showboat. “That’s mostly an act,” I said.
“I know that now. I...I pretty much knew it then.” She shrugged, as if she couldn’t explain why she’d run in the face of my social network, but of course we both knew she’d been trying to protect herself.
“So you pulled yourself from consideration as Chief Surgeon at Graton’s Gift.”
She nodded.
I sighed, then ran my hands up and down her legs as she looked out over the ocean. She’d been atoning for her sins all these years, and yet I knew they weren’t sins. She’d been punishing herself for being weak, but she was nothing less than strong. She’d withheld her story from me because she believed I represented the life she ran from. But I was more than that. More than my fame, my reputation, more than what everyone else but her saw.
“We should head back,” Raegan said.
I’d have sat there as long as she wanted. The sun would’ve risen, people would’ve stared strangely at us sitting silently, and they would’ve long gone home. But I didn’t want to leave her. I smiled and stood before holding out my hand. “Let’s go.”
She took my hand, and after helping her up, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.
“Thank you, Noah.”
I looked down at her as we made our way back to my motorcycle. “For what?”
“For listening, I guess.” She hesitated before adding, “And understanding. And most of all, for making the effort to find me after I left you the way I did in the Dominican Republic. It was cowardly of me. It was just...when I found out who you were, it brought back all these awful memories. Of who I’d become when I was with Oliver. Of who I never wanted to be again.”
“I think you’re being too hard on yourself. You, past, present, and future, are an amazing woman. An amazing doctor, Raegan. I wish I could make you believe it. And I wish I could replace all the memories that haunt you with ones that will only bring you happiness.”
When she tugged my hand, we stopped walking. She reached up and cupped my face. “Every memory of our time together does that, Noah. You’ve made me so happy, and I’m going to cherish every moment of our time together for the rest of my life. You are the amazing one.”
Rising on tiptoes, she gave me a soft kiss. When she stepped back, I grabbed her waist and brought her in for another kiss. And another. And then another.
I didn’t say it but I wanted to: Don’t settle for memories, Raegan. Be with me. Forever. And I’ll spend every minute of every day making sure you don’t regret it.
Chapter 15
Raegan
By the time Noah’s motorcycle pulled into the parking lot of my condo in L.A., which I’d kept despite all the extensive traveling I did, the morning fog became a steady light rain that soaked us on the road. I blinked away the rain from my eyes as I looked up at him, wrapping my arms awkwardly around my shivering form.
“Um, you should come in and get dry.”
Water dripped down Noah’s face from his soggy curls. “I’m not far from my place.”
I shook my head. “Come on,” I said, turning towards the stairs leading to the second floor, “at least warm up first.”
I checked to make sure he followed and felt a flutter in my stomach when he did. I should have said my final goodbye, but even if I’d wanted to, the words weren’t there.
I unlocked the door and flipped on the living room lamp. Noah stood hesitantly on the floor mat in the entryway.
“Bathroom is down the hall to the left,” I said over my shoulder. “Don’t worry about the floors. I’ll put on a pot for tea.”
I heard his footsteps on the hardwood floors while I opened kitchen cabinets, searching for the teapot. I couldn’t quite believe Noah was in my bathroom.
After leaving the Dominican Republic in the middle of the night, I’d decided never to see him again, at least not in person. But I didn’t know he’d be here. With me.
I also never thought I’d judge someone the way the public had judged me back when I was in Hollywood’s orbit. And yet I had. I had judged him, and I was wrong. I was glad to be wrong. Noah had depth and nuance and sensitivity. He was the man I’d thought he was. The world was also wrong, which also made me glad.
But it complicated things. Because Noah had still made a life for himself within the public eye and that would not disappear overnight.
Leaning against the counter, I strained my neck to see down the hall. The bathroom door was cracked open and the light was on. I should have stayed put. There were things I could have done—skimmed the headlines in the paper or finished doing the dirty dishes in the sink.
But the dishes stayed dirty. The paper remained on the table.
And I didn’t stay put.
After just a few quiet steps, I was there. My fingers
pressed against the white paint of the bathroom door as I pushed it open.
Noah turned as soon as I entered. He stood barefoot and shirtless, a towel in his hand. He looked beautiful. His hair, damp and dark, hung over his sharp green eyes. His pants were low on his hips, and I could see the curly hair on his lower stomach just above his waistline. His chest and arms, a perfect olive tan, glistened under the bathroom lights, still wet from the rain.
In silence, he looked at me, waiting to see what I’d do. The thing is, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was just acting on what my body wanted. And my body wanted him. I wanted him.
I took my first barefoot step towards him on the smooth tile floor. My heart was pounding. My fingers quivered when I reached my hand up around the back of his neck, and it wasn’t from the rainy ride back from the beach. My chest seized as I stepped up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his.
My body tingled when Noah returned the kiss.
My wet clothes clung to my body, my fingers were numb from being wrapped around Noah’s chest during the ride, and my hair was still damp and chilled on my neck.
But Noah was warmth itself.
His tongue seared mine. His lips were hot as a flame. His hand slipping around my back and under my soaked sweater was like a firebrand. I pressed my chest against his as I moaned into his mouth and my fingers intertwined in his hair.
Finally, I pulled back for air. My chest heaved, and Noah’s taste was still on my lips.
“I don’t know what I’m doing right now,” I gasped as he stared down at me with those green eyes, dark and hungry. “I don’t know, I just, I don’t–”
He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “We can stop.”
I still felt his tongue moving against mine, his hand hot against my skin. “I—I don’t want to stop,” I whispered.
Noah licked his lips, his hands by his sides. His arm muscles quivered as he held himself back. It was taking every ounce of his self-control not to reach for me.
“I don’t want to stop,” I repeated, more certain this time as I stepped closer to him. “I don’t want you to stop.”
Slowly, he reached out and rubbed his thumb over the top button of my thin sweater.
“Please don’t stop,” my voice cracked.
His fingers slipped my first button free. I breathed unsteadily as he worked on the second and then the third and then another until my sweater hung loose over my white T-shirt. No bra underneath.
He hooked his finger through a buttonhole and pulled the sweater back enough to reveal the thin wet cotton clinging to my breasts. I slipped my sweater from his loose grip and kept eye contact as I pulled it from my shoulders and let it drop into a wet pile. At the sight of my drenched T-shirt and breasts, he groaned. That sound turned me on more than any other. His fingers played with my shirt hem.
“I want more,” he said.
Without a word I lifted my arms up and smiled when Noah muttered “fuck.” He pulled the shirt up and over my chest in one swift motion. Then his hands were around my bare waist, lifting me up and carrying me to the shower. I locked my heels around his back and tilted my head to suck at his neck as he fumbled behind me with the knobs.
Freezing water blasted out of the shower head. Neither of us cared as we nipped and bit and licked every inch we could find. Steam covered the glass shower walls as warm water pounded over our chilled bodies.
He pressed my back against the wall, sucking my nipple into a hard peak. I rolled my hips against his crotch, both of us still in our soaked jeans, and he growled before scraping his teeth against my tit.
“I want more,” I pleaded, echoing him.
My back slid against the shower’s smooth tiles as he lowered me until my toes reached the tiled floor. My hands were on his belt buckle, and he was fumbling with the button on my own jeans. We were blinded by water, distracted by sloppy kisses, and so tempted to touch the silkiness of each other’s skin. We were each struggling desperately out of our bottoms, wiggling and shimmying. Noah at last got free and kicked his jeans into a pile in the corner as I still tugged at mine.
“Enough of this,” he said, looking down at me.
With one strong yank, he pulled them down from my hips. Then he straightened, and I stretched out my hand, wrapping it around the shaft of his hard cock. He tugged at my lower lip, biting harder when I started to stroke him slowly and firmly.
“You have no idea how much you turn me on, Raegan,” he said against my lips, his voice thick and low.
My hand paused, and I opened my eyes.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, sounding worried. “Did I do something?”
“No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “You said my name.”
He smiled. “Do you want me to call you something else?”
“It’s just that…” I struggled for words. “I’m standing here buck ass naked, and you saying my name like that, like you know me, makes me feel more exposed.”
He stared down at me, contemplative as the water pounded around us. Then he cupped my ass in both hands, lifting me until I straddled his waist.
“You’re in control here.” He looked up at me. “I want you, Raegan. And if I only get a piece of you, because that’s all you’re willing to share, I’ll take it. Gratefully. But make no mistake. Never doubt it. I want all of you. And I always will.”
Raegan
Warm water cascaded over me, but chills shot down my spine. With one palm on Noah’s shoulder, I steadied my balance as I raised myself up and guided the head of his cock to my pussy. His fingers tightened around my thighs and his chest rose and fell faster, but he didn’t move. He let me take control.
A moan escaped my lips as I lowered myself fully onto him. My eyes fluttered closed as I remembered the sensation of his large cock inside me. We’d fucked before, and it was good fucking.
But this was different. I was me and he was him. And finally, we were truly naked together. Seated on top of him, I ground my hips against his pelvis and arched my back.
“You’re amazing,” Noah whispered as I moved.
I shifted both hands to his shoulders and raised myself up, only to slam back down. His cock drove hard inside me from the force, and I gasped. I did it again and groaned loudly. When I opened my eyes, I saw his were also open and watching me.
“You’re beautiful,” was all he said.
I twisted my hips, and this time he groaned.
But it wasn’t enough. He was strong, bearing my weight with seeming ease, but I knew we could move more freely if we were lying or sitting down. I pushed on his shoulders. “Put me down and sit against the wall. Please.”
He stared at me, as if reluctant to let me go, and then he lifted me off his cock and set me away from him. As he did, he gave a groan of anguish, and I said, “I know. But I promise, I’ll make it up to you.”
He sat down on the shower floor, his back braced against the wall, and I immediately climbed onto his lap and impaled myself on him.
“Holy fuck,” he groaned out. He laid his head against my breasts and wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me closer. I slipped my arms under his and gripped his shoulders. My own head rested on his. My breath stuttered as we rocked together. The touch of his hot and wet skin against mine brought me close to the edge.
“Noah...”
I felt him nod.
“I know,” he said. “Me, too.”
Even over the sound of the shower water pouring on us, our breaths were loud and harsh. I clawed at his shoulders and whimpered in his ear. We rocked faster and rougher and more desperately, even as we stayed glued to one another.
“Noah…”
I gave one final moan just as my body tensed and I came. Pleasure coursed up through me, making me shudder in his strong arms. He thrust quickly up into me. I gasped as a second wave crashed over me, and I clung to him with eyes squeezed shut. He gripped my chin and raised my head, so he could see me.
“Open your eyes,” he said, str
ained and shuddering.
I did as he said, and his look snapped me awake. Those eyes, blacker than green. They devoured me. And I wanted to be devoured. He raised me up and down on his throbbing cock and my tits bounced against his chest. His fingers dug into my waist and he pulled me roughly down once more before I felt his release. He shook beneath me, and I pulled him close and carded my fingers through his hair.
Even when he stilled, we didn’t move. We stayed locked together, him still pulsing inside me as the steaming water grew tepid and then cold. Like the rain on the drive back from the diner.
It was Noah who finally moved.
He raised me up and pulled out of me. Then he adjusted me in his lap so that one arm was against my back and the other was under my knees. He stood and held me tight against him as he switched off the water and stepped us out of the shower.
With light steps, he crossed the bathroom floor and carried me into my bedroom. It was dark thanks to the drawn curtains. First, he laid me gently down on the mattress, and then he crawled in beside me and pulled the heavy comforter around us.
He laid his arm over me, and I searched for his hand in the darkness. When I found it, I slipped my fingers through his and sighed contently as he nestled closer. My mind numbly remembered the tea, and I wondered if I should go check it. But then I couldn’t even remember if I’d made it or not.
Maybe I forgot to make it.
Maybe I never intended to make it.
Maybe I didn’t want tea.
Maybe this is all I wanted. Now and forever.
Chapter 16
Noah
When I woke up, I thought I was back in the Dominican Republic.
The sheets felt similar. Dim light through the curtains could pass for a cloudy morning on the beach. Raegan’s chest burrowed against mine, her arms wrapped tightly around me, her legs intertwined with mine under the covers.
It was exactly how I’d expected to wake up the morning after the waterfall. For a few moments, the last couple of weeks hadn’t happened at all. No empty bed, numb plane ride, lonely nights. Instead, I was waking up next to the woman I wanted to share my secrets with and who I hoped would share hers with me.