“Then why didn’t you walk off while I was asleep, taking all the water? Why didn’t you attack me while I was asleep?”
The Mage took a long time to reply. “I do not know.”
“I assume both of those options occurred to you,” Mari pressed.
In the darkness, she could barely make out the glance he gave her. “I know I could have tried taking the water. I did not consider it a choice I would make. As for the other…” His voice trailed off, then the Mage simply said one word more. “No.”
“Well, thank you.” That seemed an odd thing to say to someone who had just denied having any thought of physical assault on her, but no other words occurred to Mari. “Were you taught not to do things like that?”
“I was taught that such actions would have been acceptable.”
Mari stared at the desert passing beneath her feet. “To be perfectly honest, Sir Mage, so was I. If I came back to my Guild and reported that I had shot a Mage and taken his water so I could survive in the waste, no one would criticize me at all.”
“My Guild would do the same if I reported having killed you,” Alain replied. After another moment, he spoke slowly. “I was taught that others do not matter and do not exist, but no elder ever told me that Mechanics were taught the same.”
“In some ways.” It hurt to admit that, but Mari felt she owed it to the Mage to be honest with him. “Other Mechanics count, but common folk and Mages don’t matter. Even though Mechanics think those people are real like us, we’re not supposed to care about their feelings or anything else. They’re just here to do whatever we tell them to do.”
“But you do not follow your Guild’s teachings? And your Guild accepts this?”
Mari snorted a sad laugh. “Let’s just say that my Guild and I haven’t always seen eye to eye on things. How does your Guild feel about Mages who don’t follow Guild teachings?”
He took a moment to reply. “Mages must follow the dictates of our elders.”
“I’m glad you didn’t follow their dictates concerning me,” Mari remarked. “I promise not to tell your elders.”
Mage Alain gave her one of the those looks, not revealing much but conveying confusion nonetheless. “My elders would not speak with you.”
“I know. I was just… Never mind. I’m glad that I didn’t do what Senior Mechanics in my Guild would have expected me to do when I met you. Just because you’re taught something doesn’t mean you have to accept every word of it. Unless it’s technical stuff, like operating instructions. Those you have to follow very closely. But that’s different.”
He didn’t answer, and she wondered if the Mage were ignoring her, or if he was thinking about what she had said. But she was too tired to try to draw him out again, so Mari focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
The night wore on, her pack seeming to be getting heavier with every step, and Mari began feeling an irrational resentment of the much lighter load of their remaining food and water that the Mage was carrying. She knew it was irrational: no Mechanic would entrust her tools to a Mage, and Mages were as notorious for their pride as Mechanics were. She couldn’t ask him to carry her pack, and he would never agree to even if she did.
But she was also feeling a gradual building of fear again as the stars wheeled overhead in the slow ballet they had followed for countless years. Being eighteen allowed her to recover relatively quickly from tiredness, but even a young body had only so much to give. Mari could sense her final reserves of endurance draining down to exhaustion. The night still stretched unrelieved by signs of human presence in any direction. The sky remained clear, bringing a desert chill at night but promising another brutal day of sun hammering at them.
I’ll carry your pack, Calu offered.
Mari shook her head, not looking to the side where Calu’s image paced her. I can handle it.
You never let anyone help, Mari, Calu scolded her. Even though he was wearing a Mechanic’s jacket, he seemed perfectly comfortable. You were always like that when we were apprentices. You don’t have to do everything yourself.
Then why do people keep asking me what to do? Why, whenever there’s a problem, do lots of apprentices and Mechanics look to me? I’m going to die out here, and there’s no one I can ask what to do.
You’ve got that Mage, Calu suggested. You can’t trust him, though.
I know! We had our last full bottles around midnight, and now there’s only one left to split between us. What if the Mage lied to me? What if there’s more than one bottle? What if he’s been sneaking extra drinks from that bottle all along? What if this Mage is just planning on walking me to death and then continuing on with all his hidden bottles of water until he reaches safety?
She was on the verge of spinning around to confront the Mage with her suspicions when Mari caught herself. Calu wasn’t walking beside her. No one was. I’m getting delirious. “We’d better have another drink of water,” she croaked.
“That is probably necessary.” Mage Alain sounded as weary and dry as she felt. But he pulled out the last bottle and offered it to her. “Take it.”
She drank slowly, hoping the moisture would soak into the lining of her throat on the way down, but stopped herself when the bottle was still about half full. “Here. The rest is yours.”
“No. You have the rest.”
Her suspicions flared again, then Mari took a close look at the Mage’s face and the obviously empty pack in which the water bottles had been carried. “You’re in as bad a shape as I am. Take your share.”
“There is not enough for two. It does not matter. This is just a dream.”
“No!” Mari shoved the bottle into his hands, anger and frustration giving her a little extra strength. “I already told you that I’m not going to abandon anyone if I can help it. There’s no way I’ll let you die for me!”
“I will do what I will,” he responded with a deathly calm.
“Drink it!”
“No Mechanic can give me orders.”
“Do what you want, then, but I won’t drink that water!” She turned to walk onward, torn between anger at his stubbornness and distress at the Mage’s inexplicable willingness to sacrifice for someone else. “Just drink your share and let’s go.” Not waiting for him to answer, Mari took a step.
Then paused.
The Mage took a couple of steps to stand beside her. “What is wrong?”
“Listen.” They did, and the sound she had heard gradually became clearer. The clop of shod horse hooves on the packed surface of the road they were following, coming slowly closer from behind. “Is it the bandits?” Mari whispered.
Mage Alain reached out to grab her arm and push her into motion. Mari followed him off the road a short distance, where they lay down to watch. She yanked her pistol from its shoulder holster, checked the clip of ammunition, pulled back the slide to load a round and clicked off the safety. She noticed that the Mage watched her actions with uncomprehending eyes.
As the sound of hooves grew closer it became apparent that there were a lot of horses approaching, moving at a slow and steady pace that could be maintained for hours. It took a long time for the horses trudging along the road to reach them, a long time spent staring into the darkness and wondering if the end would come quickly after all at the hands of bandits instead of gradually as her body failed in the heat. But if they avoided being spotted by the riders on the road, then they would be overcome by the heat before the next day ended.
We’ll die either way. Those people on the road are our only chance to live, if they’re not bandits. She made a decision, and as the riders came near, their shapes hard to see clearly in the dark, Mari stood up and took a few wobbly steps forward, leveling her pistol at the figures on horseback. “On the road!” Mari called in a dried- out voice that nonetheless seemed to echo across the silent land. Worried that she might sound like an exhausted and frightened girl, Mari put every ounce of Mechanic command that she could muster into the words she spoke. “Halt in the name of the Mech
Chapter Five
Alain did not know whether Master Mechanic Mari had made a conscious decision to die quickly or had simply begun hallucinating. He had noticed a couple of times when she seemed to be carrying on conversations with others who were not present, but given his own experiences with physical stress Alain did not hold that against her.
However,this time when she acted he had no choice but to rise and stand near her. If he still allowed himself emotions, Alain would be very unhappy with this Mechanic. Even though he had been surprised that she had kept asking his opinion, he had already become used to it, making her sudden action doubly annoying. As worn out as he was, Alain had no idea what kind of spells he could manage right now, but he felt certain they would not be sufficient to deal with the number of riders he could see. If Mechanic Mari valued his opinion so much, why had she decided to enter into a fight to the death without at least saying something to him beforehand?
She was a Mechanic, so it been foolish of him to expect her to act wisely. But she had seemed to be wiser than to confront so large a threat with her one weapon.
The riders had come to a halt, faces turned toward Alain and the Mechanic. For a moment, the only sound came from the small movements of the horses shifting restlessly on the road. Alain noticed Mechanic Mari’s extended arm wavered noticeably, but her weapon stayed aimed toward the road.
One of the riders dismounted, using slow, cautious motions, and came toward them, his hands held out in the universal symbol of parley.
The rider stopped a few paces from them, staring at the Mechanic. “What do you wish with us, Lady Mechanic?” His robes were well suited to the waste, similar to those the bandits had worn, but this man was unarmed except for a knife at his belt. The man looked over at Alain and jerked in surprise. “And…a Mage?”
Alain took a careful step forward, determined not to reveal his own weakened state. “I am a Mage.”
The riders on the road began muttering among themselves, plainly startled to find such a pair confronting them. The Mechanic made a sweeping gesture with the hand that wasn’t holding her weapon. “I…we require transport to Ringhmon, or to a place where such transport can be found.”
The man before them raised one hand to stroke his beard. “Lady Mechanic, how came you to be here?”
“That is none of your business,” she responded.
The riders would not have heard the fear under her authoritative words, but Alain did. Mechanic Mari was creating an illusion of her own, acting like any other arrogant and high-handed Mechanic. Why had she adopted that illusion?
He understood almost as soon the question formed. Facing these numbers, isolated from the support of her Guild, she sought to dominate these riders to ensure her safety. Seen in that light, the tactic had merit.
But it would be to their own benefit if these riders were alerted to the danger from the bandits. Alain spoke up, keeping any feeling from his voice as he recited events which threatened to bring emotions back to life within him. “The caravan we were traveling in was attacked and destroyed at Throat Cut Pass .”
His emotionless tone of voice made the disaster sound no more consequential than a stop to repair a broken wheel, but the words were clear enough. More murmuring came from the riders, this time sounding alarmed. “Destroyed? Did the caravan have no guards, Sir Mage?” the man in front of them asked.
“It had a complement of guards,” Alain replied. “The bandits who attacked were numerous and had many powerful weapons. Only the Mechanic and I escaped.”
The man’s voice sounded troubled. “We are traders, heading to Ringhmon ourselves from the salt fields which lie near the mountains to the south. We want no part of bandits, yet we cannot afford to return home to avoid them.”
Alain deigned to gesture with one hand. “Give us the transport we require to Ringhmon, and the Mechanic and I will be with you to give you protection. She has her weapon, and I have my spells.” Taking a deliberate risk, he caused heat to form above his hand, the air glowing there in the dark, then cut the spell before the effort could stagger him.
“I mean no disrespect, but I am responsible for the safety of all who follow me, and you ask me to risk them on the word of a Mage?” the man asked, his voice doubtful but also tremulous at having to ask.
“You have the word of a Mechanic,” Mari snapped, her own voice still domineering. “Does that suit you, trader?”
Alain was surprised to see how good the Mechanic was at intimidating people when she tried, and wondered why she had never tried to do that with him. Perhaps she had thought it would not work on a Mage, or perhaps just not on him in particular. But then, he still knew very little about her, and her current behavior revealed that Mechanic Mari could present different fronts to the world. Had he seen the true version these last few days, or an image meant to mislead him? Now that they were once again among others, even though these others were just commons, Alain felt his training about Mechanics, their deceit and the danger they posed, coming once more to the forefront.
The trader bowed deeply toward them. “I am honored to accept the gracious offer of the Lady Mechanic and the Sir Mage. Please, Sir Mage and Lady Mechanic,” he quickly added, changing the precedence in which he mentioned them this time so that each had shared first billing, “be so kind as to allow me to give you transportation to either Ringhmon or such other place short of Ringhmon as you desire.” In the dark, his face couldn’t be seen, but his voice was humble enough.
“We—” Mechanic Mari bit off the words, then spoke again with more deliberation. “I accept your offer.”
“I will accompany you,” Alain said.
There it was. Had she realized it first, or had he? They were no longer “we.” Once again they were separate from each other.
Alain and Mechanic Mari followed the trader as he led them back to the road. Two of the riders dismounted, one giving his horse to Alain and the other to the Mechanic before walking back to hoist themselves onto spare horses without saddles. The Mechanic, her pack weighing her down, eyed the saddle grimly, then heaved herself up and managed to settle herself. Alain, impressed by her obstinate resolve, mounted his own steed. Her determination reflected that of the shadow he had accompanied to this point, so perhaps he had indeed seen her as she was during their time together. Mechanic Mari’s refusal to give in or admit to personal weakness had a Magelike quality to it that he could recognize and accept. Did Mechanics during their training endure the same sort of ordeals that Mages did?
Earlier in the night he could have asked her that, even though such curiosity would have been frowned upon by his elders. But not now. Alain did not think he would speak to any Mechanic ever again.
Even through his fatigue, he felt an odd sense of disappointment as that realization struck home.
The leader of the traders waited until sure they were settled, then urged the column back into motion. Alain’s mount did not need guidance, staying with the group as it plodded along under the night sky. He felt an overwhelming urge to sleep but fought it off, knowing he might fall out of the saddle since he was not accustomed to riding. Alain could see the Mechanic’s head drooping and then jerking up repeatedly as she fought the same battle.
He could endure, though. Alain did not feel pride in that. As with so much else, it simply was what it was, the product of the merciless training he had survived.
The road continued to arrow through the night, the desert beyond still and empty, but Alain could see in his mind’s eye a clear vision of the courtyard at the Mage Guild Hall where he had first been taken to be an acolyte. Children stood in ranks that first day, young Alain among them, shivering in the cold, eyes on the blank wall of one side of the court as the sun rose, peaked, then fell. One by one the children fell, too, dropping from exhaustion as Mages walked among them reciting wisdom. The pain is not real. The cold is not real. You feel nothing. There is nothing but you, and you must overcome and control the illusion which surrounds you.
The young girl Asha had been near him, and when she sagged to the ground he had caught her without thinking. He had “helped” her. The elders had been unhappy. She does not matter. You have erred. She is nothing. The punishment had been bad enough that Alain and everyone else had learned not to “help” others. Over time they had learned never to use the word at all, to forget the very idea.
Those experiences and many other lessons had given him the ability to change the world illusion, to be a Mage. He had stopped questioning that a long time ago. Of course the powers of a Mage were worth any sacrifice. The elders had drilled that into them all.
But a chink had developed in that armor because of the words and actions of the Mechanic. If he had been with another Mage, he would not have spoken to the Mechanic Mari. He would not have remembered what “help” meant.
Surely the helping he had done was wrong, even though right and wrong did not exist. Then why, even now, did helping the Mechanic not feel wrong?
The last time he had seen Asha, as he left the Guild Hall a full Mage, they had gazed at each other without feeling and said nothing. That was right, how things should be. And yet…
Why did wrong now seem right, and right seem wrong?
The Mechanic had done this to him somehow. That must be the true threat that Mechanics represented. Why had the elders not been clearer about that danger?
As the sun rose again, the leader finally called a halt. Alain dismounted stiffly, then noticed the Mechanic still in her saddle, her face drawn with exhaustion, and guessed she was afraid to dismount because of the likelihood her pack would cause her to fall. Her pride mattered a great deal to her. She did not wish to appear weak, or too young, in front of these common people.
Alain realized that he knew exactly how she felt. Not only did he know a feeling, but he knew that a shadow was experiencing the same feeling. It was a strange moment, a strange sense of connection which he tried to suppress.
Lost in that internal struggle, he did not realize that he was walking toward the Mechanic’s horse until he came to a stop beside it. She looked down at him, her face slack with weariness, her eyes desperate but determined as well. Nothing lay hidden there. This was her. She knew what she faced but she would not surrender to it.
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