I try to discourage readers from sending in notions, but they persist, and I try to be selective and use only the best ideas and worst puns. There are about two hundred this time, but I'm really trying to stifle it down to fewer. The dreadful secret is that I have more than enough warped imagination of my own, and it would be easier to write my novels without any ideas from readers. But I don't want to get in any ruts, and figure reader input will help prevent that.
The sheer number of reader notions can be difficult to handle, but there are other problems. Critics claim that Xanth is nothing but egregious puns, but that's because they lack the wit to pick up on the subtler humor. Readers also send in characters, and story ideas. Some are really good, but I can't give all of them full play; there isn't room enough in the novel. So many get only peripheral mention, when they could be significant themes. I feel guilty about that. On occasion a reader is hurt because I haven't made larger use of a notion, or given a larger credit for it; I regret that, but my credits are already voluminous. I prefer that the notions be appreciated in the story, rather than contributed for the sake of credits. Some minor notions get significant play, because they happen to come in when there's room for them to grow. An example is Ciriana, suggested as the name for a child, that I merged with another suggestion; she might have appeared and gone, but remained to become a significant minor character. Was it the best name or the best talent? Not necessarily; she just happened to be in the right place. Some ideas morph when processed, becoming not exactly what the suggestors may have intended. Writing is a creative process, and a story does not necessarily play out as expected. I do the best I can, and hope for the best.
Some reader notions I reserved for future novels, because they fit there better. Several are for Air Apparent, and others are for Stork Naked. Naturally the next one scheduled is neither, making the ideas wait a long time; it's Pet Peeve, about an irritable bird. There are whole pages of reader puns lying in ambush for that one; they have been festering for two or three novels while I try to get up the gumption to tackle them.
Sometimes there are significant stories behind minor characters. Here, from perhaps imperfect memory, is an example. A correspondent in Thailand told me how he taught a course there on motorcycling. One of his students was a woman in her late twenties, the single mother of two children, small and comely in the manner of women of that area, with black hair to her waist. She joined his class, and made mistakes at first, but persevered until she became his star pupil. But she wanted to get it perfect, and prevailed on him for a practice run just before the final examination. She rode out in traffic, and he followed at a reasonable distance behind, observing. She had it down just right; she handled her motorcycle well, obeyed the traffic rules, and rode in a safe manner. They stopped for a meal, then commenced the return cycle, she leading again. Then a truck barged out from a side road, ran her over, and rolled on without stopping. She was alive but fading, her legs crushed. She expressed her love for her children, and asked for a kiss, and died. I thought about that, and had to do something, though the woman had not been a reader of mine, and probably had never heard of Xanth. I decided to put her into Xanth. Thus came to be the incidental character Noi. Perhaps it's a meaningless gesture. We can rail at the unfairness of fate, when innocent folk die while guilty ones go unpunished, but there's not a lot we can do about it. Except remember, in our fashion. This was my fashion.
Another example is Dragon World. I participated in the story line and geographic details of an online role-playing game, Dragon Empires. Some of you may have played it. The first thing I did was work out the dragons—only to learn that those had already been done, and mine weren't needed. So I put them into this novel instead, as you have seen here. So you might say that these dragons migrated from the game to Xanth. I hope they weren't disappointed in the new locale.
My time is always crowded. I'm a workaholic, and there are more things remaining to do than I'm likely to have time for in this life. I'm a Senior Citizen now, and writers my age are booting the KICK ME bucket in the Void with increasing abandon. So I am conscious of priorities; what gets postponed to next decade may not be accomplished. Nevertheless I maintain a healthy correspondence with my readers, who are generally worthy folk. It is currently running a generous hundred paper letters a month, and about four hundred E-mails, and sometimes a given correspondent shifts from one to the other. I refer to a physical address as a snaddy: snail addy. It sounds vaguely obscene, especially when directed at a member of the female persuasion: "Show me your snaddy." But E-mail really is easier, faster, and cheaper. Those who just have to contact me can find me at www.hipiers.com: my E-mail address is there along with my ornery bimonthly column, Xanth database, and ongoing survey of Internet publishers maintained for aspiring writers.
Now for the credits, presented in the approximate order of appearance of the first one a given reader suggested. Some names are partial because that's all that was provided in the E-mails. Clio's blank volume—Chuck Scholz, whose idea got somewhat garbled by the time I completed the novel. Running water, fig mints—Gregory Danner. Cayla—Cayla Tamburello. Baseball diamond, get out—Ray. Talent of knitting anything—Kelly Humphrey. Harold the Handyman—Ori Harish. W who doubles you—Gary Bushman. Gravis, increasing or decreasing gravity—Timothy Bruening. Rorrim—Rhonda Singer, who also wrote the letters in Up in a Heaval. How Cynthia Centaur learned lightening—CoolMommyChick. Morphing—Chris Ireland. Bortre the Intimidator—Ulman Smiy. Toney Harper—Tony Harper. Traveler from Xanth's future—Brendan Moore. Nail biting, finger painting, Pebbl Roc, hyperlink—Andrew Hibschman. The agony of D. Feat, Salt Peter, Afro Disiac, Anomie uses reverse wood to get good ideas, Plane World—Gary Henderson. Attention span—Wayne Moore. Psi—clone William Bradley. Puncheon cask for unruly puns—David Kaplan. Centaur of attention—Richard Van Fossan. Demons are a girl's best friend—Richard Bradley. Gallop poll—Randy Schultz. Eileen—Mike Mazureke. Squash blossoms—Carole Farrell. Prof. Anity—Everett Tourjee. Field day, field trip—Britton Centamore. Poop deck—S. M. Arney. Lemon aid, Mount Pin-a-Fore, Com Pewter's screen freezes, sewer side—Becky. Cuticle—Michelle Travis. Kwew-tickle—Natasha Rio. Gulli Bull, bear icade, impro vise—Valli Pataballa and Sammy Katta. Gross-ery store—Lev Asimow. Co-bra, may-pull tree, seed-her tree, Ana Conda—Ray. Dill pickles people—Robin Dill. Com-post—Michael McCarthy. Search engine—Toby Hudon. Underpants—Brian Turner. Poe tree—Jessica Barr. Boxing box—Jared Cole. Sneeze cake—Donna Schutza. Tree frog—Alex Bowler. Talent of oversight—Deirdre Cooney. Talent of shifting blame or credit—Michele Rocco. Car-burr-ator—Jake Shearer. Harang-u-tan—Kyle Kelley. Brown E—Becky and Randi. Retro specs, two tors, tor mentors, Thesis—Red Plana. Peep show—Robert Andrews. Couch potato, doorbell—Tanya. Coughee beans—Allison Moore. Credit onion—Bill Sellers. Loyal tree, royal tree—Jamie Gordon. Lon Leigh, Luv Leigh, Re Joyce—Rebekah Joyce Vidal. Inertia—Jesse Brown. Stephanie—Charlie Mizer. Angel Horse—Krystle Lawrence. Have a Black Wave Magician—Jeffrey Gordon. Getaway Golem—Oliver Sudden. Dragondrop—Carol Grubaugh. Bluebonnet plague—Roger Vazquez. Arch enemy—Diana Gibson. Bay-o-nets, Bash-ful Ogre, Black Mail, Ann Gina, pun-kin bread, pun-kin seeds, A's ancestors of B's—Ginger and Richard Kern. The deaf community—Phil Giles. Steel toad boots—Stuart Funay. D. Zaster—Mordechai. D. Stroy, D. Viate, D. Mise, D. Mean, twins who manipulate bodies or minds—Ray Fleming. D. Lirious—Alexandra Fu. Demon Waves—Denise Harvey. Nissa Elf—Nissa McCormack. Luna-tick—Stephen Brisbois. Ice fishing—Tiffany Sille. Iri Sistible—Bill Fitzgerald. Mermaids in healing spring—Black Wolph. Meggie the nymph of a maple tree, Emell, Fern, Dagger—Matthew Linde. Boarding school—SPC Robert Snow. Bored board—Ann Marie. Motherboard, fatherboard—James Newman. Princess draws a blank—Bryan Weber. Elderly person enters Xanth, Russian three-headed dragon, Russian immigrant—Eugine Lev. Noi, girl with duran fruit, Fanta Sea exists in Mundania (actually Thailand, near Phu Ket)—Somchai Chantananad. Tie Land and related puns—George Sanders
. Dream man—Jon Zoric. Things break out of the gourd—Katdragon. Panthers and panthis—Kimo. Mare Juana—Stephen English. Woolgathering—Misty Zaebst. Com Panion—Morrigan, who is half Mundane, half succubus. Anna Sthesia, Auntie Septic—Becky Blair. Yeta Mermaid—Helen Grubb. Mate-Rix—Jason Merchant. Auntie Biotic—Celeste Gregory. Chele Centaur—Chele Furley. Danielle Girl/Unicorn—Danielle von Krebs-Cintorino. Running shoes—Padraig Newman. Arnolde Centaur's aisle explained—Henry Wyckoff. Demon Earth makes deal with David—Michael J. Rohrmeier, Daniel Goldstein. Data Base, clever bug—Jason Jack. Panty hoes—Anna Bryant. Opaque Ogre—Jae de Bird. Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, Thyme—Lori Marateck. Feelup, talent of opposite future, Currant Sea—Kenneth Adams. Digit Alice—Bill Fuller. Demon Construction puns—Janet Yuill. Talent of seeing ourselves as others see us—Crystal Frederickson. Little girl's immunity to Adult Conspiracy—Penny McKeever. Ciriana (the name)—William Clocksin. Unlimited variants for Surprise—Azag. Talent of always being in the way—Kat Eller. Talent of never getting in the way, first-aid kit—Kat Eller, Kevin Eller, Joe Nadeau. Mister E, Miss Elem N. Tery—Meg A. Brinkley. Darron, endowing inanimate objects—Darron Huskey. Tuning fork, Bill, discord-ants—Lahoma Lemanski. Car-nation, the G's—Donald A. Probst. Maiden Taiwan's sisters China, Japan, Mexico—Cathy Cook. Cricket, music by rubbing hands—Bryan Manning. Randi, girl instead of boy—Randi C. Morris. Tran, Tran's sister, Tran's parent, Tran's Lou Cent—Ray Fleming. Wynde Tchill—Daria Middlebrook. Embri-Anna—Marya Miller. Talent of restoring zombies, Zaven—Karen Rucker, Kia Grooms. Magician in Brain Coral's pool for Princess Ida—Michael J. Rohrmeier. Princess Ida's children will have moons—Michele Rocco. Annie Mae—Herbert Lee. Ringing bell bottom trousers—Ben Lofgren. Armored Dillo, rumpled steel skin—David Seltzer. School for lightbulbs—Marcus Mebes. Dye-it—Lindsay Lovstrom. Talent of age not changing geographically on Ptero—Andrew Hibschman. Step ladder—Spencer Pilz. Talent of making rain—Kia Grooms. Borealis as the man for Aurora—Matthew Bostelaar. Man from green goo world—Amie Adkins. Satori girl-cat—Elizabeth Grace Ogletree. Demon Litho, origin of the voles—Jim Adolf. Talent of reversing the characteristics of demons—Caleb. Book of Answers lost—Mike Waters. Currant River, currant berries, sham pain, powerhouse with electric E's and L's, lightbulb puns—Nancy Hill. Ems—Laura E. Bray. Berry bombs—G & R Kern. Cherrie's explosive pies—Robin Dill. Cellulight—Courtney.
And that's it, for this time. More is in the pipeline. That's not a promise, it's a threat.
Currant Events Page 33