The memory pierced me, and I squeezed my eyes, shaking my head. I didn’t want to relive it. Shame washed over me.
“Go on, Roo. What happened next?”
“He was dying, his life-force waning, and the voice inside me bade me to drink from him, to save the knowledge bleeding out.” I swallowed. “So I did. I took it all into me. Hieroglyphs appeared on my skin. But, something blocked my full understanding. A spell.”
“Good.” She moved her fingers, and pain erupted. “What have you learned? Anything from the book?”
“Schtt—” I tried to speak, but my tongue wouldn’t work. She eased off until the pain ebbed. I took a breath and continued. “I learned that you can trap a soul in a mirror.”
She moved some more. Pain. Oh God.
White hot pain.
“Relax. Just relax, Roo. Tell me more about what the book can do with souls.”
More images, tingles up my arms, my body sang through the pain. Floodgates of awareness opened. She broke the barrier holding the knowledge back. Suddenly, understanding pelted me so much it hurt to comprehend. “Magnets. Electricity and… water… conducts… I know. Glass. Energy. Blood. I know how to do it.” I panted, breathless. “I know everything.”
“Good.” She yanked her fingers from my head.
The sharp pain receded, only to be replaced by a dull, throbbing ache and nausea. I groaned and rubbed my temples, scowling at her fingers as she wrote notes on my form.
“Okay, sweetheart, now that we’re finished, there’s the small issue of your payment. Where shall I send the bill?”
“Ah… The what?”
She sighed. “Not you too. I’ve already had one walk out this month, I can’t afford another. We don’t run on fumes here you know. You have to pay me.”
Sweat prickled my forehead. Wow. That pain really worked its magic on me. Tiny tingles of fire danced behind my eyes. Soon, pain shot down my neck, feeding into my arms, my spine, my heart. “Can I write an I-O-U? Oh God this is really hurting. Is it supposed to be like this?”
The second I said it, pain cracked me in two. I dropped, lifeless to the chair and everything went black.
When I came to, I knew it hadn’t been long because the librarian stood over me, checking my vitals. Her glasses had fallen to dangle from a chain around her neck. Her red lipstick had smeared a little.
“Thank the gods you’re alive.”
Dull pain throbbed in my head with every minute movement I made. “Barely,” I croaked.
“I thought you died. You were so still. Your breathing had stopped. I checked your heart and… but you’re okay now, you’re okay.” She inhaled deeply, patting herself at the base of her neck. “You’re okay.”
I frowned. “I guess so.”
She cursed under her breath and banged things around the room as she put tools away. “I’m never doing a Nephilim again. I don’t care what the waiver says.”
The door burst open.
“Who are you?” she asked.
I sat up quickly and regretted it. My mind swirled. When I got my vision to hold still, the dark figure in the doorway came into focus. Cash.
His steely eyes landed on me, assessed, then moved to the librarian where they narrowed with malice.
“What did you do?” he said through clenched teeth.
The librarian shrunk back. I tried to sit forward, wincing as movement pounded my head, but swooned and flopped back.
“Leave her alone,” I croaked.
“Her?” He gaped at me. “I don’t care about her. I’m asking you. What the hell did you do?”
“It’s okay… I know now. I don’t need your help. You can carry on saving the world, or whatever it is you’ve been doing all night.”
His face contorted, jaw flexing. “I told you to wait. Why couldn’t you just wait?”
“Sorry to be the wet rag,” the librarian said, interrupting, and timidly waved her papers in between Cash and me. “Someone needs to pay.”
“Put it on my tab,” Cash growled and told her his room number. “Leave us before I make this about you.”
She scribbled down the number and left, closing the door behind us.
“That was uncalled for,” I said. “She was only doing her job.”
“Roo.” Cash made a frustrated sound and scrubbed his face. He paced the small space next to the chair. “You put yourself at risk.”
I read the onslaught of information in his eyes, his expression, his body language. I knew exactly what he thought. What he would say. That I didn’t know how to handle myself, that I didn’t know enough about this world, or this game, to make proper, informed decisions. Too naïve to be included in whatever he did all night because surely the Tribunal hadn’t taken that long.
Stupid, male, chauvinistic—gah!
Shut up Others! I screamed in my mind.
“Shut up,” I yelled to Cash. “You can’t tell me what to do all the time.”
“I’m not telling you… okay, I am, but there’s a good reason for it. How many times do I have to say to trust me before you believe it?”
“Trust you?” I gaped back at him, aghast. The Others laughed, relentlessly, taunting me. Why were they here? They should be weak with Cash. I held my head between my hands. “You expect me to trust you when you keep secrets from me, despite everything?”
“I left you a message.”
“Oh, you left me a message. You left four words, Cash, and you stayed out all night with her! Especially after spending an incredible night with me, you ditch me for some perky, perfect assed woman. What the hell was I supposed to think?”
“Jacine? This is about Jacine? You think that because she’s the Goddess of Love, she can keep me against my will?”
“What am I supposed to think?”
Her arms, her mouth, her tongue… all over him. I hit my head repeatedly. Shut up!
“You know I’m immune. She can’t sway me.”
I avoided his urgent eyes and glanced at the posters.
Hang in there.
I’m trying.
“What’s the real issue here, Roo, because no matter how hard I try, you keep pulling away.”
“I just needed to unblock the book.”
“The Book of the Dead?”
“Yes. I couldn’t sit around while Ava kept taunting me, saying I couldn’t control myself. Well, I can. And now I know everything. So problem solved. I made my hair brown.” My smile was short lived when I saw the horror rise on his face.
“Your hair is red, Roo.”
“What are you talking about?” I pulled a strand in front of my face. My vision blurred with tears. “No.”
“Why do you care about your hair color? Is it the Soul-Eater thing? You’re not one of them.”
“I know,” I said, all life leeching from my voice. “I’m the S-woman. The one who wrote the books. Sephie.”
He gripped my shoulders, fingers digging into me, shaking me. “Who told you that name?”
“See? That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not stupid. I may be a total newbie at this, but I’m not dumb.”
“I never said you were.”
“You’re hurting me.”
He let go. “Who told you?”
“Marc. Last night.”
“You saw him?”
I screamed in frustration. Despite my pounding head, I got off the chair and rounded on him, keeping it between us. “You expect me to trust you, but you can’t trust me with the truth. I can’t do this.” I shook my head, tears burning my eyes. “Not again.”
“Stop.” He moved around the chair, but I did too, evading him. “Everything I’ve done is for you.”
Fool you once… The Others said, their words forcing the pain threshold even higher. I cried out, clutching my head. I met Cash’s eyes. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… then I’m the fool, right?”
He winced, as though I’d shot him with my words. His shoulders slumped, defeated. “You wouldn’t be sayi
ng that if you knew the truth.”
“So tell me!” I slammed my fists on the fake leather.
“I can’t because they’ll know!” he screamed back, palms landing next to mine on the chair, eyes inches from mine. “The Others.”
“That’s because it’s her, isn’t it? She’s the one. I’m her!”
I jolted back, holding my heart, a shot to the chest. Our friction charged the air, searing my skin. It all made sense. His unending loyalty and passion for me. From the beginning. Our souls when we touched. How it felt like I’d known him before, even though it was impossible. All of my skills—way more than a normal Nephilim had.
He straightened, watching me. So stupid. How could I be so ignorant?
I was her. The Queen. Who else would have the power to oust a warrior princess, to go unnoticed for years, to… I was going to be sick. I ran to the little sink and braced myself, breathing hard. He couldn’t trust telling me because of what was inside me. This was my future. My kryptonite. Always dragging me down. Always putting up walls.
They all lied to you, not the other way around.
“I can’t deal with this right now.” I palmed my eyes, rubbing them.
And then he was in front of me, pulling me into his strong arms, enveloping me in warmth. I stiffened, but didn’t resist. He braced my head and kissed the top, then ran his hands down my back. “Just a little longer, Roo. We’ll talk to Marc, he’ll explain everything. Hang in there.”
I laughed.
He thought I cried, but I—hang in there. The small sob turned into a full body, uncontrollable shake. I couldn’t help it. After everything.
“Are you laughing?” He held me at arm’s length, a crease etched between his brows.
He split his soul to get away from you. He must really hate you.
Tears ran from my eyes, streaming wet, hot lines down my cheeks. I laughed so hard, it hurt. I cackled like an insane woman until my stomach cramped. Until I couldn’t. “You hate me,” I said.
“No, that’s not true.”
“I don’t believe you. You killed yourself to get away from her.”
“It’s complicated. I died so that this world could survive and, Roo, are you okay?”
“My head hurts.” My humor fled. I could still hear laughing. So loud. In my head. Nausea returned, and I made a deflating sound, head dropping to hand. Tired. I felt so tired. “I have to get them out.”
“Who, get who out?”
“The Others,” I screeched. “They’re in my head.”
“Roo.” Cash’s voice went deathly soft. “Why are they talking when I’m here?”
My blood turned to ice.
“I… I can’t see straight. I need to—”
Pressure welled inside me so hard it tore through my veins. Agony ripped me in half. Something was wrong.
Not good.
Yes, good.
“Roo, what’s wrong?”
“Cash.” I grasped his arms, desperately searching for his eyes but… “I can’t see. What’s happening?”
He kept talking, but his voice muffled, warbled. It came to me from a distance. Where was he going?
And then I fell, slipping through his arms, down, down, away from myself until icy darkness embraced me. From a distance, voices continued. My body jostled about as I was laid on the chair. Finally, the pain receded until I felt nothing at all. Numb, I opened my eyes.
But I didn’t move them, someone else did.
Cash frowned. He spoke to me.
I spoke back.
But it wasn’t me moving my mouth.
It was them.
The Others.
Chapter 31
I was in hell.
Three kinds of hell.
First, I watched life from behind a closed door. I screamed for Cash to ignore the person speaking with my voice, for him to understand it wasn’t me telling him it was over. I begged him to see I would never say those hurtful things.
Second, I watched the distance grow between us as my body walked out of the librarian’s. He got fuzzy until I completely lost sight of his face plastered with betrayal. Then all the vision through my eyes became dull as if I wore frosted glasses. Everywhere my body looked, it was hazy. Only Cash had been clear.
Third, the guilt. I did this. I destroyed everything with my stubbornness and my inability to trust. My inability to friggin’ wait! The third life in me, the one holding balance must have perished after the librarian treated me. She’d said she couldn’t find my pulse. That’s because I had died, and a life was sacrificed. I should never have gone there on my own. It was reckless, stupid and unforgivable.
My life was a movie played through a dirty shower screen, and I was powerless to change the events unfolding before me.
Cash didn’t trust me because of The Others.
Now, I was the other.
And Leila, my sister, now she drove up front with Petra. If I could somehow get her to work with me, to fight against the hold of Petra…
No use. It was no use.
The shame of everything consumed me. Lies brought me here. I should’ve confided in Cash as soon as I knew about the passengers and worked on a solution to get them out. Together.
I hurled myself against the metaphysical boundaries of my mind, battering, screaming. No matter how hard I tried, nothing budged except the vast emptiness between me and the outside world.
When my body arrived at the Urser apartments, I went straight in. I didn’t knock, or call out. My hand turned the doorknob and walked in.
Squid stood guarding the entrance inside. He let me pass without a word on my way to the dining table where Bruce sat with Ava and the Epsilon Mentor. Upon entry, Bruce stood, surveying me with a careful eye.
“It is done.” A foreign voice came out of my mouth.
A slow smile curled one side of my father’s face. It was the first real smile I’d ever seen on him and, for that, I was glad. It transformed his placid features into pure evil.
“Excellent. Good job.”
“Yes.” Ava fist pumped the air like a teenager. Her mentor shot her a derisive glance, and she toned it down.
Pure animosity burned inside me, igniting my rage. She had baited me into going to the librarian, I was sure of it.
Who do you think told us to do it? Ava’s words rang true in my mind. You can’t even control your power. Half of it is locked away inside you.
She was in on it, all along.
“Did everything go smoothly?” Bruce’s voice swam through the haze and had to focus to hear and see him.
“The hunter turned up.”
My father stiffened. “And?”
“He’s dealt with. He’s still among the living, but he’s been discouraged to come after me.”
“What do you mean?” Bruce asked.
“I told him the relationship was over.”
“He’ll come for her. He’ll know something is wrong,” Ava said.
“Then I’ll make no room for doubt.”
“Don’t,” my father said. “You tried that once before and almost revealed everything. We’re close. We can’t risk discovery until we have what we seek.”
No room for doubt? Tried it once before?
It dawned on me. That first night I stayed at the Ludus, The Others took over and partied with Lincoln. They’d flirted with Drew then flaunted the fact in front of Cash to split us up. Drew even said I’d told him to seek me out so I could give him “a little something-something”. Cash had looked at me as though I’d stabbed him in the back.
The bastards had been trying to split me and Cash up from the start. Petra must have known we were stronger together.
My father strode to Squid. “Is the serum ready?”
“Yes. Reports out of America are good. Results are effective. We’re ready for the next phase of testing.”
My father rubbed his stubble. “No more trouble from the hunter’s camp?”
“No. He’s been too busy here to give them much d
irection.”
“Good. Soon he won’t be an issue at all. What about the Gamekeeper?”
“He’s often gone for months, years even,” Ava said.
“No.” My voice was hollow. “We saw him last night. He is back.”
Bruce perked up. “What happened?”
Unable to stop the words spilling out of my mouth, Petra relayed the contact I’d had with Marc.
A muscle near my father’s eye ticked. He paced the floor. “Are you sure he said that name?”
“I know what I heard,” I said.
“Sephie.” Amazement played on my father’s features and he caught a meaningful stare with the Epsilon Mentor. “What do you think, Pontius?”
He shrugged. “Sounds like nonsense. We could ask Octavia, though. She worked more closely with her back in the day.”
“Who’s Sephie?” Ava asked.
My father ignored her and turned to me. “You’re certain, the Gamekeeper said that name?”
“Yes.”
My father paused, eyes darting to and fro, working something out. “It can’t be,” he muttered. “But it makes sense.”
“Who is Sephie?” Ava’s voice rose an octave, demanding.
“The queen.” My voice betrayed me.
Ava gasped. “But that’s impossible. You must be wrong.”
I’m not the queen, I yelled from my prison.
I didn’t want to be. This woman ruined Cash’s life. She built this world, built the Game and made all the rules that messed with everything. On top of that, she’d neglected her son in favor of her new creations until the point he created evil incarnate to get her attention. She made Cash kill for her, and it hollowed him out, made him resent her enough to sacrifice his life. I shivered inside my dark cell. I didn’t want to be like that.
“When I was trapped inside this body,” Petra continued. “The hunter’s presence blurred my view of the world, but I caught bits and pieces. I thought nothing of it until her name was mentioned again. As you know, The Book tells of ways to irrevocably link souls through blood. The queen wrote the book. Seeing as the hunter is the queen’s soulmate, it’s not a far stretch to think she linked them somehow. My guess is that the Gamekeeper left to check whether the queen was alive, but to also take a sample of her blood. The hunter is dying, he needs it to survive.”
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