My stomach cramped and twisted into knots as I dipped in my seat. I didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone so counted the corners of objects in the room. It may have made me look like an idiot savant, but I didn’t care. It kept me busy until the official attendant handed out the tests.
When the go was given to start, I didn’t read first, just launched into the questions.
First half—not so bad.
In fact, I was a little gobsmacked, to be honest. Why everyone thought it was so difficult was beyond me. I spent the first twenty minutes, coasting through the test, laughing under my breath and checking to see if anyone else was having the same reaction as me.
Nope. They all had their heads down, immersed.
As the test went on, I discovered a few harder questions, like, what to do upon death if your soul got stuck and didn’t return to purgatory. I left that one blank. The last questions on the test were the worst. As I struggled to find answers, I doodled in the margins of the paper. A lot had to do with the rules of engagement in the field, and I had absolutely zero experience in that. Vaguely, I remembered the first time I met Cash. He went on about how I had to mention being a Player first because I noticed his tatts. I smiled remembering how he stood at the bar at The Cauldron, all broody and gorgeous.
“You noticed mine first, so you have to say it first,” he’d said. Or something like that.
At the time, I thought they were just tattoos peeking out from underneath the rolled up sleeves of his shirt. I had no idea they were a secret star-map to his point of origin and only other Players could see it. My smile stretched, and I closed my eyes, daydreaming. His manly forearms. Little white scars down one arm from the accident he’d had when his first two soul parts had rejoined. I frowned. He’d had a hell of a life too. And now, he still fought for me, even though his own body failed him.
And I was the idiot who kept using up all his time on my problems.
My heart swelled for him.
That’s it. Tonight, it was the Cash show. I’d help him figure out how to make his body work again. No more Roo-show.
I bit my bottom lip and looked down at the page for take two.
My lungs heaved in a sharp breath. What the hell?
In the margins, I’d written The Others, over and over again.
Sweet mother of Prince.
I tried to scribble the words out, but found new ones hidden between lines. I flicked the pages back and found more. Every time I finished blacking out a word, there was another. What the hell was wrong with me?
Relax, Roo. Relax. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, forcing the tightness in my shoulders to disperse. When I opened my eyes, I said a silent prayer to myself.
I get it, okay brain? I get that I have to figure out how to get these souls out before they make me do something I regret. What if next time, I take Cygnus’s entire soul, leaving him with nothing?
Using the pen, I wrote a list of priorities on my forearm.
Others.
Cash’s body.
Bruce’s evil plan.
Then I added, Survive. After a few seconds staring at that last word, I crossed it out and wrote Live.
Time to get out of here.
Skimming the final questions, I realized I had no clue to the answers, so made educated guesses. I picked whatever felt right, hoping my wayward instincts would serve me right. When I finished, I straightened my stack of scribbled test papers and walked down to the front of the room. Dozens of eyes burned holes into my back, but I ignored them because Cygnus finished at exactly the same time as me. He dropped his test on the desk of the instructor and rushed out.
When I got out into the corridor, it was empty.
“Roo.” Came a voice behind me. “Wait up.”
I turned to find Wren jogging after me.
“Hi,” I said as she met me. “I didn’t think you’d want to speak to me after the reaction your brother just had.”
She fell into step next to me. “Can you blame him?”
“I don’t know. Can I?”
She gave me a sideways glance. “Are you kidding? I can’t tell.”
“No, I’m serious. I don’t remember what happened.”
“He said you did things to him.”
I stopped. “What?”
She checked behind her, and then in front of us to make sure no one was around. “He said you drank blood from his neck.”
I didn’t respond.
“He said our father asked for a demonstration. Then you latched onto his neck. He felt different afterwards. He felt… less.”
“I’m so sorry.” I hugged myself.
All my fears were warranted. I mulled over her words some more. To completely swallow someone’s soul, I had to drink their blood at the same time as siphoning their energy until there was no energy left. Cygnus said he felt “less” after I drank his blood, but if I drank and siphoned at the same time, the odds were I actually did take some of it. Especially when you added my urge to pull apart that machine, and my ability to finish the test at the same time… It was stealing. I’d taken a part of him.
No. Not me. Bruce. Before I’d blacked out, Bruce had turned to me and said something. The Others were taking over. And my father had something to do with it. In fact, he’d discovered a way to trigger it.
Chapter 19
“Is that true, Roo? Did you hurt Cygnus?” Wren’s eyes glistened as she waited for me to answer.
My mouth went dry.
“I don’t remember, but… Wren.” A rush of air left my lungs and with it, my pride. “I think I have a problem. I need help.”
Her face crumpled, and for a minute she looked like she would walk away. I touched her shoulder, when she didn’t flinch, I continued. “Wren, I’ve told no one this, but I have these… passengers. These souls inside me and, they’re not all nice.”
“Okay, go on.”
“I’ve swallowed souls to protect the people I love. It felt like the right thing to do at the time, but they’re not gone. I haven’t destroyed them. They’re inside me. I… I know things they knew. I remember things they did. And, lately it looks like they’re able to take control of my body.” I paused, unsure whether to say any more. “One of them is a terrible witch, and it was the only way I could stop her from hurting Cash.”
“Shit.” She took a deep breath. “And you think your father has something to do with it?”
“I’m sure of it. He did something after dinner that triggered them. Or maybe, he didn’t need to do something. Maybe they can take over any time. Oh, jeez. I feel sick.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“It’s not your fault. I know they’re conspiring. Mathieson is up to something with Urser. After dinner, he went distant as though he was disturbed by what happened to Cygnus, but I think it was something else. I think he’s gotten in too deep with Urser now he can’t get out.”
“I can’t take this,” I cried. “I thought I could be strong, but this isn’t me. I need to get away. I have to go.” I had the keys to the bike. I could just get up and go.
“There’s nowhere you can go where they won’t find you. Don’t you remember question number eighty-four? The trackers inside you report back to head office on a) your vitals, b) your location, or c) all the above. The answer was c) all the above.”
“Yeah, I didn’t know the answer to a few of those.”
“Well, you can’t leave. If you try harder, you can still finish your trials and go out on your own. After that, what you do is your own business.”
“If only I can keep control of my body.”
Wren flattened her lips. “I might be able to help with that. Follow me.”
Wren took me back to the depository.
“I have a confession to make,” Wren said as she led me down to the darkened area of bookshelves we visited the first time. “The reason I knew where to find the books on Soul-Eaters was because I’ve been researching them.”
“Oh?”
She stopped at the same stack we were at last time and bent to retrieve a book. When she straightened to meet my eyes, her own were guilt laden. “I heard about you before you came. I was instructed to research you after my mentor had heated discussions with your mentor—”
“With Cash?”
“No, sorry, I keep forgetting. With Urser.”
“My father.”
“I guess. We don’t use that terminology here.”
“You don’t?”
She shrugged. “No, it’s not like that. Mathieson doesn’t provide us paternal comfort or anything, he’s just our sire and mentor in the Game, and if we pass the trials, we declare at the Libertine Ball, we pick him. That’s just the way it goes.”
“Bullshit. Says who? I’m certainly not declaring for Bruce.”
She smiled. “See, that’s what I like about you, Roo. You’re not afraid to go against the grain. C’mon. I’ll show you what I found.”
We found a table to sit at and made ourselves comfortable. The second she opened the book, my phone pinged.
It was from Cash. He’d gone to wait for me at the auditorium and I wasn’t there. He must be happy about me having my phone back; he gets to communicate with me wherever I am. I typed a message back, letting him know where I was.
“Okay, what do you have?” I asked Wren, tension grinding through my body.
“You said you didn’t destroy the souls you took, but kept them captive inside you. It made me realize that you’re not what you think you are. Take a look at this.”
She rotated the large leather bound book to my direction and pointed at a specific spot on the page. “It’s in Latin, but you don’t need help to read that.”
I checked the inscription. It was old, handwritten in ink of some kind, now stained brown on brittle, cream paper.
“It says Soul-Eaters completely destroy the soul they absorb and temporarily take on the abilities and memories of the original.”
“That’s right.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You said the souls are inside you still, and sentient, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So, you’re not a Soul-Eater. I have another book that will give us a clue as to who you are.” She slid another leather book across and opened it.
“Who she is, is none of your concern.” Cash appeared from nowhere and slammed the book shut. The loud clap of the book shutting echoed through the large room. His face primed with pure fury when he looked at me. “What do you mean they’re still inside you, sentient?”
I gulped. “Uh… that’s what I was going to tell you the other night, but… well, you know, I slept for three days.”
“You know who she is,” Wren declared, pointing Cash’s way.
His face was stone cold dead. He gave nothing away.
“Cash, if you know, it could help me. There’s more I haven’t told you. The souls inside me have taken control of my body on more than one occasion.”
The blood drained from his face. “And you’re telling me this now? I let you stay at Urser’s, and you’ve been at risk this whole time?” His voice rose in decibels with every word.
“You let me? Since when have you had control of me?” I folded my arms.
“I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes you did.”
“Roo, it’s for your own good. I can’t tell you until Marc is back.”
“What’s Marc got to do with this?”
“He forbade me to tell you. He’s the Gamekeeper. He’s in charge. We can’t talk about this here, and if you know what’s good for you”—he jabbed a finger at Wren’s face—“you won’t mention a word of this to anyone.”
“I-I-I won’t. I swear.” Wren took a few steps back.
“I mean it. If I hear so much as a whisper of her true identity, I’ll break every bone in your body, let it heal, then do it again.”
“Cash! What’s gotten into you.”
“Let’s go back to my place and I’ll explain… what’s this?” He took my arm and turned it to display the list I’d written, now in blurry blue ink.
He swallowed, his eyes met mine and softened. “You don’t need to worry about me.”
“If I may,” Wren interrupted. “I can be of assistance with the soul control, but it has to do with who you are to each other. I know you don’t want to talk about it here, so take the book and read it.”
Cash intercepted me when I moved to accept the book. He used his body to block me from her.
“Cash. She knows stuff.”
He frowned at Wren. “What do you mean who we are to each other?”
“Well, you’re stronger together, so Roo’s control should be stronger when you’re around.”
“What House are you from, Wren?”
“Cetus, but don’t think I’m on their side. I—” She looked around the depository and lowered her voice. “I will declare independent at the ball. Just like you did. You’re kind of a legend around here.”
“Really?” Cash’s stance relaxed. A little.
Wren nodded. “We’re not all sheep now.”
Cash whipped his gaze back to me. “What’s her aura say?”
“She’s telling the truth. She wants to help. I would never have gotten this far trusting her if I didn’t know that.”
He said nothing for a while, just studied me. Probably thinking about me not trusting him with my secret, but that stemmed from a deeper shame.
“Will you betray her?” Cash asked Wren. “Say it. Say the words so she can check your aura.”
“Cash!”
“No, it’s okay, Roo. No, I won’t betray her.”
“Truth,” I mumbled, embarrassed.
“Good.” Cash collected the book in his arms. “If there’s anything else you think might be valid, please let me know. Roo, we have some talking to do. The next trial starts at five am tomorrow.”
“Damn straight we need to talk.” My stomach rumbled before I could speak.
“We’ll do it over lunch,” Cash said. “You need to replenish your energy if you’re going to have a chance at holding the souls inside at bay.”
Chapter 20
We dropped the book off at Cash’s quarters then went to the Ludus cafeteria. It was a large room with a series of tables and a serving area, just like you’d find at a hospital or school, except this one had five star rated food. Because most Players were blond, there was a sea of various shades across the room, and each person had a distinctive star-map tattoo on their skin. One poor girl’s stretched half across her face. My own stark red hair stood out like a sore thumb.
One group had the whale on the breast of their robes, another group had T-shirts with a bull’s head on the front, and a third wore blue baseball caps with another symbol I couldn’t see clearly from my distance.
As I followed Cash to the serving line, I continued to survey the room, taking stock of the factions. There were kids with musical instruments, and a group that were so good looking I thought they were made from clay. Then I spied an odd selection of pale-faced people with black makeup around their eyes, goth style. Not a word was spoken between them but they seemed to communicate somehow. Then, as if they knew I stared at them, one by one, all four turned my way.
A shiver ran down my spine.
The smallest girl on the end of the table narrowed her eyes.
I quickly glanced back at Cash’s back as he perused the food selection and moved forward. With so much to pick from, I dawdled in line, letting a few people go ahead of me as I took my time choosing from the all-you-can-eat buffet. Cash waited for me at the end of the line. He’d already plucked his lunch from the shelves and placed it onto his tray, yet I stood, ambivalent at the buffet counter. After a while I realized I’d been hesitating, not because of my poor skills of choice, but because of the guilt over my secret from Cash.
I quickly ladled a bowl of soup and added a few sides.
The line congested and Cash had left to find us a seat. While I watch
ed him, the enormous guy in front of me pivoted and we collided. Soup sloshed over the edges of my bowl. He shot his hand out to steady my bowl, but threw a disparaging look at the same time.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, a little intimidated by his size and long silver hair tied at the nape of his neck. The color was so striking next to his brown skin and ice-blue eyes like a wolf. It wasn’t a wolf emblem on his shirt. It was a snake.
Without a word, he moved away.
Sorry. I should say that word more often, I thought.
When I joined Cash at an empty far table, it was the first thing that came out of my mouth.
He popped a morsel into his mouth and didn’t respond. Maybe he didn’t hear me.
“I’m sorry I kept that information from you, Cash. I feel terrible about lying after I’d been so horrible to you about doing the same thing. I’m a hypocrite and I deserve your apathy.”
He sighed and placed his elbows on the table so he could scrub his face. He looked tired. It was then I registered that, while I slept for days, he might have done the opposite. All because of me.
As if I didn’t feel bad enough, a dose of self-loathing gnawed my insides.
“I don’t blame you,” he said, glancing up. “I’ve not been forthcoming.”
“That’s not why I did it,” I said. His steady gaze gave me the confidence to keep going. “I was afraid.”
“Of me?”
“No. It’s because of what’s happening to me.” I looked down and spooned soup into my mouth. It had an odd nutty flavor that made it taste bitter and tingle my tongue, but I was hungry. I forced in another hot spoon. Liquid traveled down to my stomach, warming my body. “I don’t think I can control it. What if I hurt you?”
“That’s why you kept it secret, because you’re afraid of hurting me?”
I nodded. “You’re already suffering because I joined your soul parts together. If I hadn’t done that, your body wouldn’t be failing.”
“Roo, never think that’s a bad thing. I’m whole. You don’t understand how long I’ve waited for that.”
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